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| "In My Pants" Game......
Posted: 6/7/2007 12:33:26 PM | Author Thread: "In My Pants" Game
BleedingRain
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 1
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"In My Pants" Game
Posted: 6/6/2007 9:05:07 PM
So I think most people have likely played this game before. I think it's a pretty amusing way to pass time while you're bored.
How it's played: Write the title of whatever song you're listening to, and after that, add the phrase "in my pants". Some times it ends up being rather amusing.
Shall I start?
Before The Goodbye...in my pants.
storm300x
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 2
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In My Pants Game
Posted: 6/7/2007 1 28 AM
im lost without you.... in my pants
now was funny thats is what happens when you are listening to R&B
SlyKnight
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 3
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In My Pants Game
Posted: 6/7/2007 4 33 AM
Second Great Depression... in my pants.
~Anicca~
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 4
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In My Pants Game
Posted: 6/7/2007 4 44 AM
Ticks...in my pants
sportyd
Joined: 12/12/2006
Msg: 5
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History
In My Pants Game
Posted: 6/7/2007 6 09 AM
John Lennon......Double Fantasy album
Cleanup Time.......in my pants!
Hard Times Are Over......in my pants!
Foreigner......
I Need You......in my pants!
Waiting For A Girl Like You.....in my pants!
Don't Let Go......in my pants!
Bachman, Turner Overdrive......
You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet......in my pants!
Second Hand.....in my pants!
Givin' It All Away......in my pants!
Blown........in my pants!
Takin' Care of Business......in my pants!
Don't Get Yourself in Trouble.....in my pants!
Thank You For The Feelin'......in my pants!
Hold Back the Water.......in my pants!
Blood, Sweat & Tears......
My Days Are Numbered......in my pants!
Somethin' Goin On.......in my pants!
The Doors........
Light My Fire.....in my pants!
Take It As It Comes.......in my pants!
Cream........Disraeli Gears album
Blue Condition......in my pants!
Crystal Gayle.......
I Still Miss Someone.........in my pants!
Lee Greenwood
Think About The GoodTimes.......in my pants!
Skylark
What Would I Do Without You.......in my pants!
Styx
I'm Gonna Make You Feel It.......in my pants!
Three Dog Night
Easy To Be Hard......in my pants!
Pablo Cruise
I Want You Tonight......in my pants!
Elton John......
Dirty Little Girl.........in my pants!
Social Disease.......in my pants!
Jamaica Jerk-Off.......in my pants!
The **** Is Back......in my pants!
Air Supply
Making Love Out Of Nothing At All.......in my pants!
Every Woman In The World......in my pants!
Bee Gees
You Know It's For You.......in my pants!
Tragedy........in my pants! | |
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| In My Pants Game......
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:16:33 PM | Let's not forget Blood, Sweat and Tears' "You've Made Me So Very Happy" ... in my pants
Odd request ... Hootie & The Blowfish "Can I See You" ... in my pants
Not getting any if you're Herbie Hancock "Stitched Up" ... in my pants
Might have a real problem if you're Jann Arden "Insensitive" ... in my pants
Must be love if "It Had To Be You" ... in my pants
Beach Boys "Help Me Rhonda" ... in my pants
Easy to tell the boys from the girls if it's Jo Dee Messina "Heads Carolina, Tails California" ... in my pants
Trying to convince her when Aaron Tippin "I Got It Honest" ... in my pants
Not uncommon when Burton Cummings "Stand Tall" ... in my pants
Homage to Elvis ... "I'll Have a Blue Christmas Without You" ... in my pants
You might be too old if Mel Tormé "Don't Get Around Much Any More" ... in my pants
I'd like to be Gus Kahn "Makin' Whoopee" ... in my pants
Maybe we need a new thread. I could go on and on.
 | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:19:11 PM | > Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outa night
> crawlers.
> He bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mouf.
> He knowed dat them big bass fish like frogs, so he decides to steal dat
> froggie.
> Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin, so Boudreaux had to be real
> careful or he'd get bit.
> He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't
> lak dat atall, not one bit.
> He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself
> free. But Boudreaux, him hada real good grip on his haid, yeh.
> Well Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait
> can.
> Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him
> good, but he had a plan.
> He reach into de back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a
> Tennessee hillbilly moonshine likker.
> He pour some drops into de snake's mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll
> back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat
> snake into de bayou, den he goes back to fish'n.
> A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin' on his barefoot toe.
> He slowly look down and dere be dat cotton moufed water moccasin, wif two
> more frogs. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:46:07 PM | Hi Tech - Newfie Prevails
After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scotties scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion
that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, British scientists dug
to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers
read: "British archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire
and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots.
One week later, "The Maritimer", an East Coast newspaper, reported the
following: "After digging as deep as 30 meters in fields near
Come-By-Chance, NFLD. George Uppans, a self taught archeologist, reported
that he found absolutely nothing. George has, therefore, concluded that 300
years ago we Newfoundlanders were already using wireless." | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 6/7/2007 3:18:43 PM | Maple Leaf fan?
A first grade teacher in Toronto explains to her class that she is a Maple
Leafs Fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Maple Leaf Fans too.
Not really knowing what a Maple Leafs fan is, but wanting to be liked by
their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is however, one exception. a little girl has not gone along with the
class.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"because I'm not a Maple Leafs fan!" she reports.
"Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Senators fan!" The little girl exclaims.
The teacher is a little perturbed now. her face slightly red.
She asks the little girl "Why are you a Senators fan?"
"Well my daddy and my mommy are Senators fans, so I'm a Sens fan too!"
The Teacher is frustrated now. "That's no reason" she says loudly. "What if
your mommy was a Moron and your daddy was an Idiot. what would you be then?"
The little girl smiles and says "then I'd be a Maple Leafs fan!" | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 6/7/2007 7:19:39 PM | Potentially & Realistically.......
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars." "Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars", and then, ask your brother "if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?!"
The boy then went to his brother! and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The boy replied, "Yes... potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars.............. but realistically,...... we're living with two sluts and a queer" | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 6/8/2007 12:15:43 AM | | A farmer had 5 female pigs and, since times were tough, he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. They lived 60 miles away from each other, so they agreed to drive thiry miles and find a field in which to mate the pigs. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 a.m., loaded the pigs in the family station wagon (which was the only vehicle they had) and drove the 30 miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, they're pregnant. If they're rolling in the mud, they're not." The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, called the other farmer, loaded them in the station wagon and proceeded to try again. The following morning, in the mud again! The next morning, in the mud again! This continued all week until the farmer was so tired he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field grazing." His wife looked out the window and yelled back, "Neither, they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn." | |
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| "In My Pants"......revisited........
Posted: 6/8/2007 8:21:51 AM | Author Thread: In Your Pants ... revisited Track this thread
en garde
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 1
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In Your Pants ... revisited
Posted: 6/7/2007 3 01 PM
Okay, so this was new to me, and I went a little crazy. Sheesh, the Beatles alone crack me up with the possibilities.
Love Me Do ... in my pants
I Want To Hold Your Hand ... in my pants
A Hard Day's Night ... in my pants
You've Got To Hide Your Love Away ... in my pants
Ticket to Ride ... in my pants
We Can Work It Out ... in my pants
All You Need is Love ... in my pants
Get Back ... in my pants (for the broken relationships)
Don't Let Me Down ... in my pants
Come Together ... in my pants
And I Love Her ... in my pants
Gonna get worse before it gets better if this isn't deleted.
sportyd
Joined: 12/12/2006
Msg: 2
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In Your Pants ... revisited
Posted: 6/8/2007 8 07 AM
well, seems it's guaranteed to get worse if I add to the post.....lol.....and I thought people who visit this thread are suppose to have a sense of humor.....hopefully some people will get a few laughs for as long as it can stick around!........
Sandy Posey
What A Woman In Love Won't Do...........in my pants!
Terry Knight & The Pack
I Who Have Nothing...........in my pants!
Trini Lopez
Puff ( The Magic Dragon )..........in my pants!
Gloria Estefan
Love Toy...........in my pants!
I Want You So Bad..........in my pants!
Olivia Newton-John
You're The One That I Want.........in my pants!
Bread
Baby, I'm A Want You...........in my pants!
The Association
Happiness Is.............in my pants!
America
I Need You............in my pants!
Pat Benatar
Hit Me With Your Best Shot............in my pants!
Kenny Rogers
Something's Burning.............in my pants!
Martha & The Vandella's
Love Is Like A Heat Wave...........in my pants!
Beach Boys
I'd Love Just Once To See You..........in my pants!
How She Boogalooed It.............in my pants!
Cat Stevens
Can't Keep It In.............in my pants!
The Grassroots
Where Were You When I Needed You...........in my pants!
James Taylor
You've Got A Friend............in my pants!
The Supremes
You've Really Got A Hold On Me.............in my pants!
The Bellamy Brothers
You Ain't Just Whistlin' Dixie............in my pants!
Tom T. Hall
Sneaky Snake.............in my pants!
B.J. Thomas
Hooked On A Feeling............in my pants!
Charlie Rich
The Most Beautiful Girl..........in my pants!
Vicki Carr
Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You............in my pants!
It Must Be Him..................in my pants!
Tanya Tucker
You've Got Me To Hold On To............in my pants!
Makin' Love Don't Always Make Love Grow...............in my pants!
After The Thrill Is Gone................in my pants!
Anne Murray
You Won't See Me................in my pants!
Frank Sinatra
It Gets Lonely Early.............in my pants!
Coasters
Poison Ivy..............in my pants!
Sam The Sham
Wooly Bully..............in my pants!
Last BUTT not least!
Shine On Harvest Moon............in my pants! | |
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| In My Pants......revisited........
Posted: 6/8/2007 1:08:31 PM | Did you know that Eagles mate for life?
Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary his darlin of 10 glorious years.
He went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead!
Harry was devastated.
After about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate.
But he just might like to cross the feather barrier.
So he flew off to find a new mate.
He found a lovely DOVE and brought her back to the nest.
The sex was OK but all the DOVE would say is I am a DOVE I want to Love!
I am a DOVE I want to love!
Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the Dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.
He found a very sexy LOON and brought her back to the nest.
Again the sex was great, but all the LOON would say is, I am a LOON, I want
to spoon! I am a LOON I want to spoon! Egads, out with the LOON.
Once more he flew off to find a mate.
This time he found a gorgeous DUCK, so he brought the DUCK back to the nest.
Again the sex was great, but all the DUCK would say was... . .well ..... . . . you know
Scroll down
No . the DUCK didn`t say THAT!!!!!
What's an awful thing to think!
Scroll a little further
The Duck said, I am a DRAKE you made a MISTAKE ! | |
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| My Joke Thread
Posted: 6/18/2007 7:09:24 PM | A grammar lesson
".........Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to
perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things,
but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian
medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white
powder in a flame, and there is a bright flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a
year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you
wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to
continue?"
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234,
and it will go down. But be warned -- it will not work again for another
year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess. That night
he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most
expensive shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123."
He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life ... just as the
medicine man had promised. Joyce turned over and asked, "What did you say
123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn't end a sentence with a
preposition! | |
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| My Joke Thread
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:08:07 PM | Things I've Learned As I Mature
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just a$$holes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
I've learned that the people you care for most in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
Pass this along to 5 friends ... trust me they'll appreciate it. Who knows, maybe something good will happen. If not ... tough shit. | |
|
| My Joke Thread
Posted: 6/23/2007 7:54:42 AM | Hello, is this the RCMP?"
"Yes. How can I help you? "
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Mike!
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the RCMP officers descended on Mike's house. They searched
the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted open every
piece of wood, but found no marijuana. They swore at Mike, he swore at
them, and then they left. The next day, the phone rang at Mike's
house...
"Hey, Mike! Did the RCMP come to your house?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy!" | |
|
| My Joke Thread
Posted: 6/27/2007 3:14:49 PM | What is worse?
A man went to the ER to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.
According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.
Now you decide what's worse:
1. Having your girl friend find out that you're actually married
2. Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3. Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring. | |
|
| My Joke Thread
Posted: 6/27/2007 3:26:59 PM | Together at last
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means
her first, second or third husband?"
The friend replied, "I think he means her legs." | |
|
| My Joke Thread
Posted: 6/27/2007 3:36:49 PM | A teacher is taking her class through rhyming lessons.
Teacher: Okay now I've let you hear a few rhymes already made up, but who thinks that they can do one off the top of their head?
A young girl called Mary Brady puts her hand up.
Mary: My name is Mary Brady and when I grow I want to be a lady then get married and have a baby.
Teacher: That was quite good Mary, now who thinks they might be able to follow Mary?
Michael Davy puts his hand up.
Michael: My name is is Michael Davy and I want to join the The Navy and to see Greece and Japan that would be grand oh yes I'd love to be a Navy man.
Teacher: That was nice Michael...okay who else feels brave enough to give it a try?
The teacher looks around the class and only one person has their hand up...a young boy with Tourettes called Jimmy, after a few seconds she signals to him to give his rhyme.
Jimmy: My name is Jimmy O'Day and I think that****is gay, so **** your Greece and **** your Japan...if Mary wants a ****ing baby then I'm her ****ing man! | |
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| My Joke Thread
Posted: 6/27/2007 6:48:01 PM | The Senior's Breakfast Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was
two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because
you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked
incredulously.
YES!!" stated the waitress.
I'll take the special."
How do you want your eggs?"
Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
We've been around the block more than once. | |
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| My Joke Thread
Posted: 6/27/2007 6:56:22 PM | Death of Larry LaPrise
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in.
And then the trouble started.
Shut up.
You know it's funny. | |
|
| My Joke Thread
Posted: 6/27/2007 9:04:07 PM | Sharp Nose, Lousy Driver
A woman took her car to her mechanic. She told him "Everytime I take any of my friends out in my car, after awhile there is this terrible smell. It never happens when I am on my own."
This quite intrigued the mechanic, so he said, "OK, let's go for a spin and see what the problem is."
She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction at 60 MPH, swerving, hitting the curb on both sides of the street, narrowly missed three pedestrians in a pedestrian crossing, ran several red lights and just missed a policeman on street traffic duty.
They returned to the shop and she said, "There it is now, there's that terrible smell. Can you smell it?"
"Smell it?? Lady, I'm sittin in it . . ."
(anon) | |
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| Doesn't pay to lie about ...
Posted: 6/28/2007 4:14:47 PM | A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?" He walks away.
Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!" | |
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| Marital bliss
Posted: 6/28/2007 4:21:01 PM | Because of a shortage of maids, the minister's wife advertised for a manservant. The next morning a nicely dressed young man came to the front door.
"Can you start the breakfast by seven o'clock?" asked the minister.
"I guess so," answered the man.
"Can you polish all the silver, wash all the dishes, do the laundry, take care of the lawn, wash windows, iron clothes and keep the house neat and tidy?"
"Say, preacher," said the young fellow rather meekly, "I came here to see about getting married - but if it's going to be as much work as all that, you can count me out right now." | |
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| Whisper sweet nothings ...
Posted: 6/28/2007 4:24:55 PM | I was interviewing a jeweler for a story I was writing on giving new life to old jewelry, and I asked him to tell me about his most memorable client.
"It was a divorced woman who had me make a pair of earrings from her inscribed wedding band," he remembered. "One earring read, 'With all,' and the other, 'my love.' When I asked why she had wanted it done that way, she answered, 'To remind me that the next time anyone says that to me, I should let it go in one ear and out the other.'" | |
|
| Whisper sweet nothings ...
Posted: 6/29/2007 3:25:32 PM | Bad Blonde Jokes
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking,
and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther
away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says
"Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"
---------------------------
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is
idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies,
"Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have
to do that?"
--------------------------
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish
you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take
away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
-----------------------
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How
can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river
then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
------------------
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind
the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back,
"IT'S A SCARF!"
------------
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We
were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going
to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at
each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot!
You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"
-------------
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her
question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
-------------------
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying
that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said,
"Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond.
"They're watch dogs!" | |
|
| Whisper sweet nothings ...
Posted: 7/1/2007 8:34:42 AM | Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!.
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told
my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the
hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when
totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNITE!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him
"Midnight"! . He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that
one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why?, h e said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said, "Oh. sh#@.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
tripped over the coffee table and farted." | |
|
| Husband Wanted!
Posted: 7/1/2007 9:06:30 PM | A lonely woman aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in te local paper that read:
Husband Wanted!
Must be in my age group (70's)
Must not beat me,
Must not run around on me,
and must still be good in bed!
All applicants please apply in person.
On the second day se eard the doorbell. Must to her dismay, the opened teh door to see a gray-haird genlteman with no arms, no legs, sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not rally asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!" The old man smilked, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beaned a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?" | |
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| Husband Wanted!
Posted: 7/8/2007 9:07:03 AM | How to deal with rude customers
All Employees Who Work With Rude Customers
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service.
A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed.
He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, ( I love this bit). "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too." | |
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