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| Damn tractor.
Posted: 11/29/2005 2:53:21 AM | Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no
myth. Women seem to know what's going on in their man's lives
almost better than they do.
Why is this?
In the early 80's researchers discovered that women have more
connections between the brain's two hemispheres than men do. It's
these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from
seemingly unconnectable pieces...
That, and they go through your shit while you're in the shower.
LIIIIIIIIIES!  | |
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| Damn tractor.
Posted: 11/29/2005 3:17:21 AM | | There is a new operation being preformed in Australia. The surgeons take a small piece ofskin from the inner section of the nasal area and graft it onto a mans penis. So now men don't have to shake it any more. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/29/2005 6:27:50 AM | (Q) What do fat chicks and Mo-peds have in common?
(A) They´re both good fun to ride until someone else sees you!!!
(Q) Whats the difference between a pimple and a priest?
(A) A pimple wont come on your face until you are fifteen!!!!
(Q) Have you heard of the new biscuits Arnotts have brang out?
(A) They´re called clitoris creams and they say soon as you have
one lick you have to eat the entire box!!!!
(Q) How do New Zealanders practice safe sex?
(A) They spray paint a red X on the back of the sheep that kick!!!!
There were three farmers an Aussie, Englishman and a New Zealander walking along this
Barbed wire fence when they come across a sheep with its head caught in the fence, so
the Englishman passes comment that he wished that he had his shearers so he could steal
its wool, to that the Aussie exclaims, I wish I had me good ole´ steel cap boots on so I could
kick the crap out of this sheep because it belongs to the guy who lives next door and his a
prick!!!, to that the only thing the New Zealander had to add was ¨ I wish it was dark¨ while
grinning and rubbing his palms together!!!!!!!
Three farmers an Aussie, American and a New Zealander arrive in heaven
walk up to St.Peters pearly gates!!! St.Peter addresses the first farmer
¨cricky!!! you must be a farmer from Australia¨ the Aussies all impressed
by St.Peter and asked him ¨geez mate!!! how´d ya know?¨ to the reply
¨from the soil on your boots¨ then the Aussie walked in!!
St.Peter addresses the next farmer and says ¨well you must be a farmer
from America¨ taken by suprize the yank asks ¨ Hey Partner!!! how did you
pick me¨ then St.Peter said ¨by the wheat sticking out of your teeth¨ and
then he went in, then St.Peter addresses the last farmer ¨And you must be
a farmer from New Zealand¨ this farmer is also taken by what St.Peter said
and asks ¨ how do you know I am from New Zealand?¨ to St.Peter replies
¨From the wool on your fly¨
(Q) Why do New Zealand horses run so fast?
(A) They have seen what the farmers do to the sheep!!!
(Q) Why did A New Zealander invent velcro for?
(A) Because the sheep started to notice the sound of a zipper!!!! | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/29/2005 6:51:48 AM | There is this horrible collision on the corner of main and elm streets. Both cars are totally demolished, yet both drivers crawl out of the wreckage unscratched. The woman looks at the man and says "This must be a sign from God. You are a man and I am a woman, our cars are totally wrecked yet we are unscratched. This is a sign that we should spend the rest of our days on earth together". The man, startled, says "Yes, I believe your right". The woman then says "Look, this bottle of wine on my back seat didn't break. This is a sign that we should drink to celebrate". Again, the man, startled, agrees. He opens the wine and drinks half the bottle. He then hands the bottle to the woman, who puts the cork back into the top. The man, surprised, asks the woman "aren't you going to drink the wine"? The woman replies, "No, I 'll just wait for the police".
Moral of the story - Women are evil, Don't F*ck with them.
(sorry Brazen) | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/29/2005 6:56:23 AM | | Did you see that they have found the remains of the first gay dinosaur in Egypt. It was named the megasuaras.(mega-sore-ass) | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/29/2005 9:16:21 AM | Paddy and Mick bumped into each other in the Pub, Paddy says to Mick "HOWS IT GOING WHAV YA BEEN UP TO"
Mick says "IM GOING TO COLLEGE STUDYING THAT NEW THING CALLED LOGIC"
Paddy Says"LOGIC?? - WHAT THE HELL IS LOGIC?"
Mick Says"WELL ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN BUT ILL GIVE YOU A FEW EXAMPLES,.....
HAVE YOU GOT A GOLDFISH?"
Paddy Says "YES"
Mick Says "OK THEN YOUVE EITHER GOT A POND, A TANK OR A BOWL"
Paddy Says "YEH IVE GOT A POND , BUT I STILL DONT GET WHAT LOGIC IS"
Mick Says "ILL GIVE YER A FEW MORE EXAMPLES..... IF YOUVE GOT A POND YOUVE EITHERE GOT A GARDEN OR A YARD?"
Paddy Says" YEH, IVE GOT A GARDEN"
Mick Says "IF YOUVE GOT A GARDEN , YOUVE EITHER GOT A HOUSE OR A BUNGALOW"
Paddy Says "YEH, IVE GOT A HOUSE"
Mick Says "IF YOUVE GOT A HOUSE, YOUR EITHER MARRIED OR NOT MARRIED??"
Paddy Says "YEH IM MARRIED"
Mick Says "IF YOURE MARRIED, YOUVE EITHER BEEN MARRIED A SHORT TIMEOR A LONG TIME"
Paddy Says "YEH IVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED 6 MONTHS"
Mick says " I BET YOU IN THEM 6 MONTHS , YOU HAVENT HAD A WANK!"
paddy says "BE JESUS, THAT LOGIC IS ****IN GRAND, YOU KNOW ALL THEM THINGS ABOUT ME THROUGH THAT THING CALLED LOGIC"
Anyway , they have a few more jars and part company.
Paddys walking home from the pub Pissed as a fart and bumps into Shamus,
Paddy says "SHAMUS ME OLD MATE,WHAT A COINSIDENCE, IVE JUST SEEN MICK IN THE PUB AND I HAVENT SEEN HIM FOR 5 YEARS EITHER."
Shamus says "MY OLD MATE MICK , HOWS HE DOING?"
Paddy says " HES GRANDE , HES GOING TO COLLEGE NOW STUDYING THAT NEW THING CALLED LOGIC"
Shamus says "LOGIC ,WHATS LOGIC"
Paddy Says "ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN, SO ILL GIVE YOU SOME EXAMPLES..... HAVE YOU GOT A GOLDFISH?"
Shamus said "NO"
Paddy Said "YOU’RE A WANKER THEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
wank·er ( P ) Pronunciation Key (wngkr)
n. Chiefly British Vulgar Slang
A person who masturbates.
A detestable person. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/29/2005 10:04:25 PM | Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn
and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you
look like the whole world caved in?"
The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle
died and left me ten thousand dollars."
"I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for
you, eh?"
"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I
never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free
and clear."
"Well, you can't be disappointed with that!"
"Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited
almost one hundred thousand dollars."
"Incredible... so how come you look so glum?"
"Well, this week - nothing!" | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/29/2005 11:32:25 PM | LOL that joke was hilarious!!!! nice one lol..  | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/30/2005 1:33:22 AM | (Q) Why did A New Zealander invent velcro for?
(A) Because the sheep started to notice the sound of a zipper!!!!
Thanks -sent all of that to my sis in Auckland.....she had a good laugh
but I bet my brother in law did not. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/30/2005 8:32:05 AM | Check out these stupid laws.
New Jersey Crazy Law
It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
You may not slurp your soup.
If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.
On a highway you can not park under a bridge.
Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.
Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
Bernards Township
It is illegal to frown as the town is a "Frown-Free Town Zone".
Caldwell
You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.
Cranford
Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.
Cresskill
All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
Elizabeth
It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.
Manville
It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.
Newark
It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
Ocean City
Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday.
People may not slurp their soup.
Raw hamburger may not be sold.
Raritan
Profanity is prohibited.
Sea Isle City
There will be no boiling of bones on the property.
Trenton
Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.
You may not throw a bad pickle in the street.
(sorry Brazen, you are unwelcome in Raritan)
 | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/30/2005 9:44:05 AM | One day, a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test.
She blindfolded him, put a Hershey's kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what this is?"
"No, I don't," said the little boy.
"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your mom before he goes to work."
Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!" | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/30/2005 10:25:22 AM | Poor old Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work.
So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a blinding flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '1, 2, 3,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
"All you or your partner has to say is '1, 2, 3, 4,' and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for another year."
Excitedly Harry rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. Once he has readied himself, is in bed and is lying next to her, he takes a deep breath and says, "1, 2, 3" and, in an instant, he becomes harder and more aroused than anytime in his whole life - just as the medicine man had promised.
He reaches over and caresses his wife, who had been facing away from him and, as he begins to stroke her, she turns over and asks, "What did you say '1, 2, 3' for??"
 | |
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| Apologies for the cobwebs on this one...
Posted: 11/30/2005 10:46:41 AM | Monday morning, 9am, a little old lady walks into her local grocery store...
"Good morning young man, can I have a pound of butter please" she says.
"Sorry" says the assistant, "We've run out, next supply won't be until Thursday".
"Ok" says the old woman and walks out the store.
Tuesday morning, 9am, the same little old lady comes back into the store...
"Good morning young man, can I have a pound of butter please" she says.
"I told you yesterday", says the assistant, "We've run out, next supply won't be until Thursday!".
"Righto", says the old woman and once again walks out the store.
Wednesday morning, same time, same old lady, same store...
"Good morning young man, can I have a pound of butter please" she says.
With that, the assistant jumps over the counter, grabs the old lady by the throat and pushes her up against the shop window...
"Tell me" says the assistant, "Can you spell CAT as in CATASTROPHE?"
"Yes", squeaks the old lady "C-A-T"
"Very good", says the assistant loosening his grip. "Now what about DOG as in DOGMATIC?"
"Yes", replies the old lady, the colour beginning to return to her cheeks "D-O-G".
"Well done", says the assistant, allowing her to slump to the floor "Now what about F**K as in BUTTER?"
"Yes", she replies "F-U-C... wait a second, there is no F**K in butter?"
"I know" replies the assistant, "I've been trying to tell you that all week!!!"
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| Apologies for the cobwebs on this one...
Posted: 11/30/2005 11:17:53 AM | Word Contest
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its annual contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. Here are some of the selected results.
-- Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
-- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
-- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
-- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
-- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
-- Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
-- Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
-- Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
-- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
-- Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with 'Yiddishisms'.
-- Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/30/2005 6:29:45 PM | Two little old ladies are walking along the beach when they come to a man completely buried in the sand, except for his erect member, which was getting some sun.
The two grannies stop, shocked, and stare.
Agnes is the first to break the silence. "When I was six," she says, "I wasn't aware of them."
"When I was sixteen, I was afraid of them."
When I was twenty-six, I experimented with them.
When I was thirty-six, I enjoyed them.
When I was forty-six, I chased them.
When I was fifty-six, I begged for them.
When I was sixty-six, I remembered them.
And here I am now, seventy-six, and the damn things are growing wild on the beach! | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 11/30/2005 10:28:15 PM | A guy gets pulled over for speeding 88 MPH in a 45 zone. The cop
asks for his drivers license and the guy says, "I'm sorry
officer, but my license was suspended after my 5th DUI."
The cop asks for his registration and the guy says, "It's in the
glove compartment, but it's not in my name because I stole this
car in a car jacking. I killed the woman that owns the car and
stuffed her in the trunk and the gun I used is in the glove
compartment.
At this point the cop tells the guy to keep his hands in sight
and he radios for back-up.
When a supervisor shows up, the cop tells him the story and he
walks up to the guy in the car. The supervisor asks to see the
guy's drivers license and the guy hands it over and it is valid
with the guys real name and information.
The supervisor asks for the registration and the guy says, "It's
in the Glove compartment." The supervisor tells the guy to keep
his hands in sight and walks around to the passenger side and
opens the glove compartment. There is the registration in the
guys name and everything seems in order.
Next the supervisor asks the guy to get out and open the trunk.
The guy opens the trunk and the only thing there is a spare tire.
At this point the supervisor tells the guy what the other cop had
told him.
The guy says "I'll bet that lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding
too! | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/1/2005 1:15:08 AM | - The reason so few women are politicians is that it's too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
- With his platoon at attention, the drill instructor yelled, "All right! All you dummies fall out." As the rest of the recruits walked away, one man remained at rigid attention. The drill instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with the man, raising just a single eyebrow. The recruit smiled and said "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
- Heard aboard a public transportation vehicle: "When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."
- The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
- A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time?" "No," he replied. A whole lot of them begin with "If elected I promise..." | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/1/2005 6:47:10 AM | SOME JOKES FOR OUR FRIENDS FROM TEXAS
The owner of a golf course has a problem with an invoice. He calls in his secretary and says, since you went to the University of Texas, "if i give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off". the secretary replies, "everything but my earrings"!
A Texas trooper pulls over an Oklahoma pick up truck. The trooper asks, "do you have any ID"? the driver responds "buot what"?
A young Texas man runs into a bar and says, "Bubba someone just stole your pick up truck from the parkin' lot". Bubba asks "did you see who it was"? The young man says "no, but i did get the plate number"! | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/1/2005 8:10:47 AM | AND IT WAS SO
God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 40 years."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 40 years is too much. Please,
give me no more than 20." And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years."
And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog is too much.
Please, no more than 15 years." And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are Monkey. You shall
swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you
shall live for 20 years."
And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the
world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it
was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational
being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery
over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for
20 years."
And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little.
Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog
refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20
years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he
is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and
eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to
live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren. | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/2/2005 12:54:11 AM | 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said,
"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
with a
tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,! as she sat
down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is
it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a **** to iron."
6. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
7. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane
Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you
Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
8. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
eating a snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get
hair
on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too." | |
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| My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/2/2005 1:51:24 AM | Bazen this ones for your kids:
A horse walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables over his shoulder and sits down at the bar. The bartender says " Ok I can handle the long face but don't start anything"
| |
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| It pays to remember...
Posted: 12/2/2005 5:22:43 AM | A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. 
"Tomorrow," his wife angrily told him, "there had better be something in our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat!"
The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package in the driveway. She brought it inside, opened it .... and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral services for her husband have been set for Saturday ...
 | |
|
| It pays to remember...
Posted: 12/2/2005 6:10:59 AM | THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GUTS AND BALLS
GUTS
When you return home from a night out with the boys, get assulted by your wife with a broom and have the GUTS to ask "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere".
BALLS
When you return home from a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar and having the BALLS to slap your wife on her ass and say "ok, you're next". | |
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| It pays to remember...
Posted: 12/2/2005 9:08:41 AM | 8:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed - Freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg
13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
15:00 Nap
16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist - card is from secret admirer
16:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
17:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
19:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
22:00 Hot shower [alone]
22:50 Carried to bed...[Freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen]
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast - rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked buxom wench
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club [Blow job en-route]
9:45 Play front nine [2 under]
11:45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine [4 under]
14:15 Limo back to airport
14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo
15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew [all nude]
16:30 Land world record Marlin [1234lbs] on light tackle
17:00 Fly home - massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
18:45 Shit, shower, shave
19:00 Watch news - Brad Pitt assassinated; marajuana and porn legalised
19:30 Dinner - Lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon, big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice cream served on a pair of tits
21:00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch Match of the Day
21:30 Sex with three women [all with lesbian tendencies]
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing ale
23:30 Night cap blow job
23:45 In bed alone
23:50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room | |
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