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 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 451
PolyamoryPage 19 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
Ok, so in poly, the group is faithfully fvcking only other members of the group.
In swinging, there are gatherings and fvcking outside the "group" or couple.

So why then, was a house full of people fvcking each other, called a house of swingers? Was it implied that members of that house were also fvcking people outside the house, and/or trading people from the group with others?

It's a little more clear now. Until my feeble mind catches up, I'll stick to monogamy for now...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 452
Polyamory
Posted: 12/17/2010 12:12:48 PM

So why then, was a house full of people fvcking each other, called a house of swingers?

Because two people seem to have a hard enough time trying to decide what to call their relationship. It only gets more confusing as you add participants.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 453
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History
Polyamory
Posted: 12/17/2010 5:52:22 PM

Now the example I have used here is swinging, but the same is true for Poly relationships... Those for whom it's working, are quick to praise it... but you won't see many people openly speak of it being a disaster...


Actually, I've talked to plenty of people who are happy to talk about the good and bad they've experienced in such relationships. Mostly in an attempt to help those who are trying to understand poly in their lives. Help explain the good and bad, what makes relationships work, and what causes them to fail.


So why then, was a house full of people fvcking each other, called a house of swingers?


I think the main difference, is that while these people might all be able to sleep together... they are still broken up into "couples". Maybe three couples, living together. They can have sex with whichever partners are willing at the time. But in the end, they are still a trio of individual couples. So it's more about having one love partner, but sleeping with whoever you want.
 adventures_in_wonderland
Joined: 12/4/2010
Msg: 454
Polyamory
Posted: 1/20/2011 12:59:38 PM
I myself have thought of being in a polyamorous relationship. Im not saying it would be easy, but what so called "normal" relationship is? My biggest issue with being in a monogamous relationship is that the guy either wants to be with me because I like women and they want a threesome, or they want me to suppress that part of me. I'm sorry but I have come too far in my sexuality to want to suppress something that means so much to me. I think it would be amazing to be in a relationship where everyone has a role. I know people have said that if you are in this type of relationship everyone involved is always looking for partners. I dont necessarily think this is completely true. I think that as long as you are happy with what you have, you wont need anyone else. But you also have to accept it if one or more of your partners wants to find another. Its about being comfortable loving everyone in your family. Its really not about the sex either, its about being in love and being a family more than anything. Just with more people than what is traditonal. I would love to fall asleep at night laying beside two people that I know love me and I love them no matter what. It would also make life easier as far as household income, child care, chores. Things that 2 people find to be too much sometimes, now you have an extra person or more to help :)
 sexypunkgirl
Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 455
Polyamory
Posted: 6/23/2011 10:35:16 PM
hmm.. Is it specific to romantic only? Im all for bringing a 3rd into our relationship. I have done it several times from people i have met on here. But it was never really romantic. But Im def not against it going in a romantic direction. ACtually that would rather it went in that direction. But it works either way, romantic or just fun sexual adventures
 FunMusicPassion
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 456
Polyamory
Posted: 6/26/2011 11:52:20 AM
I have started calling myself polyamorous and acting as such since the beginning of 2011. It is the best way of being in the world honestly and authentically I have found. I am saying I love you to several women that are happy to know I am saying it to the others and wishing for them to love others as well. Seems to be working fine for me for now.
 6Foot3blonde
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 457
Polyamory--success here?
Posted: 10/23/2011 9:19:40 AM
Just got this question deleted when I posed it as a topic.

Are any of you poly-identified people having luck with POF? Because it seems to me like the whole site is more or less designed to confound us.

There's no way to gauge most people's acceptance of it from their profile and of course the whole "Must not be married" filter block totally kills the chance to ask if someone differentiates polyamorous and married.
 Sakfak
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 458
Polyamory
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:20:34 PM
I was once in a poly relationship. I was dating a guy who had another girlfriend on the side who was married with a kid. She had another boyfriend too, and her husband had a couple of girlfriends.

That kind of poly relationship is really scary sexually because of how easy it is to contract something and spread it to the group. It is also frustrating because the only way it can really work is if everybody is very honest, including who they have been sleeping with and if it's protected or not. Frequent testing is a good thing, but I mean that's just a good thing anyways.

There were emotional benefits though. It was a very relaxed and free relationship, not to mention if I didn't want to deal with his bullshit I could just tell him to go spend some time with his other girlfriend. I'm not a person who gets jealous, and I found that this kind of relationship was actually very ideal. I'm not even really a relationship person, I find it hard to be around the same person for over a few months. This relationship didn't work out too long because I eventually got frustrated with the guy who connected us all together (my sort-of boyfriend). But while it lasted, it was lots of fun and I really enjoyed the experience.

I should also mention we didn't sleep with each other, just the people we were dating. I never had to have sex with his girlfriend or her husband or anything like that. It wasn't some giant orgy, it was just a few people (including me) that realized we were not monogamous and would rather be super slutty but still have the support involved in an actual relationship.
 wildlifelover1979
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 459
Polyamory
Posted: 10/23/2011 3:40:34 PM
The only way I would do this is if it were me and two women. We would have to live together. I don't think I could do it without those conditions. I guess we would have to be 100% faithful for it to work. I could live like that all my life. But what two women would do that. But in reality does it work! Probably not!
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 460
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History
Polyamory
Posted: 10/28/2011 6:24:06 AM
I'm open to it. In fact, my dream relationship would be between myself, 1 ciswoman and 4 transwomen (3 non-ops (1 well-endowed but mostly bottom, one versatile but small endowment, and one non-functional) plus Nong Toom). But only if we all love each other, and make love to each other--I don't want it all centered around me, I want everyone to be an equal partner in the relationship. If i can't find that, at the very least I'd like one ciswoman and one versatile functional non-op transwoman.

I'm open-minded about some other forms of polyamory, but they're not really for me. But at the same time, I'm totally not in favour of the kind of thing happening in places like Bountiful--to me, that's treating women like cattle, totally disrespectful.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 461
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Polyamory
Posted: 10/28/2011 6:57:08 AM

The only way I would do this is if it were me and two women. We would have to live together. I don't think I could do it without those conditions. I guess we would have to be 100% faithful for it to work. I could live like that all my life. But what two women would do that. But in reality does it work! Probably not!
What you describe is polyGAMY, not polyAMORY. Polyamory means that BOTH members of the couple have sexual relationships with other people, not that just the man does. In your "condition", it would seem that you would demand faithfulness of the women to you all the while not being faithful to them.

IME, Polyamory is a cop-out used to protect oneself from having to enter into an actual MEANINGFUL relationship with another person and make a commitment. I have an ex (hence why he is now an ex) that after nearly 4 years together I found out he had been cheating on me with a chick who had 4 other "boyfriends" and that they had been attending polyamorous society meetings together. If you want an open relationship, the operative word is OPEN...that means ALL people in the relationship have a choice as to whether you date others or not. It's entirely selfish to be polyamorous when one doesn't give their partners the option of whether or not to be in that kind of relationship. Now for me, I'm extremely faithful to my one partner and am decidedly monogamous. Where my issue comes in is when one partner may not let their SO know that they are polyamorous and lead them to believe that they are monogamous, all the while they are screwing others. No one has the right to put another person's life/health at risk that way without their consent.
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 462
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Polyamory
Posted: 10/29/2011 5:39:44 AM

IME, Polyamory is a cop-out used to protect oneself from having to enter into an actual MEANINGFUL relationship with another person and make a commitment. I have an ex (hence why he is now an ex) that after nearly 4 years together I found out he had been cheating on me with a chick who had 4 other "boyfriends" and that they had been attending polyamorous society meetings together. If you want an open relationship, the operative word is OPEN...that means ALL people in the relationship have a choice as to whether you date others or not. It's entirely selfish to be polyamorous when one doesn't give their partners the option of whether or not to be in that kind of relationship. Now for me, I'm extremely faithful to my one partner and am decidedly monogamous. Where my issue comes in is when one partner may not let their SO know that they are polyamorous and lead them to believe that they are monogamous, all the while they are screwing others. No one has the right to put another person's life/health at risk that way without their consent.


Absolutely agree with most of that, except the first bit. I mean, I guess for some people it could be a cop-out, but that's more in the case of an open relationship where both people have relations (or have the option to do so) outside of their relationship.

Personally I'm only interested in a polyamorous relationship in which I and my partners all share the same partners. I'm not looking for an open relationship, I'm looking for a serious, committed, meaningful relationship, based on love and mutual respect. A relationship between 3, possibly more, people who love each other, respect each other, and are faithful to each other. But if it works out that there are only two of us, the relationship is no different, other than being monogamous.

By the way, someone who leads a polyamorous lifestyle while in a monogamous relationship is known as a cheater. It seems as if you've had some experiences with swingers or players masquerading as poly. If I'm in a monogamous relationship then I have only 1 partner, even though I'm poly.

100% agreed on the last point. Cheating (whether in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, or whether it's dressed up with other names) is beyond simply being unfaithful; it's gambling with a partner's safety, and an absolute betrayal of their trust.
 northwickedwitch
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 463
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Polyamory
Posted: 10/29/2011 10:23:21 AM
A lot of posters on here really are getting confused on what is polygamy, what is a 3 some, and polyamory. Polyamory in its truest and purest form, IMO, is 2 commited couples, deciding that being commited to each other is a desire. My hubby at the time and I met a couple, and we seriously discussed the possibilities of such a life. I mean, polyamory is NOT about the sex, its more of a commitment on 4 peoples part to be together in all things. 2 women to cook and clean and raise kids, 2 men to do honey do lists. 4 incomes making life good for all kids involved too. Yes, sex with each other was acceptable, but not exclusive to the other partner. By that I mean my hubby couldnt always choose to sleep with the other wife, but think about it. If women's basic desire is to feel loved and wanted, imagine getting that from 2 men. The feeling was like no other. If you are at all jealous, it would not work for you. And we had already decided, nights were spent with your original mate. Maybe later on in the relationship that would have changed, but we wanted it to work out so set up measures to ensure its success. Unfortunately, my son got very sick and we had to move back to where we came from. It took a very long time to get over that fact, I think I probably still love him, even though i no longer love my ex. Just my two cents.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 464
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Polyamory
Posted: 10/29/2011 10:36:07 AM

A lot of posters on here really are getting confused on what is polygamy, what is a 3 some, and polyamory. Polyamory in its truest and purest form, IMO, is 2 commited couples, deciding that being commited to each other is a desire. My hubby at the time and I met a couple, and we seriously discussed the possibilities of such a life. I mean, polyamory is NOT about the sex, its more of a commitment on 4 peoples part to be together in all things. 2 women to cook and clean and raise kids, 2 men to do honey do lists. 4 incomes making life good for all kids involved too. Yes, sex with each other was acceptable, but not exclusive to the other partner. By that I mean my hubby couldnt always choose to sleep with the other wife, but think about it. If women's basic desire is to feel loved and wanted, imagine getting that from 2 men. The feeling was like no other. If you are at all jealous, it would not work for you. And we had already decided, nights were spent with your original mate. Maybe later on in the relationship that would have changed, but we wanted it to work out so set up measures to ensure its success. Unfortunately, my son got very sick and we had to move back to where we came from. It took a very long time to get over that fact, I think I probably still love him, even though i no longer love my ex. Just my two cents.

Not to add to the confusion, but polyamory is not generally two couples. It's most generally either a man with "sister" wives or a woman with more than one man, who all opt to either live in the same residence, or at the very least, forge a loving relationship knowing that there is more than one spouse for the one man or the one woman. What you describe with your former spouse is more like "communal" living. Like anything else, one can describe their own personal choices any way they wish to do so, but polyamory is generally not two couples. You are very correct in that polyamory is NOT just about sex. But in this particular forum, it's very unlikely many wish to accept that not all "loving couples" are not necessarily monogamous-heterosexuals. I personally couldn't live a polyamorous life because I don't get along that well with other women and I can barely deal with one man, let alone more than one. But I'm all for whatever works for others. JMO
 parvaz1344
Joined: 9/28/2011
Msg: 465
Polyamory
Posted: 10/29/2011 10:40:31 AM
what is polyamory?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 466
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Polyamory
Posted: 10/29/2011 10:58:35 AM
^^^^^ For lack of a simple and clear explanation, you'd probably learn more by reading than explanations here. I'm not a wiki fan, but this is fairly well-written and explanatory ~ just keep in mind that we all define our inter-personal relationships differently, but the general ideology can be found here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 467
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Polyamory
Posted: 10/30/2011 2:38:42 AM
Really, there are many different forms of polyamory. But the basic concept is a relationship between more than two people (also known as a plural relationship). If it's a man with multiple wives, that's known by the more specific term "polygamy". In terms of the general structure, it can be 3 or more people of the same gender; an equal (or unequal) number of 2 or more genders; 1 person of one gender and 2 or more people of one or more other genders; and so on.

Generally when the term polyamory is used, it refers to a plural romantic relationship, rather than a purely sexual one or a romantic relationship with an additional sexual partner, but that's not necessarily set in stone.
 too_busy_to_look
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 468
Polyamory
Posted: 10/30/2011 8:14:18 AM
Monogamy is an unrealistic concept in my personal opinion. When I really think about it, it's like this:

Sex is a physical activity. And it's not all that different from other physical activities. It's kinda like playing a game of pool. You can play by yourself, but it's more fun if you have a partner. You can play with another person or even have groups of people playing in one game. But just because you found someone that you enjoy playing pool with doesn't mean that you should never, ever play pool with anyone else ever again. That is just absurd.
 Fluttering_On_By
Joined: 7/27/2011
Msg: 469
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Polyamory
Posted: 10/30/2011 9:09:13 AM
You're right, the man and two women typically does not work for very long as it's usually about a guy wanting to be able to have sex with more than one woman instead of being "in love" with two women. (not always, but usually)

I don't believe in marriage and monogamy.. but I've been in poly relationships before and they just don't work.
Each time, the guy got mad because the girls were able to "look" and find others if they wanted. They wanted to have their cake and eat it too, but no one else was allowed that freedom.
 wildlifelover1979
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 470
Polyamory
Posted: 10/30/2011 10:39:44 AM
I never been in one before. I have talked to a couple women that were interested in it but they said they could not do it because they would be upset if the guy had sex with the other woman. They would be jealous! I suppose I would be jealous too if they two women were bisexual partners and have lesiban sex all the time when I was at work and I come home and want sex and they were not interested because they already done for the day. Or I would get upset if the two women just started given each other attention and leaving me out and one day just walk out saying they aren't interested in men anymore and they tell me they are 100% lesiban and love each other. That would make me mad!
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 471
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Polyamory
Posted: 11/4/2011 11:30:24 AM
honestly, I would rather have a women, that needs more then one man, then one who is cold and not ual......
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 472
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Polyamory
Posted: 11/4/2011 9:31:20 PM

I suppose I would be jealous too if they two women were bisexual partners and have lesiban sex all the time when I was at work and I come home and want sex and they were not interested because they already done for the day.

Polyamory doesn't mean that all parties involved in the relationship HAVE to have sex with each other. There are many different ways a poly relationship can develop.

My guy has recently expressed to me an interest in another woman. She is most definitely poly. If they started a new relationship that augmented the one he and I have, I guess that would make us (him and I) poly as well. I can assure you she and I will never have sex because I am not interested in having sex with a woman. Ever. We have things we are working on. I like her and think she's a great person and I'm willing to share the awesomeness that is my man.


Or I would get upset if the two women just started given each other attention and leaving me out and one day just walk out saying they aren't interested in men anymore and they tell me they are 100% lesiban and love each other. That would make me mad!

Not having clear and honest communication between partners will lead to this. Knowing how to balance all the relationships so that everyone is as happy as they can be is tricky.

Yes.. there can be jealousy and hurt feelings if things aren't handled well. Those can happen just as easily in a non-poly relationship too though.

I have a guy friend, who is in a poly relationship with a married couple (man/woman). He's in a sexual relationship with the wife... lives in their house. Shares household chores and expenses. As far as I know the men are not involved sexually. Oh.. and each of that triad is free to date outside that triad... with certain conditions needing to be met first.

Ultimately I'd prefer to be at the apex of a triad that included 2 men. Which is really funny since my guy thinks he's going to be at the apex of the 2 ladies.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 473
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Polyamory
Posted: 11/4/2011 10:37:21 PM

You're right, the man and two women typically does not work for very long as it's usually about a guy wanting to be able to have sex with more than one woman instead of being "in love" with two women. (not always, but usually)

Well, that isn't my experience, but we all have different life experiences.

I don't believe in marriage and monogamy.. but I've been in poly relationships before and they just don't work.

So??? Where does that leave you????? You believe in polyamory over marriage and monogamy, but it doesn't work for you? Will you be perpetually single???? Or will you opt for casual relationships with no definitions? Seems to be that you've ousted yourself from monogamy/marriage/LTRs and poly amory......so what would work for you? (Just curious.)

Each time, the guy got mad because the girls were able to "look" and find others if they wanted. They wanted to have their cake and eat it too, but no one else was allowed that freedom.

This only happens when "boundaries" are not clear from the beginning or someone isn't being honest. I know plenty of women who have more than one love-interest and it works just fine. When all are completely honest? No one has a complaint. JMO
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 474
Polyamory
Posted: 11/4/2011 10:42:30 PM
The way I read that was…

…but I've been in poly relationships before and they just don't work.
Each time, the guy got mad because the girls were able to "look" and find others if they wanted. They (the guys) wanted to have their cake and eat it too, but no one else was allowed that freedom.

Either way, those don't sound like poly relationships. But it’s a common poly predicament – girls easily find willing partners. Boys not so much.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 475
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Polyamory
Posted: 11/5/2011 1:21:18 AM
i was in a poly relationship with another woman and i have a bf. she was dating me and me only then screwed me over. she told me she was gonna be with me nobody else then lie and cheat on me i was heart broken. it was a 2 month relationship sad how it ended. i would love to find someone with the same bubbly outgoing personality like she has but not a slut and found out she had herpes too.

theres not many women ive seen on dating sites that are poly or are interested about it. too many are monogamous which i can be mono too like everybody else. i never had a gf b4 i met my bf. to each their own, let ppl live their lives as long as what they are doing is honest and loving
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