|
|
|
|
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/24/2005 6:13:58 AM | | By the way...I am posted under Godlywoman. Somehow they have mixed my profile up with faithfulone. I guess because that was my last profile when i tried this once before. I am in Spring, Texas...not in Calif. : ) | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/24/2005 6:33:52 AM | One of my best freinds is a player ( I dont know about cons myself ) but i do know about players.
Alot of people seemsed to be confused on how a player works. First off they dont give a shit. So if you reject them , no big deal to them. They move on.
From my experiance, players target a certain type of woman , and it is diffrent for all players what kind they attract.Why do they target a certain kind? Because that is where they playing tactics come into play and the area they are good in.
Best way to spot a player is notice his life and surroundings.
One week you are both getting along great, after he got sex, you dont hear from him in a week.From then on out it is basicly fun. NO deep relationship material. And it will never be more than that.
I am not sure about most players... but from what I seen players want the same a women , that ONE VERY SPECIAL person. But they set expectations to high.So they may like your looks but not your addictive personaitly. What I mean is... you know how sometimes IT JUST DONT CLICK with a guy? Well it is in man form , he still wants sex... but you dont click with him. Then he moves on .
LOL this is the funny part, how do you spot a player.... look as his cell phone. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/24/2005 6:38:13 AM | One last thought on this from Godlywoman...(they have my profile mixed up with faithfulone's because that use to be my old profile name...) Anyway...
I read this in a book one time..."When the lights come on, the****oaches scatter" !!! Do they ever! Sooo, the trick is...turn on the lights!!...by asking questions. If you are afraid or intimidated to ask questions...or if they do not answer...that is your answer!! : ) If you ask questions and they are hiding who they are...they will run. These type of men are ALWAYS cowards!!! | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/25/2005 12:12:59 AM | Well I know how to avoid female playaz/golddiggers .
If they ask what you do for a living within 3 dates , if they seem concerned about what neighborhood you live in before they have been to your house. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/25/2005 7:54:24 AM | my opinion is that a player or con artist is just simply a liar in disguise that is actually Good at his game..LOLOL.......you will catch him/her if you just try to listen and pay attention to them closely..very closely.....small lies are usually covering up bigger lies..lol.....
I have to say that just because a person is spontaneous and asks for my number or gives me his does NOT make him a player...actually the opposite sometimes....he is a take charge kind of man...and doesnt WANT to play games like passing back asinine emails forever..LOL..why not talk on the phone...get to know someone....and then meet....find out if the attraction is there..and both of you can make the decision to continue into a relationship or NOT....just because one of the people does not find the other attractive....doesnt make him/her a player by any means......
also....some suggestions to SPOT a player........hehe
1. they LIE and then lie again when caught!!!
2. they are usually rather self centered and selfish ..more concerned with their pleasure or needs than they are yours!
3. they dont keep their word....or break plans or tend to be very wishy washy at times...
4. they dont always return your calls....and dont have a good reason why they didnt!
5. they tend to kinda disappear for days at a time....hehe(they are usually fishing in other spots!)
6. they dont spend very long on the phone with you..and are only truly interested in meeting IF the date is gonna end up IN BED....hehe
p.s........just a little inside scoop....as I (hate to admit).....was in my rather carefree years....darn honesty sucks....was kinda a player......never intended to hurt anyone...but well.....just wasnt ready to settle down..and sometimes men dont understand that!!!
but whew.....glad to say......I am truly looking for a great guy to share my life with now...LOL.....although...the spontaneous... free spirited.......FUN me.....is still here.....well now....I am NOT just looking at the way a man wears those sexy jeans....or DOESNT!!! LOLOL
kisses...She-Devil | |
|
| To msg #7, Blastkist. Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/25/2005 12:31:14 PM | Blastkist, wow, you should have your own TV show on relationship advice. You're better than Dr. Phil and you certainly got right down to the nitty-gritty on this question. I also read some of your other postings on this same topic and was very impressed at your degree of introspection and well-reasoned contemplation and advice.
You are very eloquent in terms of describing the characteristics of players and manipulators. Although not all manipulators are players, all players are manipulators. We gotta give my example in a Venn diagram, huh? :)
I wanted to expand on what you said, which is to also voice similar opinions as those you expressed. The player/con may be quite willing to spend a lot of his time writing messages back and forth, even lengthy ones that take him quite some time to write. He will seem vulnerable, open, and sincere, perhaps even attempting to show some degree of spirituatlity.
In addition, he may seem exceedingly polite and courteous. It's all bull. It's about the game. It's about reeling you in. It's about getting his high from realizing that he is somehow affecting your mind and what you think about him - and he just loves it when he believes he is controlling what you think about him; in other words, that he is nice, spiritual, a person of substance, values, and morals - while all along, he is a total creep and emotional wasteland with not one iota of moral values.
This is the type of person who says he is looking for a long-term relationship, but will be with anyone, any time, any where. He is promiscuous, lies, puts himself at risk of HIV as well as his current and future partners, etc. This is the guy who is communicating with you live at that point in time, and I mean that in the literal sense, as in you are writing back and forth to each other right then and there, and he is reading and writing emails to other women at the very same time. It's pathetic. This is a man to avoid. He is a creep.
The smart woman will test him out and see if he falls in the trap. If he does, drop him. Do not continue interacting with him in any manner, including writing messages back and forth, as there is no point. He will give you crap like "this is my first time" and "I've never done this before." As an intelligent female, your brain should immediately say "yeah, right, go sell your swampland in Florida to someone else!" And as Judge Judge says: "don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining!"
So, ladies, if you run across one of these jerks on here or anywhere else, now you know how to recognize him. Blastkist did a superb job, and I hope I added other specific red flags for you to recognize. | |
|
| Msg. #158 - to she-devil-36. Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/25/2005 12:43:52 PM | SheDevil, you are so right in what you said regarding a player/con lying and then lying to cover up the lie they got caught on. But the most important thing about these men is that they are self-centered and selfish. Their #1 concern is their own pleasure and needs - and forget about what the woman wants and needs in terms of "emotional food."
This is the type of man who may give you physical and sexual pleasure, but only because he is benefiting from it. However, he will not go out of his way to do anything for you or inconvenience himself in anyway for you when you need something that is not sex related.
Also, even when it relates to sex, it's on his terms - when he wants it and how he wants it. If you happen to have a high sex drive and he isn't feeling like it on that particular day, he is not going to even try to satisfy you in some alternative way, even if it does not involve Mr. Sunshine having to point to the sun.
I have also learned that men who look nerdy, nice, and totally benign can be the worst offenders. And if you think about it, that look and portraying that type of personality is the best cover for them. The reason for that is that the woman is not expecting a nerdy and "nice" guy to be a creep. Well, let's disabuse ourselves of that idea from this very moment and recognize that looks don't tell the picture. It's ACTIONS that count.
I'm starting to wonder whether I should give bikers and musicians a chance. LOLOL! They're not my type, so I can't. However, I have learned my lesson.
Take care, all. | |
|
| To faithfulone, msg. #150. Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/25/2005 1:04:28 PM | Hi, faithfulone,
Well, I gotta give it to you. You are 100% correct in your assessment of the charmer/con. It's ALL about him. I don't want to beat a dead horse to death on this same topic; however, you did say something important that the other messages on this subject to which I replied did not address. And that is to look at how YOU FEEL in the relationship with the man. If it is a mix of warm fuzzies and a warm glow when you are with him, but then shortly after having spent a great time together, or even during that same date, he says or does something to make you crash emotionally and it sends you into emotional shock, like someone threw a bucket of ice-cold water on you - he is playing emotional head games with you. This type of man has the uncanny ability to sense when you are on an emotional high and enjoys making you crash and burn.
If you are going in pendulum swings from elation to sadness and doing a lot of crying in the relationship, something is wrong. That should not be happening. A healthy relationship should provide good times, happiness, smiles, warmth, be nice and easy, on a relatively smooth path, and provide healthy physical, sexual, and emotional "food." If that's not happening, something is wrong.
I'm not saying that bumps won't appear along the way, as that would be unrealistic. But what I AM saying is that a good relationship should be just that, mostly GOOD. It should be enjoyable. You should like being together, miss each other when you're apart. When you think of the other person, it should warm your heart, bring a smile to your face, etc. If not, something is wrong.
So all I can say is to stay away from men who swing the pendulum from acting like a caring and soulful charmer to highly critical of you, as demonstrated by sharp verbal criticism, which is verbal abuse. No one needs that crap, and I for one, don't put up with it. Ladies, hear the trumpet's call: avoid the loser, and if you are already with one of these - drop him. If you don't he will be dropping you very soon anyway for the next and newest, then he'll drop her, and so on with his pathetic M.O.
Our job is to stay emotionally healthy, not become jaded, see people for who and what they truly are, maintain a healthy level of skepticism, yet be open to healthy relationships with a reasonably emotionally healthy male. :)
Merry and safe holidays to all! | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/25/2005 1:28:08 PM |
People who want to meet immediately. People who want to exchange phone numbers immediately. People who want anything immediately, actually...
That's not true...I want to meet immediately instead of having to wait for months so I can see if there's any chemistry/body language. To make it more realistic.
I went through a really bad experience in the past waiting and waiting. That was the first and last time I did that online. I have never really met a girl online so yeah I want the immediate result. No games.
| |
|
| Don't put too much on your profile. Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/25/2005 1:35:48 PM | Greetings to all,
I just received a very nice note from a guy from here. In his message he included a wonderful tip regarding my profile. He said if I want to watch out for players, to not post specifics of what I am/not like and what I want the man to be/not be like because a player is just going to use that information and feed it right back to me.
So, duly noted, I changed my profile. It was such a coincidence to have received that email from him including that comment in it, because based on what I have read in this forum, I was thinking of changing my profile to leave out details of my likes and dislikes.
Again, then, bottom line: don't give too much information as to your personality, desires, and anything that will give them a clue as to what you are like in terms of your feelings and emotions. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/25/2005 3:30:41 PM | I read through this thread the other day and all I could do was nod my head. I dated a con artist but I caught on to his game late but not too late. He realized this and is on to the next victim. They got engaged less than a month after we split. Believe me she has no clue how good he is at his game. Even his family don't know how messed up he is.
He was all over me during the relationship. He called several times a day(obsessive)not just once or twice 4-6 + times every day, at work at home on the way from home. He said I love you during every single phone call as if he thought I was going to run away..and he gave me a smooch at the end of the conversation. Some would say this is so romantic but wait read more...
He followed me around everywhere even when I was at home. Was jealous of my net friends, that I had friends and didnt need to be around him 24/7. He wanted to live with me within weeks and I was cautious...well I was going too slow for him and we broke up more than once for a few weeks at a time... Now all this was going on during and after we had our son who is one years old. I swear this man read every book(oh wait he hates reading says this to make people think he's not so bright) Highly manipulative. He was such a family man, he made such a great effort to get in good with my children. He talked about his dead wife and child to get him sympathy and how he took care of her..I admired him for it but his issues were never resolved. He never went back to the burial site or had grief counselling. He talked about me all the time, had a special ring tone when I called 'Candy Shop' had my picture on his cell. I met his family. He was very romantic, cards gifts flowers....everything seemed great but it was far from it.
Whenever I brought up an important issue he froze, got cold and sometimes we wouldnt talk for days an if I got tough and ignored him..how dare I? Everything was ok as long as he could fool me but if I caught on he'd get scared. We split and I went after him..our son was only 3 months old. I was attached to him, after all he was such a great guy when he wasnt pms-ing..this is how men are supposed to treat woman right..attention romance, being there? He is highly manipulative and knew what would sucker a woman in. After having our baby, I had a c-section I was also in school during the pregnancy. I was of course tired but I still found the time with 4 kids to give my man what he needed. Well that wasnt enough. I found out he was talking to a married woman, went out to a movie with her(so he says) I went home the next day after confronting him...we didnt talk for 2 weeks then he begs me to come back on my birthday, sends a dozen long stemmed roses, gifts the whole 9 yards!!! Once again after being treated like crap for years by other men. This had to be love, he was sorry.(I know better now) He insists he didnt cheat. We slowly work it out we have a baby and everyone was asking us when we were getting married. Believe me we were great together. So He lost his job of 4 years..but he had a miserable attitude at work and often told me about it. Somehow I think he lost his job not by accident. He was faxing resumes at his place of work!!! He wanted people to know he wanted out. He put the pressure on again...Well if I cant find a job...(he'll have to move in with me la la la) I dragged him to agencies and he landed another in less than two weeks. This job had him working 6 days a week traveling 2 hours there and back. I was half way to his work and he wanted to move in. I asked him about his bills and expenses..they were a mess. I advised him how to change that and when to pay his bills...he didnt listen. I told him we cant live together untill you get your matters straightened out. We were growing distant yet again when he asked me for the key and I told him to hold a little longer the end of they year when Im working again and I could add him to the lease.
Well, little did I know he was playing two of us so see who was the better deal. I didnt know till later. Id ask him to go to some events and he was tired...which i understood. I dont cheat and was patient with him. He started coming around a little less, excuse too tired from work. ok. He was ticked that I wouldnt let him move before I went back to work.
On our baby's dedication he didnt do more than show up, he took a day off was running late had to go straight to the church I did everything, I had to almost beg him for money...he gave me 40 bucks I bought the food the clothes for my kids, travel expenese to church and back. I was so tired from preparing food. After the service I arranged rides for everyone myself my two younger boys and my boyfriend didnt have a ride. His brother shows up and yells at me for not having the car seat(my mom forgot) so I storm off for the bus...My ex is still talking to them...they dont show up for the reception.His bro and wife..they were the Godparents!!! We get to the house I try to smooth things over, he is as cold as ice! I couldnt take it ..I tried and tried..I even went for a walk and came back..he told everyone I had a tantrum...ya right I was burnt out and his lack of support was unreal! I get back to the house to talk to him, still cold and arrogant. Then he said he wasnt coming home with me that night..THAT WAS IT..I told him to give me my *bleeping* key back. I gave him the key a few weeks back to help smooth thing out and as a promise that we'd be living together very soon.
We get home I walk my friend dog..my ex takes off no bye no nothing ..leaves key on the microwave...I call him left two messages on his machine..he doesnt return the call
3 weeks go bye...now this is the man who called me every minute. He says its over, he has someone and is very happy
2 weeks later its his son's birthday..turns 1..he calls ...our son cant talk..no present, no card nothing. I call him next day he agrees to meet at the mall to buy diapers..mind you he didnt give me a penny since the 40 bucks for the baby dedication....I meet him, he hangs up his cell not before saying "speak of the devil" as he saw me approach and said..say hello to someone..I suspect its his new woman's child
We sit and talk and I tell him how ridiclous this is..you throw away almost two years a child a family for p***y the woman is using you. He was over at my house every week, spent every spare moment with me and sex well I was the one not getting enough, hes older than me. Then OMG I look at him and I dont see the jewellery I had bought him all gone and I see a huge gold claddah ring on his married finger!!!! I know he likes jewellery so I ask him..you engaged....cause he couldnt get married in a month like OMG , he said yes! Well I nearly died in the mall.. I told him he is so stupid... and the woman is a fool. all this after you telling me you love me ..we dated all the time, went downtown a few days before our spat. Went with him to get a new tattoo..called all the time.. I wanted to die... So that was why he stopped everything so he could brainwash this person. He had to give them full attention LMAO
So now I dont talk to him. We spoke twice since september. Im not interested in relationships. Im on POF for friends cause at least they cant screw you over unless you let them. Since then Ive had my breast reduction cause I was a DDD Im a D now...love em! renewed my membership at the gym, got a new job which pays more than the two of them..Gosh taking care of number sure is grand...His family is so messed up, mom an alcoholic father a womanizer. I guess he didnt learn from them and try to change.. That poor fiancee of his has no clue what she is in for. His fiance is a single mom too....how many people is he going to hurt? Im taking him to court next month for custody and support..He confirmed that he got his papers in october. Its odd he had a vasectomy after we had our son cause he was so happy! He's 43. Im 32 and he said this woman is a little younger..so maybe late 20's early 30's I told him the young ones are easier to brainwash but Im sure she willl burn him especially if they get married..good luck boy! Im glad I caught on to his nonesense. I could have been married to this moron.
Major lessons and red flags with my ex
He had no friends
Clingy
Played victim
No social life
Made me everything
Unrealistic expectations
Unreasonable
Avoid conflict like it was the plague
Made fun of people less fortunate
Talked down to people
Problem with authority
Didnt value education or reading
Disrespectul comments about woman and his mother while acting like a family man with me
If they say they are nothing without you
Wanted to keep up with the joneses
Money obsessed but never have any....also major credit problems already claimed bankruptcy once and hasnt changed his ways
Very moody when he didnt get his way
extreme HOT and COLD/spitefullness/oneupmanship
Getting even was more important then making it right
Its all about them
The blame game...everything was everyone else's fault but theirs
What was I doing with him..dont worry not repeating that mistake ever again. Lesson never settle! | |
|
| |
| |
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/26/2005 12:40:16 AM | Quite Simple. Don't reply to who you would normally reply to. In a bar. After 8 martinis.
I have seen so many profiles stating "No players, No games." I, honestly, know very few "playas." Maybe I'm lucky, and I have a lot of decent friends, but the interesting thing is that the guys who deserve the least attention, always seem to get ALL OF IT!
It's amazing. The 95 very decent and attractive people I know are all single, while the 5 complete deusch bags don't have a job, a car, still live with mommy and daddy, yet they're fighting off the fem's like they're in the middle of a swarm of bees. Go figure.
V. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/26/2005 8:55:29 AM | okaside from money if youget a snap of his dic after chatting only a couple of times sure thingis hes after someplace to park it in
so better to avoid them than regret your decsion after | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/26/2005 9:59:18 AM | | Do a search on all his posts and read them. If they all sound like BS, and if they don't seem to match his profile, there's a clue that he's not honest. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/26/2005 10:20:07 AM | @gr8guy
I dont put no players on my profile. The players will know the person got burned and they can begin their game all over again. Its a given no one wants a player unless they have low self esteem. With some people if there is no drama they are bored and some people never get out of the habit. Im glad I learned early if a relationship is stressing me out its not worth having. I dont date little boys and if I find out they are a little boy looking for a sugar mommy I give them the boot like my last one.
Ive been on POF a few months and havent met one person yet. Sorting through members can be tedious but Im looking for quality even if its just for friends. I spend a lot of time weeding out players. For example : men who say they are professionals but cant spell on their profiles or form a sentence in chat and they wonder why I dont get back to them. I told one once..you may want to fix your profile since you are a lawyer? It not just that. After talking to many I find some only want attention and some skin.
Im willing to wait a long time for a good one. I was single two years before my ex..and two years before the other one. I know Im worth it. | |
|
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 12/26/2005 11:00:37 AM |
I know Im worth it.
Cammydoll - Well, that's the short version of your long post, I think. And it sums it all up pretty well. Want to avoid the players? Know that you deserve better, insist on it, and be willing to take the time to be sure you have found a good one. | |
|
| |
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 1/25/2006 1:55:41 PM | Players are usually:
Very good looking, tall and fit (they know that is what women like physically, after all, that is why they are players. For a male player to exist, there has to be an extensive amount of women that made him that in the first place)
Sound very good to be true
Prey on vulnerable women who think that good looking men are confident and have high self-esteem
Wants things very quickly, as someone said at the beginning.... | |
|
Ardent
|
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 174 | |
| |
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 1/25/2006 3:19:05 PM | It seems like some people think they can avoid con artists and players by simply stating, "no players or con artists" on their profile.I always get a giggle out of that.As if some con artist is going to go.."Next profile.They're on to me..I better not mess with that person " You have to admit it is funny | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
