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jimi77
| | Joined: 7/13/2004
Msg: 150 | |
| | a strong womanPage 7 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | | what ever you say dear... now make me some dinner???? | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 7:11:47 PM |
An oak tree is strong, it obvious at first glance. It moves gracefully within its limits to the caress of the breeze but if pushed a bit too far will almost always hold its own ground serenely with steadfast resolve. Thanks for bringing me back to my roots in such a lovely way. My surname means “from the valley of the oaks” and my daughter and I have the same tattoo... the Anglo-Saxon rune for ‘oak’. I’m actually a very strong person, but continually find myself disarmed by such behaviour. I can’t quite believe it’s happening. It’s very difficult to recognise it as real, and especially that it’s happening to me... someone who would never treat another person that way.
@ prolibertate: Yeah... and remember we’re not just talking about one woman here. This is a 'type' that I attract.
I think it’s become very clear so far that a pushy woman is not at all a strong woman, though she maintains that façade. This is very useful information. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 7:21:46 PM |
I think it’s become very clear so far that a pushy woman is not at all a strong woman, though she maintains that façade.
Steph,
Although I usually agree with your posts, I have to disagree with the above statement.
People don't maintain that façade. You allow them to continue maintaining it. An equally weak person won't know how to set that person straight. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 7:34:19 PM |
@ prolibertate: Yeah... and remember we’re not just talking about one woman here. This is a 'type' that I attract.
I can sympathize...I used to attract all the broken birds and once I fixed them, they left to find another female bird...only to eventually want to come back to me...I finally realized I attracted those types because 1) I wasn't sure I wanted to be in a relationship and I knew they'd never commit, and 2) I'm a born nurturer...but those relationships taught me what I do and don't want...and now I don't attract that type anymore. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 7:42:36 PM |
People don't maintain that façade. You allow them to continue maintaining it. An equally weak person won't know how to set that person straight. Ah, now it’s getting interesting. Your statement appears sensible, but it’s simplistic. Picture a situation where someone is clearly telling another where the line is drawn, and the other steps over it anyway. Picture the ‘victim’ (how you paint the one who drew the line) as stating clearly that this is not acceptable... I could go on, but there are important questions to answer.
1) What is the limit one must go to in order to avoid being ‘weak’?
2) Why should people have to defend themselves so strongly, rather than being treated with honour?
3) Why should the person who crossed the line (and worse, stayed there) not be held accountable at all? | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 7:48:15 PM | 1) What is the limit one must go to in order to avoid being ‘weak’?
There is no limit. The moment you start to feel like there's an injustice, you should walk away. Any moment you stay after that initial feeling, is a weak moment.
2) Why should people have to defend themselves so strongly, rather than being treated with honour?
No one says you need to defend yourself. That's you feeling the need to...almost as if to prove it to yourself, because, let's face it, you can talk until you're blue in the face...it won't matter to the person you are trying to convince. That person is only concerned with one person...her/himself.
3) Why should the person who crossed the line (and worse, stayed there) not be held accountable at all?
People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. And, they will affect you only if you allow them to affect you. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 8:03:19 PM | Thanks Benevolent T - It is a day to day struggle and life event struggle too. Thats why it requires strength. Its not always easy and no I dont make the grade all the time, I dont always respond to everything positively but when I dont, I dont feel particularly strong contrary to what the thread suggest that being pushy [ pushy to me is starting to or already lost your self control] is the same as strong. But we try the best we can right???
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 8:03:21 PM |
There is no limit. The moment you start to feel like there's an injustice, you should walk away. Any moment you stay after that initial feeling, is a weak moment. Walk away on the moment, perhaps. You can’t just walk away on a relationship because someone steps over the line. Remember, we are probably talking about a lot of small things here, before things go careening out of control. And let’s say you’re living with the person.
No one says you need to defend yourself. That's you feeling the need to... OK... so defend was a poor choice of words. Why should you even be put in that position? If you say the other person is crossing a line, then that should be the end of it...
People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. And, they will affect you only if you allow them to affect you. Only partly true. You’ve neatly sidestepped the other side of the equation. I spit in your face. You tell me I went too far. Does that leave you with your dignity and a dry face? Did you *allow* me to spit in your face? Is it perfectly acceptable for me to have spit in your face, just because I was able to? | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 8:14:43 PM |
Remember, we are probably talking about a lot of small things here, before things go careening out of control. And let’s say you’re living with the person.
You're right. I was assuming that you wouldn't have been wearing blinders before you asked that person to move in with you. But, we're all guilty of that, I guess.
But, that's not my point. My point is that it should never have gotten to that point. The small things should not have been overlooked. Agreed? That's when they start to pile up, and wreak havoc.
Why should you even be put in that position? If you say the other person is crossing a line, then that should be the end of it...
Right! You shouldn't have been put in that position at all! But, then again, you wouldn't have found yourself in that position had you not allowed the many "small things" go. You should stand your ground immediately.
I spit in your face. You tell me I went too far. Does that leave you with your dignity and a dry face?
MY dignity? YES! Think about it. Whose dignity is in question here? The spitter, or spittee? I've just been spat on by some idiot who lost control. Why should I be ashamed? Why should I feel like I've lost self respect? Again, they will only be able to make you feel the way YOU ALLOW THEM TO. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 8:25:54 PM |
But, that's not my point. My point is that it should never have gotten to that point. The small things should not have been overlooked. Agreed? Agreed (she bugged me to move in with her... a banking manager, who seemed so sweet)
I've just been spat on by some idiot who lost control. Why should I be ashamed? Because you’re standing there with someone else’s spit dripping off your face? Not ashamed, but certainly acutely uncomfortable. I did say it was undignified, I think... not shameful.
Are you a politician by any chance? You still haven’t addressed the issue of whether or not it’s acceptable to do something to another person just because you can. Is this about ‘might makes right’? To the victor goes the spoils? Caveat emptor? | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 8:37:49 PM | LOL. No, not even close to a politician...Although my friends call me "The Mayor" because I seem to know a lot of people, no matter where I go.
To address the issue you think I'm dodging:
It's not acceptable. But, let's face it...it's not anyone's fault, except the person doing the unacceptable. You shouldn't feel responsible, or guilty, or anything.
This might be a bad example, and might open up that proverbial can but, take a rape case for example. Is it acceptable for the rapist to rape his victim simply because HE CAN? Absolutely NOT! Same goes for an abusive father, brother, mother, etc. It's not acceptable.
And, the person we're discussing IS an abusive person. That woman who convinced you to move in with you is abusive. Control is a form of abuse.
Nevertheless, any shrink you talk to, or any self help book you read, will tell you that you will only become upset IF YOU ALLOW the situation to upset you.
Another bad example: Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite, and not even realize it's there? It wasn't itchy at all, but when you notice the red lump that resembled a mosquito bite, you all of a sudden got really itchy...and couldn’t stop scratching!!!
Mind over matter. I say that all the time. The mind is more powerful than anything else in this world. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 8:44:19 PM | | I totally agree with everything you just said... and I thank you for so admirably underscoring the difference between strong and pushy women! (bows low, and raises eyebrows in frank approval) | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/19/2005 8:48:27 PM | *Curtseys while blushing*
Why, thank you! | |
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