| Polyamory
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:33:38 PM | i would not get jealous if the guy i was with slept with someone.. or was involved with someone sexually...
but i think its best to stay away from this just due to the fact that it may cause some very creative problems... | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:15:22 PM | Truly thoughtful of you to put this definition of "compersion" on the site for us to read.
Thank You | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:20:18 PM | | Thank You Miashakti, and to you also, John Collins; I hope it is well read. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:56:39 PM | | We have to be careful with some of the labels that we are bashing around here... please remember that polygamy and polyamory are NOT the same thing. Polygamy is the act of being married to more than one person at the same time... mostly illegal in most places in the Western world. Polyamory is the act of loving more than one person at the same time... big difference. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:17:29 PM | Miashakti
thank you.. best thing I've ever read on polyamory
Yet remember that more often, jealousy has nothing to do with one's partner actually having sex or sharing love outside the relationship. It is about the imagined fear of loss. We can become jealous at the mere idea or suspicion of this, or at our partner's fantasies, and even at the love shared with him or herself. In plenty of relationships people stop masturbating (and creating art or music or writing or taking long walks in the woods) because it's perceived as a threat by their partner. And that is not life.
I especially liked this paragraph, it's so true. I don't always make it to this point and I've struggled with the insecurity and fear of loss... but I've also been lucky to have some moments when I was able to set my partner free... really free, and REALLY just wish for his happiness more than anything. It's a marvelous feeling, and I believe the essence of true love. It's like that poem of Kihlal Gibran's about raising children... how they do not belong to you.. always brings a tear to my eyes when I read it, and reminds me of my true place as a parent.
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
I try to see my lover in the same way... I fail, but I get up and try again, because I'd like to be able to attain this lofty goal.
I don't know if I would pursue a polyamorous lifestyle, but there is a part of me that is open to it, if it happened naturally... only because I have had so many wonderful people in my life that I have loved, and have moved on... as I have. It hurts sometimes, but when I think back to some of the things I've shared with them and things I have learned from them the memories are warm... and it was WORTH IT ALL. Yup, even the pain.
Peace | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:47:55 PM | Yes, polyamory works for me!
I'm looking to soon become a submissive cuckold husband for some beautiful woman.
She'll be more of a cuckoldrix than a hotwife, as she will always have complete control over BOTH of our sexualities!
I expect that I'll spend most of my life in chastity, as an orgasm-denied cuckold.
But, she'll have So MUCH pleasure! | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:03:48 PM | | Ah another catch phrase word to make something sleazy sound sophisticated. Swinging and having multiple partners has NOTHING to do with romance. It has to do with getting off and fulfilling certain peoples fantasy. Romance is about love. Swinging and 3 somes have NOTHING to do with love. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:10:43 PM | It works for some couples, while it doesn't for others. As long as everyone involved is honest about what is going on, and everyone involved is a consenting adult, then I don't see why it is anyone else's business.
For some reason, we are conditioned to believe that love can only be shared between two people. Very often, we are indoctrinated to believe that they must be of differing sexes. That makes no sense to me.
I love both of my parents and both of my siblings. How is it that we are capable of loving more than one person, if they are related by blood, but are not capable of doing so, otherwise?
Look, I'm not saying that it is right for everyone, or even for me. I am saying that I have known polyamorous groupings that have had very healthy, happy, loving relationships. (I have also known such groupings that were filled with jealousy, distrust and anger.) If the people involved are happy with their lives, then I for one do not see the problem. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:55:56 AM | Some people have a very narrow view of the meaning of relationships, romance, and love, and some people have a much wider view. It seems to depend largely on your indoctrination into these concepts as a child, plus some experiences later in life. Those will determine what's comfortable for you, and few people can push outside their comfort zone successfully.
If you can't expand your comfort zone, you will of course tend to condemn those who have, as it threatens your worldview of what's good and right and moral and happy. Fear may be controlling your perspective. It may be fear of change, or even fear of missing out on something.
My comfort zone is wider than that of many, but less than that of others. Because I can recognize what goes into these feelings, I can accept those whose zone is both wider and narrower than mine without wanting to "go there" myself, and without condemning either. Their choices simply aren't right for me, but are right for them because they work. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/11/2008 1:03:46 PM | | That old saying to each there own might fit for this one. In the Middle east its multiple wives for the shieks maybe 50 plus I've heard in some cases. And I believe the Mormons in this country did practice this in the past... 1 love at a time for me please... | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:00:13 PM |
Some people have a very narrow view of the meaning of relationships, romance, and love, and some people have a much wider view. It seems to depend largely on your indoctrination into these concepts as a child, plus some experiences later in life. Those will determine what's comfortable for you, and few people can push outside their comfort zone successfully.
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Zentral I couldnt disagree with a post more. Swinging is cheating without having to lie. Its all about fantasy and sleazy sex. It never brings a couple closer together to screw someone else. Sorry; I live in the real world.
Many now dont' have morals; they arrogantly just say,"everything I do is moral; I'm open minded and if you dont' accept it you are threatened and close minded". LOL; whatever.
Your post IMHO is elitist and arrogant. "My comfort zone is wider". lol; so are drug dealers, thieves and people that cheat in relationships; many in their minds are not doing anything wrong or they have an excuse. That doesn't make what they do right.
This way of thinking is the very reason the divorce rate is one of the highest in the world and both sexes now cheat more often than not. The teenage STD rate is 25% with now 49% in the African American community. In the adult world its much higher because of more sex partners. Sorry this type of philosophy isn't working; it didn't in the 70's, and it doesn't now.
In this way of thinking there is no right and wrong. You just make your own right and wrong and anything goes. Well thats your thing; thats cool, but I'm real.
I'm not threatened at all. I dont allow that in my life so its fine with me; it doesnt' bother me. If you want to do it then go for it. this is the u.s. and we all can do as we please. What bothers me are people that think they are better than others because they accept this behavior, and they chastise those that dont. The person I love isn't a latte' to be shared with everyone else.
But dont hide behind an elitist attitude to justify your actions. Swinging and swapping your partner like dogs in heat isn't love. It is what it is; Its about getting off and fanstasy; no matter how much new age philosophy and consciousness you try to use to spin it. Some still know right and wrong. If in your mind that's close minded, then I'm guilty as charged. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:29:13 PM | RE:ost 233
Polayamory is not sleazy pls do not mistake YOU R opinion for FACT
Years ago I was involvled with a loving and beautiful couple and we had a POLY home..she was ill and unable to have certain forms of sexaul expression.and I was initially approacehd BY her as a possiblility for her husband..approached due to trust.caring and love.
.I loved them before we began to live together and was approached in a loving matter about being with both of them.
.the three of us bought land togther...had a huge garden..went on holidays..and yes interacted sexaully and sensuality..as our relationship grew.
MOST POLY homes are based on trust,warmth , integrity and love not sex
GQ | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/14/2008 7:49:51 PM | Hey there was searching through the forums and found this one, I have a link my guy friend gave me about this subject!! If you are really interested then message me and I will send you the link. Since I can't post it out here on the forums! Its a huge site the first page is ridiculiously long but it does tell you more about polyamory.
The guy friend that gave me the site, I thought was a potential love but I am not sure now. I am very glad that he was open with me but I know I would want him all to myself and I just don't think thats happening since he told me he was into polyamory! Like I said send me a message and I will send you the link! | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:58:25 AM | Mthomjmark, There is a group in my area that call themselves poly, that I call something else. It is a fuck club and just like you describe; But what you are missing is another mind experience that you cannot imagine. It is called compersion and it is rare indeed to have it. You are not understanding of it, because you can not conceive of it. It is not in your nature. It is not in you. You are at the other end of the spectrum.
Not everyone in a poly relationships experience compersion, because our environment as children does not teach us how to love unconditionally.
When anyone goes looking for answers, beware, that finding a group does not mean that everyone or anyone in the group is in it for love of one another; There are sex groups that call themselves polyamorous. Don't shy away altogether; You don't have to have sex. You can always learn from new experiences and there may be one or two others that are sincerely poly and are looking for you. Polyamorous may or may not include sex. It is up to you and the kind of love you feel. Sincerity is key. | |
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MatFK
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Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 240 | |
| Polyamory
Posted: 7/30/2008 6:47:10 AM | No. I mean seriously, if there was not a thing called an STD, then maybe...
But still, probably not.
I would be jealous . | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 8/3/2008 4:20:10 PM | To matfk...
I hope you are not having unprotected sex. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 8/3/2008 9:18:27 PM | I would consider myself in a polyamory relationship. I am deeply in love with my husband and have had lovers during the course of our relationship. Some have been just "buddies" but a couple I developed a deep love for. Not any type of love that would interfere in my primary relationship since there is no way it could.
After 10 years we are more in love now than when we met.
BUT... I believe we are the exception.
Be careful, talk alot, make sure any hesitation or feelings of jealousy are discussed. Long before actually meeting other people. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:11:57 AM | | I'm polyamorous, and I feel it's far less selfish than possessive, monogamous relationships are. I find that polyamorists are, generally speaking, more honest, trustworthy, respectful, compassionate, and accepting than most of the monogamists I've known. Love is without limits or boundaries...when we give our love to another person, we don't have less love. If anything, we have MORE. Love is meant to be shared, not guarded like some precious commodity. Don't worry, we won't run out. | |
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