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| THE NEW HUSBAND STORE
Posted: 4/23/2007 1:28:50 PM | Yoko, you forgot. . . .
NEW WIFE STORE ACROSS THE STREET
The 1st floor has wives who enjoy sex.
The 2nd floor has wives who enjoy sex and have money.
The 3rd thru 6th floors have never been visited.
. | |
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| THE NEW HUSBAND STORE
Posted: 4/23/2007 2:43:30 PM |  
I did forget that Wooby! Thanks. I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm gender biased! | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 4/25/2007 2:27:20 PM | Dogs in a bar
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll with their dogs.
One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.
As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her
friend, "Lets go over to that bar for a drink.
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a
pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said "Sorry lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand, this is my guide dog - I'm blind."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
"Yes, they're using them now. They're very good", says the woman.
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua
was a guide dog may be a lit more difficult, but thought, what the heck, so
she puts on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand, this is my guide dog."
The bouncer says, "A Chihuahua?"
The woman with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua ?
They gave me a fu***ing Chihuahua?!" | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 4/25/2007 2:31:25 PM | A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115," she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale.
It turns out her weight is 140.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".
She then takes her blood pressure.
And tells the woman it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" she screams,
"When I came in here I was tall and slender!
Now I'm short and fat!" | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 4/25/2007 3:58:07 PM | Kids write about the sea......
This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
--- Kelly, age 6
Oysters' balls are called pearls.
--- James, age 6
If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.
--- Wayne , age 7
Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more.
--- Kylie, age 6
A dolphin breathes through an ***hole on the top of its head.
--- Billy, age 8
My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.
--- Millie, age 6
When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.
--- William, age 7
I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?
--- Helen, age 6
I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
--- Amy, age 6
Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug
themselves into chargers.
--- Christopher, age 7
When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
--- Kevin, age 6
Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
--- Becky, age 8
On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass.
--- Julie, age 7 | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 4/27/2007 6:31:54 AM | UNBELIEVABLE MATH PROBLEM
Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you.
1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2
Do you recognize the answer? | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 4/27/2007 10:33:42 PM | An old Oxford professor is nearing retirement and decides that he
wants to do something fun for once. He's spent his whole life
researching scientific theories in his lab and wants to do
something outside for a change, so he asks his assistant for a
suggestion of something different to go and research. This
assistant is a bit of a git and decides he'll play a prank on the
old man, and suggests he research 'sheep shagging'. The professor
thinks this is a great idea and heads off to Wales to begin his
research.
He heads out to the countryside and finds a farmer to quiz about
his unnatural habits. The professor greets him and asks if he's
got time to answer a couple of quick questions.
"No problem boyo" says the farmer, "go right ahead.
"Well," said the professor, "what I'd like to know first is, do
you own any sheep here?"
"Of course boyo, biggest farm for miles round here I have. We've
got loads of 'em"
"Great, now the next question is a bit personal - do you use your
sheep for sex?"
"Ohh, too right boyo. There's three or four out there who are my
particular favourites."
"So, how exactly do you .... do it?"
"Well, normally I take them down to the river, I slap their back
feet in my wellies, the sheep pushes back from the water, bloody
heaven boyo"
The professor thanks him and heads for the airport. Having heard
about the Kiwis, he heads out to New Zealand with exactly the
same plan. He finds a farm, talks to the farmer and gets the same
responses.
"Round up the sheep, head 'em up towards a cliff and off you go.
Back feet in my boots, sheep pushing back from the cliff, bloody
marvelous mate."
Again, the professor thanks him and decides that his research
needs only one more addition. So he jets off to the world centre
of sheep shagging, Australia.
Once in Australia, he drives out to the bush, finds the biggest
farm he can and knocks on the farmhouse door.
He repeats his questions to the farmer
"Too right mate. Usually I stick their back legs in me wellies,
front legs over me shoulders and away we go!"
"So the sheep faces you? That's strange - I've been talking to
people around the world about this, and they all do it with the
sheep facing away from them."
The Aussie is shocked. For a few seconds he can't speak, then he
manages to stutter:
"What? No kissing?" | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 4/28/2007 8:48:57 AM | In a recent news broadcast, It was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister, Louella, was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago.
Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage.
The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with ..........................
.
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
...........
.............
..............
A Misdewiener!
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 4/30/2007 5:07:44 PM | A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.
"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off." You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.
Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc. "Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks. He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart !" | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/2/2007 2:47:16 PM | A TEST FOR OLDer KIDS
The answers are printed below, but don't you cheat.
01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.
02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.
03. "Get your kicks, ___________________."
04. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed___________________."
05. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the "_____________."
07. "N_E_S_T_L_E_S", Nestle's makes the very best....... _______________."
08. Satchm o was America 's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.
10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and "________ ________".
11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW . What other names did it go by? ____________ & _______________.
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a son g about, "the day the music died."This was a tribute to ___________________.
14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________________. !
ANSWERS:
01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader,and "Good Night,and may God Bless."
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned.)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/2/2007 6:25:14 PM | What Would Be Different If Men Really Ruled the World
· Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically
forward your call to her real number.
· Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable
response to "I love you."
· Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again" cards.
· When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the
game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen
during a time-out.
· Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a
"Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
· Birth control would come in ale or lager.
· Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the
NFL team of your choice.
· The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
· At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump
out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and
right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
· Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the
"public ugliness" ordinance.
· Tanks would be far easier to rent.
· Garbage would take itself out.
· Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
· Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your
wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
· Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would
only occur in leap years.
· On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off
to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.
· St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But
it would be celebrated every month.
· Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to
the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
· The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and
eat the losers.
· The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday
Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
· It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as
you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
· Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per
year.
· When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you
responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You
know how fast you were going" You: "All I know is, I was spilling
my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
· People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
· Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of
conversation. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/3/2007 9:42:17 AM | UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!!
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under
your vehicle...
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview
couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break
down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the
car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people
near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs
protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his
lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into
place.
She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the crowd. She looked
across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who had been
standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/4/2007 8:38:24 PM | You've got to check out this web site!
http://www.ladyskylar.com/swffiles/thong.swf | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/7/2007 1:55:35 PM | Wisdom
1. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
3. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5 For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
6. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip
7. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
8. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
9. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
10. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
11. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
12. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist is reversed.
13. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
14. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
15. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you do the same thing again.
16. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
17. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
18. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
19. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
20. And never, EVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/7/2007 6:24:21 PM | I had to stop n get gas today.
I told the guy to give me $5 bucks worth.
He farted then gave me a receipt. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/7/2007 6:44:01 PM | 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their
wedding she and Morris should have separate bedrooms because she is
concerned that her new, but aged husband may overexert himself if they
spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and
the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door
opens and there is Morris, her 85 year old groom ready for action.
They unite as one.
All goes well. Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to
go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her
bedroom door, and it's Morris.
Again he is ready for more "action." Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne
consents to more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses
his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but Morris is back again, rapping on
the door, and is as fresh as a 25 year old ready for more "action."
Once again they enjoy each other. But, as Morris is set to leave again,
his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your
age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less
than a third your age who were only good once. You are truly a great
lover, Morris."
Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says: "You mean,
I was here already?" | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/8/2007 3:00:32 PM | TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I
Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand
times the memory.
26..Ham and eggs?A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Some people are like Slinkies .. Not really good for anything........ But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/8/2007 4:41:49 PM | Words Women Use
1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here; and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying #$&*^YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's response, refer to # 3. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/8/2007 4:45:13 PM | Before And After Marriage
· Before - You take my breath away.
· After - I feel like I'm suffocating.
· Before - Twice a night.
· After - Twice a month.
· Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation.
· After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.
· Before - Ricky & Lucy.
· After - Fred & Ethel.
· Before - Saturday Night Live.
· After - Monday Night Football.
· Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
· After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...
· Before - Don't Stop.
· After - Don't Start.
· Before - The Sound of Music.
· After - The Sound of Silence.
· Before - Is that all you are eating?
· After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.
· Before - Wheel of Fortune.
· After - Jeopardy.
· Before - It's like living a dream.
· After - It's a nightmare.
· Before - $60/dozen.
· After - $1.50/stem.
· Before - Turbocharged.
· After - Needs a jump-start.
· Before - We agree on everything!
· After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
· Before - Victoria's Secret.
· After - Fruit of the Loom.
· Before - Feathers & handcuffs.
· After - Ball and chain.
· Before - Idol.
· After - Idle.
· Before - He's lost without me.
· After - Why can't he ask for directions?
· Before - When together, time stands still.
· After - This relationship is going nowhere.
· Before - Croissant and cappuccino.
· After - Bagels and instant coffee.
· Before - Oysters.
· After - Fish sticks.
· Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
· After - How the hell did I end up with someone like you?
· Before - Romeo and Juliet.
· After - Bill and Hillary. | |
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mak68
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Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 1145 | |
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/8/2007 7:50:48 PM | Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all for very long, so they decided that one had to leave, otherwise they were all going to fall. They couldn't decide who would be the one to go until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her
speech, all the men started clapping. | |
|
mak68
|
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 1146 | |
| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/8/2007 8:05:41 PM | Three male Labrador Retrievers -- one Chocolate, one yellow and one
black were sitting In the waiting room at the vet's when they struck
up a conversation.
The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said,
'So why are you here?'
The brown Lab replied, 'I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the
sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last
night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed.'
The black Lab said, 'So what is the vet going to do?' 'Gonna cut my
nuts off,' came the reply from the chocolate Lab. 'They reckon it'll
calm me down.'
The black Lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked,
'Why are you here?'
The yellow Lab said, 'I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers
and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up
the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great
big hole in my owner's couch.'
'So what are they going to do to you?' the black Lab inquired.'Looks
like I'm losing my nuts too'. The dejected yellow Lab said.
The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab And asked,
'Why are you here?'
'I'm a humper,' the black Lab said. 'I'll hump anything I'll hump the
cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump
everything I see.' Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower
and was bending down to dry her toes, I just couldn't help myself.
I hopped on her back and started humping away'.
The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said,
'So, nuts off for you too, huh?'
No, I'm here to get my nails clipped. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/8/2007 10:08:54 PM | Q: What happens when you play a Country song backwards?
A: You get your dog, your car, your house, your job, and your wife back all in about 3 minutes. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/8/2007 10:38:32 PM | A man is getting into the shower as his wife is finishing her shower. The doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps up in a towel & runs downstairs...She opens the door, there stands Bob,
The next-door neighbour. Before she speaks, Bob says,
"I'll give you $800.00 to drop the towel."
After thinking a minute, she drops the towel & stands naked in front of Bob. In a few seconds, Bob hands her $800.00 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
"Who was that?".
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800.00 he owes me? | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/11/2007 12:18:10 AM | TOP TEN TIMES IN HISTORY WHEN USING THE "F" WORD WAS APPROPRIATE
"What the *&%# was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these *&%#ing Indians come from?"
- Custer
"Any *&%#ing idiot could understand that."
- Einstein
"It does SO *&%#ing look like her!"
- Picasso
"How the *&%# did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras
"You want WHAT on the *&%#ing ceiling?"
- Michelangelo
"I don't suppose it's gonna *&%#ing rain."
- Joan of Arc
"Scattered *&%#ing showers...my ass!"
- Noah
"I need this parade like I need a *&%#ing hole in my head!"
-JFK 1)
"Aw, c'mon, who the *&%# is going to find out?"
- Bill Clinton | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 5/13/2007 10:23:12 AM | One misty Scottish morn a man was driving through the hills to
Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a huge red-haired highlander
steps into the middle of the road. The man is about six foot
seven and built like a tank. He has a huge red beard and despite
the gale force wind and freezing temperatures, is wearing only
his kilt and his tweed shirt.
At the roadside there also stands a young women. She is
absolutely beautiful, slim, shapely, fair complexion ... heart
stopping. The car driver's attention is dragged from the girl
when the highlander opens his car door and drags him from the
seat onto the road.
"Right, you" he shouts, "I want you to masturbate"
"but ... " stammers the driver
"Now ... or I'll bloody kill you"
So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and
starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this
only takes a few seconds.
"Right" shouts the highlander "Do it again!"
"but ... " says the driver.
"Now!! ... " he bellows.
So the driver does it again.
"Right, do it again" demands the highlander.
This goes on for nearly two hours. The driver has cramps in both
arms, he has rubbed himself raw, and despite the mist and wind,
has collapsed in a sweating jibbering heap on the ground, unable
to walk.
"Do it again" says the highlander.
"I just can't do it any more - you'll just have to kill me,"
whimpers the man.
The highlander looks down at the pathetic heap slumped on the
roadside.
"All right," he says, "can you give my daughter a lift to
Inverness?" | |
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