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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:37:34 PM | ^^^ Break their spirit? Wow, that's sad. I wanted kids with "spirit", who could think for themselves, be creative, have opinions and so on. I never spanked my sons. Funny thing, they always knew I was the adult and thus "in charge" and treated me respectfully just as I treated them respectfully. They never feared me. How can they feel safe if they are in fear of a parent.
When they were young, they had some time outs, for up to 10 minutes then we had a discussion on what they did, what they should have done instead and how they can prevent doing it again. Then they were hugged, told they were loved and it was forgotten and not spoken about again.
We also talked a lot about trust and responsibility, just in conversation not just when they were being disciplined. They were also taught about consequences for their actions, whether those actions and consequences were good or bad.
I did all of the above consistently, beginning when they were very young. As they got older it was made clear what the consequences would be (grounding or whatever) for behavior we didn't condone (drinking, smoking, poor grades, etc. ) so that by the time they were teens, they no longer needed discipline, they were self-disciplined. We never had to ground them.
My sons are both grown and are productive, responsible, funny, intelligent, witty and happy.
It all comes down to communication on their level. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:04:57 PM |
^^^ Break their spirit? Wow, that's sad. I wanted kids with "spirit", who could think for themselves, be creative, have opinions and so on.
I think you missed my point. I didn't mean break their spirit as in make them feel worthless. I meant break their spirit in terms of making them understand that they can't walk all over you.
How can they feel safe if they are in fear of a parent.
Again, this is not fear like you would have of an axe murderer or a rabid pitbull. It's a combination of love/respect/fear like what Christians have for God. It's something you have for an authority figure.
Every kid is different. If time outs and grounding worked for yours, that's great. But they don't work for everybody. As a product of the time out/grounding system, myself, I can say it did virtually nothing for me. By the time I was a teenager, when I'd get grounded for something, I'd laugh and walk out the door. But I'll tell you this; the one or two times my dad went against my mom's wishes and paddled me, I never did what I did again.
I say go with what works for your specific situation. But don't rule something out for arbitrary reasons. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:08:13 PM |
You have to break their spirit first in order to get them to obey. If they step out of line, they must know you are in charge, not them. Otherwise, they will not take you seriously, will not respect your authority
they dont respect you they fear you.
spanking is a tool, its not the only tool you use...Spanking does set autority and commands atention, in a yournger child(4-6) but if your still having to spank at 7+ your not getting your point across. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:28:14 PM |
if spanking was effective, why didnt you stop mis behave after the first whipping?
The same could be said for any other form of punishment ie. time out - if it's so effective, why does the child misbehave again?
Do it right and you'll never have to administer more than a few during the course of the kid's childhood. The threat alone should suffice.
Really? Then I wonder why I had so many spankings? (No, I was not abused) One thing spanking did do for me was teach me to cover my tracks next time so I wouldn't get caught doing that particular prohibited act.
If some people think they can raise their children without ever spanking them , well good for them but it worked just fine for thousands of years and we have no more or less violent criminals running around today than we ever did before.
I believe we have more violent criminals. I don't have a link offhand, but a few years ago I saw a source on a discussion group for a study on inmates in a particular prison. ALL of the inmates had been spanked as a child. There were NONE who had not been spanked.
I believe each family has to find what works for them. Some children do fine with non corporal discipline, others don't listen to anything else. I look after an ADHD child who I had to time out once - he's never misbehaved again for me in over two years. His mom tried spanking him when he was younger and she says it only made him angrier. What works for one does not necessarily work for the next.
I do believe spanking should be a last resort, not a first or even second. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:33:45 PM | EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ultimately, I think how you discipline your kids probably has less effect on how they turn out than how much they respect/fear you in general. Children are like animals. You have to break their spirit first in order to get them to obey. If they step out of line, they must know you are in charge, not them. Otherwise, they will not take you seriously, will not respect your authority, and will continue to do whatever they please regardless of the consequences. If they respect/fear you enough, they won't want to step out of line.
Question: how many kids do you have?
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that's sad. I wanted kids with "spirit", who could think for themselves, be creative, have opinions and so on. I never spanked my sons. Funny thing, they always knew I was the adult and thus "in charge" and treated me respectfully just as I treated them respectfully. They never feared me. How can they feel safe if they are in fear of a parent.
When they were young, they had some time outs, for up to 10 minutes then we had a discussion on what they did, what they should have done instead and how they can prevent doing it again. Then they were hugged, told they were loved and it was forgotten and not spoken about again.
We also talked a lot about trust and responsibility, just in conversation not just when they were being disciplined. They were also taught about consequences for their actions, whether those actions and consequences were good or bad.
Well said ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
exactly my situation here...and btw I was threatened as a child....threatened to be beaten senseless....had things thrown at me...threaten to be 'KILLED'....my mother is old school...how they do it in the old country.... make kids feel worthless, beat down...and frighten of their elders.
I don't treat my kids that way....I know that as an adult that my mother still threatens me and I hate her....I have been mentally damaged by her abuse.
Abuse is abuse.
I saw something on The View the other morning that drove me nuts...one of the hosts said she travels with a wooden spoon and whips it out all the time to threaten her son...and she did that at an airport recently and someone walked up to her and asked if everything was alright....she got indignant.
Damn right.....that stranger was worried for that child...this parent knew that they had the power to threaten their child...intimidate thier child...and possibly hit that child with that spoon as a form of punishment.
If you wouldn't do something like that to your pet....don't think about doing it to your child! | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 5:08:06 PM | My parents spanked me when I was much younger. Not because they were being cruel but because they wanted to install discipline into me.
Spanking is fine when used appropriately, it helps children to respect authority. it helps them learn right from wrong at an early age and lets them respond to their parents better. My parents were always encouraging, trying to get me to do well n school and being supportive in what I pursued. But they were not afraid to put me back in line when I did wrong.
Two years time, I hope to show them once again they raised me well when I graduate from University. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 6:41:22 PM | The rest of my family approves of it except for me. Call me a hippie if you want to.
My parents used to.. yes, you heard right, a leather belt or a little something called a "switch". 
You know what's funny though? They could never ground me for more than 24-hours. They would either feel sorry and let me out of it too quickly or they would simply forget.
Needless to say, it would've hurt much more to have my SNES/Sega taken away for a week rather than take a 10-second blistering. If my future child misbehaves excessively, I'll just take away his/her most favorite toys.. and maybe force him/her to read some Shakespeare for a few hours. Muahahahah.  | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:36:41 PM | | Nothing is bad about it except we have a bunch of freaking WIMPS in government who need to learn to MIND their own business. There is a difference between discipline and abuse. A parent who will not discipline their child does not love them. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:44:52 AM |
believe we have more violent criminals. I don't have a link offhand, but a few years ago I saw a source on a discussion group for a study on inmates in a particular prison. ALL of the inmates had been spanked as a child. There were NONE who had not been spanked.
That's extremely unlikely.
No chance we have more or fewer violent criminals , rather we simply have a different way of looking at violent criminals. Read enough history books and you'll see that all things considered , we're actually living in a relatively pacific era.
As for the inmates , I have to wonder just who it was that was 'studied". Did they ask fraud artists ? Embezzlers ? Manslaughter convincts ? Just who did they ask ? We know for a fact that many people who are in prison have never experienced violence at the hands of another so this "study" is practically dismissed by that alone.
Lastly , you simply echoed exactly what I said in your closing paragraph. If you don't have to spank your kid to protect him/her from himself/herself then good for you. Just don't judge those who do find it necessary to do so.
I'll bet that in twenty years when the political climate has changed and pop-psychology has changed tack , we'll be find a million studies championing the effectiveness of spanking. The current movement to label spanking as child abuse is politically motivated more than anything else. Few people want to spank their children but they do it anyway because they feel it's necessary. Kids aren't known for their ability to reason or appreciate the consequences of their actions until it's too late. That's why we scare them straight (so to speak) | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:45:31 AM | I can honestly say that in raising both of my kids, if the crime warranted it, they got a swat or two on the bum. I was never one for using a paddle or a belt, but saw nothing wrong with a swat or two.
Also if they got a spanking, they were told WHY they got the spanking in a calm tone. After the spanking (and a few minutes in the corner to think about it) we would talk again about it but instead of me telling them why they got it, I asked them to tell ME why they got it. My kids grew up just fine and good wholesome adults/pre-adults.
I also washed their mouths out with soap for using bad language - dish soap is an amazing thing. My son at 3 got mad at me because I wouldn't buy him a toy and he threw a temper tantrum in the store. I picked him up, took him to the car, and put him in his car seat. Left my stuff that I was going to buy in the cart and left. Driving home, he said that mommy was a b1tch. Little man got his mouth washed out and ya know, he never used that language again till he hit 16.
So much political crap out there telling us how we should and shouldn't raise our kids and yet teen crime rates continue to skyrocket. Pfft. I don't care if someone agreed or didn't agree with my method of parenting. It worked. My kids never feared me but they knew when I said I was going to do something, I meant it. They knew the limits and they knew the consequences if they went over that line. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/27/2009 2:36:55 AM | | The only thing bad about beating your kids is that they don't get beat enough. Parents now are wimps. They want to be there child's friend. Children are servants. They need to be BEAT in order to affirm discipline inside of them and prevent them from messing up there lives. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/27/2009 3:40:58 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Question: How many illegitimate kids aka 'Servants' do you own?
Question: How much did your Momma and Pappy hit you?
Rephrase: How many times did they hit you in the head?
Observation: Apparently not enough. | |
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