| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 8:08:13 PM | i'm not making fun of my own thread or anything but i was watching this one comedien on tv a while back
the kid tells hid dad that if he hits him then he'll call child services and the police will arrest his father
to that the father replies "well you better call the ambulance first and give them a head start" | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 8:13:29 PM | | I have two children (8 & 12). Each of them have been spanked ONE time in their lives and I regretted doing it both times. There are other forms of discipline that are much more effective. Consequences being the best that I have found. I do not try and negotiate with my children, I simply take something away from them for a set period of time that they will miss and then I stick to my guns. Sticking to the punishment is where most parents fail. They give in when the child starts to scream or throw a fit and that only teaches them how to get out of being punished -it does not teach them that what they did was wrong. I do agree with the comments about there being a lot of out of control kids now a days. However, I do not believe that the lack of spanking is to blame. The way I see it, we have a whole generation of kids that were raised by kids. The volume of kids that are born out of wedlock and/or born to 15 - 18 year old kids is staggering. At that age, it is very difficult to know how to raise a child. They are just kids themsleves - and a lot of them went through it without a support system. It's pretty sad when you really think about it. | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 8:18:16 PM | When you can't get your hand out of thier a$$ that's a bit to hard. maybe a feather duster is a solution. i don't agree with spanking i'am on the phone to child services. got a quarter. | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 8:21:43 PM |
I have two children (8 & 12). Each of them have been spanked ONE time in their lives and I regretted doing it both times. There are other forms of discipline that are much more effective. Consequences being the best that I have found. I do not try and negotiate with my children, I simply take something away from them for a set period of time that they will miss and then I stick to my guns. Sticking to the punishment is where most parents fail. They give in when the child starts to scream or throw a fit and that only teaches them how to get out of being punished -it does not teach them that what they did was wrong. I do agree with the comments about there being a lot of out of control kids now a days. However, I do not believe that the lack of spanking is to blame.
I agree with you there.
Me, i've been spanked a few times. And i'm okay with that. Why?
Because it's turned me into an anti-spanking fanatic.  | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 8:24:06 PM | | searchnfind...it really depends on the child and circumstance. If you can raise your child with no need to spank thats awesome! I was so unruly my mom took away my radio, cassettes, etc..anything she thought I could have fun with..and it meant NOTHING to me. Why? I was stubborn. For me..definately not the method..for others..possibly it works. I think each child is different and therefore different parenting styles must be assessed accordingly. | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 8:30:00 PM | | Well, sweetTreat - you also said you were spanked - but you were still unruly!! I guess that speaks for itself on how effective spanking is!! | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 8:32:33 PM | | Yes I was spanked..and the spanking actually got me on track.. I was spanked BECAUSE I was unruly. Talking to me, putting me in a corner and taking things from me didnt work..spanking was the most effective measure. Knowing I'd get the belt...made me rethink ALOT of things. | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 8:44:31 PM | | SweetTreat -If and when you have your own children just do yourself a favor and make every attempt at finding a better way to discipline besides spanking. Believe it or not, it does have effect on your childs self esteem and in how they view violence. And no matter how you twist it - spanking IS an act of violence. I do believe in some EXTREME cases, spanking will at least get the childs attention but should NEVER be done repeatedly. If you are spanking your child as much as even once a month - then even spanking is not an effective form of discipline either and something new needs to be tried. I'm glad you turned out ok - there a lot of kids who were not as fortunate as yourself. They abuse their spouse, their kids or they are in abusive relationships because that is what they know, they think hitting is ok. They don't know any better. Violence to me is not a long term solution to anything including a child behavior. | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 8:47:42 PM | When I was a child, I had ODD.
Oppositional Defiance Disorder.
People with this disorder, do not listen to anyone. Teachers, parents, relatives, friends, no one.
Let me give you an example.
When I was 2, I would get into the garbage can. I'd pull everything out. My mom would come in, tell me not to get into the garbage, and move me to another room. While she was cleaning or folding laundry, I'd go back into the kitchen and get into the garbage, pulling it out everywhere. She'd find me, tell me not to get into the garbage and again move me.
The third time I did it, she smacked my hands and moved me to my room.
This was a daily occurence, so much so that whenever I'd get caught, I'd turn around and put my hands up to be smacked.
Another example:
I would interrupt. Didn't matter who my mom was talking to, I was always there going "Mom, mummy, mom..moooommmmmm mommmyyyyyy" over and over. My mom would tell me "Laura, just wait one second until I'm finished talking"..but I'd keep up. She'd keep telling me "just a minute, Laura". The third time, she'd tell me to stop and give me a smack on the butt. I'd turn around, and go "mooommmm mommmmyy momm!".
I made my moms life miserable from the time I was born til I was about 12. As a teenager, she says I was an absolute angel. And that's typical for people with ODD.
When I was in Grade 3 I forgot my gym shoes. My teacher (who later ended up being arrested for being a pedophile) wanted me to go write a letter to my parents appologizing for being a bad daughter, being irresponsible, making life difficult and generally embarassing them. I freaked and ran up and down the hallways SCREAMING at the top of my lungs.
My mom was called into the school and after hearing the story she said "Fine, Laura let's go. You're not coming back to school. I'll homeschool you. You want to act like this all the time, I'll take away your privelege of being with your friends" (it wasn the first or...fifteenth time she'd been called in that year) I grabbed onto the chair and wouldnt let go. I was screaming and throwing a fit so much so that she literally dragged me outside. I wouldnt get into the car, I just stood there kicking and screaming. She had to push me in. When I got home, she paddled my a*** with a wooden spoon but that didn't stop me. I broke things in my room, put a hole through the door and continued to scream. My dad grounded me for 2 months. He made me go to school, come home, go into my room. I had to ask to go to the bathroom, ask to eat, my mom would bring in clothes (they took just about everything out of my room) for school. When it was over, my dad asked if I'd learned my lesson and I said "Nope. That was the best time I've ever had. I could lay on my bed and daydream and everything. It was cool!"
Talking to me
Taking priveleges away from me
Time outs
Moving me out of the room
etc
Never
Ever
Ever
Worked for me.
Except for that one incident..spankings were the ONLY way to get through to me.
And I'm no worse for wear today.
Some kids, time outs and all that just DOESNT work. My 2 yr old goddaughter is proof of that.
She hits her mom, screams at her mom, throws things, bites, pinches, scratches, throws food, gets angry, has temper tantrums at EVERYTHING. My friend has tried time outs, she's tried talking to her, she's tried removing her from the situation (putting her in another room), she's tried taking away the toys she's freaking over, she's tried distracting her, she's tried everything under the sun.
Spankings....even SPANKINGS don't work with my goddaughter. She gets spanked, she turns around and she -screams- louder. She hits harder, she head butts and bites harder.
There's no way no how of disciplining her.. at least none that we've figured out. | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 9:39:48 PM |
SweetTreat -If and when you have your own children just do yourself a favor and make every attempt at finding a better way to discipline besides spanking. Believe it or not, it does have effect on your childs self esteem and in how they view violence. And no matter how you twist it - spanking IS an act of violence. I do believe in some EXTREME cases, spanking will at least get the childs attention but should NEVER be done repeatedly. If you are spanking your child as much as even once a month - then even spanking is not an effective form of discipline either and something new needs to be tried. I'm glad you turned out ok - there a lot of kids who were not as fortunate as yourself. They abuse their spouse, their kids or they are in abusive relationships because that is what they know, they think hitting is ok. They don't know any better. Violence to me is not a long term solution to anything including a child behavior.
Search... I dont have children now..hopefully sometime..I will tho! And I dont think spanking has a negative effect on a childs self esteem. It didnt affect my self esteem or anyone else that I know that was spanked. Im talking spanking as in discipline NOT beating your child. I agree that spanking should be a last resort..but a definate option if needed.
I think the future abuse someone puts towards their spouse, child etc.. really doesnt have to do with spanking as discipline..beatings..yes I can see that. But there's alot of other things that affects how someone turns out in the end..alot if culture, what we allow our children to watch, video games they are allowed to play, etc. That is a HUGe contributing factor..moreso than spanking I'd say. | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/16/2005 11:03:04 PM | Ok...I've had the spoons (but the kind that hang on the wall, not cooking utensils) and the belts and smacks in the mouth and the spoon across the knuckles for not holding my fork the "right" way, and on and on and on....one can get quite creative if they want too. And sure I turned out just fine too! Tough as nails, dependant on no one, wise beyond my years...
except for one thing...I may want to spank MY kids like my father did, and his father did, and his father did, and it scares the living daylights out of me!! And it's not a healthy mind frame to have. Does NOBODY remember the humiliation?? The fear? Maybe my case is beyond "spanking", but the same rules apply! Striking anybody is unacceptable...it has to be or where will it end? Would you accept a public display of having your drawers dropped and your a** swatted a couple times as an ADULT??? Of course not!! But children must take that kind of degradation or worse! As for kids not "understanding" you enough to have a conversation, I think thats hokey. Kids understand and comprehend a whole heck of a lot more than we give them credit for. Better than some adults I know because at least with kids you have the "sponge" who will soak up "WHATEVER" you spill their way! Few adults would listen so well unless you had their balls in your hand!! All I'm saying in a nut shell, my own personal opinion is...I don't want to even have to THREATEN to raise a hand to my own kids. If I do, then there is already a problem. I've lost control of the situation and of myself....
Just one "spanked" gals opinion.... | |
|
LCinLA
|
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 37 | |
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 12:29:28 PM | My son is now 15. I spanked him maybe three times in his life. I didn't enjoy it and I eventually decided there had to be a better way to get through to him. But on those three occasions, when I was trying to impress upon him the real importance of his paying attention (one time he ran away from me in the park and it took me 30 minutes to find him, another time he was playing with matches), I felt justified in my actions. I didn't beat the crap out of him or use implements to torture him. It was about making sure he heard me because these were life-threatening issues.
BTW, he is a respectful, well-mannered young man today (at least that's what all my friends say LOL). I did find other non-physical ways of torturing (oops -- I mean disciplining) him (chores, time outs, taking away TV, etc.) that obviously worked. | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 1:04:12 PM | I feel the correct answer to this is found all throughout this thread. Not so much the "yes, it's ok to spank your child" or the "no spanking, find another form of discipline" responses.
Children of any age are unique in how they respond to what discipline/punishment is.
It's up to the parents to determine what gets their unique child's attention. I certainly don't believe spanking should be the first option, just that it remain an option. Responsibilities at an early age with rewards/praise can go a long way in helping a child look good to themselves, and isn't that where it all begins? | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 1:11:22 PM | after reading all the posts its apparent that everybody that was spanked REMEMBERS being spanked..they remember what they did and how they were spanked. I remember almost every time i was spanked: the who, how, where and why's. That is the thing that troubles me. Being spanked is ingrained in my childhood memories. I was a good kid and i'm a good person today but i REMEMBER. Today, my friends and i chuckle about the tactics our parents used but we all remember the fear that was placed in us " don't make me come get you; I'll give you something to cry about; wait till your father gets home". I believe that for some children as a last straw when all other options have been exhausted a spanking on the rear end may be in order ( never, ever on the face) but there are many options and like it was said before "each child is different, each child is unique and each child should be approached with that in mind"
Just my humble opinion ( i don't have kids but i work with kids everyday) | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 4:51:24 PM | | Here is a new twist on the subject for those of you who believe spanking is an appropriate form of discipline.....at what age do you stop "spanking". I invision spanking to be done to small children...say between 2 - 10. What do you do once they have reached adolesence? It is almost like you would have to go from "spanking" to "hitting". Any thoughts?? | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 4:58:10 PM | my mom and dad spanked me and i am glad they did.. it taught me to respect authority, and that I can have my way but there is a consicuence for my actions. i even thanked my mom and dad for caring enuff to spank me..
my parents spanked never beat.. there is a differance between a spank on the bottom and a slug in the face..trust me i know.
how many of you older people remember that big man with the paddle walking around in school.. I know i do and i walk way around him and his reach!!! even remember his name.. MR broner! | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 5:46:50 PM | | I was spanked when i was a kid and i now have three children who i have spanked, each of them are different so different methods are used. My son who is 8 years old right now is the most difficult at the moment, well i guess they all at the ages of 11, 8, and 4, test me just with different things. Anyway, my son at the moment is the one who is going threw a more trying time with learning the consiquinces of his actions. His school last year had me come up to sign a piece of paper to allow him to have a swat on the but with the paddle, because he was so unruly, i guess what i am saying is that every child is different but i have used spanking as a discipline, but i also use other things as well. My lectures can go on for hours or days depending on how bad the incident was. They really hate the lectures, my oldest has said could you please just spank me allready how long does this lecture have to last. | |
|
| |
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 6:56:00 PM | Sorry but there is NEVER a reason to spank a child. You just need to learn many different options on how to handle your child when they are misbehaving as well as praising them when they are good and having a great relationship in general. As a teacher I've dealt with hundreds of kids and had my share of kids with behavioural problems and you know what over time if you are consistent with your words and consequences it pays off and works.
Whoever said raising children was easy but if you love them you would never hurt them. Spanking is just a cop out in my eyes. The quick fix to make a kid listen with life long repercusions.
As well, it is against the law and the minute a child states their parent hits them you have have a legal obligation to notify the authorities. Your child can one day tell his/her teacher or anyone for that matter his/her parent hits/spanks them and that's it you now have the authorities to deal with. Start reading up on some behaviour management books and look into parenting centres to improve your skills. Do it for your kids. | |
|
| |
| |
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 7:21:11 PM | | Thats correct Drummer girl, no-one seems to care, the cops came one time and took her to the hospital for an assesment, the social worker who saw her felt she was no threat to me or her, and sent her back home. I wonder on days like today if he wants to come live at my house with me! | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 7:29:23 PM | | If you want email me some more info about what is happening and I will try and help you out if I can. Document everything she does from now on. Talk to anyone who will listen - your doctor, her principal, teacher, children's services, church, call a distress centre, try everything until someone finally helps you and your daughter. | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 9:44:30 PM | Alarmed:  I feel for you. I have been there. The police, social workers, counselors, parent education courses, doctors, juvenile court officer, pastor, even hired an attorney to help cut through the red tape to get some help. There just seems to be no coordination and everyone I talked to would say that they knew there was an answer, and refer me to somebody else in the circle to get it. Don't give up! I hope that you have friends you can talk to when it gets rough. That helped me a lot. Feel free to shoot me an email if you just need to vent, I don't have answers, but I've got a pretty broad set of shoulders . . . I second what Drummer says about documentation. I kept a diary. It was helpful to me and also to the professionals in evaluating the situation. | |
|
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 10/17/2005 9:47:43 PM | | Because we have evolved and come to realize that a spanking is a parent venting their anger and that is abuse. It also has nothing to do with discipline!! | |
|
Home
login 
