| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 8:56:34 PM |
Kyro, that is also true! IT does not, however, condone a cons way of life.
Blast- No it wasn't meant to condone a con especially one who is doing so willfully. My point is that one who has a fairly good grasp on their own character strengths and weaknesses will recognize when someone is playing them. Not perfectly though as it is an ongoing process coming to know oneself. By taking a hard look at the patterns of past relationships it becomes much easier to recognize when being faced with another potentially dysfunctional candidate.
Bottom line- taking responsibility for not being a victim once again by knowing the enemy and knowing yourself. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:06:35 PM | Evil and Blast 
A trick I use, observe how they act with other people. Yup, learned that one from experience. I was drawn into one of those you and me against the world relationships. That "passive con" describes the man to a T. Of course he eventually treated me the way he treated the rest of the world. I feel so stupid saying that now, it should have been obvious, but it wasn't.
I also listen to the way people talk. People that phrase things so that they are the object of every sentence, "He is doing this to me," instead of the subject "I am having trouble with him because . . ." over and over again set up red flags, to me it can indicate a problem accepting responsibility for their own behaviour. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:21:03 PM | | If any of you want to gain more insight on what makes a con artist/player tick, just do a google search using either "psychopath" or "narcisstic personality disorder" Very informative and eye opening articles, remember knowledge is power, Cheers! | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:32:29 PM | blast, and everybody here:
Not everyone here is a con.There are honest people here just wanting to meet somebody.
How can we tell if someone's not showing the signs of a con?
Is it wrong or con like to log on, and try talking or even just saying 'hi' to online people through IM?
What about emails. What should i say in an email? | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:34:59 PM | One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Anytown got up early and went to the local church. Before the service started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, and so on.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had left the church except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now, this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Hey! Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
I found this in an article titled: "How to recognize a Narcissist" Never love anything that can't love you back | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:46:49 PM | Briere 182...Please read the posts made here thoroughly. I think you will find that no one here is lumping general chat tactics into the "con" behaviours. We are attempting to identify some of the things a con does...please, if you are not a con, don't take it personally...
I'm sure there are honest people here...absolutely. We aren't referring to them though. And this isn't "my thread" , I only responded to it, but I guess some of the info hit home for many and that's what provoked the attention toward my name. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 10:38:36 PM | Blastkist wrote:
Lebanese Lion...I think you know what category you fall under here. It is obvious by your postings on the subject. Some cons are also clueless.
Just imagine what it will be like for the con. When his/her last breath comes and they know it...when the cards are stacked against them and they can no longer have the control, imagine being in their minds in that last moment of life when there is no turning back. When they face the bitter truth of death...even for them, such haughty creatures. I pale at the thought. I choose an authentic human experience. The con dies a very lonely death. They cannot grasp their fragile nature as a human being. It will be their first lesson and their last. Death always wins.
Blastkist: You got it.
Lebanese Lion: Remember the saying "In the end...we all know what we've done" Be careful. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/21/2005 11:16:21 PM | @kyle, that was a good post.
@vickijane, I agree with you, that some are just clueless
(not talking about the lion but just in general) | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 10/22/2005 12:08:36 PM | HA HA HA HA!!!! you are straight up crackin me up/// i guess im clueless then!!!
oh my gosh, you just made my day.... this is tooo funny...
   | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/14/2005 10:40:13 PM | I also lived with a con for 8 years and had two children with him. He could appear the "perfect Man" for six months at a time. All my neighbours liked him. He was also very in love with me though! When we broke up, he would phone me more than 10 times per day at home and at work. He was constantly showing up, following me, having friends follow me. He ended up on charges of Criminal Harrassment and threatening bodily harm! I should have caught the signs in the beginning as he made alot of promises he did not keep.  | |
|
| |
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/14/2005 11:42:57 PM | SnS, POF is a playground for many, treat it as such and you will not get burned.. ( common sence always works) it is all relevant  | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/15/2005 6:22:09 AM | @helen of troy: I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences. I think it can be so easy to be swept off your feet by a con man/abuser. I've had my encounters with one also. At first, I thought he was so attentive and romantic, but his constant attentions were really warning signals for an obsessive and controlling personality. There is nothing romantic about a man who is seeking ownership. It was creepy.
@fxdude: I agree about using common sense, but this can be hard to define. You have to bear your heart somewhat, or you'll never fall in love. I guess it's important to roll with the punches, and when someone disappoints you or ends up revealing themselves as a liar, you just let it slide off you and don't take it personally. When we get too jaded, we can actually prevent what we seek from happening. (ie, Just because the previous three fellows were players, doesn't mean the next one will be....)
What I've learned is that just because something looks a certain way, doesn't mean that it is that way. Jumping to conclusions can be dangerous. Of course, being naive is not desirable either. Sometimes if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...it really is a duck. So, where do you find the balance? | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/15/2005 8:59:25 AM | It is easy to spot them sometimes because they ask you what you own and what you do right off the bat. If your answer does'nt sound good enough to them, they get all hostile and ignorant and stop talking right away.
plus...
-Ones who look to see what's wrong with your profile and point it out to you. It seems gamish.
-Ones who don't know who the heck you are but pretend to be falling in love... A few weeks later they want you to send cash.
-The excuse maker is a player, they have a convenient excuse for everything.
-Ones who never give you their full name, address or phone number no matter what.
-Ones who say they're going to phone and meet etc. but never do. They could be just waiting for you to offer to pay for their time etc.
-I am leary of ones that have too professional quality looking pictures and polished profiles. They seem internet business only. I am also leary of ones that have happy party pictures on their profile because they usually turn out to be hostile people.
-Ones who are a mainstay on the dating site, as if they can't find someone. They probably have too many guys and are looking for more. Business only again.
-Ones who won't tell you they're not interested when they're not interested.
-Ones who talk about the material things they got out of their past relationships.
-Ones who gloat about calling the police on a past best friend or partner.
-Ones who only talk about how busy they are. Why are they here...? | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/15/2005 9:13:22 AM | If they seem cool or charming in any way, they're a player. People who are being genuine seem like dorks, since dorks are the only people naive enough to not be playing you.
Being a player is how you get involved with women, and women despise anyone who doesn't act like a player. That's just the sad reality of the situation. So either start dating people you don't find attractive at all, or learn to enjoy the game. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/15/2005 9:42:33 AM | blastkist, girl you rock, have opened my eyes as to what to watch for, love all your posts, you have a great head on your shoulders.  | |
|
| |
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/15/2005 9:50:09 AM | blastkist nails everthing dead on...she really should have a column post here
Red Flags are a evasiveness or unwillingness to provide hard credentials such as phone numbers, living address, driver's license. They will always have an excuse and they will always push back using the trust issue to put you on the defensive.
If you are interested in establishing a relationship you are in full right to expect to know everything about that person. If you want to protect yourself, then do some due dillegence by checking up on the information or paying someone to do it. For a small fee, PI's will raise a list of potential red flags you should consider.
I am constantly getting e-mails from attractive younger woman from across the US and around the world. They are all scams of one form or another. If I was getting an equally distributed volume over a expected range of age and attractiveness I might look at them more seriously. But the truth is they are all scams, I toy with a few now and then to check out what their after and how. Most eventually have to do with cheque cashing and money transfers or personal loans.
If anything to do with money surfaces, and it won't initially until the con is set, RUN!!! 
Lets be careful out there!
Bana-dito | |
|
| |
| RE: Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/15/2005 8:35:52 PM | as Blast has mentioned and several others:
Players get really angry and accusatory at you to get you to do what they want. So I like the IM’ing option because it only takes a couple of IM’s with you changing the subject from sex, or whatever they are insisting to talk to you about, and they go off like a crazy person. Part of it is a ploy to get you to regroup and comply and part of it is their genuine frustration because they have to be in control or the con won’t work…
Also if you find yourself dating one, watch out for the fact that so much of what they say is vague, so they can keep the lies straight……or when pressed they give way too many details that no normal person would remember:
“Why didn’t you call me, I waited for two hours and held up my plans?”
“Well, I started to have breakfast but ran out of cereal so I had to go to the store but when I got there they didn’t have change, so I left and I would have called you but then I stopped to help someone fix a flat tire and when I laid my phone down I must have it the ground too hard and I scratched it and then when I tried to call you the system said caller out of area so I waited for several minutes and must have dialed at least 15 times and every time it said person out of are (I can show you the times on my phone bill) and then my phone went off completely…..”
When I worked in restaurant management a surefire way to tell the con artist from a genuinely dissatisfied customer was their “Urgency” that the situation be amended, lots of screaming, having way too many made up details, mostly trying to embarrass you into caving to give them what they wanted, to get them to go away…(in that case usually money or free food)
But when dating, it’s the need for either Sex or attention (and possibly money) so they need you to stick around and stop asking them questions. They take the focus off themselves by making an honest person scramble to make amends……
I had a guy do this to me just a week or so ago. We chatted on IM a couple of times….his conversations were always geared toward the sexual so I wasn’t really interested…a week or so later he IM’s me in all capital letters blasting me for not trying to contact him, “guess your done then”…and when I chided him about writing me in all capital letters he freaked…started calling me mean, and “a piece of work, accusing me of intentionally trying to pick a fight”….and all in about 90 seconds, he was nuts! All because I really stopped writing to him because I had a life to lead and wasn’t interested in all his sex talk….but the old me 20 years ago would have begged for forgiveness and thought I had done something wrong…and he knows what he’s doing…and I have to tell you that he is just about the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen (seriously) which is one reason I put off answering his email originally (seemed to good to be true) and man you couldn’t pay me to date him after that…..and I don't know if the pictures are really of him, however con artists who are extremely attractive can just use that as one more tool to get what they want.....
And I now work in Customer Service Management and deal with lots of claims; and a sure fire way to tell a con is when they won’t put the claim in writing, but insist on speaking to a manager (and will waste a couple of hours calling back) and want to ramble without a breathe for 30 minutes with all kinds of ridiculous details and insist you refund their credit card immediately and ALWAYS make a threat of immediate legal action if you refuse to comply…. And all new managers/CS reps have to learn that this is a con because they all start off taking a few of those calls and assuming they are genuine customers…..people in the dating realm will threaten to walk off, or stop calling, or 'take their affection else where" etc to get you to back off and give them what they want.... | |
|
| RE: Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/15/2005 8:56:17 PM | To briere_182: Of course not everyone is a con/player…but if you're new to online dating you can get overwhelmed at people writing to you and not see the cons or player when they first show up.
Three of my girlfriends have met their husband, fiancé and a boyfriend online. And all are genuine couples and have been together for awhile. So there are great people out there and they might be found online.
In your emails just be yourself…either you’ll avoid the players because you won’t do what they want, or you might make some great friends or find the love of your life, or you just may learn a lot about yourself….I haven’t found that “someone yet” and I’m OK with that, but I have learned a lot about myself (things I didn’t know) and met some genuinely nice guys even if there wasn’t any chemistry……
If anyone woman makes you feel like crap for no apparent reason and insists you do things for her, or buy her stuff to “make up” when you know for a fact it’s uncalled for, run…run I say!!! They either are a player or just not worth your time because they have so many issues….
 | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/16/2005 9:15:53 AM | blastkist, you talk about con artists like you're an authority on them
but there is something about you and your profile that seems to be
a con in itself. You claim to be 40 years old but the pictures posted
on your profile are definitely not ones of a 40 year old woman.
They are pictures of a woman in her 20s obviously.
I could suspect any of the following,
-you are a man pretending to be a woman
-a couple pretending to be one person
-a person posting old pictures
-a person posting fake pictures
-someone playing scams over dating sites using misrepresentation
-you are lying about your age
What even further makes me suspicious is that you are from Sudbury.
I have noticed about half a dozen Sudbury profiles with posted womens
pictures that are way too young looking for their age listed.
This is suggestive that there are some con artists from Sudbury
who are going all out on dating sites, probably leading guys on for
money or doing this for kicks...
I know this post is going to upset some of you who want to wallow
in denial. I am amazed that someone else has'nt noticed what I have.
This post is not a flamming or a trolling one. What's wrong with a
bit of reality outside of denial or taking BS profiles for granted?...
and besides it's about suggestions to avoid players/con artists.
Let's start by avoiding the ones with obviously misleading pictures...
| |
|
sky173
|
Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 98 | |
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/16/2005 9:31:53 AM | I would like to add some comments on the passive con. These are the ones that come across with a victim mentality. They are are quite subtle and tend to prey on those who are overly generous or are always wanting to help. They tend to emphasize all the bad things that are happening to them in the hope that someone will come to rescue them. Emotional blackmail is their specialty. In extreme cases the con will have their rescuer spending 24/7 fixing them and their problems so the "rescuer" has no time to think or live their own life.
Couldn't have said it better.
Post number 2:
People who want to meet immediately.
People who want to exchange phone numbers immediately.
People who want anything immediately, actually...
Not sure if that's true. I dont give my number, unless I feel TOTALLY comfortable doing so, but as for meeting someone immediately, that might be a good thing. But it must be in a public place.
Meeting immediately allows you to know if you'll make-it or break-it with that person.
...again, thats just my opinion
hugz,
Sky | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/16/2005 4:01:19 PM | I disagree %100 with the first POST to your question. I am NOT a player but sometimes I suggest meeting for drinks/coffee in the first or second email. If I wanted to mention it in my 9th email I would be listed under EMAIL-CHAT.
You can usually tell someone is a Jerk or a player if they keep asking way to many personal questions. Also- If they seem to rush the relationship to a more intimate level. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/16/2005 4:09:08 PM | I always want phone numbers/names/meetings immediately.
That makes me not a con artist, but a real person! I need to hear and see - as I was a victim of some here - ended up discovering that I'd wasted 2 months on some sick woman. (Have to give her credit, though - she played a man of my dreams SO well!)
Another good test I recently came up with - if they don't want to attend POF gettogethers - there is something "fishy" bout them.
So - the sooner people ask you to meet them - the better.
AL,
ex-p | |
|
Home
login 
