| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:30:24 AM | too much porn on the brain, rachel? :)  | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:06:12 AM | | i see nothing wrong with it if everyone involved is in the same mindset, this has been going on as long as humans have been on the planet, homosexuals have been around forever as well, they are now getting married these days..let them enjoy if they so desire, there are more pressing issues in the ole u.s. of a..come one | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:21:00 AM | | Always wanted to try it. I figure whenever I finally decide to get back into the dating scene, I'll give it a shot. I've thought about it for a year or so now. Seems appealing. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:45:07 PM | I've been in a couple of poly relationships now. The last has been for almost two years. I'm in a "V" with a woman and her partner, and I have another partner who is only with me. It does get complicated sometimes explaining to other people if they are interested.
My primary partner (who lives with a man) also has a female lover. Her male partner has a girlfriend. The six of us all know each other, like each other and we all socialize together. In fact, at my birthday celebrati0n about a week ago, five of the six were at the dinner. The other one had to work.
I don't find it stressful, as some have commented. I have some great friends.. I love all of them even though I'm not intimate with all, only with two. Even though I am bi, my primary partner's partner and I don't have sex together even though we are very fond of one another. It's not all about sex.
The biggest problem I find with poly is the scheduling. I have to sit with my primary after she has sat with her live-in partner and fill out my calendar for a month ahead of time. Then I have to sit down with my other girl and fill out her calendar and make any adjustments so we all get equal time with one another.
I feel very blessed to have so many loving people in my life. We all support one another, and as another poster mentioned, if one of us has a problem, and our live-in partner is not available, there are four other people to help out, listen, encourage, sympathize or whatever else is needed. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:33:24 PM | Very very few poly relationships last for a life time. In the most successful relationships I have seen (two years or longer), a primary relationship has been established. Normally, a married couple or life partners. I've recently watched friends go through divorces, or have been given ultimatums because they had brought in a third or fourth partner. Someone at one point always gets left out, someone at one point always feels like a third wheel, someone at one point, always gets hurt.
My advice, don't go into a poly relationship expecting to be happy for the rest of your life. It just doesn't happen. Go short term and you may actually get what you want from it. As I've said, it's important to have your primary partner established and have set rules in place. It's also not the answer to all your problems. You may get more than you bargained for. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:49:52 PM | | Hi Alson this is scott from Wasilla, Alaska. Yes, Polyamory is a VERY viable relationship. What most people miss is that we as humans are able to love more than one person with our whole heart. for example look at parents with thier kids, they love each child with their whole heart and in their own unique way. I myself am polyamorous and have been shunned from so called "monogomists" and boy can they get hateful; however, anyone who has been "seperated" and started dating again, been "seperated" and dated while still legally married, or has had more than one marrage (in other words committed "serial monogomy") are not true monogomists, they are somewhere in between a monogomist and a polyamorist. Nearly everyone has been in a polyamorous relationship to some degree or another; but, and this is a big one, Only those who are emotionally evolved enough to operate without that petty fearbased insecurity called "jealousy" are really able to accomplish the true nature of mankind, to enjoy life to their own fullest potential. Only a small percentage of people are mature enough to be polyamorous and it takes true open and honest communication and a balanced focus on ourselves as well as our parteners needs as well. It comes fairly naturally if you let it. Maslows pyramid shows that only about 4% of the population will become self actualized, I believe in these times that we'll see a much higher percentage which will open up a much greater dating/ relationship pool for people like us. fyi... people have been operating successfully as polyamous for thousands of years in europe and asia, it IS the natural way of being for many. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:52:17 PM | Blah, blah, blah (insert insightful crap here)
Otherwise,
No.
the giggleparts - Making sense since even before the release of Thriller. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:38:48 PM | | Another point I needed to add after seeing some of these postings is that lees than 1/2 of one percent of all monogomist relationships ever last a lifetime and for being the majority of relationships out there (96% as estimated in america as of 2005) those are some truley really bad success rate numbers by any comparison. For example, 4% of all relationships are openly polyamorous in america, these have a much better track record for long term relationships (ie. one in four being life long with the majority of their intimate parteners) that is 25% of the minority being successful in the long run.... and before anyone get in a tissy, yes at times the "primary" relationship changes, but rarely completely disolves. (unlike the nasty multiple divorces of a serial monogomist) what a shame, open your minds and free your spirits. love always, and be free. scott from wasilla alaska | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/17/2008 9:33:06 PM | | It might be interesting as long as the numbers of sexes are equal. I do not think it would be very fun if it was one woman and thirty guys. lol | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/17/2008 9:34:24 PM | "Always wanted to try it. I figure whenever I finally decide to get back into the dating scene,"
How do you even get in contact with such folks? Do you all live together or what? Twenty working people living together could sure afford a damned nice house. lol. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/17/2008 9:43:08 PM |
lees than 1/2 of one percent of all monogomist relationships ever last a lifetime
4% of all relationships are openly polyamorous in america
that is 25% of the minority being successful in the long run
Scott, would you mind providing cite references for your statics? Frankly, my *bullshjt* detector blew a circuit breaker on "lees (less) than 1/2 of one percent of all etc., etc.". Not that I know your statics are wrong, it's just that I'd like to verify them for myself and draw my own conclusions.
open your minds and free your spirits
Like, totally, dude. Works for me!!
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:17:52 PM | | I think it's strange. Certainly not for me. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/18/2008 2:18:53 AM | | The International sex and relationship sex therapists Guild 2005 convention. The statistics are a few years old, and we were talking about "life long" monogomists ie married their first love and stayed that way till they died, 50 year plus marriges. However, there is an easier way to get your own numbers- how many people do you know have had more than one relationship in their lives; and now, how many people do you personally know who have died with the only person they have ever been with for over 50 years. It's not to hard to imagine if we all use our basic math skills for a change instead of religeous doctrine. and yes I am licensed therapist thank you very much. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/18/2008 2:29:08 AM | | and these statistics were provided to me by pro monogomy sex therapists in my field who had attended the convention. What they had claimed is that shorter term monogomist relationships were on average easier and more relaxed than longer term polyamorous relationships due to the level of conscious effort being needed to maintain a fair share of time for every participant; unlike where in a monogomist relationship it's come home from work watch tv and eat dinner, get into a routine that doesn't require conscious effort for the most part. Hence, monogomists are on average happier because "mindlessness is bliss" as in you get to space out earlier in the relationship and develop one routine with one person, no multiple people to be considerate of. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/18/2008 2:55:47 PM | according to recent genetic testing, more than 25% of children are illegitimate. ie if you have 4 kids, it's almost certain that one of them are not yours - if you're a MAN.
So lol , I would think that having many wives would not pose a problem, ... but don't expect me to pay for ANOTHER mans child.
Many wives and one husband has a track record of being somewhat functional in terms of society or civilization. Many husbands and one wife???? lol ..... I'll only consider it if family law is radically changed such that men are no longer accountable for their children. But as it is, ... a man is legaly liable for child support to another mans children upon sharing an address with her and her children for 2 or more years (in most north American locations)
Conduct yourself accordingly. har har
OH YEAH, ... NOBODY THOUGHT ABOUT THE PROCREATIVE CONSEQUENCES BECAUSE SEX IS JUST LIGHT SOCIAL ENTERTAINMENT TODAY. BLOOD MEANS NOTHING TO PAGAN LIPSTICK FEMINISTS.
Change family law to reflect a matriarchal financial accountability for these consequences and its all good with me. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:09:32 PM |
Scott, would you mind providing cite references for your statics? Frankly, my *bullshjt* detector blew a circuit breaker on "lees (less) than 1/2 of one percent of all etc., etc.". Not that I know your statics are wrong, it's just that I'd like to verify them for myself and draw my own conclusions.
Didn't you know ????
76% of all Statistics are made up on the spot.... | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:03:34 AM | | The sources have been cited in my previous posts, take the time to read through them instead of mimicking mindless, drull, uneducated antagonists. The point made was that there are very few "pure" monogomists as there are also very few "pure" polyamourists, most people to some degree and at some time within their life operate in the "grey" area like Serial monogomy, Dating while legaly separated, getting to know someone without calling it completely off with your current significant other, or by all terms "Dating" is inherantly polyamorous (even if sex isn't involved) so for those who have some seventies orgie scenarios running through your minds, do yourself a favor and educate yourself on the subject at hand before you open up your mouth and show the world how simple minded you really are. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/19/2008 11:10:55 AM | most men and women can barely handle one spouse, let alone multiple ones  | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/24/2008 5:10:37 AM | | hell I can't find one good one, let alone mulitple of ladies. good luck! | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:09:16 AM | | No I am not open minded about polyamory! It may be ok for some just not for me. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/28/2008 4:38:59 PM | [Quote]I am not referring to three somes. Just the act of loving a person but allowing each other to love other people as well.[Quote]
Not quite to sure your exact meaning of allowing each other to love other people as well. If it was meant to be understood as just sex then ok, then your words should be chosen carefully. No harm no fowl though, just a future thought. :)
Now if it was meant to be understood as to have loving feelings for someone that you have a special relationship situation (ex: FWB) with other then your wife/girlfriend then simply the answer is NO!!![B]
My wife and I are Swingers, which is again completely a separate lifestyle from Polyamory. But some who enjoy the one lifestyle tend to enjoy the other lifestyles associated with it, as do we with Polyamory.
This is my opinion of what it means and thoughts on the subject. Polyamory is a lifestyle for a open minded couple who have a strong communicative relationship. Who understand the true difference between Love and Lust. This lifestyle is meant to and should only be used to heighten the couples already amazingly perfect relationship. Even though some don't understand why if so perfect is there a need for Polyamory. But again that is for another thread topic.
Some examples of uses for Polyamory in a happy and loving relationship.
1. Where one can't perform a certain position or sexual task(could be a spouses favorite position/task, possibly a fantasy or even just in general) due to medical reasons. Which then the individual with the medical situation will love for the spouse to still be able to enjoy his favorite positions/tasks and/or fantasy.
This is baist on why we choose to be involved in it.
2. Some couples enjoy the excitment of knowing that some other person is pleasuring there spouse. To know that he is being lusted for by another. To some this is a major turn on. Knowing that they are having a purely phyisical, sexual experiance that will both be an amasing experiance and turn on for him and her. Which in turn will highten there relationship as a whole.
Wow I can go all day writing examples of Polyamory used in relationship only under the right text and/conditions. But I I'm sure you all understand what I mean.
So I will end this with this last note. If you want to have this amazing and exciting lifestyle to be apart of your relationship, which would be great. Just implement it into your relationship for the right reasons. Remember it is strictly a tool to enhance an already strong and happy relationship. Not to be used as a tool to fix an unhappy or failing relationship.
Best wishes to you all and thx for listening to my thoughts on the subject. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:17:14 PM | | JohnCollins - I agree with your post, and have found myself in similar situations. I don't believe poly can work within a failed marriage or relationship. The primary or foundation relationship has to be solid before bringing in someone else - or it just won't work. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:37:09 PM | Given I'm bisexual, I am open to polyamory.
I don't have any real deep ideas on it other than I would love to be in a long term relationship with a woman, have a family, but at the same time, not deny my attraction to the same sex. I have bisexual male friends who are in a polyamory based relationship with their wife and their male partners. Their wives are aware and are supportive.
It takes an open minded woman or man to love a bisexual and agree to a committed relationship from what it seems. I've had several relationships go south when my bisexuality came up or was discussed. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:24:39 PM | Everyone has their own thing. Polyamory/Polygamy whatever you want to call it, has been around for centuries and is still widely practised and often doesn't involve sex with all partners.
Have you ever met your girlfriedns/wife's best friend, they are almost identical in likes/dislikes, humour etc. and you found her atractive. That is when polygamy starts, wife's best friend becomes part of the family.
As you can tell we are all for polygamy and are currently looking for someone to possibly join our family. | |
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| Polyamory
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:05:12 PM | | check out seductivereasoning dot com if you are interested in how this can be a healthy lifestyle choice. | |
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