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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 9/3/2008 9:57:37 AM | Ok, well I"m 35, done breeding, almost divorced after 12 years of marriage where the sex sucked.
guess what, at this stage of the game, Sexual Compatibility is *very high* on my list. *shrug* It' s one of those things I guess.
I wouldn't stay in a bad relationship just for the sex, no. But I wouldn't stay in a good relationship w/crappy or no sex either.
I have a wonderful high, healthy libido and I love it. I love being a sexual person and I am getting a lot of personal enjoyment out of exploring my sexuality. Well, duh, but I mean beyond the actual sex itself. It's like, a hobby or something . LOL With a steady partner of course. Not into ONS or random hookups at all.
I think I had so many years where I repressed that part of me that I just can't see repressing it again. So yeah, i'd say I rate it very important in a relationship. Not at the expense of love, compatibility, companionship, etc, no. But geez it's not like they are mutually exclusive!
Kaylie | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 11/23/2008 8:41:47 AM | | I have to simply say, extremely high. I believe that there are several aspects of compatibility in a truly successful relationship. You must have compatible social habits, you like to be in the house, she likes to be in the house. You romantic physical compatibility, you like candle lit dinners, cuddling, kissing, pda, so on and so forth. You both have to be able to compromise, honesty, loyalty, intellectual compatibility, you have to be able to connect in all facets of conversation. All of this is not including your past life histories or where you are in life, i.e. into your career, with or without children, how your family habits are, so on and so forth. But even if all of that is together, you WILL not be able to maintain a faithful and committed relationship without sex, PERIOD | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 11/23/2008 9:56:58 AM | OP,
Sounds like u feel balance is missing in this area. My sensibility is that "good Chemistry" involves a desire and need for a more rounded connection. Sometimes a guy just feels hungry for his lover / mate. Cant help himself. But, if only that then something is missing...
ER | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 11/23/2008 10:06:58 AM |
Of the importance in a relationship, this is how I rank it:
1) Love
2) Communication
3) Emotional connection
4) Compromise
5) Spending time together (ex: dancing, dining out, shared interests, etc..)
6) Being good lovers for one another (Yes, being a good lover involves far, far more than just in the bedroom)
7) Sex
Sex is quite important, but not the most important in a relationship.
This may be valid in a case when your love of your life is with you since you were in your 20s and you are still together. You went through all phases of a relationship and
went through lots of things together and there is a strong bond.
Now, tell me for 2 people in their 40's with no background together yet how do you put Love on the first place? How do you get to love and how long it takes say with sex on the 7th place ?. ...Lets say the sex is not even mentioned and you get to love the other? It could happen I don't deny it but how often and how long does it take ? Also Communication (daily endless phone calls maybe?...Emotional Connection?.....from where? from touching hands? (again sex is on the 7th place in the ranking and is not percolating up yet)
Spending time together? Being good lovers for one another? Well how do you get there? Dinning out? dancing? walking on the side of the river? again and again and "talking discussions"? Sure, good luck with that.
I talked to lots of marrried women and all of them said the sex is central in a relationship between people of opposite sexes. Repeat: opposite sexes.
Also you can be good friends in 2-3 years by meeting 1-2 times a week or maybe once every two weeks. But if sex goes right its faster takes a few months mostly(or weeks).
So guys:
Pick up your relationship plan: years or months....even weeks. How much time you guys have anyways? And where do you put the fact that men in their 40' don't put as much energy anymore as women may expect? Guess why? | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 11/23/2008 10:21:36 AM | Hey OP,
I've experienced the type of relationship ur decribing. I took it differently tho, I took it as a sign that my guy was very much into me. Talking about expectations with a man before your intimate may just help... but if not, definitely do so before it becomes a turn off for you. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 11/30/2008 11:09:30 AM | I've always had a pretty healthy sex drive, and I think a good healthy sexual relationship is just as important as a good healthy emotionally one. The ideal relationship, is to have both. I don't think most women realize how important sex is to a man in a relationship and why they need it, to feel loved and needed themselves. If the sex is suffering, then a man feels unwanted, rejected. And the woman can be suffering also, because she's not getting the kind of sexual gratification that she deserves in a relationship.
I realize many women can go longer periods without sex, and some may not need it at all to feel happy in a relationship. But men need sex. Physical contact, is a way they express love in a relationship with someone they care about. I think too many women go without sex, because they either don't know how to pleasure themselves properly, so they don't want to bother anymore, or they feel their mates want it too much, and then just stop having it completely.
I know that a lot of couples, are dealing with sexual frustration these days, because either one, or both of them can't talk about it openly to each other comfortably. I think there's a great deal of lack of communication when it comes to sex suffering in a relationship. And it's a real shame, because I think many divorces come because of this issue alone.
One of the best things a woman can do, is to realize, that it's you're right to have pleasure during sex as well. Sex is for both of you, not just the guy to get off and get it over with. I tell female friends who are unhappy with their sex lives, practice lots of masturbation, because once a woman learns how to please herself, she will feel more confident in her body, and can enjoy sex more. And for the love of god, talk to each other about. There's nothing men hate more then being kept in the dark about what we need to "get there". They want that information. They want to please us sexually. It makes them happy and it makes it easier for them to enjoy themselves as well.
Don't be afraid to talk to each other about things. It really does help. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 11/30/2008 11:38:48 AM | it is never, ever, ever okay to stop having sex with your significant other. I am not saying you have to "do it" ALL the time he wants to...but sex must be regular for most men...It is not everything, but is is everything to a man. Some men have had healthier lives than others...if they were exposed to sexuality at a young age...then they tend to desire it more...or really really want it more often than men who were brought up in a healthy family who were careful about introducing sexuality and exposure to sexuality in their children's lives.
The younger the experience (i.e. level of maturity), and who and how sexuality was introduced to a man affects a mans relationship with his sexual desires. His personal health also affects his stamina and desire or craving for sexuality.
Men do not crave the same level of intimacy that women do. Well, they need it...but they don't CRAVE like a woman does. Lets oversimplify and say that men are really just one big penis, who has to take care of himself, and therefor will take care of a woman who cares for him and his desires. A woman is an emotional vaccum. She is looking every which way to satisfy her emotional cravings...and there are so many different things in the world that do that...and we are always trying to get our "penis" to tag along.
Just as a penis comes in different shapes and sizes, so do mens...skills...abilities to relate to women. A clever and caring mother allows her son to explore all the traditional male activities (father pushes him to look like and act like a Man) but a clever mother takes the time to teach her son how to be a balanced person, how to be healthy, how to have integrity, how to communicate, and how to use his intellect to build his environment so that he will be able to care for his future vaccuum. (princess, queen, wife, whatever little tittle mommy comes up with). If penis Junior doesn't have a positive female influence in his life to help him become well rounded, he won't know how to be well rounded. If penis Junior had a horrible mother, who also happened to be a horrible wife to his father, penis Junior is going to grow up thinking...that part of the relationship can't get any better than this. If penis Jr. happens to be more emotionally sensitive AND self educated, and interested in bettering himself, he may be able to read books and teach himself this. But if the men around him didn't know any better about how to relate with other human beings, he isn't going to know how to do it either. BUT....a man will do just about anything for a loving caring respectful, honest, hardworking woman. However, none of this really applies if he was abused by an uncle, a neighbor, some horny 35 year old woman when he was just a lad. It happens ALL the time....sorry. I always....always...ask a man about his first sexual experience. It helps me understand him...his needs...
I never, ever, begin a relationship...using sex to get a man. Sex will keep a man. I prefer to decided whether I want to keep him first. If he can't do much more than eat, sleep, and drink, then he aint gonna want to do much more than that with me...even if I give him all the sex he desires. I've worked to hard to make myself who I am, I'm not going to drag someone around with me, just so that he can get some. He better keep up the pace in life, or be ahead of me.
Set your standards on who a man IS, just a little higher. Remeber this takes time. Its not about flowers. Its about the brains.
Also, please check out Dr. Laura's book on "the proper caring and feeding of husbands". Regardless of whether you are married or not. I hope you use it to help you understand how to LOVE a man, not control a man. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 11/30/2008 2:06:42 PM | | Wow aquarita! I have a feeling that you didn't really mean it the way it came off, but the underlying tone of your entire post is so blatently slanted and biased against men... I think I'll just take a time-out before trying to respond! | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 11/30/2008 3:42:56 PM | | hi... for me sex is very important to a marriage and the lack of it would have to mean that something was not quite right.... I mean even if everything else was ok, there would be a sadness in that area of my life... I am not sure if I can even put a rating on it... for the poster above mine, no thank you on anal sex but that is just my preference.... warmly Mona | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 11/30/2008 3:52:29 PM | | Sex is the culmination of love which is very important in marriage. What gives the high rating is the pleasure involved up to that point. There is nothing more beautiful than two people in love expressing their sharing of the two bodies in mutual appreciation of the reason we were made, and that is to express our love for one another in intimatcy monogamously. This kind of sensuality is given the highest rating by myself for it's importance, it is the glue that keeps a marriage together forever. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 1/6/2009 10:02:59 AM | | intimacy in a relationship is one, cornerstone to happiness,so it is very important both have equally high sex drives.If there is no passion, or willingness to please each other intimately, all you have is two individuals sharing the cost of life.that being said, its just one very important part of a loving relationship. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 1/6/2009 10:38:44 AM | LakeCountyGal and aquarita
You two have really hit it right. I almost can't believe how right you got it. I already saw that some people may attack you for what you said, but let me say that I agree with you.
Example
It's a vicious circle in a relationship. A lady gets mad at the guy because he does something thoughtless. What does this mean? They are both wrong here. She doesn't want sex that night. He gets his feelings hurt and doesn't want to talk to her or spend time with her. She wonders what his problem is. Where's the love? Men and women have different needs and although guys need emotional love, they really do need sexual love more. That does not mean that all guys are like this, but I think the majority are. I think the women for the most part need emotional love the most. When we don't get what we need, we get our feelings hurt and it can cause major marriage problems.
I know that many times with my ex we had problems, but the sex was good and I was happy with that. When sex was withheld, the other problems got worse and the marriage just fell apart.
I had a good example from my parents and I think that was very important. They were affectionate and loving to each other. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2009 1:14:11 PM | | I CAN SAY SEX IS ONLY ONE WAY HOW TO SHOW YOUR LOVEONES LOVE BUT FOR ME 75% OK ,,,TO HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP,,,,NOT EVERYDAY OR 4X/DAY,,,WOW!!! NOT MEEEE. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2009 7:50:09 PM | No one thing in a relationship is a "be all, end all." However, sex is, in my opinion, really important in a relationship. Yes, I want great conversations, holding hands, clicking in myriad ways, but if the sex is boring and/or infrequent, no amount of great conversations and cuddles can make up for it.
A well-rounded relationship means that the sex is as important as the rest. I know that as we age, it may be less frequent, but it doesn't become nonexistent. My grandparents still had a sex life until my grandpa died at ninety-one. AND they had the conversations and the handholding, and shared interests.
To me it sounds like you haven't found your "match" sexually. I've met guys who like it less often than I do, and others that are on the same wavelength with me. Some like kinky things, some don't. You can be incompatible or sympatico as much in the bedroom as in any other area of the relationship and it deserves the same consideration as other points of compatibility - not more or less consideration, but equal to other typical elements of the relationship. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2009 7:53:56 PM | | I would say it is really important. I find if I am not on the same level as my partner sexually then the overall relationship suffers. The good thing is you can normally tell pretty quick. Sex isn't everything, but it is pretty important. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2009 8:00:21 PM | | You rate it according to how important it is to you. That simple. For me it is very important. I need that physical contact, I need to feel desired by the person I am with, I need passion and romance..these are things I need and will not live without. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 1/7/2009 8:36:48 PM | The way i see it. If sex is good it makes about 20% or the relationship. But if the sex is bad it makes about 80% of the problems in the relationship.
There is a diffrence between sex and making love.. | |
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| How Do You Rate The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
Posted: 1/8/2009 2:37:09 PM | Kaylie,
Sex was never a problem with my ex.... we had sex in nearly every place and every type of sex imaginable..... (except in church) ......... she could drive me insane with lust and I could tease her until she was soaked..... but we were never compatible... we could not communicate.... it was kinda like two trains passing in the night...... Still to this day I don't understand why we couldn't communicate......
Sex is very important and sex doesn just begin at night... sex is that smoldering look at a party... sex is a soft touch that is completely unexpected..... sex is just wonderful communication....... and intimacy is when you feel completely "One with the other person " that you could almost know what they were thinking....
Also what about trust ??? As in my case we had the hottest sex I have ever had but had I never truly felt like I could trust her.....(eventually she scr##ed my best friend behind my back) while I was in the hospital......
So tell me do you want a guy who can give you 100 orgasms a night and then when your back is turned he's haveing sex with your best friend behind your back ????
I have learned the hard way that there is a whole lot more than things important in a relationship than just sex.... for the record I love sex and I try to make sure that I never give up until she begs me to quit.... I want the person who I love to feel totally and completely satisfied and I do love to see just how many orgasms I can give her.
So take it from someone who learned the hard way !!! | |
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