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 Author Thread: My Joke Thread.
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1201
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My Joke Thread
Posted: 7/8/2007 9:11:16 AM
LOCK YOUR DOORS!


Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home!

A man was found dead in his home over the weekend.

Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub.

The tub had been filled with milk, sugar, and cornflakes.

A banana was sticking out of his butt.

Police suspect a cereal killer
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1202
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My Joke Thread
Posted: 7/9/2007 7:43:31 AM
White Boy

A little East Indian boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is
baking.

He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.

Look, mom, I'm a white boy!"

His mom slaps him in the face and says; Go show your father".

He goes to his dad in the living room and says; Look dad, I'm a
white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says; Go show
your grandmother."

The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says; Look granny, I'm
a white boy " His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him
back to his mother.

His mother says; "Now, did you learn anything from that?" To which
the little boy replies; I Sure did. I've only been white for five
minutes and I already hate you f***ing Packies!"
 -Super/Brazen-

Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 1203
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History
My Joke Thread
Posted: 7/9/2007 10:15:12 PM
WORLD'S WORST FIRST DATE

On the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Sept 7,1999, Jay went into the
audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman
ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the
prize!

She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold...and the guy
had taken her skiing. It was a day trip (no over night). They
were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The
outing was fun, but relatively uneventful until they were headed
home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the
mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not
have had that extra cafe latte and there was no rest room in the
middle of nowhere. Her companion suggested she try to hold it,
which she did for awhile.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there
came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let
her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his
car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car,
yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep
snow she didn't have good footing so she let her butt rest
against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on
the other side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a
real gentleman and refrained from speaking. All she could think
about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing
nature of the situation. Upon finishing, however, she soon became
aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the
young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the
car's fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to
mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.
It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to
the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the
humor, she answered her date's concerns about what was taking so
long with a reply that indeed, she was freezing her butt off and
needed some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to
cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked
imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got
the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves,
they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were
faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would taking something
hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal.

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the
first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to
get her free so as she looked the other way, her first-time date
proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

Rescue accomplished, they returned to the car although for the
remainder of the trip home there wasn't much conversation and
apparently, despite their "intimate encounter," the two did not
see one another again.

As for the Tonight Show... she took the prize hands down...or
perhaps that should be "pants down."

And you thought your first date was embarrassing...
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1204
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History
My Joke Thread
Posted: 7/10/2007 8:12:07 PM
French humor

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings
and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out
of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such
an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole
the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

And you probably thought I didn't have DeGaulle to send this on to
you. Well, I figured I had nothing Toulouse.
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1205
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History
My Joke Thread
Posted: 7/10/2007 9:31:49 PM
The Story of Two Brooms

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"


"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.

Are you ready for this?











Brace yourself; this is going to hurt.










I love this one...




"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"




Oh for goodness sake... laugh, or at least groan. Life's too short not to enjoy...
even these silly little cute..... and clean jokes
Sounds to me like she's been "sweeping" around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1206
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My Joke Thread
Posted: 7/16/2007 9:21:57 AM
The Value of a Drink

Information Only - You deside


"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some ! it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~Dave Howell


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the BuffaloTheory to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went:


"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1207
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History
My Joke Thread
Posted: 7/18/2007 6:06:21 AM
Female Compassion at it's BEST!


Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.

Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.

"Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?" His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny.... but I have to get up in the morning and you don't."
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1208
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My Joke Thread
Posted: 7/18/2007 6:16:24 AM
Thought for the day

Handle every situation like the dog!!



If you can't eat it or screw it;
Piss on it and walk away
 skjoldhus

Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 1209
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History
My Joke Thread
Posted: 7/18/2007 11:44:20 PM
On his last day before retirement an old postman is making his rounds and saying farewell to a few of the folks on his route. many of the locals know he is retiring and wish him well with his retirement.
At one of the houses on his stop he is greeted at the door by the lady of the house. An attractive young blonde woman wearing a short sexy bathrobe and a pair of heels. She smiles and asks him to please come inside. "I made you breakfast!"
The postman is a little astonished but shrugs and comes into the house where she leads him to a diningroom table. He sits down and she serves him a wonderful omlet with toast and coffee and juice. After finishing the meal she smiles and says, "Follow me please." So now he follows her, still a little confused, but quite drawn to the attractive woman. She leads him into her bedroom and closes the door. Then opening her bathrobe she giggles. "Let's have a little fun okay?"
The postman does not have to think twice and soon she is groaning and screaming as he wildly takes her all over the bed and even on the carpet! The sex is wild and crazy and the best he has had in a long long while. When at last he is done she slowly crawls panting to her dresser and pulls herself back into a standing position. He now watches as she put's on her robe and then get's out two dollars from her purse and hands it to him.
"Thanks a lot! I had a great morning! I hope you did too! This is for you! Enjoy your retirement!" She chirps happily as she leads him to the front door.
The confused postman pauses and says; "Look the breakfast was wonderful! The sex was absolutely fantastic! Everything was great if unexpected,... but I am a bit confused about what the heck is going on here? What's with the royal treatment and the two dollars?"
She smiled. "I told my husband yesterday that you were retiring and said that we should do something nice for you! He told me; F uck him! Give him a couple bucks and send him on his way! But the breakfast,... well, that was MY idea!"

- Erik -
 SexySmartAss

Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 1210
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/19/2007 12:53:08 AM
my kinda girl.......
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1211
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History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/19/2007 9:59:55 AM
creepy!

Think of a letter between A and W.



Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.





Keep going . . .






Don't stop . . .







Think of an animal that begins with that letter.






Repeat it out loud as you scroll down .





Think of either a man's/woman's name that
begins with the last letter in the animal's name








Almost there........






Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers
of the hand you are not using to scroll down.




Take the hand you FIRST counted with and hold it out
in front of you at face level





Look at your palm Very closely and notice the lines in your hand




Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the
persons name?!









Of course not....



Now TAKE THAT HAND AND smack yourself in the head,
get a life, and quit playing stupid computer games!
 PolarExpress

Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 1212
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/19/2007 9:19:32 PM
A RED NECK WOMAN

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...
"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "are they ALL YOURS???"

"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy."

All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"

"Well, this one he is Leroy, also."

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?"

Their Momma replied,! "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!'

An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin.'

An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"
"I call them by their last names.

(anon)
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1213
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History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/20/2007 6:53:10 PM
Family Traditions

Newfoundlanders had heard stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that Len's father, grandfather and great- grandfather had
all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day,
they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal
drink.

So when Len's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took
a boat out to the middle of the lake. Len stepped out of the boat
and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to
safety.

Furious and confused, Len went to see his grandmother."Grandma,
it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my
father, his father, and his father before him?"Granny looked into
Len's eyes and said, "Because, ya dumb arse, yur faudder,
grandfaudder and great grandfaudder wuz born in January, you wuz
born in July
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1214
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My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/21/2007 9:22:03 AM
Glass so cheap


Mexican, an Iraqi, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the Same one twice."

The Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her .45, and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,
"In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."

God Bless America !

Ah come on laugh a little, it's just a joke....life's to short to loose sleep over it.
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1215
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My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/21/2007 2:25:37 PM
Gone fishing

A man calls home and says to his wife, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box? We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up."

"Oh, and please pack my new blue silk pyjamas!"

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish ?

He says, "Yes ! Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill,and a few Pike.

But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do ?"

The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box.
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1216
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History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:34:04 AM
BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....

(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
 jheldatksuedu

Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 1217
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:47:21 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is supposed to be a joke thread, not a comment on real life, LOL

----------------

BTW I do read this forum everytime I get ready to go out for the evening and get a new joke. Jokes are very important in my life and have gone a long way to making me a popular person at the local watering hole and other gathering social events.

People wishing to be more popular should consider this, it's very easy. After a while you have hundreds of jokes stored up. Thanks again for the supply.

That said let's get back to the cereal killer and screw the mailman funnies.
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1218
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History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:08:52 PM
Well fact is stranger than fiction!
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1219
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History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:09:33 PM
Business Signs


Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."


**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon :
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


**************************

On another Septic Tank Truck:
"We're #1 in the #2 business"


**************************

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."



**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."


**************************

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."


**************************

On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."


**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."


**************************

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"


**************************

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."


**************************

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."


**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."



**************************

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."


**************************

At an Optometrist's Office :
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."


**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."


**************************

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"


**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."


**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."


**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"


**************************

At the Electric Company :
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."


**************************

In a Restaurant window :
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."


**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."


**************************

At a Propane Filling Station ,
"Thank heaven for little grills."


**************************
And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
 jheldatksuedu

Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 1220
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/24/2007 9:44:16 PM
Three little ducks go into a Bar..............................




"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"


"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"


"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.


"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"






"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"My name is Puddles."
 SexySmartAss

Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 1221
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/24/2007 11:45:15 PM
You are too funny......thanks for the laughs.....


A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a blowjob from a nun."

The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic."

"Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing.

"What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!"

"That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party."


Daz...
 redtauri

Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 1222
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/25/2007 7:46:29 AM
THE CAJUN FIREMAN

There was this cajun who was a fireman. One day after work he goes home and tells his wife about his job. He says at work we have 3 bells. Bell 1 we jump up and put on our uniforms. Bell 2 we slide down de pole. Bell 3 we get in our trucks and off we go.

Now we are going to do something similar to that here at home when I return from work. When I say bell 1 you are to strip. When I say bell 2 you are to jump on the bed. When I say bell 3 we are goin to make love all through the nite.

The cajun man returns home from work one day and yells bell 1, the wife then strips. Bell 2, she jumps on the bed. Bell 3 they start making love throu de nite. After a while the wife yells bell 4.

The cajun man stops looking a lil puzzled and says bell 4? I never heard no bell 4. The wife replys you better role out more of de hose cause you are no where near de fire!!!
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1223
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History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/27/2007 7:50:46 AM
Canadian Eh!

A recent study found the average Canadian walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Canadians drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Canadians get about 41 miles to the gallon.



Kind Of Makes You Proud To Be Canadian ....
 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1224
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History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/27/2007 7:56:41 AM
Always Give 100% at Work

12% Monday
23% Tuesday
40% Wednesday
20% Thursday
5% Friday

 vivienne3

Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 1225
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History
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 7/27/2007 7:58:22 AM
Running Nude In The Rain

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!'


'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon,
so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved along side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'

'Oh , yes,' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run? '

'Nope.........just when it's raining.'
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