Ms Ali
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Joined: 4/2/2005
Msg: 101 | |
| Polyamory
Posted: 4/20/2006 10:22:02 AM | Cuteandreal,
You asked me, why I ask about polyamory, and here is your answer.
It is not something that I am trying as I am not in a relationship. I was asking because I wanted to open my mind to new things. There are so many topics that are mindless, so I thought I would start one that would challenge peoples stereotypical way of thinking.
So, Cuteandreal, you are right, there will be people that freak out, but at least it gives us all something new to consider.
Would I ever attempt a polyamorous relationship? .........perhaps!
Now its my turn to ask you something. What was your reasoning for you questioning?
Alison | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/21/2006 8:34:04 AM | "A polyamorous relationship is a romantic relationship that involves more than two people."
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Does it have to be a committed relationship among more than two people or can polyamory mean one person has multiple lovers? | |
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Ms Ali
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Joined: 4/2/2005
Msg: 103 | |
| Polyamory
Posted: 4/22/2006 4:30:16 AM | Taurus
It is a romanitc reltationship that can involve more than two people.
Alison | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/22/2006 3:24:40 PM | Ok so the polygomous Mormon sects in Utah would qualify.I knew a few of those.Interesting group there,the perception of it being a male fantasy is incorrect.One guy I knew who had 4 wives complained of having to deal with 4 cases of family drama daily.Each wife had no fewer than 3 kids and his time was divided among 4 households.
Forget the romance and sex aspect of it.The more people you enter into an intimate relationship shoots up the drama potential and expense up exponentially with each person added in. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/22/2006 4:02:16 PM | Would I ever attempt a polyamorous relationship? .........perhaps!
I would say the same thing. I can picture great joy and benefits in an 'ideal' poly relationship. However, I am not having a rollicking success at finding ONE partner . . . let alone more than that.
I can see there being less drama in a polyamorous relationship (sans children) because . . if you start pouting you are going to be left out . . and you wouldn't want to miss anything . . would you?
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/22/2006 4:10:12 PM |
I think polygamy is wrong. Why else would it be illegal?
The law is an ass
I know people who have died from alcohol related injuries . . and from tobacco smoking related causes . . . and from eating foods high in cholesterol, causing strokes and heart attacks . . but I never knew anyone to die from smoking marijuana . . so guess which one is illegal?
I repeat . . the law is an ass . . . (and NO I do not smoke marijuana but I'd rather my kids smoked that rather than cigs or alcohol etc)
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/22/2006 4:30:39 PM | It is hard enough to find someone who is well suited to you, let alone someone two people who are well suited to you AND are well suited to each other too!
The more the numbers are the more unlikely it is. 2 is the highest for all practical purposes. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/22/2006 11:38:16 PM | A very interesting question! In my community (Pagan folk), polyamory is often practiced. The family which springs immediately to mind are the Ravenhearts. It started with one primary couple, who had the understanding that while each was number ONE with the other, both reserved the right to explore additional relationships, pending primary partner's approval. One primary couple turned into two, and now I believe the family has grown to three or four primary couples, all of whom are committed to each member within the family. They own an extremely successful business, live in a large compound near Big Sur, pool the collective income from every member to handle family expenses, and all pitch in with childrearing. There is no confusion for the children...they know who their parents are, and the other family members are "aunts" and "uncles".
I was recently asked how I felt about swinging, and about polyamory. My response is that I don't know that I would participate in swinging, or that I could live in a polyamorous household, but that I don't know that I wouldn't, or couln't, either. This is not something that has come up for me previously. I try to remain open to new things, however. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/23/2006 12:03:05 AM | | Nope...threesomes are a great fantasy to share, but no sharing for me thanks...no matter what level. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/23/2006 10:58:56 AM | I'm very much in favor of polyamory. I have both philosophical and practical reasons as to why.
First, the philosophical: traditionally, polyamory has been the rule rather than the exception. Think of all the Biblical stories in which some Biblical hero had multiple wives (and Solomon, of course, had 300 wives and 700 concubines??? busy man). Two philosophical movements alone have been responsible for the decline of polyamory in the west: Catholicism and Feminism -- both of which are philosophical viewpoints that I, for one, consider to be internally inconsistent, factually erroneous in basic presuppositions, and therefore outrageously in error. But that's another discussion entirely.
The practical is this: monogamy works well when you string enough monogamous couples together. For instance, when people marry the person who grew up across the street and have two sets of monogamous parents and four sets of monogamous grandparents in the same village, then there is a lot of emotional trauma, but little chance of utter ruin if hubby gets killed in Iraq or wifey develops a terminal disease. But we don't actually live that way anymore. Women especially are extremely vulnerable to utter financial ruin if something happens to hubby -- even if that "something" is divorce -- especially when she has a passel of kids. Were there to be three wives in a household, the household could theoretically bear the death or other passing of one of its parent-members and still continue to function.
There are a host of other reasons to consider polyamory as an option, and I personally think that, following the Supreme Court's decision overturning Texas' anti-homosexual sodomy law, polyamory may well be the next big modification for progressive family lawyers to encourage as a Constitutional right (though, given the history of the US with Mormonism, this would certainly look fishy). I, for one, actually think there are better arguments for polyamory than there are for homosexual marriage, but again, that's a discussion for another day. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/23/2006 11:31:30 AM | well have to say I 'm not for it !!!
my ex husband was ......and i will admit i got jealous .......but hey i guess i did for a reason cus 3 months after he left me for her !!!!
i guess he didn't take his vows seriously so AMEN SHE CAN KEEP HIM !!! | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/23/2006 11:40:36 AM | This one really gets me 'cause there is this woman in love with my bf and she thinks it would be just fine if we shared him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF - crazy B!tch! The situtation goes deeper (long story) but I am sorry if I truly love someone, really truly love them I will not share!
There are threesomes that are totaly different from Polyamory - that to me is just sex, just an adventure not a loving relationship. When you are talking polyamory we are talking relationships. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/23/2006 3:25:07 PM | | The Bible says King Solomon had 300 wives and 700 concubines.That's 1000 cases of PMS. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/23/2006 3:40:24 PM | A friend (never me of course) once said it was hard to look 2 people in the eye at the same time....
But the point of having more hands / people etc is interesting idea | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/23/2006 8:59:00 PM | | I actually lived in a poly relationship for 3 years. We all loved each other and respected each other. At the time I thought it was wonderful. After leaving this relationship, I found "true love". And figured out that when there is true, romantic love you can't even think of anyone else in that way. so it is my humble opinion that if you can fall in love, while in love, then it's not really love at all. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/23/2006 11:20:54 PM |
it is my humble opinion that if you can fall in love, while in love, then it's not really love at all.
How valuable is falling in love? If you took a drug which made you feel like you were in love. And if that drug was as addictive as love is . . . how long would it be before that drug was illegal?
So is love really a valuable indication of a good relationship or is it a misleading addiction. (ps have you ever watched fiddler on the roof?)
Dave | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2006 6:34:21 AM |
How valuable is falling in love?
Good point.I think too many folks put way too much emphasis on the feelings and emotional side.It's every bit as fleeting and superficial as the sex urge. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2006 7:42:36 AM | "delytful,I think that you are wise to stay away from poly people. They would be just too open minded, non-judgemental, kind, honest, and caring for you...No, I just do not care for people who bash others without thinking."
LOL Hypocritical much LOL
"but ur judgement shows ur lack of acceptance when it comes to the choices others make."
The word judgemental has been used repeatedly through this thread to slam those who disagree with having multiple partners. Seems that those who take issue with the monogamous are being much more judgemental here. People are allowed to not accept things they think are wrong. Am I judgemental because I don't drink alcohol, or because I consider alcoholism a disease?
"I just call them as I see them. I think polygamy is wrong. Why else would it be illegal?"
Perfectly acceptable statement of his personal view.
"And what do you tell the kids? "Well, mommy sleeps with your daddy and some other guy when I get bored with him." What do your parents think? Oh wait, I can already read it, "I don't give a damn what THEY think".
I also see the effect is could have on any kids caught up in this, as being potentially exceedingly detrimental.
"Iwarrior, do you think a nickname like yours will attract a mate that is looking for a kind caring companion?"
Just as stupid and hypocritical as it gets. Talk about grasping for straws to try and put someone down just for not agreeing with you!
"If things are so great with monogamy, why is the failure rate about 2out of 3?"
LOL So where are the statistics on the poly relationships? I would imagine they would come up with a higher rate of failure. All through this thread you hear posters talking about FORMER poly relationships, and some are now completely against the idea.
"There are so many more liars and cheaters in monogamous relationships,"
This is total bunk. By nature of being a poly, you are cheating. As far as the lies go, how many do you tell every day just so that people won't find out about your personal life and look down on you for it? Is this something you share freely with all? During a job interview, if you were asked about your spouse (employers do it) do you stop and correct them and say "spouses"?
I think leeanne summed it up for most of us.
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2006 8:01:31 AM |
"And what do you tell the kids? "Well, mommy sleeps with your daddy and some other guy when I get bored with him." What do your parents think? Oh wait, I can already read it, "I don't give a damn what THEY think".
I also see the effect is could have on any kids caught up in this, as being potentially exceedingly detrimental.
^ not sure if you are quoting and agreeing, quoting and quoting, or if this is your opinion. ^
but,
i have seen kids 'caught up' in a 'normal' monogamous household that is disgustingly detrimental... even sigle parent households... sad when kids are 'caught up' in anything that is confused, adult and wrong.
when a polyamourus relationship is correct, caring and adult... there is nothing wrong detrimental or weird about it.
some people here surely have their wires crossed and minds closed. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2006 8:14:35 AM | It doesn't necessarily have to be a guy with "two wives" as all you ignoramuses think. It could be a girl who has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, a girl with 2 boyfriends, a man with 2 boyfriends, a girl with 2 girlfriends and 1 boyfriend, a girl with 14 girlfriends...etc...
If everyone is happy and secure and communicates all it can do is breed a healthy environment. It's only religion and government that imposed this ideal of a man and a woman marrying each other to control the sex lives of the population. If that's what 2 people like, not a problem, super. If they like other things and it's not destructive to people and hurts others, super also.
Maybe if kids do see this going on with their parents, it will help them to be more open minded and less ignorant and hateful. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2006 8:16:16 AM |
During a job interview, if you were asked about your spouse (employers do it) do you stop and correct them and say "spouses"?
Actually I would say "I don't discuss those things in job interviews" as it's not legal to discriminate on basis of sexual orientation in Canada. | |
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youwin
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Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 123 | |
| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2006 8:16:56 AM | yeah thats exactly what I need ........because I have never been in position to dissapoint two women at the same time.............. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2006 8:28:37 AM | | Lets not mix things up here ..Polyamory is not a "threesome" or one night stand it is a way of life..I am a fanatic believer in live and let live.. it can be disastrous for some and a dream for others..I personally think it sounds great but I may just be selfishly looking at the physical advantages it would give a man .. the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence eh? .. in reality I could end up on that disastrous side ... wouldn't mind trying it for a weekend though hehehehe | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2006 10:09:58 AM |
How valuable is falling in love? If you took a drug which made you feel like you were in love. And if that drug was as addictive as love is . . . how long would it be before that drug was illegal?
in your profile you speak of "happily ever after" and meaninful relationships. even your name suggests that you are wanting romantic love...so I'll ask you...how valuable is falling in love ? | |
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