| Polyamory
Posted: 3/9/2006 7:01:59 PM |
iwarrior, I dont think you need to be making statments about relationships you obviously aren't involved in.
ur opinion on yes or no you wouldn't do it is one thing. but ur judgement shows ur lack of acceptance when it comes to the choices others make.
why judge when it doesn't effect you in any manner.
I've never understood this.
no one is doing anything wrong.. just doing it differently then what most are used too.
I just call them as I see them. I think polygamy is wrong. Why else would it be illegal?
And when you're polyamorous, it shows me that there's a lack of commitment there. And based on what I've seen, you have 2 people in love with one. The other two people aren't involved with anyone else. Why share someone with another person? Talk about low self-esteem. And it't not surprising that in polygamous relationships, it's one man with a harem. You never hear about one woman with 5 husbands. What does that tell you? It's power. It's a fantasy. An ego trip. There's nothing mature or responsible.
And what do you tell the kids? "Well, mommy sleeps with your daddy and some other guy when I get bored with him." What do your parents think? Oh wait, I can already read it, "I don't give a damn what THEY think".
I'm not saying that the police should come after you guys or anything. I just think its wrong. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/9/2006 7:56:51 PM | | God you must thing that a polyamory relationship is just a all day sex orgy. When I was 27 I had two "wives" who loved each other as they loved me and I them. But what you forget is that PMS, mood swings, and everything else is doubled. Fart in the living room and you don't get it from one, but both. For sex, they had it worked out, if one was too sore or didn't feel like it, the other one would enjoy. The house ran alot smoother and they could share what ever they were doing. But like all good things, it ended in a few years, but we don't look back as though it was bad, infact it broaden our horizons. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:08:29 PM | You don't have to read much of the old testament to find out that most of the guys in there had more than one wife. You figure if God frowned on that then he would only choose prophets who were single or had one wife - and in those days both were pretty uncommon.
Just my humble opinion, please don't smite me for disagreeing!! | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/9/2006 8:11:56 PM | That's pretty funny. Polyamory isn't illegal unless you actually marry them, in which case it may be legal in some states, according to the book of Mormon, but I digress.
Not sure if you have ever dated...basically ployamory - "poly" (more than one) and "amory" (love) could mean that you date more than one person...I bet anyone that has gone to college can say they have done this. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:38:13 AM | Some people got some fuct up ideas..lol.This lifestyle is not only wrong but it also hurts people emotionally and its just plain gross.all these diseases floating around out there and you bozos are asking lame questions about this...loll.. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:41:54 AM | The Book of Mormon is some totally spun out bullshit...lol..I cant believe that even came up..lol.Warrior I agree with ya man.....The Book Of Moron Gimme a break..lmao | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/10/2006 2:01:33 AM | | I understand poly, I have friends who are, and I see nothing wrong with it...just not for me. When I'm with someone, I'm with them - it's that simple. I don't want anyone else. And in all honesty, I'm happier when I'm dating someone who feels that way about me. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/10/2006 6:12:44 AM | Just expressing my point of view, dreamer, just as you do quite well.
Iwarrior, do you think a nickname like yours will attract a mate that is looking for a kind caring companion?
Read the title of the thread. It says polyamory, NOT polygamy. Totally different topic.
You can not get beyond the same example each time. Each member of a couple could have a secondary partner that was not the same person.
You can be committed to more than one person, and you can love more than one person. There are thousands of people in North America living it now. A little known fact is that Warren Buffet, second richest man in the world, has a wife and a companion.
It is not about sharing your partner, it is about each partner growing to the max, and sharing different things with each partner, realizing the truth that no one partner can fulfill your needs and that people's needs change over time.
With serial monogamy, you dump one partner because your relationship gets stale and you think you need someone else can give you. With poly, you get something with another partner that sends you home a happier person to your primary partner and she is delighted for you as well.
Backbacon, at the time of the bible, adultery only meant a man could not steal another man's wife, who was considered property. It did not mean that a man could not be with other single women, or concubines. That is meaning that only came about with modern usage.
Luckeeu, we are lucky to have you enlightening us with your views. You might consider doing some research before you offer an opinion. Polyamory involves relationships that may or may not involve sexual relationships.
The poly lit is full of discussion about safe sex rules with new partners, usually each person fluid bonds only with the primary partner until a level of trust and assurance is reached by a secondary relationship, that is accepted by the primary. It is like monogamy for 3 or 4 people instead of 2.
There is nothing that you said that does not apply to monogamous people, in fact, the spread of stds is mostly by the majority of monogamous thinking people that fail to practice safe sex.
Songblaze, I agree with you. Its to each his own. I have realized that I would never be satisfied with caring for just one person. The friends I now have know that about me and accept it, but I do not tell others how they should feel, just that one ought to explore the possiblities that might suit them better. We did not come with owner's manuals. Who says monogamy is the right way? You would be surprised at the number of people who felt that way until something changed their thinking. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/11/2006 7:41:51 PM | Thanks, poly_pal (message 76) for that well-considered response. I appreciate it.
od | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/11/2006 7:56:37 PM | Iwarrior, do you think a nickname like yours will attract a mate that is looking for a kind caring companion?
Do you think your name does? Most women don't want to share a man with god knows how many other women. I question the self-esteem of anyone who does.
Wasn't David Koresh polyamorous? How many women out there want to be in what is essentially a harem?
What's the big difference between polygamy and polyamory anyway? One leads to the other.
A little known fact is that Warren Buffet, second richest man in the world, has a wife and a companion.
Of course. He's loaded. There are women out there who are money-hungry enough to be willing to share a man with someone else. It's sad.
And what's calling monogamy "serial", as if it's something deviant?
It is not about sharing your partner, it is about each partner growing to the max, and sharing different things with each partner, realizing the truth that no one partner can fulfill your needs and that people's needs change over time.
Yeah. Sally takes it this way. Jane's willing to do this. Becky's freaky. It's a sex and power thing. It's creepy. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/11/2006 8:35:26 PM | | And now to blow your mind completely. My best friend is in a poly relationship. Two women, one man. The man was added LAST. They love each other completely, and want to challenge the legal system in Canada to legalize their marrage. There's no primary, no secondary, no 'sex and power thing'. They LOVE each other. All three of them. And there's nothing wrong with that, I'd say. And anyone who tries to pull the bible into this? 'I give you a new commandment: Love one another.' John 13:34. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/11/2006 8:39:23 PM | Yeah, and the man is lovin' himself because he's got two women wrapped around his finger.  | |
|
Ldygmr
|
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 88 | |
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/11/2006 9:16:55 PM |
I am not referring to threesomes. Just the act of loving a person but allowing each other to love other people as well.
Yes, it is possible and it CAN work. But both people have to be very open and honest and SAFE. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/12/2006 6:11:37 AM | | Ok, I wasn't going to post, because this is an issue I'm trying to put behind me and not very many ppl are open-minded enough to understand it... But here goes: Back in the early '90's I hit the first of several rough patches with my husband, was feeling neglected and all that stuff... We had a friend of ours living with us at the time and he brought up having a relationship with him and it took a long time to convince me to do so since I don't really believe in that anyway, but it did happen and we actually didn't have any idea that it would get as involved as it did (BTW: my husband knew all along they had even discussed it first) But me being me, I can't have that kind of relationship w/o being in love, it soon got very complicated. We made it work for 11 or 12 years before things just fell apart and the friend moved out.... he is now married to someone else and at times I miss him very much, I think he was secretly hoping I would decide to be with him, but he knew I wasn't going to do that. What's really ironic is that his leaving was one of the final straws in the breaking up of my marriage... I just came to the conclusion that my husband as much as I love him will never meet my emotional needs and the next time around, I want it all for me the guy has to be in love with me and only want me and that's the only way it will work. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:09:18 PM | Why would it matter in my case Iwarrior, as my profile says that I am only looking for friends or casual dating?
After working for years in health care I have many lady friends, single and married, who all tell me I am a great friend. None of them are threatened by me, and they know my views. Are you saying that a prerequisite for friendship is that you must be suitable material for a serious relationship?
Who said anything about a harem. You are forgetting that just as the male can have other relationships, so can the females in the group. It can be just one other person, and it may or may not involve a sexual relationship, but it does include love, caring, honest communication and nurturing and everyone knows of and approves the new partnerings. In Polygamy, the husband marries who he wants and the existing wives usually do not have any say in the matter.
If things are so great with monogamy, why is the failure rate about 2out of 3? If I see a couple make it work, then I wish them all the best, but I don't tell someone else that they should not attempt something else that might work for them better.
If poly thinking is too much for you, stick to conventional relationships and show us all how its done.
It seems to me that everything is either black or white to you, no shades of grey. | |
|
Lexy47
|
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 91 | |
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:49:25 PM | | Not for me........I don't like to share...... | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/12/2006 6:11:15 PM | Alison...
I can't help but be curious...why do you ask?
I mean you should know that most of the responses that you will receive are that polyamoury is disgusting, unnatural, goes against God...etc...
It is evident that most people freak out when they are presented with an idea that is different than what they are used to.
Are you interested in trying a poly relationship? Just looking to gather information? | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/12/2006 8:48:53 PM | | I have been involved in a long term 3 way relationship and it was great. The other girl and I go way back and have a very strong foundation in our realtionship. The guy was someone I started dating and he introduced me to swinging and I introduced him to her. The next thing I knew we were living as a 3some and it was truly awesome. I can see where there would be some issues with jealousy, but I do believe that if you truly care about the other people involved then it is all good. M, S and I were very happy and I knew when she had her "date" nights with him that she was happy and being very well taken care of, because I knew how good it was when I was with him. I do have issues with seeing it for long term though, because that is why we stopped living together, after 2 years one day i woke up and realized one day he would pick one of us and I stood the chance of being hurt or someone I love and care about deeply be hurt. I wasn't willing to put wither one of us through that. Today the 3 of us are great frieinds and he is engaged to a awesome girl and I am actually coordinating their wedding. I think if you are open to love and being loved then anything can happen. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/12/2006 8:53:53 PM | {I am just wondering if people have any open minded views about polyamory? If you are in favour on this notion, I would be very interested to hear more about your ideas on this subject.}
Why on earth are you entertaining this silly idea. This is not a Christian thing to do.
Don't even go there. | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:18:36 PM | | I have read with great interest the comments within this forum. As for me, I became aware of "Polyamory" about 2 years ago. I had some friends who had decided to make some changes in their relationship (the short version of the story) and are quite happy. Yes I have heard all the agruments or at least a lot of them on not only both sides of the topic but from people on the fence. A main topic of agreement is that polyamory is not swinging. I have seen examples of people being poly, poly friendly, yet at the same time being one on one when it comes to the sexual relationship with their "primary" partner. It does seem nice and even natrual in a way to be able to hug or sit next to someone else and laugh without being thought of as wrong. Something that amazes me are the people who refer to religion or the Bible when putting down the idea, yet at the same time many stories from the past include people with multiple partners. True it often is the case where it is the man who has mutiple wives, but it is still there. Check out some web site from the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Customs and cultures differ and lovers for both men and women are often considered an acceptable fact. It is when we landed on these shore and took a more Puritan posture that loving another person was looked down upon. In short there are many forms of love...for a child, a parent, a sister, a friend, a country, etc. Lots of reading if one chooses to research, not for the quest for going over to the dark side, but for information on how this lifestyle developed and what it is like today. A source I was directed to was polymatchmaker.com. Interesting reading, especially when the header on the site takes a very strong stance on it not being a sex or swinging site. Dont want to sound like a ad for it but when people/couples choose to agree on a topic, then it should be there choice to live the way they want. Amazing how people can be gay but not poly, I dont understand | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/12/2006 10:37:22 PM | Well when it was legal in biblical times there were rules. That I think are very good. Rule #1 you never take a wife let alone more than one if you cannot support them. And I think the second rule is the man has to clear it with the wife/wives if he wants to court another one.
And even then it really wasn't that common because like one other poster said "I don't like to share." They didn't back then alot of times either.
Personally, I think if all parties are exceptable to it than rock on.
harvey | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/12/2006 11:36:22 PM | | i am selfish i dont think i will be able to share, i am open for 3somes but not sharing a lover for good, as it is i get jealous now | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/13/2006 7:36:18 PM | Mardio,
Here is a link that discusses whether poly thinking goes against God or not, but it is an academic paper for everyone to read, if they choose to. You might pay attention to parts like:
"The moral argument for monogamy is a weak position".
Polyamory - What it is and what it isn't
http://www.lair.org/writings/polyamory/polyamory-whatitis.html | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/15/2006 7:42:31 AM | I am polyamorous, and am very much in favor of it (obviously). I feel more love for and from my partners since I've become poly than I ever did in a mono relationship. Plus you don't have to worry as much about what your partner's up to, since the very heart of polyamory, besides loving more than one partner at a time, is honesty. If s/he can be honest with you about other partners, perhaps even introducing you to each other, getting together for activities,etc, it's not anywhere near as threatening, to me anyway, as monogamy was. There are so many more liars and cheaters in monogamous relationships, it's nearly non-existant in poly relationships. At least that's been my observation.
~ Debbie | |
|
| Polyamory
Posted: 3/15/2006 7:45:30 AM | On the contrary, war, a polyamorous relationship requires a very strong committment. It is painfully obvious that you have not taken the time to learn anything about this beautiful lifestyle before casting hasty judgements on it.
~ Debbie
| |
|
Home
login 
