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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/25/2007 10:37:35 AM | From Post #226:
Thank You Young Lady, glad to converse with one who has read and studied the subject. As you know in the 70s TA(Transactional Analysis) was considered very big; revolutionary by some social scientists. And I'm hearing that in the past decade many universitys give it little credit. Which is sad, I find the work very meaningful!
If you review the book "Games People Play", you'll notice that a woman is the agent in all the sexual games described there. The idea that women are necessarily innocent/honorable victims of evil/dishonorable men is both a stance and a 'racket', meaning it's 'dishonest', which is to say it does reliably produce predictable feelings, namely resentment at men.
From the socialogy course I took, it is my understanding from the professor's understang of the book, that games are dishonest and roles are honest. As you are heavily involved in TA, you may know something that teacher did not. And as we well know every author has his or her own bias and agenda. Harris may have a bias against women, but he may only be using it as an example; despite his prejudices from his individual experiences.
As I understand a 'Game' according to Harris's book and I am largely biased from that teacher's understanding, is always dishonest. For the good of our *great Forum*, I'm not refering to games such as sports nor the games many of us wish to participate in in the bedroom with our significant other. I'll give more examples of my understanding of games from this course I took:
a) When two people agree upon a price of a certain item and one deliberately writes a 'hot check' or fails to meet the contract of payment it is a game.
b) When a couple whether Islamic, Christian, Jewish, etc., agree upon certain sexual practices that shall happen and some are taboo to them that will not happen, and one or both of them betray that trust it's a game. Like Adultery, or even flirting by some couples agreement may be seen as betrayal and a game.
c) When the price in a store says such and such, and a theif steals something it's a game on the theifs part as he is dishonest.
d) When an employer on a non-union construction job says he will pay $20 and hour for the work of the employee he hired, then payday comes along, and the employer only paid him for 30 hours of work when he worked 40 hours, it is a *Game* if the employer knows he was there, on the job and did the work. Without a union rep it may be very difficult for the worker to get his back wages and the employer knows this.
e) When a husband marries a wife knowing deep in his heart he is going to from the Biblical understanding, 'whore around' upon her it is a game in his mind and agenda as he is not honest with her nor with himself nor his understanding with God.
Examples of Roles:
In context of the society or certain expected *roles*.
a) In certain African cultures Polyandry( Wife having more than one husband at the time) was practiced and possiblt still is this way. If a Wife in that African village has more than one husband, in her culture it's a Role. But In Judaism and Christianity it would be a Game.
b) When a student does his work well and genuinely want to learn it is a Role.
c) If a spouse is loyal to their mate and their 'shared understandin' it is their role. When they step out of that contract or 'shared understanding' it becomes a Game.
d) As I understand when a Man or Woman on POF or any relationship site represent themselves correctly, are trying to be ethical towards others, are in control of their emotions in discussion, it's a functional role. If they have to resort to Profanity, most will say it's not appropriate and the group's consensus would be it's a game.
I'm not sure where you think the "misconception" lies. Nor do I understand all your references to marriage and spouses, when my statement simply referred to people engaging in the multifarious activity we call dating, which can be rather tedious when it involve people playing roles. Games involve a relatively limited number of transactions, so those other longer term situations you mention involve life games or scripts.
Young Lady, please give me more data, I'm not quite sure what you are asking in the above quote either, but we are doing fine, it will work itself out just make it plainer for me. But dating as I understand from TA is not nessarily games or roles all of the time. Some people are more honest than others and some people are playing games all the time as they pull their con artist tricks | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/25/2007 6:52:38 PM | Pardon me forum, that previous opening on the post I made I said *Young Lady*. Without going to one's profile, from the picture I fooled myself, ooooppps
Watch those longshot pics they do distort one's perceptions! | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:26:31 PM | The other thig they are after is SEX yes it can be that simple and the ego boost that come with you likeing?/oving them. its all about ego and self satifacton.
i have been with two people like this.. the first I fell deeplyin love with and belive it or not he fell hard for me. I once told him "Yes , you love me as much as you are capable '
but it is not "mature love " Mature love gives in a real sence-one that he was not truly capable of. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:13:09 AM | My con came back into my life after 15 Years!!! I was youg and nieve when we wher togeth and still considered himthe love of my life when he cam back.
Even thoughI had much more experience, i still held him in the same high regard I had for him long ago.
I even thought it was confirmation that we indeed were "ment to be.
I ignored the signs that my more muture eyes could see.
Five years of ups and downs later .. It was the worst mistake of my life.
Dont let him back, what ever you do!!! | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:43:56 PM | | Women like men have certain things the want to hear in certain ways...when they get it they become easy prey..a man sends a woman a witty,insightful and enegaging email complete with Shakesperian eloquence and what seems to be genuine interest and they go for it...they say they don't but they do...an average guy says hello how are you and he's an unimaginative boring looser they have no time for.The fact is there is a resaon why players of both sexes use the same tools and methods.....they work ....the one's who claim to be so astute at spotting the players usualy avoid them by simply by rejecting everybody or else most of them wouldn't be here. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:05:32 PM | Garf's reply is wrong.
I know I don't want to waste time creating some internet dating fantasy, so I like to meet in person first then decide if I like the person. | |
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