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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/29/2007 9:44:47 AM | | I have nothing against people who spank their children , however it does send mixed messages in our schools we are setting a standard for zero tolerance what then would we have a child believe.Not to mention i think we as parents have to lead by example and teach our children there are other ways to handle conflict and or a crisis other than any and or all types of violence. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/29/2007 10:46:04 AM | Get real people.
The only thing that most of you have been teaching your kids is one thing and one thing only.
That they have no real consequences for any of their actions.
Reinforcing that kind of behavior as many of you do is the major cause of many of the problems faced by socitety. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/29/2007 1:37:18 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Harsh but true.
I was from a family that got spanked, all three of us. Did it hurt? Yup. Was I scared of my parents? No, I was scared of getting disciplined. Did I stop to think what the consequences were going to be before I did something? Pretty much every time I knew I was thinking about crossing the line. The funny thing is that my parents didnt get all that mad with us because the line had been drawn and you knew where it was so you knew the consequences if YOU chose to make a bad decision. Ever notice you rarely saw a parent in public dealing with a screaming child having a temper tantrum, never saw a kid spit in their parents face. Never heard a kid tell their parents to f*ck off! No You didnt. I was responsible for my decisions and I knew it at a very young age and that stayed with me forever.
I have spanked my daughter as she grew up and she doesnt hate me or her father and we have talked about it, she also know that violence is very different than a smack on the ass. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/5/2007 1:32:37 PM | Spanking works because it's gratifying - when a parent wants to spank its cause they are filled with an energy anxiety stress and spanking is like exercising it out and spanking/slamming a lid on the anxiety - the recipient doesn't feel better and is in fact now filled with the parents anxiety along with the issue whatever it was but now they have a lid on that and their own anxiety they have learned better than to open it - in essence learned to 'not' communicate but to bottle it up and work it out with exercisers like yelling, spanking, blaming, drinking, running, fighting, working etc
The point is that those are all calorie burners
and burning calories and exercising are both good
therefor spanking must be good. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/5/2007 4:50:06 PM | I am against corporal punishment.
Simply from the perspective that it's dis-respectful.
Not to mention lazy.
A parent that needs to strike a defenseless child obviously is incapable of taking the time to teach, nurture and guide properly.
Placing your hands on anyone for any reason without their illicit consent is abhorrant to me.
Considering the laws we have to protect so many stupid, rude, abusive, ignorant and disrespectful people... laws that warrant charges of assualt when any of us physically strike those that are misbehaving ... why should a child not benefit from the same protection.
The time it takes.. the patience shown and shared with a child is a much more defining form of LOVE than a quick swat across the back of the legs because a child won't eat dinner or behave themselves. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/6/2007 3:17:37 AM | dreadstalker.....
Get real people.
The only thing that most of you have been teaching your kids is one thing and one thing only.
That they have no real consequences for any of their actions.
Reinforcing that kind of behavior as many of you do is the major cause of many of the problems faced by socitety. .....I think if you look at the past history of a criminal MOST of them were belted as a child. The problem with spanking a child is that parents get into the habit of spanking, and when it begins to have no effect the spankings become harsher. Teaching a child violence is wrong. Most children learn from their parents, and if beatings are the go at home, then they will carry it through to adulthood.
I have raised 3 adult son's (have one son left to raise) and none of my son's have grown up to be violent or gotten themselves into serious situations.
Each parent of course is responsible for their own children, but you must give a thought to the drunk and drug fu*ked people who call themselves parents and beat up on the one's they are suppose to love.
You CAN dicipline children without resorting to physical punishment. It's called patience. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/6/2007 3:39:37 AM |
I have raised 3 adult son's (have one son left to raise) and none of my son's have grown up to be violent or gotten themselves into serious situations.
And I have raised 5 children. Three boys and two girls.
They are all well adjusted and functioning adults.
Three went on to graduate from college and four of them are married.
There is no tendency toward violence with any of them and none of them have ever been in trouble with the law.
All 5 of them received a spanking when called for.
Spanking's aren't something a parent wants to do and it is reserved for those times when called for. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/6/2007 4:15:18 AM | My son is 29 yrs old ,I had a 3 time rule ,I told him no 3 times he got a spanking,I had to resort to spanking twice.I didn't like to spank him,but I hate to tell some folks your "time outs" does not work,if you don't believe me really start listening to the news.Kids today are being taught you can do what you want and there will be no consequences,other than you have to sit in a corner by yourself for 15 minutes.They grow up with the attitude,I won't get in trouble if I knock over some old lady and steal her purse they will just give me a good talking too.This same attitude is the reason our prisons are full of repeat offenders.Most people would find if they start backing up the "NO" with a spanking you do not have to do either very often.I wish more people would take up the practice of spanking,nothing makes me more furious than to be in a store where a child is throwing a fit ,slapping at the mom or dad,kicking at them and the parents saying,"now honey if you don't stop that your going in time out"or "you wait til we get home mister your going to get a good talking too". GIVE ME A BREAK!!!! Folks when this happens to you, spank the behind a couple times and you might be surprised how often that does not happen anymore.
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/6/2007 5:02:17 AM | Have three children 41 to 50, they never got spanked or hit. I talked and explained, takes a lot more time than a hit. They all have university degrees, are still married to the first person they married, are considerate and kind all hold good jobs, have my 5 grand kids who have never been spanked. The grand kids all have university degrees 2 are married to the first person they married and have my 5 great grandchildren who are not spanked either. The other three work and one is doing her masters.
Now I was spanked and ran away from home as soon as I could (14). I finished my own education. To this day I get a 'fear' feeling whenever I think of mother. There is no place for violence or fear of any sort in a relationship, even parental.
Takes a whole lot more time and effort to sit down and talk with a child, but they grow up understanding a whole lot by logic rather than by fear. I truly believe that children emulate their parents in their future relationships, do not think that fear is a good basis for love.
Hurt me - love me???????? Could explain a whole lot about various problems
Just my take on it. | |
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Älska
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Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 235 | |
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/6/2007 5:30:02 AM | | The important thing is for parents to know the difference between spanking and physical abuse. Sadly there are far too many that don't. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/6/2007 5:44:42 AM | I was 'spanked' as a child. My father used his belt as a dicipline tool. Did I grow up to be violent? NO. Did I open up to my father when I needed him? NO.
An adult is a 'BIG' person to a child, and that in itself should be enough. Physical punishment is the easy way out, as the child has no defence. Ever heard of the saying "Pick on someone your own size"? If you cannot communicate with your child, then you have issues. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/6/2007 6:08:09 AM | I don't feel it's necessary to resort to physical violence to punish a child.
There are healthier alternatives of disciplining a child. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/6/2007 9:19:14 PM | Exactly, you have to reason with them. Explain the situation, and then find common ground to where a resolution can be amicable for both sides. Garbage...
It's like "reasoning" with a kid to not touch the hot stove, but the only way he'll learn is by touching the hot stove, but you know damn well, they won't do it again.
People are too wound up in political correctness/hippie crap to see what's going on. A spanking is good, hurting the kid isn't. People and the law have lost the ability to differentiate between the two.
A 13 year old doesn't need a cell phone.
A 13 year old doesn't need 200 channels on their bedroom tv.
A 13 year old doesn't need a parent letting her dress like a 23 year old prostitute.
A 13 year old doesn't need their own laptop. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/7/2007 5:07:48 AM |
A 13 year old doesn't need a cell phone.
A 13 year old doesn't need 200 channels on their bedroom tv.
A 13 year old doesn't need a parent letting her dress like a 23 year old prostitute.
A 13 year old doesn't need their own laptop. .....What would HURT that 13 year old more? A spanking or their privileges revoked? | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/7/2007 6:56:58 AM | I can count on one hand the number of times my daughter got spanked. I would only use spanking when she was very young IF she was at risk, or in the process of hurting herself or somebody else, and needed immmediate punishment. ie. when she ran out into a busy street when she was three, she got spanked as soon as I got her onto the sidewalk.
I grew up knowing full well what my dad's belt felt like on my butt and I told myself long before I ever had my daughter that I would use other forms of punishment on my child.
Time-outs, taking away privileges, grounding them when they're older, or other methods of punishment can be just as effective, if not moreso, than anything physical. I think a lot of times the parent who does the hitting is doing it out more to alleviate their anger at the child than as a form of punishment. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/7/2007 9:05:22 AM | It is my opinion that if a child learns to behave only because it is afraid of being hit, what happens when they are away from the 'fear threat"? Do they behave because they understand? or are they liable to see just how far they can go and what they can get away with when someone isn't there to smack them?
I have always thought that my responsibility as a parent was to teach my children to behave even when on their own and to treat others with respect. I have never thought that hitting a vulnerable person (someone smaller or weaker) was a respectful way of acting. Teaches a child that if they are stronger they also can hit. Sort of "Don't do as I do, just do as I say". Makes no sense whatsoever.
Any child with a bit of brain is going to understand that? They emulate the actions of their parents. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/7/2007 5:52:32 PM | I have a nephew who when growing up often threw tantrums in school. Throwing desks and cursing at the rteachers.
His mother also believed in not spanking.
I asked him last year what he would have done if he had been spanked for such behavior.
His answer?... " simple, I wouldn't have done it anymore." | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/9/2007 10:57:11 AM | | Nothing wrong with it. I'd do it to my own kids. I was spanked when I was young, but only out of fear, and maybe when I did something totally wrong. My parents just gave me the evil eye with displeasure and disappointment and I knew I was wrong and should stop. Kids just don't have the respect, because of non-spanking. Also...BRING BACK THE STRAP! Especially in highschools. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 11/9/2007 11:36:53 AM | I was also one that was spanked and I think I turned out ok. But my mom also used time outs. The punishment fit the crime I guess. If I did something a little wrong mom would give me a time out and think about what i had done and why it was wrong and that when I understood to come talk to her about it. There was no set limit on my time outs some were 2 min some where hours depending on how long it took me to understand it. Now if I did something really wrong, like when I was 5 and got the tractor keys and drove it into a tree well I got a spanking for that but that was something that could have bee life threatening and I needed to know that it was worse than oh say bitting the dentist which got me a time out.
I do want to make it 100% clear there is a differance in a beating and a spanking. Most of the time if spanked by someone that you care about and respect they hardly need to touch you it is the act of showing how badly you have upset them that is the greater punishment. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:20:22 AM | | i see nothing wrong with it either...i was and turned out fine...as a kid i wouldn't listen if i got time out...come on now how does that really work??? that doesn't even work on my nieces and nephew....it probably got to do with children's aid or CAS or whatever its called....they seem to think everything is bad for a child if theres any form of discipline...so now kids can do whatever they want because everything is abuse now... | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:35:41 AM | Oterri, msg's 234 & 241, I'm so with you 100%
The difference between being "scarred" and "not scarred" due to the way your parents disciplined, comes down to self control. Discipline does not have to be in the form of physical abuse, and many of you are saying "of course not", but you're not the problem parents who are abusing your children.
There are some parents who do not know how to discipline, or control their children, they allow them to go so far out of control... then the parent gets angry and resorts to physically disciplining them, and that's when it usually progresses out of control with these type of parents...
The levels of frustration are so far pushed past their level of being able to handle it, they resort to hitting their children out of anger, frustration, and resentment... These parents learn to control their children with negative behavior instead of positive discipline and guidance. It becomes a cycle... the child wants attention, can't get it in a positive way, or it's not enough when the parents do try. The child's negative behavior increases due to his needs (the attention) being meet by the negative discipline.
That should just be unacceptable in our society...
Some parents don't realize why they have discipline problems in the first place... Yes, some are just lazy... but, others are over worked parents coming home, having to get supper, wash dishes, wash clothes, check homework, shuffle young ones into the bath, then into bed...
Now, let's put after school activities in to that, sports, dance class, maybe a birthday party, or dinner over a friends house. Let's not forget paying the mortgage, the phone bill, the cable bill, credit cards...
Shopping for food, clothing, and that gift you forgot to pick up for your parents party, or the birthday party of a class mate... have to get the car inspected, and weekly, if not more than weekly stops at the gas station to fill the tank.
The baby's doctors appointments, you or your children's doctor appointments, dropping of the RX's at the pharmacy, waiting for them, or having to pick them up later. Don't forget the lawn needs mowed, maybe fertilized too. Dragging the garbage barrels out to the curb, having to run the just filled trash bag out from the house to the barrels at the curb. What about a pet, cleaning up after taking care of? Maybe a few simple house repairs that you don't get to for a while, but, eventually do...
Having to clean the rest of the house, having to take care of our own needs, trying to find time in there to connect with your partner AKA "lover", All of this while you're still thinking about work, and did you include all those details in that weekly/monthly/quarterly report, are the money draws all even, will "so and so" show up for work tomorrow, will you have to go in early, or stay late...
With all that goes on in your life on a daily basis...
Where is the time you have to spend, and connect with your children? To talk to them before a behavior gets out of hand? Where or when is the time you just kinda consciously listen over your children, to make sure you can distract and redirect them when they seem to be irritating each other? When do you have the time to be actively involved with them? When do you get to play games with them, read to them, have them read to you?
Where or when do you have the time to teach them patience, security and trust, when do you acknowledge and address their needs, giving them value, showing them respect. When you, yourself have no time or energy to lead and show them those other very important qualities of life? Not just running a life, but living, acknowledging, and experiencing life. Children learn by example...
I'm sure many of you will be thinking... I live that everyday, and I don't have to hit my children, I find the time to balance all the demands, and still spend quality time with my children... You might say, I don't use the TV as a baby-sitter for 4 hours after school so that I can get things done...
But, what about the many parents who can't say that?
Who are pulled in so many directions, and the children are screaming out for their parents attention, they have needs and they're not being met by the ones who are supposed to be fulfilling them. What do those parents do then... when they want their children to just be quiet, and disappear... even just for 10 mins? That 10 minutes leads into a few hours sometimes, and as parents we think it's a blessing, they are leaving us alone. The reality is, we are deserting them.
Children are born helpless, it's up to us as parents to teach them. We need to acknowledge them, to value them, so they can learn to value themselves. Acknowledging them, giving them the attention they need so they can grow... Children do, and need to feel safe by the guidance and discipline of their parents... They need to learn to trust, and that only happens with "interaction"... So many parents have no time, and some really have no desire, as their own needs come first...
Who suffers? The children and then when these children can't sit still, or keep agitating others, or yell and scream... what happens? They finally get the attention they need...
Children need and will seek out attention, be it good or bad attention, they will find a way to be noticed, they will find a way to say hey... "What about me?" and "I need", if you're not listening when they are quietly asking, and then give them what they need... They will ask louder and louder, with inappropriate behavior...
It's very hard to bring it back around to the age when you could slip in Barney, Sesame Street, Disney movies, and pray they give you peace for just a little while, those 30 mins or so eventually turn into a few hours... It happens before you know it, it's routine, it's a way of giving you the time to do just one more thing, and we convince ourselves that we'll have more time later to spend with them... and for some parents, later never comes... until it's too late.
Then, you have an unruly child who is acting out for much needed attention, and you resort to whatever means you have to... first a slap, it shocks them, they are stunned, they walk away, or run away to their room...
Maybe you feel a slight pain of guilt, no one wants to hurt their children. But, then you start to justify it, they have left their sister/brother alone, they are not whining anymore, they have given you the time you need to do whatever it is you are doing...
What happens next is a usually slow progression to more and more physical discipline to stop the behaviors... common sense would have you say... it worked once, it will work again, and you keep trying to get those same results... that is abuse now.
For years now, society has made it okay for us to neglect the interaction and connecting needs of our children. Our children are rebelling, these children are demanding the attention they need, and many of their parents don't know how to appropriately deal with it... then the cycle continues...
Just my 2 cents... | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid? or anybody?
Posted: 3/3/2008 11:30:20 AM | Why would anyone want to hit a little kid to make them understand?
Unless you are out of control and have no other resources or facilties.
There are many many more intelligent ways to teach a kid.
Good Animal trainers don't hit their charges and many animals have less intelligence than a 2 year old.
Try teaching a parrot or your dog by hitting it and see what happens. | |
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