| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 1/25/2006 5:00:28 PM | Wow...I am so impressed with this post! I wish I would have had this list when I started dating. Could have saved myself a lot of heartache! But I am the person I am today because of my mistakes and what I have been through. I love the person I am today so I guess I am thankfull for having the chance to get to know all this stuff on my own. I was taking notes as well wuite literally I was copying and pasting into a blank office document so I could send it to my sister who is with a guy that meets all the criteria above. I hope ya'all dont mind. I also did learn a couple new things and now I better understand my situations. Thank You all so much for all the information!!!!! | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 1/25/2006 5:45:50 PM | | Personally It's hard to identify by writing...talking on the phone would tell you more. A good con is very clever with words....you can't tell solely by a profile. You have to read their body language and Listen to HOW they talk. ! | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 1/25/2006 6:46:48 PM |
People who want to meet immediately.
People who want to exchange phone numbers immediately.
People who want anything immediately, actually...
Those are some safe bets.
i am not a player and I tend to like to meet immediately or talk of phone immediately (or fairly soon)... I don't like to waste time getting to know someone who I will know immediately upon meeting them is not right right for me. I have had too many cyber friends for just a few months, where they are Never really interested in meeting... that, to me, is a waste of time!
Now, about those clues for detecting players... I'd like to know... | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 1/26/2006 1:06:27 AM | Blast: I came out of a toxic relationship not too long ago; and have run into a couple of Bozo(s) on here. Would you please do me a favor? Would you check out my profile and let me know if I am devulging too much or the wrong kind of information, which might make me vulnerable to players/con artist? I appreciate what you had to say here,,,I took notes! Thank you, ChosenLady | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 1/26/2006 3:38:08 AM | | Would that include being too detailed or open on one's profile? Mine was kinda vague before and someone advised my changing it. MzD | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 2/2/2006 4:59:01 AM | There are some good "generalizations" on this thread, but the truth is... There really is no way to tell. Just because someone wants to meet or talk early doesn't mean they are a player- maybe they are excited because they feel they "click" with you or your interests are exactly what they are looking for.
Those "safe bets" might work 75% of the time, but that means 25% of the time they are wrong. For evey 4 people who generally seem interested in you, you might be throwing one keeper away with 3 bad ones. That's quite a risk to me.
I think the only real solution is to trust your gut, remember that we are all strangers, and take it from there.
You don't win if you don't roll the dice.... | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 2/2/2006 9:03:08 AM | | I've been conned and manipulated too, unfortunately I had 2 kids with her.(its unfortunate it was with her, not unfortunate to have kids, they are a blessing) It has taken a long time to wake up and admit to it. Now that I have seen and acknowledged it, she no longer has that power over me. Even after more than 10 years apart she is still trying to manipulate me and make me feel guilty by saying things like "you know how you are" and how everything was my fault. Recently while dealing with legal matters dealing with support and custody issues, joint custody of both kids and termination of the support order since my kids came to live with me, she said both of those lines when I asked why she wouldn't sign the papers. She saw me as an easy mark and did her number on me. I have spent 10 years trying to figure out how I screwed up and feeling pretty low about it. She did a good job manipulting me during and after our 'relationship'. She managed to keep me in a state of depression for a couple of years. Now that I have seen her for who and what she is, she will no longer be able to manipulate me, but I know she will still try to get me through others, like my kids. I feel embarassed to admit to it and will not let it happen again. My only regret is that I didn't see it sooner. I could have saved alot of time and suffering. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 2/2/2006 10:42:06 AM | Here are the warning signals :
- On the first note, they give you their phone #, their e-mail addresses
- You ignore the first note, and on THEIR SECOND note to you, they ask for your info and then still include their info ( phone # and e-mail addies )
- Overly charming and understanding. Seems to want to know about your saddest times, your most vulnerable times. Seems to always have a story to match with yours.
- Proclamation that he is rich, powerful, successful and yet " so sad, bc he has no one to love ". | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 2/2/2006 7:10:14 PM | | This sounds fishy to me. My first email to her was first contact and just a couple of lines. Her second email to me was a short paragraph with a bit of personal info. I sent mail. Her third email was a longer paragraph, some more personal info and a few casual questions. I sent more mail. Her fourth email was a paragraph and was full of personal info. I sent her 2 emails, I told her what I am looking for in one and the other was about things currently going on in my life. Her fifth email was the longest and she told me about her last relationship with a guy who had an alcohol problem. I sent more mail. In her next email, she said that she could hardly read my last email(something about her screen being jumpy) and wanted to meet. I sent mail and said ok, we can meet. Her last email was a one liner "how about fri. nite at (place) and (time)". The emails I sent her were full of questions and enough personal info for her to get a feel for me. Every reply from her was within a day from when I sent her mail, until the last ones. Not a word for 5 or 6 days at a time. What do you folks think? | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 2/3/2006 1:28:25 AM | Having read through this thread, what comes to my mind is that this site appears to be relatively safe, as basically the discussion is but about players and not con artists.
However, there is a growing "industry" out there on the internet, professional scammers, who work dating sites with the sole intent of conning people out of their money. Some of the points having been made in this thread bear to be kept in mind.
1. People who indicate their phone numbers and e-mail addresses in the first message they send you.
2. An "urgency" underlying their messages.
3. Wanting to chat with you - more often than not YIM.
Please be careful. The internet makes it possible for people living thousands of miles away to pose as somebody living somewhere in the US. In general terms, there are two prominent scams today.
a) a derivation of the 419 advance fee scams. They contact you, establish a relationship and once they feel having established rapport with a prospective victim, they come down to business. They need money, for example to buy the ticket to come to you, they travelled to a foreign country and were robbed now needing assistance to return home (and meet you), etc. They can be extremely convincing. They play on your personal interest in them AND your compassion to help somebody out of trouble. They prey on both male and female victims.
b The Russian Bride scam. Young and often extremely beautiful women on Russian dating sites. They usually ask for money to cover visa expenses, travel expenses, pay for dating site fees, etc. Their targets are men.
Awareness is the best defense against scammers. | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 2/3/2006 2:30:58 AM | srv4ever
Totally agree whole heartedly with you
You do have to chat on the phone
You can say anything on a profile and you do have to meet the person | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 2/3/2006 2:40:13 AM | Blastkissed.....I am humbled. Your words are eloquent and need to be communicated. If in your posting you have helped just one innocent victim (of which you/they may never know) be proud.
There are those that do not understand the absolute clarity with which you speak and I surmise that perhaps this is something we should be grateful for.
It is important for others to understand from the victim's perspective.....victims are just as likely intelligent, successful and kind people. Cons are good at what they do-really really good! Quite frankly if I show up for a coffee date with a gent who has a pic of a greek God and discover that the picture was a fraud, to me this is a disappointment perhaps, but in the grand scheme of things laughable.
Oh, and on their dying day as they lay alone in their beds, do they feel remorse?? Not likely, they have no conscience.
MLD | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 2/6/2006 4:39:53 AM | what about just coming online to meet people and post to threads and not trusting someone until you actually get to know them after a few years of real life experience?
Never totally trust what you see online. The persons can say as they wish and as long as its not obvious then how can you verify this? | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 2/6/2006 4:37:42 PM | Sounds very much like a dictionary discription of a sociopath, perhaps Scott Peterson?
What about spotting them before you get in the 'relationship' the early signs? | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/1/2006 3:39:26 PM | Hello everyone. I just have something to post regarding someone I met. A girl I work with was telling me about another site that I decided to look at to see her profile. Then I got curious and decided to look at some of the single guys. Well I came across one who I messaged and then the MSN thing took over. He works out of town (way north). He works 3 weeks in/3 weeks out. He is not from here; he's from the east coast so told me that he does this to meet people as he really doenst know anyone aside from his co-workers. We chatted on a regular basis and when he came home for the first time since we met, we met up for a coffee. The night went wonderfully. As a matter of fact, it went for three days. Then I had a look around at some other sites and found him on this one. So I faked a profile and contacted him as someone else. He told me that he hadn't met anyone worthwhile and does this to meet people. Then he was supposed to get together with me after not seeing one another for a week. I just so happened to have this other girl also be available to meet at the same time. He told the other girl he'd meet her and I called him at the same time to see if he was coming over. He told me it was too late (blah blah) so we just chatted. I kept him on the phone as long as i could so he'd be late for his "date". Then I asked him flat out if he'd tell me if he was going to meet someone else. He said yes, and told me that he actually had another lady lined up for coffee. He also told me that just b/c he goes to meet someone doesnt mean there is an interest. He has no friends and everyone is interesting with their own stories. The next day, I gave him the cold shoulder. He called and emailed a few times so I sent him a pretty sappy email explaining that I don't want to get hurt. About an hour later, he's at my door. He gave me the big sob story and told me he wanted me to be his g/f. Shortly after that, he emailed the other fake girl and asked her if she was me. (oops). I bs'd my way through the response and that was that. He was here for a few more days then went back to work. Before he left, we spend an evening together and he took a bunch of pics of me. Then I noticed on this site, he posted the pics of us together and changed his profile. But also notes on there that he's leaving the profile up because he has met some good friends and wants to stay in touch. (He does not know that I am aware of this profile...only the other one where we met). I asked him why he woudlnt' just give his "friends" his email address and they could keep in touch that way and his response was that not everyone has messegner. (duh...its free). I also noticed that he states on here that people who are looking for ....short term; photo exchange; etc cannot contact him. But i see that he left out "long term" and states he is a male seeking female friends. Now if I bring this up, he questions my sanity and trust issues (donest everyone). I am sane and I have reason to have trust issues. I've been burned before (on line too). Not quite sure what to do. I cannot admit to him that I was the other girl. And he claims he's just on here to meet friends. But how many women post profiles to honestly find "friends" who are only male?? Maybe I should?! He's always at home so throws that in my face and says "yah..the women are just lining up; thats why I at home talking to you". He also had in his original profile that he gets tons of messages and not to be offended if he deletes your message. And yah, he is a good looking guy. Then the other night we were talking about me getting a boob job (something I've always wanted as I am flat as a board). he told me that women who post pics of their breasts or butt have self esteem issues....yet....on his profile he's doing the "rate my picture" thing. (and I still cannot say anything). Arghh!! What do I do? Please help.
Thank you! | |
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kyra37
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Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 199 | |
| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/1/2006 4:13:35 PM | | ive sussed it :) make sure you only meet people who are getfingered.co.uk members its like ID online so you still use dating sitedsand chat rooms to chat but when your ready to meet make sure thay are a member and at least you know they are who they say they are and that getfingered has current contact details god forbid the police should need them !!! thats why ive joined.....ive found a way to meet people and be safer xx | |
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| Suggestions to avoid players/con artists
Posted: 7/1/2006 9:16:12 PM | Holy bejeesus...I really don't think there's one easy way to tell whether someone's a player or trying to con you or not. There's a million little things that all add up to your subconscious telling you not to do it - that's that uneasy feeling you get in the pit of your stomache. A few of the scores of things to look out for:
They'll say something that doesn't sit right but you don't know why.
They'll give you more information than you asked them for.
They'll ask you questions that you don't feel comfortable answering yet.
When you meet them, maybe they won't look you in the eye or they fiddle with stuff constantly.
They'll totally treat you like you're already the centre of their world even though you've only known each other 10 minutes.
They'll push you to do things you're not quite comfortable with but they seem so reasonable asking that you feel like you're being stupid.
They'll drop information about you that they couldn't possibly have known without tracking it down ahead of time.
At the end of the day - if you have an uneasy feeling about something or someone, listen to it. In my experience, 90% of the time, that uneasy feeling is trying to keep you out of trouble. If the guy is genuinely a decent guy, he'll understand and still be there when it passes. | |
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