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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/7/2005 1:36:31 PM | LOL Garf, I changed my photo back to some boobie for ya. 
Little Johnny paints a sign: WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A DIME; then tells his buddy
Roy to get his fire-wagon and both sit under a shade tree in Little Johnny's
front yard, waiting for business. Kathy, across the street, is not to be
outdone. Her sign says WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A NICKEL; she tells Nellie to get
her fire-wagon and both sit in Kathy's yard. Johnny's pissed. How DARE that
GIRL? Then, a flash and Johnny hauls Roy across the street. "Let's get some
laughs." Johnny asked Kathy, "Say, you move ANYTHING?" "Sure, Johnny. Give me a
nickel and I'll prove it to you." Johnny hands her a nickel. Kathy then says,
"So, what do you want moved, Johnny?" "Ha! I want you to move my BOWELS!" Johnny
starts cracking up laughing. Kathy thinks for a few seconds. She then turns to
Nellie and softly says, "Here, Nellie, hold this nickel while I beat the shit
out of this kid." | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/7/2005 5:41:55 PM | A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book.
As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area.
He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement she get up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"
His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay,"
The husband says, "No, not at all.
His wife asks angrily, "Well, what the hell were you doing then!!"?
I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book. | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/8/2005 1:46:24 AM | Damn those are ALL so FUNNY!!!!! Got this one a couple of weeks ago.
> > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >
> > TO: All Employees
> >
> > DATE: October 01, 2003
> >
> > RE: Christmas Party
> >
> > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
>on
> > December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
> > House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
> > band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be
> > surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree
>will
> > be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that
> > time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
> > easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO
> > will make a special announcement at that time!
> >
> > Merry Christmas to you and your family.
> >
> > Patty
> >
> >
> > =============================================================
> >
> >
> > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >
> > TO: All Employees
> >
> > DATE: October 02, 2003
> >
> > RE: Holiday Party
> >
> > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
> > We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
> > with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
> > we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
> > employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
> > Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
> > will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
> >
> > Happy now?
> >
> > Happy Holidays to you and your family.
> >
> > Patty
> >
> >
> > =============================================================
> >
> >
> > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >
> > TO: All Employees
> >
> > DATE: October 03, 2003
> >
> > RE: Holiday Party
> >
> > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> > requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
>to
> > accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
> > Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
>this?
> >
> > Somebody?
> >
> > Forget about the gifts exchange; no gifts are allowed since the union
> > members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00
>is
> > a little chintzy.
> >
> > NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
> >
> > =============================================================
> >
> >
> > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >
> > To: All Employees
> >
> > DATE: October 04, 2003
> >
> > RE: Holiday Party
> >
> > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
> > Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
> > daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
> > luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
> > beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
>the
> > end of the party, or else package everything for you to take home in
>little
> > foil doggy baggies. Will that work?
> >
> > Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
>from
> > the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
> > restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have
>to
> > sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
>flower
> > arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to
> > cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats
> > for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We
> > cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with
> > high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert
> > for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
> >
> > Did I miss anything?!?!?
> >
> > Patty
> >
> >
> > ============================================================
> >
> >
> > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >
> > TO: All ****ing Employees
> >
> > DATE: October 05, 2003
> >
> > RE: The ****ing Holiday Party
> >
> > Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
> > party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
>quietly
> > at the table furthest from the "Grill of Death," as you so quaintly put
>it,
> > and you'll get your ****ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you
> > know, tomatoes have feelings, too. THEY SCREAM WHEN YOU SLICE THEM! I've
> > heard them SCREAM!!! I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!!
> >
> > I hope you all have a rotten holiday! DRIVE DRUNK AND DIE!!!!!!
> >
> > The **** from HELL!!!!!!!!
> >
> >
> > =============================================================
> >
> >
> > FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
> >
> > DATE: October 06, 2003
> >
> > RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
> >
> > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
>and
> > I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitorium. In the
> > meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
> > everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
> >
> > Happy Holidays!
> >
> > Joan | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/8/2005 4:32:16 AM | There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business
trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to
get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't
much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store
that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a
life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was
browsing through the dildos, for something special to please his wife, and
started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his
situation.
The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the
trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't
know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except . . . " and
he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the voodoo dic k."
"So what's this voodoo di ck?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter and pulled out an old wooden box
carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very
ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said, "Big f ucking deal. It looks like every
other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it does do yet." He pointed
to a door and said, "Voodoo d ick, the door." The voodoo d ick rose out of
its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The
whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the
middle.
Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo d ick, go back in your
box!" The voodoo d ick stopped, floated back to the box and rested there
quietly once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered
to $700 in cash.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that
to use it, all she had to do was say, "Voodoo d ick, my pus sy."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was unbearably horny. She thought
of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered
the voodoo d ick. She got it out, and said, "Voodoo d ick, my ****!" The
voodoo****shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like
nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out,
but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it
out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut
it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital,
quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly
made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He
asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping
and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a
voodoo d ick was stuck in her p ussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yeah right, Voodoo
d ick my a ss!" | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/8/2005 3:02:02 PM | This old couple is sitting around eating a dinner of dog food again. The old man says "F*ck this sh*t get out and whore for us, this being broke sucks". The wife agrees and off she goes. Many hours later she returns.
"How much cash you make babes" the old fellow asks.
"$13.05" the old gal replies
"Who the f*ck gave you a nickle?"
"Well dear...... everyone" | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/8/2005 6:58:07 PM | One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he would buy
him a
$200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, “Johnny, we have
an $80,000
mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until
Christmas.” Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father
said,
“Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me
again some
other time.” Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out
of the
house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father asked him why
he was
leaving. The boy said, “Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I
heard you
say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait
because she
was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!” | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/9/2005 10:57:59 PM | What men would do if they had a vagina for a day:
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
---------------------
What women would do if they had a penis for a day:
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9...... | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/10/2005 12:59:58 AM | Actually
This.......................
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
Is caused by this...........
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
Guys we need to focus on the task at hand....no banter in the urinal
| |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/11/2005 4:12:37 AM | Little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it
means. His father is quite shocked, and replies, "Well, uh, you go there to, uh,
have a good time." Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go
there, too, but his father insists that he's too young. Saturday night rolls
around. Johnny's dad and a few of his friends head out to Mable's ("Liquor In
the Front, Poker in the Rear! -- Our Customers Come First!") for a "good time".
Naturally, Little Johnny tags along secretly. After his dad and his dad's
friends have been safely inside for some time, Little Johnny knocks on the door.
The Madame opens the door. "Yes?" she asks. "I'm here to have a good time!" The
Madame is a little puzzled, but being a kind-hearted soul invites Little Johnny
inside. She gives him three donuts and then bids him goodbye. When he gets home,
his dad is frantic. (Dad obviously had come and gone at Mable's.) "Where have
you been?" "I went to a WHOREHOUSE!" Johnny proudly boasted. Johnny's dad
blanched. "Uhh, you did? Umm, how was it?" "Well, I managed the first two
without any problem, but I just licked the third one!" | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/11/2005 5:58:25 PM | A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your willy?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies.' "
The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, " 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!' "
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because "'Quality is Job One" " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....Like a Rock!" And gives a wink!
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer."
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "'Why Secret?"
The cowboy says,
"Because it's "STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!" | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/14/2005 3:35:00 PM | We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know
if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the
women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those
uniforms." | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:37:58 PM | | Little Johnny walks into the bathroom as his pregnent mom is getting into the shower. Johnny notices some pubic hair between his mom's legs and asks "hey mom, what's that". As his mom looks around the bathroom, she replies "that's my washcloth". two weeks later, after his mom had delivered her new baby, Johnny again walks into the bathroom and notices that his mom had been shaved. Johnny asks his mom "what happened to your washcloth"? his mom answers, "i lost it when i had your brother". Later that night, Johnny comes storming into the nursury and says "mom, i found your washcloth, and the maid is washing daddys face with it". | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:47:27 PM | Subject: Harley Davidson
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and
went to Heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such
a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you
can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a
minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St.Peter took Arthur to
the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented
motorcycles, eh?!"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..."
God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's
pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?!"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't
you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major
design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!"
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words and waited
for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but
according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours." | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/15/2005 7:01:49 AM | | a midget gets onto an elevator and the man behind him says " 7 foot 3, 365 lbs, 17 inch penis, 3 lb right ball, 3 lb left ball Turner Brown". the midget faints. the big man revives the midget and the midget says, "what did you say"? the big man says " 7 foot 3, 365 lbs, 17 inch penis, 3 lb right ball, 3 lb left ball my name is Turner Brown". the midget says, "thank God, I though you said turn around". | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/15/2005 8:23:15 AM | | Johnny is the dirtiest boy in his class. Everything Johnny says is filthy, and the teacher knows it. One day the teacher is conducting a lesson. "Class, give me a word that begins with an 'a'." Johnny's hand shoots up. The teacher thinks to herself, "he'll say something nasty, like 'ass'". She calls on Sally who says, "APPLE!" "Very good, Sally, now someone name a word that begins with 'b'." Once again Johnny's hands shoots up. No, thinks the teacher, he'll say b*tch or b*stard, so she calls on Jimmy, who says, "Basketball!". She goes through the entire alphabet, finally arriving at the letter 'r'. Johnny's hand flies up, and waves frantically in the air. The teacher thinks to herself, and can't think of a single dirty word that begins with 'r', so she calls on Johnny. "OK, Johnny, name a word that begins with 'r'". Johnny stands up and proudly says,"Rats; great big f*cking rats with hairy d*cks THIS LONG!!!" | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/15/2005 8:32:36 AM | | a preacher skips sunday services to go bear hunting. as he turns a corner to enter the forest, the preacher slips and falls into a rock canyon. his gun goes one way and he falls the other. the preacher notices that he has broken both of his legs. at this time, the preacher sees a large bear walking towards him. the preacher begins to pray "dear lord please forgive me for skipping services today to come hunting. i only ask one thing at this time, lord. please make a christian out of that bear that is coming towards me". at that instant, the bear drops to his knees and starts to pray, " dear lord, thank you for the food i'm about to eat". | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/16/2005 2:38:28 PM | little johnny is at school one day when he sees his fathers car drive into the woods. johnny becomes curious, and walks over to the car. when johnny gets home from school, he begins to tell his mom the story. i saw daddys car go into the woods with aunt jane in it. when i walked over to it, i saw daddy kiss aunt jane. then he helped her take off her skirt, and aunt jane helped daddy take off his pants. just then his mom said, wait johnny i would like you to tell this story at the dinner table, that way i can see your fathers face. later, at the dinner table, mom asks johnny to tell his story. johnny begins with, i saw daddys car go into the woods with aunt jane in it. when i walked over to it, daddy kissed aunt jane. then daddy helped her take off her skirt, and aunt jane helped daddy take off his pants. then they started doing what mommy and uncle bill used to do when daddy was in the army.
moral - listen to the whole story, before you interupt. | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/17/2005 1:48:07 AM | ^^ Good one.
Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the bar,
sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is
empty, and asks a girl who isn't there if he can buy her a drink.
The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always
shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the
mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching plea into
empty space, curiosity gets the better of the bartender, and he
says,
"I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there
is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool. Why do you persist
in asking out empty space?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics,
empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into
existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper
wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear
there."
The bartender raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But
couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every
Friday if you could buy HER a drink? You never know... she might
say yes."
The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right -- how likely is THAT to
happen?" | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/17/2005 6:49:03 AM | Gee, Brazen, in spite of your t-shirt, I can't seem to take my eyes off your breasts. May I assume that at some point you've received a prize or award for such a magnificent pair of attention-getters? If not, a trophy is forthcoming. I sincerely hope they taste one-tenth as good as they look | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/17/2005 7:22:41 AM | Brazen, love the new pic.
A couple is out working in the yard when the wife desides shes finished, and goes into the house to shower. A few minutes later, the husband is looking for the rake that his wife was using earlier. He yells up to his wife in the window, but she makes a motion that she can not her him. the man then motions back to his wife - pointing at his eye, touching his knee and making a raking motion. (i need the rake) his wife sees this and motions back by pointing to her eye, grabbing her left breast, slapping her a$$ and rubbing her crotch.
(eye, left tit, behind, the bush) | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/17/2005 10:01:51 AM | Q: What is the difference between a Lamborghini Diablo and a dead baby?
A: I do not have a Lamborghini Diablo in my garage. | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/17/2005 10:20:44 PM | A man walks into a bar and over the next couple of hours proceeds
to get increasingly drunk. Suddenly he spots a guy in the corner
with a group of friends and begins to verbally abuse him.
"Oi you," he shouts, "I've shagged your mum!!"
The man carries on drinking trying to ignore the guy's drunken
rantings.
Half an hour later the drunk stands up and renews his abuse.
"Oi you," he shouts even louder this time, "I shagged your mum up
the bum!!"
The guy in the corner turns his back on him and continues talking
with friends although by now visibly irate.
Half a hour later the drunk pipes up once again.
"Oi you! your mum sucked my d*ck!"
By now the guy in the corner has lost his cool, he stands up
furiously and yells,
"For f*ck's sake Dad go home, you're embarrassing me".
OMG THAT MADE ME LAUGH.
| |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/17/2005 10:25:07 PM | > Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when he
> > accidentally
> > > ran over her favorite dog, a Corgi, crushing it to a pulp. He got out
> of
> > > his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distaught. The
whole
> > > world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.
> > >
> > > Suddenly be noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up,
> > > polished it and immdiately a genie appeared. "You have freed me from
> > > thousands of years of impriusonment," said the genie. "As a reward I
> > shall
> > > grant you one wish." "Well," said the Prince, "I have all the
material
> > > things I need, but let me show you this dog." They walk over to the
> > > splattered remains of the dog. "Do you think you could bring this dog
> > back
> > > to life for me?" Prince Charles asked. The genie carefully looked at
> the
> > > remains and shook his head. "This body is too far gone for even me to
> > > bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?"
> > >
> > > Prince Charles thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and
pulled
> > > out two photos. "I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana,"
> > said
> > > the Prince, showing the genie the first photo. "But now I love this
> woman
> > > called Camilla," and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see
> > > Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla
as
> > > beautiful as Diana?"
> > >
> > > The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said,
> > "Let's have a look at that dog again." | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/18/2005 8:35:55 AM | Last month I bought a large bottle of penis enlarger. Unfortunatly all that happened was my hands got bigger.
The other day I was in a crowded elevator and the woman in front of me turned and said "somebodys deodorant isnt working". So I said "dont look at me, Im not wearing any". | |
|
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/18/2005 9:32:41 AM | A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each
of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following
week she asked each child, in turn what he or she had learned. Susie said, "He
was born in a manger." Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the
temple." Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how
to drive it." Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that,
Johnny?" "From my Daddy," said Little Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down
the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy
yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'" | |
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