JPON2
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Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 126 | |
| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 1/30/2006 3:06:36 AM | | I agree 100%. The divorce has nothing or shouldn't have nothing to do with kids. Their interest is way above the bad feelings between their parents, if they are any. I think that my relationship with my girls will have a profund impact on their entire lives. Because of the way they are treated by me, they will never accept from a guy any less than honesty, love and respect. They will also not become a love-starved nymphos because they know that they have all the love and attention they need from their father. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:23:05 PM | Peter, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. It was hard on me when my ex and I separated because she wiped out the bank accounts and hired a very fancy lawyer (one of those sharks you read about). I didn't have much choice - but I was sure I was not going to let her take the kids - to be fair she offered me some custody but not equal - which is what I insisted on.
So I took matters into my own hands - I started reading. I'd check out 8-10 library books at a time and read as much as I could. I filed declarations and represented myself in court and surprisingly did quite well against a $350/hr lawyer. I got a pretty one-sided judge however and he tried to be kinda rough on me. Still, I got the ball rolling until I could raise enough money for a lawyer for myself. This is what I think you should do. In my case it cost me everything I owned, but I ended up with my kids almost all the time they aren't in school. That's what was important to me. Never give up. Divorce has a lot to do with wearing the other person down.
It's not that hard to represent yourself. If you've got assets with her, home or property, you're in great shape. Talk to a lawyer - it's free for a consultation - and they will work out a way you can pay their services. She's not allowed to disappear with your child. Don't waste any time. Don't give up on your child. Move to Florida if you have to. The longer you wait, the worse it looks to a judge.
And Hooray for all the other great dads here!!!!
Pete | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:41:56 PM | i got a thing or two to say about dead beat moms,,, but i wont. i have my kids 24/7. even christmas, summer break, b-days and every other day in between and i wouldn't have any other way.. i have b8, b10, g13, b15, and let me tell ya, they make it easy to be a dad. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:55:47 PM | 3boy's and 1girl?.. lol must have you'r hands full, i do not see why every guy is judged as a "dead beat dad".
Now day's it's more the dad takeing care of the kid's, than the mom. I think it work's both way's yall both made, the kid so both of yall should both pitch in.
If nobody wanted to raise their own baby, why even bother getting pregnant.
Just my oppion because i know there are alot of mom's, i've seen/herd about lately
who does NOT wan't the father haveing anything to do wth the baby. And when the
father try's to they turn the father down and then, bad mouth the father.
There are acturly some of US father/mom who, acturly CARE about the baby. And want's the father around the baby and in his son/daughter's life.
Good Luck Hun. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 1/30/2006 9:36:52 PM | | I got custody of my two daughters when they were 6mos and 2years old. It too changed my life. Looking back now I cant imagine what my life would of been like without them. I think, much like the rest of life, that the actions of some can reflect badly on all. There is alot of good fathers out there and even if some of them dont have them 100%, they still do care so much. I think the replies to this subject show alot of guys step up to the plate. Unfortunately, alot dont and they reflect on those of us that do realize what's really important in life. This is also for the single moms as well because they also step up to the plate and be there for their kids. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 1/31/2006 2:32:10 PM | | my daughters mother is a monster shes been gone 10 years I never bad mouth about her to my girl I thank God everyday 4 giving me this incredibly real love I never thouth a child would save me from myself | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 2/1/2006 4:32:06 AM |  I've got to start off by saying KUDOS for dealing with this situation and not falling apart in the process.
I would say don't worry about changing a thing you're doing. It seems to me like you are going about everything the right way.
I may not have any children of my own, but I've grown up my whole life without ever meeting my dad. I don't even know so much as his name.
I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me among other things. But now, seeing things from a different point of view, all of my questions have been answered by the simple realization that if my dad wanted anything to do with me then he would've been there.
Plain and simple. What dad in his right mind would not want to be there for his childs birthday.
I've grown up my whole life without him and I don't need him right now for anything at all. And on top of all that, the love and respect I've got for my mommy can not be equaled by anything at all. My mom raised five of us by herself. And even at 31 years old I still call her mommy.
Her boss gets a kick out of it when ever I call her at work and ask for my mommy. All she can picture is this six foot tall guy who still calls his mother mommy and when I'm around her people are amazed with the way we are with one another. She always will be the love of my life.
But even till this day I could not even begin to imagine what my mom felt like when my dad never showed his face anywhere. There's alot in that screen name of yours.
Your son is with the one he loves and the one who has always been there for him. Just follow through with the court procceedings and when all is said and done, and your son grows up feeling the same love for his mother that I feel for mine you will have a chance to understand the relationship between my mother and I
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 2/1/2006 3:16:42 PM | | Im a guy who trys to take care of my daughter to the best of my ability i wish everyone would stop climbing on me to do more when i get my visits she is happy and is always reaching for me when i have to leave i provide whatever my ex wants me to does that mean im a sucker? i dont think it does i want the best life possible for my girl and unfortunatly that means she has to live with her mother. i work three jobs so i can take care of her does that make me a bad father????????????? | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 2/2/2006 4:33:10 AM | Hey " thrall777 " i'm sorry to hear about you'r wife passing, away just try remember NEVER give up on anything or you and you'r child's life. Because bascily you are only "real" thing you'r child has left and i'm sure you'r son brings so much joy into you'r life, and like most of us would not choose anything over our kid's.
Again i am very sorry. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/7/2006 10:43:39 PM | I do. My only regret is that I didn't have kids sooner. My older daughter was born almost 4 years ago when I was 33. I will never forget what that day felt like - after she was born, they cleaned her up, wrapped her in a blanket and put her on the warming table. When she looked up at me and held my finger in her tiny little hand - the whole world changed that day. Just a few minutes before, she didn't even really exist. Then there was this brand new tiny person laying there, staring up at me.
I've got a second one now, an 18 month old. They are complete opposite personalities, its hilarious. But I love the two of them more than anything else in the entire world. Sometimes they can really suck the life out of me, but its totally worth it. They're with me 80% of the time and I love it. I know they'll be starting school before I know it which will be a welcomed break, but until then I sure do have fun with them. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/8/2006 1:47:21 PM | I only get my two girls every other weekend. But I am there for every game or important life event or even if they need something or want to come over. I will frequently cancel plans, including dates if I get a call from my girls needing something.
I am three months ahead on my child support. I would love to see my girls move in with me but I will let them make that choice when and if they feel like it. Their mom, while having custody of them, really is not all that involved in their lives. | |
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MagicA
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Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 140 | |
| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/9/2006 2:40:36 AM | My kids live with me 24/7/365 too.
These days it's not just Dad's that can be in and out of their kids lives or see them when they feel like it etc. My ex went 14 months without seeing ours.
To those responding and telling the kids you love them and not putting the ex down, that's the right thing in my opinion. You are their security and they will learn when they are old enough who has been there for them without anyone needing to tell them. You would be surprised at how young they learn.
I had a lot of behaviour problems with my kids when we first split up. I asked for some outside help and even today take a parent course here and there (taking a really good one on parenting your teen right now).
Anyway, good luck to you all and remember.. unless you had fantastic role models for parents, loving your kids and not putting your ex down and asking/obtaining help where required are really helpful. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/9/2006 7:11:16 AM | | Have my two 24-7 365 and wouldn't change it for the world.Agree with not putting the ex down infront of them,even though she would deserve it but what good would that be for the kids.Alot of work now but all the stress and heartache is worth it cause when the kids are all grown and look back they will see that as a single parent you did everything you could for them.To all the single dads and moms | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:12:42 AM | I agree... DO NOT put your ex down in front of the kids. Better yet, no matter how one feels about the ex, just try to get past them and try not to be bitter at all because while their sleeping at night, you're still holding on to something that has no merit nor will it change anything.
Kids remember everything, even the time spent. So, even for you dads/fathers that aren't paying child support or even can't afford the amounts the court set, be in your kids lives because no $$$ can amount to the value of your time and that child will grow to remember you more for that than anything.
I think we as fathers have come along way in the courts throught the US but there is still a lot more work that needs to be done. Even if the courts did only give you say every other weekend and you miss your kids, remember the old saying about, "its not what you say but how you say it." Try to keep your communication as peaceful as you can with your ex. Trust me, if he/she wants to go out and you show interest in watching the kids, you can be more involved outside of your court order. Nevertheless, if you threaten to keep the kids away, you're not only pushing the abscent parent away, you're also hurting the future of your child having the right to their other parent and you're causing more of a headache and war between both you and your ex than it needs to be. In short - STOP USING THE KIDS!!!
DoDat
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:50:07 AM | The ex is an off-limits topic with my kids. I never make any negative comments regarding her when around them and do my best to not harbor any negative thoughts at all. I know there are always issues between divorced couples, but it is our duty as parents to insulate our children from it.
Unfortunately, my ex spends a considerable amount of time making negative comments about me to my girls. They tell me some of the things she says, I always laugh and change the subject. I know they wouldn't even tell me these things if they truly believed them. But I refuse to use my children as a medium for interpersonal disputes. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/9/2006 9:27:51 AM | the best thing i can give you is drink some beer and try to get a life of your own, im not trying to be funny but that works for me, it kills me to be without my daughter, and i to have her for about 20 days a month(average).
Just make sure she knows who her daddy is, and there will only be one daddy in her life time.
Go out and try and enjoy yourself. Been single now for 3 yrs, and it's only now im starting to realize that we to have to have a life.
Make the best of your free time, don't dwell on the other stuff, just has long has you know she is safe.
Get a cell phone so you can call her anytime you want. Promote the idea to her that she can call her dad anytime she wants to. Let her know your planning something with her when she see's you next,Allways tell her how much you love her. Be the best Father you can be.
We only have one kick at the can...........goodluck | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/9/2006 3:50:55 PM | | Have my kids full time now after a messy custody battle. At one time (when their mother had them) I was kept from my children for eight months! Cut me up really bad. But then that was the intention. I never recipricated though. Once I gained custody mum was welcome to be involved in their lives as much as possible. After eight years the contact still continues but mums interest has waned. Best eight years of my life. I would go through the pain again to have- just a chance- of the wonderful years I've had bringing up my kids. | |
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WWCND
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Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 146 | |
| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/9/2006 5:31:53 PM | | My ex doesn't take care of his baby. She's 5 weeks old and he's done nothing. He has a new girlfriend that he met here, and spends time with her and her kids, but not his own.. it's sickening. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/21/2006 9:50:39 AM | | You're not the only one in anguish. I pay over $800.00 each month in child support for one child and have always made each payment on time. "BOY HOWDY! my ass felt really stretched after my first court date. As it goes the mother of my son told me many times what she'd do too me each time we would have a disagreement over the years we were together . I always thought it was just her way too manipulate and try to control me as a ploy to get her way. WELL........... she really meant what she said . I sure feel used and stupid. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/21/2006 11:05:36 AM | | I got my boys when they were 15, 8 and 6 Worked full time and raised them alone with no help from there mom, that only seen them once to this day eleven years later! I have one still at home....I devoted all my time to raising them and no support from there mom of any kind. and I would do it again :) | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:20:49 AM | | My daughter is with me 24/7..has had no contact with her mother since 3 months old...she is fixin to be 3 years..her mom live 2200 miles away. I wouldnt know what to do without her...and I feel for any dad who has to be without his kids. For that matter, any mom who has to be without is just as painful. Unless of course, it was their choice, as in my case. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 3/22/2006 6:57:15 PM | | I have four children full time with a break when my parents take a couple for a night. I have had them since the baby girl was 6 weeks old. They are 2 boys ages 5 and 6. Two girls ages 8 and almost 4.My ex seldom calls and only wants money ect when she does. After four years you would think she would get a clue..lol. But i love my kids very much and so proud of how they are doing with school and everything. It can be a burden with work, after school activitys, and everyday chores ect at times but i wouldnt trade em for anything. | |
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