| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/19/2005 9:31:13 AM | Missy: sounds like you had a date with a guy that maybe figured out somethings about about you he didnt like. One date doesnt not make someone a player because he didnt like you for whatever reason. Maybe he thought that accessive emails, the problems going on that persons life was a little too much for him. He probably flat just didnt like you and moved on. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/19/2005 11:50:17 AM | Everyone, men and women included, put their best foot forward and have a possitive attitude when meeting someone. If things don't work out, it's not the end of the world because you feel rejected or jilted. Ive also had my share of feeling someone liked me and went on the date and it just wasn't there. I tried to figure out why and couldnt come up with a reason, therefore, i moved on. Not everyone we meet is going to like us, no matter who we are! | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/19/2005 12:09:35 PM | I met a girl online a bit more than a year ago and she led me on for months.
now, I just want to meet Immediately, and anything immediately to get the "if we have any chemistry" thing out of the way before I devote too much of my time.
Does that mean I'm a player? If so, GREAT!
I'm not going to chat with you about what you like while I'm holding my freezing balls this winter. Sorry. Not everyone is a player. We just like to get the tension out of the way. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/19/2005 12:23:14 PM | I am so glad that you are able to gain some perspective from the experience I've shared, or at least the information acquired from those experiences. It means that nothing I went through was in vain. Thank you! I wish for none of you to get played...ever.
Someone also said "what else would a con want but money" and to that I have an answer.
Cons are not just after money. There are many kinds of cons. Some want your power, yes your power...it's about control and domination. Some want to feed off you, get you to do their hard work for them...some want simply to be with someone naive enough to put up with their behaviours...cons come in all forms...they don't just want money. Some even want a woman to be they can turn into the "wicked stepmother" for their children because they don't want to do that job. They will love you up and down till they get you in the assigned role the have in mind for you.
Cons are always takers...keep that in mind next time you meet one. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/19/2005 1:10:48 PM | Blast hit this one directly on the head and so right about it not always being a question of money. A player or con is after whatever they in particular want and in the dating game with men it is sometimes to add another notch to the bedpost for women it might be a free dinner or a movie.
I personally steer clear of men that give flattery that appears "over the top", that wants or gives a phone number in the first email or im or even as bold as let's meet, NOW! Go with your gut if some little voice inside seems leary chances are there is a reason. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/19/2005 1:33:55 PM | | I would agree with most of the stuff being said about cons and players.. but no about exchanging numbers or meeting early. That is not always a bad sign. I would rather talk on the phone early, and meet rather quickly to discover a) is the person who she says she is, and b) see if there is chemistry. I don't want to spend weeks or months as pen pals to discover that we don't "click" at all in person. Life is too short to waste time like that. I have enough people on my msn. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/19/2005 4:35:17 PM | blast...
Having Never Been a Player..I like spending money on my lady for things that will endear me to her...Flowers, cards, custom made little stuff: pen with my Photo on it..stuff like That...
If I had TONS of money..maybe a cruise or a Trip to Niagara..something Meaningful and Romantic!!!
Don't throw money around Just to DO IT!!!
.. {Write Me..??} ..
~ J . . .  | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/20/2005 4:42:46 AM | | Wow, the more I have read from what Blastkist has posted, the more I wish I lived closer...lol. I am impressed with your informative approach, and would like to thank you for your input. I think all I could say in here is already said, other than what more a "player" might want. Mostly, I think most players want a feeling of power over their victims, an ego boost for themselves that an informed, and intelligent person might not give to them. They look for people who have low self esteem, and play on that, since they themselves have low self esteems. It's really, as far as I can tell, just a power/ego trip for them. They have little self respect, so they get a kick out of brining others self respect down to, or lower than their own. I listen intently to what they are saying, and if I detect a condesending and evasive attitude, I promptly leave those people alone with their own self destructive motives. If you want to catch them trying to manipulate you, listen to what they are saying, and pay very close attention to the details of what they say. Most, not all, are shallow, and it shows after a very short time in chats or forums. Well, I hope you are all doing well in here. Respectfully, Joe. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/20/2005 9:37:16 AM | | thanks for all of your invaluable insights blastkist...whether online or in real life, i've learned to really take my time in getting to know others...trust has to be earned now, over a very long period of time...no lying, cheating or manipulation...just to reiterate, don't ever challenge them unless you're in a safe place...i really study people now and will even "bend" my own rules slightly to avoid another emotional f***wit, lol...the ends does justify the means to avoid ruthless players... | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/20/2005 9:59:51 AM | Garf and StoneSide have it correctly. You have to watch out, go slow, meet in a public place do like I did when I met someone. We met at a restraunt ate, I paid for her meal, went back to her place on her request. She did ask me to spend the night I did so. We cuddled all night but no removal of clothes.
Go slow take your time there is no rush, remember that. You deserve the best so the guy who is willing to wait for you, will be a very lucky guy. Any guy who gets a chance to meet you will be the luckiest guy in the world.
SilentlyDozing | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/20/2005 11:54:00 AM | .
Interesting. According to some of this discussion, I must be a con artist, at least in part. That is, before I meet someone, we will have talked quite a bit and I have a natural tendency to stimulate the conversation. After all, why would I be taking the time to talk with someone if I did not have an interest in learning more about her?
So, yeah, my intent would be to put my best foot forward, present myself in a favorable light, learn as much as I can about her, and then decide if I really want to meet her personally. Of course, that SHOULD be exactly what she is doing, too. I would hope, anyway.
On the other hand, I tell all women meeting someone for the first time (even me) a couple simple rules: Keep your “mad money” and keys in your pocket, not your purse. Know where the exit is at all times and have transportation nearby. And, tell someone where you are going and who you are meeting. If you do not know the guy’s full name and home telephone number, do not go.
Yes, there are folks out there who can get people talking about nearly everything in their lives. Lucky for society as a whole, though, very few of these people are con artists. Most, like me, are just asking because they are interested. It’s part of the “getting to know you” process.
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/20/2005 5:01:01 PM | I wanted to add something about this. There is more to this than is
apparent. FIRST: you have to identify the player or con
SECOND: you have to avoid him but that isn't always possible, so you have
to be creative as some of those people have little feeling or care for others.
I have found using certain techiniques helpful.
For one, they often do not respect others or their boundreies. One thing I read
somewhere that has been helpful to me is to agree and amplify it.
The player or con is going to attempt to manipulate you. When they say
______ blah _______ blah_______ blah, instead of getting angry, agree with them and
make it even worse.
For instance, if he says your friends suc, say yeah they do and you have no idea how bad either. They are all monsters. If I were on the outside like you are and had a chance I would run.
lol
I mean you don't want anyone like a player or con around, so send them off by agreeing.
Its a lot easier and more fun than trying to justify everything. All they are trying to do is gain your confidence and power over you. Don't give them your power or let them control you.
Once a guy told me, " I bet you'll gain 100 pounds before your 41"
I said "yeah I bet I gain 200 0r 250".
He said " you'll be so gross that nobody will want you"
I said "yeah I bet your right, I will grow a beard, mustache too, break all the chairs at your place and be a total embarrasment to you in front of eveyone. They will think your a weenie"
he looked at me
I smiled, and I never heard from him again !
Good ridence
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/20/2005 6:09:03 PM | Should be no problem avoiding or getting rid of someone you feel is
trying to play or con you.
It's harder to avoid someone who is otherwise nice, but not for you. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/20/2005 8:55:22 PM | | Players do tend to know exactly what to say and do to make you loose your guard.However,sometimes dates may not go as planned and not work out.Does that truly make a guy a player?Maybe the man you were referring to decided not to continue seeing you.I think a player or con artist would have kept leading you on. Sometimes things just don't work out for one reason or another. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/20/2005 10:28:56 PM | @aqua eyed girl:
I understand what you are saying. Just because things don't turn out the way you want, doesn't make the man/woman a player. And, there is a difference between simple manipulation and an abusive con artist.
However, there really are con artists and players out there. On this web site, we are bound to run into our share. I know I have.
I am very grateful to everyone who has shared on this subject. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 12:07:56 AM | I have to agree with that. Just because you go out and meet someone
and they aren't for you, does NOT make them players or cons. I recently
met 3 guys from this site and all were very nice people
(they would have to be to get through my screening process, lol)
but they just weren't for me. Email, messenger and phone is not the same as
meeting someone and you should not put much into anything until you
meet that person face to face. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 12:25:10 AM | | Take your time and ask questions. Also ask the same questions more than once. Especially the ones about past relationships, kids, why you can't call at certain times, etc. With a good eye you can find them out within 8 ten minute IM's or emails. If facts change or stay fuzzy you probably should move on. | |
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PJB50
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 47 | |
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 6:38:55 AM | | Blastkist you are one amazing woman, cute, smart and wise...nice combination. Too bad though that you have to put out that kind of information...someone is just looking for love and they have to deal with cons trying to take advantage of weak moments. Should be all hung up by their balls. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 10:02:43 AM | I'm not a player, but I have qualities that might make people think I am. I would rather meet someone earlier on to see if there is any chemistry, so I can tell anyone else I am currently talking to on here that I am seeing where things are going with someone, I don't believe in pursuing more than one love interest at a time.
The first woman I met off POF may be a player, one of the first times we met she offered to give me her bank card to pay for some stuff from the store for her, I told her no, that I would get it, but looking back in hindsight, she might have been trying to set me up to feel comfortable with giving her my bank card (that'll never happen for any players reading this post). There were other signs she may have been using me too...
Blastkist, I agree with what the people on here are saying about how good your posts are. It's always sad to hear someone getting hurt, but that their hurt can help others prevent getting hurt can be a bit of solace, though usually not much. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 10:35:40 AM | here yoy ladies all are trying to read between the lines and trying to find out the secret equation to catching a player... relax, and have fun... for crying out loud!!!
well, im not giving away any secrets....
THEYRE MINE ALL MINE!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 10:42:43 AM | | Wow...Well said blastkist. I know from experience too. Funny thing just recently the same con person contacted me again after not speaking for years. Guess he thought I would fall for it again. He is still the same. I do have to say I was extremely curious as to why after 5 yrs. Sadly I will never know the answer....oh well | |
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