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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 7/16/2007 11:23:11 PM | I don't spank my nearly 7 year old. In fact this child put's himself in time out!
If he has done something naughty, he simply say's "I'm going to my room for 10 minutes". When I go to let him out 2 minutes later, he's say's "Not yet, ten minutes hasn't gone by yet" | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 7/18/2007 5:58:46 PM | Spanking is just a big person hitting a little person. To resort to violence, means that you haven't the skills to parent your children. If you would not hit or "spank" your employer, employee, neighbor or friend, why would you do your kids that way? What good does it do? It doesn't stop the kids from doing whatever they do... they just do it behind your backs.
I was hit as a kid. I got my arm broken by being man handled. I swore I would never hit my kids when I had them. I never did. My kids grew up well mannered. I raised them to say yes ma'am and no ma'am. When I had to punish them, I took away privileges. They had to earn them back. If their name went on the board, they knew they would lose something they liked. The didn't misbehave often. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 7/18/2007 6:06:30 PM |
To resort to violence, means that you haven't the skills to parent your children. If you would not hit or "spank" your employer, employee, neighbor or friend, why would you do your kids that way?
Well said Rain :) | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 7/23/2007 1:27:10 AM | | I see people asking this question and think thats the same question they used to ask 40 years ago about disciplining their wife. 150 years ago they asked the same question about beating their slaves. Spanking just shows that you resort to using violence rather than your head. I see too many people who go from one extreme to the other they think that if you don't spank then you don't discipline. Well it proves they are not using their head. BTW I was spanked and abused as a child and it did my father NO good. If you want to raise an intelligent well behaved child you have to use your mind and outsmart that child to see which form of discipline works best. be it time out or taking away privliges or giving them choices they make but are designed to get them to do what you want. Example; I was with a lady who had a 7 yr old son who would NOT go to sleep at nite and it was a nitely battle for her Yelling, threats, Taking away things and spankings and still no luck for her. Well one day I asked if I could give it a try. I went into his room and asked him; Whats the problem, Not tired? he replied yeah I'm not tired. So I said OK come on out here. They had ceramic Tile floors and I gave him an old toothbrush and told him if your not tired you can scrub the grout lines until you get tired. Well it didn't take long for him to get tired and he went and laid down quietly and fell fast asleep. After that Any other time he was goofing around in his bedroom after bedtime instead of laying there quietly reading I would just ask if he was not tired. Boy he would pick up one of his books and soon be fast asleep. LOL | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 8/17/2007 7:22:13 PM | Reading the above posts, it seems that a lot of people who consider spanking to be the same as abuse have either never experienced a good spanking, and there are such things, or they were really abused. Perhaps a bad experience or lack of experience hampers one’s ability to differentiate between a properly administered spanking and real violent physical abuse.
I remember when I was spanked as a child at the age of around ten. I remember why as well. After the misdeed, my mother, who was very angry, sent me to my room and told me to wait for my father to come home from work. I waited for half the day until he arrived at dinner time. I’m sure there was some discussing downstairs. He came to my room, explained that I was going to be spanked and why. Then I got hit three to five times, bare hand to bare butt. It was painful. I cried. I was humiliated. But you know what; the actual physical pain was gone quickly. In fact, the most painful part of the ordeal was the actual wait for my father to come home. During that time I thought long and hard about what I had done, and the punishment that would come. After the spanking, I ate dinner, went to bed, and the next day, things went back to normal. I had done something wrong, was punished, and could move on. I had learned a hard lesson. I also had respect for my parents and their rules. I am glad I was spanked and do not see it as abuse. Sometimes the best love is tough love. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 8/18/2007 7:33:28 AM | It shows lack of originality! There is:
Shock collars
Dog cages
Wasabi-after the soap and tobascco stages
Kicking the kids out –naked of course-after all WE buy the clothes!
I can and have come up with dozens more but hey haven’t worked yet…..
3 more years and it doesnt matter he is legal and no longer MY problem. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 8/18/2007 7:47:44 AM | "I'll call the cops and you'll go to jail"
You call their bluff, duh.
I also disagree with the talking. Although there is more to discipline than the spanking; obviously, if you can't make them reflect on what they'd done wrong, it's not going to work - and after you've done that, a spanking sends home the message, but I myself am actually against more than one strike. IMO, after that, it's brutality.
I also feel that one parent should handle the final end of the discipline not both; when I was younger and I did something wrong, my mother would swat me good and then tell my dad, who'd then give me another. The difference is, had he been aware that my mom already handled that end, he would've just given me a good talking to and sent me into a corner for about 10 minutes.
Administering discipline not only varies per child, but also varies per age group. Grounding can work, but only if it's not used as psychological abuse.
Anything can work so long as it's moderated. However, every very bad deed needs to be met with corporal punishment, but the corporal punishment needs to be moderate; it's the messenger, not the message, imo, and that's the problem with the whole mentality of discipline. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 8/19/2007 5:13:29 AM | | I was spanked as a youngster also and it didn't leave me scared for life { or ~ maimed } I am still here : I don't think this so called " Time out " shit work's { I believe in discipline } : | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 8/19/2007 8:57:35 AM | There are no "good" spankings!
Humliation is a form of psychological abuse that lasts way longer than the spank!
If you truly "tap" your child they are not any more informed of impending danger
than telling them or grabbing them when they wont listen and stopping them!
Calling striking a person in any way a tap is denial.
I do not claim spanking is abuse.
I do claim spanking is entirely unneccesary EVERYTIME!
My experience with dozens of spanked(not by me!) and non spanked children is plenty to make my claim compared to those with only their own kids or stories from their spanked past!
I was spanked. I am successful in all the areas of life people regard important
I do not consider this an argument to continue hitting human beings no matter how
"lightly" you may claim and truly have done! If its not genuine assault then the strength of the hit does not figure into the arguement. the humilation and lack of trust is much more damaging than the sting of the blow! Many claim that is just why it is important to cling to spanking their children. That alone is all the argument I need against spanking! Though I have mentioned many others in another earlier post here
they will fall on deaf ears if those ears do not genuinely have the best possible approach(regardless of the increases short term effort and frustration) NOW available to their child in mind.
Its never too late to give it a honest, long term try! Why continue the same punishment expecting different result? If spanking ended bad behaviour once and for all I might understand your arguements for it. Unacceptable behaviour is part of the growing/learning process(for most adults too!). It will continue whether you spank or not! What wont continue if you dont spank is the expectation on the part of the child that if they are not "good" in your eyes they will be overpowered and physically hurt.
A little or alot matters not! Well ... only to the adults defending it! | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 8/19/2007 1:41:56 PM | You can say there are no good spankings, and you have experience with spanked and un-spanked kids, but I have experienced a good spanking. A good spanking is one that is rarely used, is for serious offences, is done only after emotions have cooled, and is explained as to why it is done. Humiliation and lack of trust? What lack of trust? These are all fun words to drop, but the fact is in my case, and I can only speak for myself, is that there was no lack of trust. As for the humiliation, I experienced far more in middle school, and even more in boot camp, and I wasn’t hit or spanked in boot camp. What I don’t understand is why people think that corrective punishment is supposed to be free of displeasure. I hate to break it to you but all forms of discipline are humiliating to a degree. Losing toys and being sent to time out is humiliating.
“Why continue the same punishment expecting different result?” The same punishment can be used to end single types of bad behavior, not all bad behavior.
“If spanking ended bad behaviour once and for all I might understand your arguements for it.” Now replace the word spanking with whatever form of punishment you prefer. Time outs, taking away toys, whatever. You can see that no punishment ends all bad behavior.
“Unacceptable behaviour is part of the growing/learning process(for most adults too!).” Likewise, unpleasant punishment is part of the growing/learning process. Punishment during the childhood years teaches that there will always be someone who can impose pain of some kind if one breaks the rules. As an adult, you can be punished by the state far more severely than by parents. Fines (financially painful, especially for the poor), prison time, life sentences, and even death in some states (I am coming from an American point of view). All are unpleasant. All are humiliating. Far better to be well adjusted to these facts of life.
“It will continue whether you spank or not! What wont continue if you dont spank is the expectation on the part of the child that if they are not "good" in your eyes they will be overpowered and physically hurt.” In the parent child relationship, it is very important for the child to understand that the parent has the power and authority. The two positions are not equal. You are looking at this issue from a negative standpoint. Conversely, I look at it from a positive one. If a child misbehaves, they should expect a punishment to fit the offence. If they don’t, the parent is not doing his or her job. Not living up to their responsibility. In my case, the pain of the spanking was very short lived, but the lesson was not. It’s not that I wasn’t good in my parents’ eyes, just the action that called for the punishment.
Deaf ears, hardly. I have read what you have posted, understood it, acknowledged it, and chosen to maintain my position. That’s how a discussion works. I don’t have to agree, or concede my position. That’s what irritates me in this debate. There are some people (not necessarily the poster above) who consider spanking to be the same as abuse. They want to push their views on others and if that doesn’t work, they hope for a government ban. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 8/20/2007 9:03:05 AM |
It shows lack of originality! There is:
Shock collars
Dog cages
Wasabi-after the soap and tobascco stages
Kicking the kids out –naked of course-after all WE buy the clothes!
That was too funny! Do you know my Oma? | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 8/20/2007 9:59:48 AM |
“Unacceptable behaviour is part of the growing/learning process(for most adults too!).” Likewise, unpleasant punishment is part of the growing/learning process. Punishment during the childhood years teaches that there will always be someone who can impose pain of some kind if one breaks the rules. As an adult, you can be punished by the state far more severely than by parents. Fines (financially painful, especially for the poor), prison time, life sentences, and even death in some states (I am coming from an American point of view). All are unpleasant. All are humiliating. Far better to be well adjusted to these facts of life.
Make the BEHAVIOR that bad guy NOT the parent/guardian! Just as in all discipline...the only real discipline is self discipline and that must be instilled in our kids. Using force will never get it there | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/5/2007 11:07:57 PM | Definitely heyjazz!
one more time .
Hitting teaches hitting is ok under certian circumstances.
It isnt under any!
We can evolve and "no spankings are good" WILL be the norm.
Many consequences are negative but dont have to be "punishment"
and are very effective.
It is not ok to teach a child to fear your assault because you have decided being spanked entitles you to defend it and do the same.
Then they start to accept it as you have!
We are capable of evolving past this.
When we dont this continues on to adulthood and that is the whole point of phasing it out of an informed and patient caregivers repetoire of consequences for children who rely on them for survival! That is power enough and they are very aware of it no matter how badly behaved they sometimes chose to be. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/6/2007 3:54:51 AM | | You know, I think that a good beating, would do a lot of kids some good these days. The place where I work, is part of a community service program, and the kids that are coming through for major hours, are getting younger and younger. Used to get 16 and 17 year olds, but now we get 13 and 14 year olds, who are jacking cars, breaking into houses, and beating people up for money. If my kid ever did anything like that, I'd beat him/her black, and beat the black off of him/her. Seriously, my kid would never get into trouble again, because they'd still be crippled from the first time they f*cked up. A lot of these kids, have no respect for their parents, and do not listen to them. Yeah, lots come from screwed up families too, but lots are just spoiled brats. The way kids these days act, is just sickening at times. Not all kids, but most kids, come off with that attitude like they know it all, and if you tell them to do something, or not to do something, they beak off at you. Some 14 year old kid, went into the store where my gf works, and tried to buy a lighter. She refused sale(which is store policy), and he threatened to come back and kill her. If he'd have done that with me in the store, I'd likely be in jail right now, because I'd have picked the little b*stard up by his neck, and told him that he'd be dead before he even looked at her wrong again. If that was me when I was growing up, I guarantee that an adult, would have come over, and given me a beating I wouldn't soon forget. Most of you, probably would have had the same happen. Getting suspended from school, used to be punishment, because either mom or dad, had to miss work to keep an eye on your a**, and you can bet that they weren't happy about it. You did chores, got yelled at, did more chores, got slapped upside the head for being stupid in school, get yelled at, and smacked for screwing up some more, and did more chores. There was no "vacation from school". You went to Mom and Dad's work camp. Touching stuff in the store, was a big nono. Mom would slap your hand clean off if you messed with it after being told not to touch. As for beakin' off at your folks, you'd get a smack, and if you dared tell them off...all I can say is holy f*ck! They would have killed me, revived me, and killed me again, if I ever told them to f*ck off. That's what the bad kids of today need. A good ol' fashioned a** beating. I don't have a criminal record, because if I couldn't do it without any chance of getting caught, I didn't f*ckin' do it. The hell with being scared of going to jail, I was scared of the thought of what Dad would do to me after he picked me up from jail. I'd have likely killed somebody just to stay in jail. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/6/2007 7:21:14 AM | | madguitarist, I think a good beating is going too far. But I do get what you are saying, and I agree with it to a point. There is however a big difference between spankings and beatings. I know that my parents spanked me (never beat me) and I learned more from the spankings than from any "talks" we had. My youngest daughter never needed a spanking, she was an obedient, good kid. My oldest however, gave us all kinds of grief, and I'm sure (and she will tell you, also) that she needed and deserved a good spanking on occasion. I'm not saying that you should go around hitting your kids for everything. But I do believe that there is definitely a place for "a good spanking" now and again. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:27:30 AM | people keep bringing up "talks" as the only alternative.
There are many and proven to be much more effective as they are much more like the consequences they will face in the real world as they enter it.
Educate yourself on the multitude of options besides hitting!
Spanking is hitting.
The line blurs for the recipient and they then do as you spanking advocates do and include hitting as an acceptable option to meet their needs.
It is not rocket science but it is well worth acquiring better methods than our parents knew. That was their excuse we have too much information to milk that tired old excuse. "It was good enough for me so I will not try/listen to any alternatives."
That is setting a very poor example that goes way beyond discipline methods. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/6/2007 1:07:40 PM | | I'm not saying beat the kid for every little thing. I believe in teaching kids accountability for their actions, and corporal punishment, is always as a last resort. However, if my kid were behaving like these ones, in spite of my best efforts, you bet I'd knock them down a few notches with a trip to the woodshed. Everybody talks about being charged with child abuse, but no cop in their right mind, is gonna arrest you for disciplining your kid, as long as you don't use excessive force. Especially if your kid, is on their sh*tlist already. My friend's teenage daughter, thought that it would be okay to tell her mom off, and smack her around. My buddy, tuned her in but good, and when she called the cops, and they came, he explained why he had done it, and the cop said something to the extent of "I'm glad there are still good parents out there." She's been golden ever since. Doesn't beak her mom anymore, and doesn't even think about getting violent with her. Her dad told her after the first belt lacing, that she'd get it double if she ever pulled that again. She'd never been spanked before, so it worked great. I totally agree about not getting slap happy with your kids over every little thing, but if they stop responding to verbal punishments, and time outs, or groundings, then it's time to remind them who's in charge. I'll put my teenage kid over my knee, before I kick them out of my house, and further mess them up. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/6/2007 2:23:48 PM | I know I had beatings or should I say whoopings, or should I say spankings as a child. Must admit I was a smart alecky kid, but sometimes my mother went a little too far. When the 'hits' stopped affecting me is when she stopped. The last time was a slap across my face (which left a noticeable whelp) when people asked how'd it happen --- I didn't hesitate in saying, 'oh my Mom did it' even if she was around at the time I said it.
I told her once.......ya know, I can't wait till you're really old and I have to take care of you. She noticeably swallowed {GULP}.
Of course I was playing --- but a part of me was serious. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/26/2007 10:16:05 PM |
If you had read what I said, you would see where I said for a study to be accepted it has to be proven... and yes that does mean researched, observed, and studied.. and there are numerous of those that show just how spanking has bad effects on children!!!
I did read what you said and I also think you read what I said as stated above; however your comprehension skills may be a bit off lady; you see I am not arguing the validity of the results on the individuals subjected to such study and research , what I am arguing is that professionals do tend to generalize by throwing the rest of the population with the ones that have been in fact studied and/or researched. In case you didn’t get that on my previous post, let us hope that I left no room for misunderstandings on this one…
My Previous Post:
Right now, your behavior is the one that says that your way is the only right way of doing things, call me crazy, but isn't that another characteristic which goes along with self-illusion? Maybe, maybe not...
Your response:
Okay, you're crazy!
And are you not doing the same thing? Is not anyone arguing a point doing the same thing? Are we all "self-illusioned" even those that are arguing that spanking should be done, even those who were spanked?? So in fact does this mean that you are saying that you are yourself, self-illusioned??
I never disputed that. Though your logic behind questioning my sanity or lack thereof may differ from mine, nevertheless will not contest it…
The difference between most of the people who see nothing wrong with spanking their child and the majority of the ones against it is that, we are not claiming that our way is the right way, the ones against it, are, don’t believe me? Read on…
BTW: The word is self illusion, I really don’t think it has passed officially through the Grammar Standards of the Powers that be which govern the English Language. So I wouldn’t really used it as you did above, but hey, it is a free country now isn’t it?
My Post:
You know, self illusion is often the trait of a spoiled brat that was never spanked and thanks to the parent's treatment he/she thinks they deserve the world and walk around as if everyone owes them something..
Your Response:
And where are your facts to support that one??
No website or link to provide, just good old personal experience, and I gotta tell ya, it doesn’t get more factual than that in my book…
And I'm sorry, but calling me a spoiled brat that was never spanked is just plain stupid. I was never spoiled and never had to be spanked. I am a honor student and I work to pay my own way through school.. I have a good relationship with my family but I do not depend on them for anything beyond their love. It has always been this way. I do not do drugs, do not smoke, have stable relationships.. so please tell me where that makes me a spoiled self-illusioned brat???
I didn’t call you anything, yet I do believe that no one in their right mind would tell others that theirs is the right way when it comes to raising their children, particularly coming from someone who isn’t even a parent to begin with, again, blame my sanity for that one…
Your self description and the fact that you weren’t spanked while being raised, proves effective on you, and yet, irrelevant, when we are talking about the majority of the population. Saying otherwise, well, I wouldn’t really say it is stupid as you said to me, but inaccurate at the very least!
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/27/2007 3:54:20 AM | Spanking is so innefective.
I don't think it's bad, though.
I don't think there is anything wrong with physically disciplining a child, as long as you don't cross the line. (I.e, grabbing your child by the arm, and giving them a stern warning vs slapping your child, and forcefully shoving them against a wall).
Most parents nowadays, are so afraid of disciplining their kids, you tend to see so many kids today, with no respect for authority whatsoever.
Personally, thats much more troubling to me, than the spanking itself. | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/28/2007 1:22:07 PM | | absolutely nothing....more kids need it if you ask me!!! look at yourself for instance...some of our expierences in life have been a little hurtful or scary or whatever...but i guarantee you never did it again right? | |
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| what's so bad about spanking your kid?
Posted: 9/28/2007 7:30:38 PM |  It's voilence, not to mention that it does damage your children then they think it's okay to spank someone else ....... overall not good. | |
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