| Polyamory
Posted: 1/15/2006 8:08:15 AM | Had neighbors who tried this crap years ago. What a joke. The man and one of the women were supposed to be getting married. Went through the ceremony and everything. Unknown to the first woman, the other woman destroyed the marriage license and didn't file it. She then took off for the weekend with the man, and then they got married, and made it fully legal. The first woman lost it. The screaming and breaking of furniture and dishes could be heard through the whole complex.  Idiots! You reap what you sow, that's in the Bible. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 1/15/2006 9:34:32 AM | | I don't know enough on the topic to make an informed opinion. However, I am monogamous, and do not entertain any thoughts of sharing with another. I have friends of the opposite sex, and they are just friends, not sex partners. I cannot sit in judgement of the choices and decisions that others make, only the ones that I make. If they can find love and happiness in, what has been described here, then all the best to them. It is not a choice or decision that I would make for myself. Using the Bible to justify my actions and choices is reaching. It does govern some aspects of my life, yes, but not in this scenario. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 1/15/2006 10:48:45 AM | We are very much interested in a polygamous relationship, one husband more than one wife.
Steve & Kara | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:32:08 PM | Ms Ali, thanks for bringing the subject up, it is quite clear from reading other members posts on the subject that they do not have a clear understanding of the polyamory that you and I embrace.
I have known for years that it is possible to love and respect more then one person at the same time and to treat all as an equal.
In my opinion polyamory is more natural then monogamy which causes so much conflict and confussion when those who practice it (cause they are taught from childhood its the only way) step outside the rules of whats established by society to be OK.
for those of you who are wondering if she made this word up or otherwise dont understand the true meaning of it, type it into a search engine ie google or altavista sometime and research it with an open mind, you may be surprised at how realistic it really is of course bearing in mind that its not for everybody. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/5/2006 8:19:35 PM | | I don't think it's healthy. Based on what I've seen, the polyamorous relationship usually involves two people(both male or both female) loving one person of the opposite sex. The two people are only in love with that one person and they compete for that person's love. The one person being polyamored by two has an ego trip over it and gets off on the two other people competing for their attention and love. The two other people have low self-esteem. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/5/2006 9:29:50 PM | iwarrior said:
I don't think it's healthy. Based on what I've seen, the polyamorous relationship usually involves two people(both male or both female) loving one person of the opposite sex. The two people are only in love with that one person and they compete for that person's love. The one person being polyamored by two has an ego trip over it and gets off on the two other people competing for their attention and love. The two other people have low self-esteem.
I have been in a polyamory relationship and none of what you said reflects on my personal experience other than two males loving one female, love and respect all the way around. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/6/2006 7:10:41 AM | "The one person being polyamored by two has an ego trip over it and gets off on the two other people competing for their attention and love. The two other people have low self-esteem."
Or, none of them have what it takes to be successful in a monogamous relationship. Too lame to do all of what it takes, so they bring back up. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/6/2006 7:28:10 AM | Many polyamorous people can do so well in a monogamous relationship that they are able to love even more people at the same time. They are often very stable and loving people, more so than most of the population. It takes a greater ability to love, more trust, greater ability to respect your partners, and better communication skills to have a successful polyamorous relationship. Such people sometimes choose to reap the greater rewards a poyamorous relationship can provide.
If you can't do it, don't. It certainly is not for everyone! | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/6/2006 7:43:29 AM | | Yeah, since I could never stomach the whole concept, I avoid anyone with any such ideas. Don't even care to socialize with them as friends. Values and morals are just too far apart to be able to find any kind of common ground on any issue. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/6/2006 1:10:26 PM | I've got some friends who are in a polyamorous relationship. According to them, to make it successful requires open and honest communication between all involved; even more so than a monogamous relationship. I'll also point out that polyamorous is very different than swinging, which is (generally) one _lover_, but multiple sex partners.
In the end, who has the right to tell you that you can only be in love with one person at a time? That's for your heart to decide, and no others. And if the three (or more) of you are happy with things, it's really nobody elses business anyway. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 6:52:23 PM | delytful,
I think that you are wise to stay away from poly people. They would be just too open minded, non-judgemental, kind, honest, and caring for you.
Please stick to people who share your narrow vision and definition of life, (not to mention your angry point of view); you deserve each other.
Beltaine,
You are mostly right. Poly usually means multiple loving relationships which may or may not involve sexual activity. Sometimes it is only an emotional bond. It is up to those involved. Some people look at it as monogamy within a group, some look at it as ethical non-monogamy. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 6:55:10 PM | With britney spears and jessica simpson?
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 6:58:26 PM | ok, one husband.. and numerous good little wives that do as their told. BARF
as for a true relationship that involves three people, I have no problem with this.
each to their own. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 7:05:05 PM | | Yes, and it's apparent you aren't being at all judgemental of Delytful, Poly Pal | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 7:07:44 PM | cheeky,
that is polygamy.
A polyamorous relationship could mean a married couple where each partner has a secondary relationship and they each spend Wednesday evenings with them.
Does not have to mean that they are living under one roof, only that they care for more than one person. The rules and boundaries are different from situation to situation. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 7:13:08 PM | Shangrilah,
Hhummmm, should I plead guilty here? No, I just do not care for people who bash others without thinking.
Just agreeing with her own words really.
She is suggesting that there is something wrong with people that don't share her views, but I am suggesting that perhaps she is the intolerant one, and is better off with those who share her own values.
Perhaps a more mature view would be to see if other people DO perhaps have something in common, and agree to disagree with the relationship views. People who write off whole groups of people because they differ on one or two issues are pretty sad really.
I find a mind is like a parachute-only works if it is open. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 7:15:22 PM | ok, i've misunderstood.
I think what works for people in their individual relationships.. is exactly what they should do.
poo poo on what others think.
they aren't the ones in the relationships.
haha
see my newest post in the latest bisexuality thread.
judge not.
I have one maker.. one judger.. and im pretty sure its not "society" as a whole. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 7:21:00 PM | You are living it successfully.
Some people have that arrangement only they are hetero. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 7:28:26 PM |
I have been in a polyamory relationship and none of what you said reflects on my personal experience other than two males loving one female, love and respect all the way around.
And she's loving it because she's got two men wrapped around her finger. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 7:53:05 PM | iwarrior, I dont think you need to be making statments about relationships you obviously aren't involved in.
ur opinion on yes or no you wouldn't do it is one thing. but ur judgement shows ur lack of acceptance when it comes to the choices others make.
why judge when it doesn't effect you in any manner.
I've never understood this.
no one is doing anything wrong.. just doing it differently then what most are used too. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 7:58:04 PM | If they are happy, what is the big deal?
In poly settings, one is happy for a partner that has successfully found another to love and shares his/her excitement and joy. It is not about ownership or possession. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 8:04:48 PM | | Hi. I agree with you. The western society doesnt, and unfortunately, my wife wouldn't. Several months ago I met a woman who became a very close friend. Before too long, you know the rest...I am not talking about just having an affair, but being in love with more than one person. I dont know about you but there are a hell of a lot of emotions going on there. Very confusing at times. As it stands, I am still married (25 years), the other woman and I are no more. But I can easily see this as a problem. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/8/2006 8:19:04 PM |
But I can easily see this as a problem.
But is it a polyamory problem or a monogamy problem? | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:57:58 AM | Well ohdriver,
Your question pertains to the issue of fitting biological driven behaviors into socially created institutions.
Since most studies show that man is overall a non-monogamous creature, (although even poly people acknowlege that some people are definitely hard wired for monogamy) why are we battened down by an institution that limits natural relationships? Marriage was created by church elders to deal with issues of child rearing responsiblity and division of marital assets. Yet marriage was started when you got married at 14 and life expectancy was about age 30.
We do not really connect with that many people in our life time. Why do we have to forgo another great relationship just because we are in one already? That is not to say that one gives up working to grow and preserve his primary relationship. It is due to insecurities of the first partner that rear its ugly head that these situations arise. Many people exit the first relationship to pursue the new one, not recognizing that the underlying motivational force is our built-in need for biological and social diversity.
Every spiritual movement in the world has as its goal the concept of unconditional love. Yet we place ourselves in relationships with insecure people who say "prove that you love me by not caring for someone else". Now we have a built in barrier to unconditional love.
Personally, I no longer think I can acept conventional relationships, and have decided I would rather have a lot of great lady "friends", than one who thinks she owns me. The last time I had to walk away from a great relationship just because I was in a another relationship with someone who my feelings for did not change one bit, I decided that at least for me, the problem was monogamy. With poly, you would not have to dump one partner to develop a relationship with another. As justri said, that walking away also really hurts and is confusing.
When I see all the women on POF saying they are looking for an honest man, they are living the fairy tale dream of happily ever after. They are not even being honest with themselves and in denial about the true nature of man's biological drives. They are not even being honest with themselves and cling to dream, and continue their wishful thinking about a future soul mate.
Maybe you can answer your own question as it impacts your own life. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 3/9/2006 12:06:27 PM | Thanks for the insight Poly Pal, you have a great way of getting your point across tactfully.
I wish could comunicate my thoughts as well as you can. | |
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