| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 5/27/2006 7:15:21 PM | no one had perfect parents. we often just repeat what they did without really thinking about it. just, well it was good enough for me so it's good enough for my kids.
i'm not against spanking.
your parents probably did some wonderful things that you would want to be able to remember so you can do that with your kids. your parents made some mistakes because they are human. you don't have to do exactly what they did.
we often don't remember exactly what we really felt at those times as a child and we love our parents so we are quick to assume that is was all good or good for us.
spanking is scary because some people cross the line. is can be a very fine line. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 5/28/2006 1:44:38 PM | http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/spanking
Just a little tid bit that spanking laws were upheld in Canada Jan 2004.
I'm not against spanking. There is of course a fine line between a smack on the backside and abuse with the use of butt beating implements.
I do not have children however Imany of my friends do. Oddly, most of my friends that have children that use passive "time out" methods of dicipline have bratty children. The few friends that "spank" their children have well raised kids who listen.
Of course that has only been my general observation of others who have children.
Not sure perhaps "Sparing the rod, does spoil the child" as the saying goes.
Good luck out there.
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Jaali
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Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 104 | |
| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/5/2006 8:14:54 AM | Like many on here, I was spanked as a child and have emerged from incidents with belts, combs, spoons, and my mother's hand, virtually untraumatized.
Coming from a culture where spanking is the norm, I'll probably spank my kids, but I might not rely on it as much as my parents did. I look at it as one of many options on the great menu of punishment.
It seems a litle erroneous to look at random rude kids who were spanked and say 'They're rude, so spanking must not work.' It's equally erroneous to look at random rude kids who aren't spanked and say 'They're not spanked, that's why they're so rude.' There's so many other factors that influence overall behaviour.
I got spanked for things like lying and backtalking. I don't tend to lie now, so that worked as a deterrent. I do backtalk (frequently) - so that didn't.
One of the most effective forms of discipline my mum cooked up was having a new toy withheld for three weeks because I bit my nails after being told not to. That hurt much more than a couple swats. Never did that again.
There is one form of discipline that I found totally pointless; being sat in a corner with orders to "think about what I'd done." Yeah, right. All I did was sit there and scheme as to how not to get caught next time around. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/5/2006 8:40:33 AM | To the OP (after seeing what some barbaric idiots have posted in similar forums, didn't think I could stomach reading through all of this one)...
1) In many places it is illegal and you will be charged with child abuse.
2) Too many children have suffered serious injury through what an adult considered a simple swat, forgetting size and strength difference. They have even proven that bouncing baby on your knee, as was done for a very long time, can cause brain and spinal damage, to give you an idea of just how delicate little kids can be.
3) If you teach your child to react violently to a situation by your own example, they will do the same.
4) You are also teaching your kid that violence will get them further than civil discussion and reasoning.
5) You are not helping them with socialization or verbalization if you swing instead of speak.
I have two kids, have never had to hit them in any way shape or form. Both have been complimented on their behavior all their lives, and no problems to speak of. Of course, I used other things in addition to time outs. Loss of privileges, extra chores etc. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/5/2006 9:21:18 AM | I will tell you exactly what is bad about it.
I remember being spanked as a child but I do not remember a single reason why I was spanked - only that someone who was supposed to be taking care of me was hurting me instead.
You would have to kill me before I would strike a child. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/5/2006 11:46:31 AM | How can anyone possibly think that inflicting physical pain on a child is right?
I can't believe this attitude still exists, it is wrong, always was wrong and always will be wrong. Purposely hurting your child and purposely making them cry...you think that's okay?? They are children for goodness sakes, it is up to you to teach them and guide them not to inflict pain on them when they screw up.
Unbelievable!!! | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/5/2006 2:54:15 PM | I was hit with the belt and anything elce my step dad had in his hands.
My mother never hit me...I have more respect for her, than him. I grew up fine too except when I see someone hit their kids, and it all comes rushing back like a nightmare. The problem with kids now a days has nothing to do with if you hit them or not...more like parents can not be with their kids enough with having to work due to todays cost of living. Hands are for hugging not hitting. Hug your kids:) | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/5/2006 2:59:19 PM | | When I was six, I lit up all my dads cigarettes and left them in the kitchen...all burning. My sis woke my dad up. He came down and smacked me on my butt. I cried...guess what? I never did that again. I was a wise ass little kid. If he sat me down to explain that it s wrong..bla bla bla.....I would have done it again. That's the only time my dad smacked me. I knew from then on if I was out of line... I'm getting a butt smack....And I turned out fine as an adult. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/5/2006 3:26:08 PM | the thing is though coca2, is that you were a kid ,and kids do things like that...there is nothing in this world that justifies a parent hitting a child, for no reason whatsoever is it acceptable to me..
Are you saying that anything else that you did wrong, that you were not smacked for, you repeated because you didnt' get a beating for it?? I think not...
Wrong it wrong, there's nothing anyone can say to make it right. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/5/2006 9:58:06 PM | | Grrr. what a topic. I agree with spanking, I dont agree with beating. Dr. Spook "i think" made this big thing about spanking being bad well guess what he took it back said he was wrong but no one listened the second time around. my boy is 6 and sometime a spanking is in order, then CAS "childrens aid socity" steped in said its not elegal to spank your child in Ontario, however they do not think it is acceptable so now we use the time out method. What a joke that is. My kid knows that if he does anything wrong he has to sit on his bed for 6 minutes 1 min per year they say. So no matter what he does, and no matter how many times he does the same thing over and over he just sits of 6 min we talk about it and hey its all good. now we have lost total control of him, he is actually telling his teachers and us NO. tell him to go to time out he says ill think about it. if he doesnt want to listen to his teachers at school he takes his hair and pulls it in front of his face, hence the new hair cut, shaved bald. now my child is special case he is ODD yeah a new one its oppositional defiance disorder. if you tell him the sky is blue he will argue with you its blue and white. ask him to put his shoes on its Why. eat eat eat god how many times do i say that a night so anyway ODD is him thinking hes in charge and the sad part since CAS he is. There is a big difference between spanking and beatings and people need to realize this and smarten the hell up. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/5/2006 10:08:56 PM | so you dont think your son has ODD? you think he's acting this way because you dont' smack him around?? good logic...
So does that mean if we beat the crap out of people in general then that will make them immune from disease or illness of any sort.
Diseases aren't created, they've always existed, they were just unknown, science has come a long way and new illnesses and diseases will continue to be discovered.
I think perhaps someone else, as you so eloquently put, needs to smarten the hell up. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/5/2006 10:16:53 PM | make me laugh. my son was at school JK, right at the begining of the year he had always been with mom or dad at all times so anyway theres this other kid in his class that is autistic she takes a swing at the teacher and my son gets the idea that this is ok. and he hits his teacher as well
well let me tell you that boy got home and i striped his room even his dresser came out the only thing left was his bed we talked and talked about it and nothing the next school day he came home and he had done it again. I spanked his butt once with my hand, it didnt hurt him it insulted him i took out a belt showed it to him and told him if he ever did anything like that again the next time it wouldnt be my hand ( i would NEVER have done it. to me that would be abuse, But his stuff was out of his room the whole weekend, he didnt leave his room unless it was to go to into the bathroom and that didnt work) the look in my eyes made him think i was serious. I later talked to him about it again and then we hugged and continued our normal day. My son has never attempted anything like that again. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/6/2006 1:39:48 AM | EVERYTHING!! That's what's so bad about spanking your kid! It always shocks me in todays day and age with all that we know about positive reinforcement and self esteem that anyone would try and defend this practice. Okay, I take that back...of course people that like to have power over small children or can't control their tempers WOULD defend this practice so I guess I should not be shocked! SPANKING? WRONG! NOT NECESSARY! DON'T DO IT!
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/6/2006 5:55:03 AM | | Glasstigers....for your childs sake....please go to www.loveandlogic.com....at least read it and try it...It does work and your child needs your help. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/6/2006 6:08:50 AM | | The bad part about spanking them is when you stop - and they turn to you and say, "That didn't hurt"..... yeah, that's bad, 'cause then you start laughing and that takes all the fun out of being the bad guy. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/6/2006 7:22:24 AM | I already gave my 2 cents worth...but I need to add 2 cents more...
Glasstiger...you say your son has ODD, have you all the info on this disorder? Reason I ask is I am an Auntie to a child who has Williams syndrome and the mother of 2 ADHD children, and there are behaviours in these disorders, which a person may feel warents a spanking. To the adverage person, not knowing why children behave in certain ways due to these disorders, they feel "Spank that unruly child"...I feel like spanking them. You also gave your son an empty threat...with the belt...it is only a matter of time before he figures out that one.Then you have one of two choices...back up your threat(which you said you wouldn't) or realize spanking is not the answer. As you know children learn from seeing (hitting the teacher) and listening...what do you think he learned...its ok if mom hits? Would we hit an other adult if we did not like their behaviour...jail and a record, all cool if you like to hit and don't want to travel outside your country. They are little people treat them as such. There is a book out there...The Spirited Child by Mary S Kurcinka it is a better thing to do with your hand. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/6/2006 8:01:04 AM | | This subject truly makes me sick to my stomach. I was raised with spanking. Everything from the hand to hammer handles. I made up my mind that I would NEVER raise my hands to my children in anger and I never did. I have 3 kids. All within a year to each other. The only thing that spanking accomplishes is showing children that to control a situation you need to be bigger. where do you think bullies come from. Kindness, compassion, understanding. if i can raise three teenagers without ever physically hurting them then there is no reason anyone else cant. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/6/2006 8:19:07 AM | “When I was six, I lit up all my dads cigarettes and left them in the kitchen...all burning.”
If you would still do something like that at the age of 6, which is a bit old not to know that fire is dangerous, I wonder how much actual communicating was going on. And it wasn’t the fault of a child, even on who was “a wise ass little kid”. Children learn what they live, and don’t learn as much when they aren’t verbally interacting.
LOL As far as Dr. Spook goes, he is as big a crack pot as Dr. Phil. I don’t listen to either of them. I just think that you need to use a bit more creativity glasstiger. ODD sounds like what they used to call contrary. I was a bit that way, at least with the always asking why and debating things. Maybe if you remember that it is a debate when he does that, and win the debate, like my parents did, with undisputable facts, he will learn, especially to listen once in a while. Or give him a set of facts and send him off to come up with a result (distraction). Stuff like that might help. As far as the eating, they get hungry enough to eat eventually. I never fought with mine that much, just made sure that was all they were going to get until it was gone.
“There is a big difference between spanking and beatings and people need to realize this and smarten the hell up.”
If people ALL people were smart enough to know the difference, they would also be smart enough to come up with alternatives. Of course I am having a hard time picturing what kind of parent would post a pic like yours. Sorry, but I already have a hard time understanding that kind of stuff, not meant as a slam, just way out of context for what I consider self respect, and this kid’s biggest problem seems to be a lack of respect for others. (Yeah, I am a bit old fashioned in my morals, so most people probably don’t have a problem with it.) I also agree with Cynderalla, and those that suggest you do some reading. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/6/2006 9:10:10 AM |
Of course I am having a hard time picturing what kind of parent would post a pic like yours
I figured someone would have something to say about that. What she does in her private time and what she enjoys sexually really is noone's affair but her own. I'm sure she keeps it away from her son and as long as it doesnt interfere with his upbringing then not one of us here has a right to say anything about it.
Back on topic:
If you were never a victim of child abuse, no matter what degree, you do not know the emotional repurcussions it can have on you as an adult. Spanking / Beating no matter how you label it, is still infliciting physical pain on your child.
People tend to think that children think as adults do , and that they should know better, but they are children, and it is up to you as the adult to instill all that is good and moral into them from the day they are born.
And yes there are some children who are harder to handle (for lack of a better word) than others but they too with patience can be taught without being smacked.
I wish I could make you understand the hurt a child feels when a parent hits them, no matter how hard or how soft it is, and even if the child doesnt' react to being hit, you've still hurt them and this will show in other ways, and you've managed to somehow give them the first heartbreak they will ever feel and the first sense of betrayal that they will ever feel, for no matter how bad they are, or how uncontrollable they are, a child should always always always be able to turn to his/her parents for support and guidance. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/6/2006 9:21:36 AM | | Yes, my dad smacking me on my butt was a wake up call.. I didn't get out of line again because I knew the consequences. Children today get away with so much crap I can't believe it. I was in a restaurant and a kid about 8 got up and hit his mom in the head. She sat there and did nothing, not even a lecture. I'm not saying beat the hell out of your kids, but a smack to the butt when needed IS needed.For every action we take even as children , we learn that there is a reaction. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 6/6/2006 10:20:47 AM | “as long as it doesnt interfere with his upbringing then”
Just indicative of state of mind and values is all. Like I said, wasn’t meant as a slam, just something that confused me a bit. And my kids would immediately question my sanity and morals if I ever did something like that. I would also lose their respect in a heartbeat.
“sense of betrayal”
Who would trust or respect someone who had betrayed them to this extent?
“a kid about 8 got up and hit his mom in the head. She sat there and did nothing, not even a lecture.”
Well if a parent is that lame, of course the kids are going to keep pushing it. Kinda makes me think this parent NEEDS a good smack in the head. | |
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