|
|
|
|
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/23/2007 6:21:41 AM | | Awesometeacher, I applaud that you know you have bipolar and are seeking the proper medications and treatment for it. I would strongly disagree that people should be swept into the 'shallow' category because they don't want to date someone who is bipolar. I put up with bipolar behaviour for 14 years and in the end she left me and took the kids. Now I have them full time and we're doing famously. Someone like me who has been scorched by the behaviours of a biopolar in denial has every right to be concerned about getting into a relationship with another person with the same situation. I know that's not fair to the new person as they may be the most loving caring individual on the planet, but that doesn't change the scars I bare. As far as getting looked over. I shave my head because of a genetic 'flaw' that I have. Everyday I get looked over by people I could call shallow. I've come to accept that I'm just not their preference and move on. The girls that have taken the time to meet me in person have said I'm 'smokin' so I know there are some women out there that will find me attractive haha. You take the lumps you're given in this life and try to make the best of them. Somewhere out there is a woman or women who will love you exactly the way you are. Trying to force other people to accept you is a way to stay unhappy. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/23/2007 3:16:49 PM | Shynew, maybe I came across a bit too harshly. I wasn't meaning to tell you or anyone else who has dealt with a person with bipolar disorder to stay the course and stick it out. If that's what it sounded like I meant, perhaps I need to clarify my thoughts.
My concern is that it seems to me that some people on here are trying to tell others to stay away from bipolar people. In other words, "If you find out before you start dating him/ her that they are bipolar, don't date them." To me that's stigmatizing someone before you get to know them.
If you have been burned in a relationship with a person who suffers from bipolar disorder, shynew, then yes, you have every right to avoid relationships with such people.
As to whether or not I'm trying to "force other people to accept (me)", I'm not. My issue is with other people here who seem to be saying, "If he has bipolar disorder, avoid him like the plague". | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:04:56 PM | | You didn't seem harsh, just really let down, and you have every right to feel that way. I'm now hoping my post didn't sound harsh as this subject always dregs up those old feelings. I was more trying to convey that you'll find the woman for you and she'll accept you the way you are. I agree with you that judging someone before meeting them really sucks. Sadly it seems the norm on an internet site as we really have such peripheral information to base our choices on. It's all a crapshoot haha. Cheers to you and all the best in your fishing. Every good heart deserves a match. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:07:56 PM | | The most important thing is to figure out if the person you're dating is someone you would consider having a long term relationship with. After that, and if you answer that question with "yes", I would immediately study every type of material you can get your hands on to see EXACTLY what the disorder is, the progression of the disorder, the medication the person is on, possible side effects, etc. Then after studying, be VERY honest with yourself and decide whether or not you care enough about that person to make a future together KNOWING what your future might hold. After you know the facts then, and only then should you decide whether or not to end the relationship. But, keep in mind that everybody has faults--it's just what people do with those faults and how they conduct themselves is what's really important. Does this person stay on their medication or do they lapse doses thinking the crisis has passed? | |
|
| |
| |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:26:16 PM | | Thank you--but I feel about this situation like I do most that I encounter; think it over, know the facts, be COMPLETELY honest with yourself by knowing your strengths and weaknesses and THEN make a decision based on facts. Because regardless of anybody's opinion, whatever action you take, YOU ARE THE ONE that has to live with that decision. But being in a relationship with someone with a bipolar disorder, as a friend, a parent, a child, a lover, whatever, it can be very difficult. BUT if managed well, consistently and lovingly, it CAN work. I've seen it happen. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 8:29:53 AM | Is that a real question? Whatever in the world do you think people with bipolar disorder do? How do you think that their lives are different? As you may have guessed, I am bipolar and have been treated for many years for this disorder. During this time I became a Sr. VP for one of the largest mortgage companies in the country. Was able to afford my own waterfront home (single) and raise my daughter who is bipolar also. Are there challenges?...do you have challenges in your life? Everyone does. Would you consider breaking it off with someone diagnosed with diabetes or heart disease? Do some research before you pre-judge your friend....see how many successful, famous people deal with this disorder daily and yes it is manageable. Another thought would be for you to sit down with your friend and discuss his disorder and the challenges that go along with it. The fact that he indicates that he has been receiving treatment for years is excellent. He more than likely has a pretty normal (although I think 'normal' is a cycle on the washer) lifestyle. Love to know how it works out.
Carol | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 8:40:21 AM | if they continue their treatment and take their medication, all will be fine. If, however, they decide that they don't need the meds anymore, or the meds stop working and they arent seeing someone when they stop working, all hell will break loose. I'm bipolar and luckily my meds are working wonderfully but life was hell for not only myself but for everyone around me too when i wasn't treated, my mom didn't believe me when i told her i had a problem.(i had self-diagnosed going on 6 years ago, now, ive only been on treatment for 7 months now). It ruined two very special relationships that i had, luckily i am now stable enough that i can resume being friends with these people.
be supportive, and help them make sure that they keep recieving the treatment that they need. if they do stop taking it, and refuse your support to get back with the treatment, don't put yourself through dealing with that insanity.
keep in mind too that it is hereditary, so if things get really serious you might want to consider adoption rather than having kids of your own. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 8:46:19 AM | Hi Awesome teacher,
Like what you wrote. I too am bipolar disorder and as I'm older than you have dealt with it for a few more years than you. The only thoughts that I would add to your commentary are as follows:
Just because you got burned in a relationship with someone who happened to have bipolar disorder does not necessarily mean that you must avoid others with the same condition. Do you think that just because of the disorder that all people are alike....NOT. Get to know a little more about the person, their symptoms, treatment, as well as other things relevant to a relationship. Many people with bipolar disorder are very successful, creative, intelligent, funny, and sensitive. If you don't...it's definitely your loss!
My other thought is that it is time for the general public to get educated about this disorder. That will never happen if those of us who are blessed with disorder consider it as anything other than one of the gift's given by God, just as everything else about you is. The only way that the stigma will disappear is when we no longer try to hide our disorder...there's absolutely no reason to. Carry the torch!
Take care...be good to yourself! | |
|
| |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 9:25:14 AM | | bipolar is a reason NOTto date someone....i lived 19 yrs with one with bipolar and borderline personality. i thought love was all he needed. i was wrong! the more i gave...the more he took! till there was no more me left! i exposed my children to this life....WHICH WAS A LIVING HELL! when i finally got the courage to leave....he started manipulating the children. this is what i had to protect them from all these years...now they r dealing with it first hand. he didnt beleive he had a problem...he wouldnt take proper medication. This is the problem with most bipolars....they either wont admit there is a problem or they get on meds but then quit them. They have no rational...they are narcocistic, manipulative, mean, cant rationalize, paranoid, but usually are very charming and that is the thing that kept me staying. he would say im sorry and cry but after 19 yrs of it...i woke up and said hes not sorry ...his track record speaks for itself. They say one thing...do another! No amount of love in this world will satisfy them...and u cant cure them! and my counselor told me i would need to make a choice...do i want to continue to live with someone like this who will say hes sorry when he does something wrong, and he is sorry at the moment...but it will happen again and again. and again he will be sorry. People like this are usually in and out of relationships. and if u stay like i did.....u cant help but be affected emotionally and mentally and sometimes physically by it!!!!! I AM DISABLED NOW WITH FIBROMYALGIA AND SEVERE DEPRESSION/ANXIETY FROM LIVING ON EDGE WITH A BIPOLAR MAN! NEVER KNOWING WHEN HE WOULD EXPLODE.....ITS NOT WORTH IT!!! RUN! | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 9:31:41 AM | | AND TO THE BIPOLARS OUT THERE WHO TAKE THEIR MEDS AND LIVE A NORMAL LIFE...I COMMEND U! ITS A HARD LIFE BUT U CAN DO IT! THERE ARE VERY FEW OF U THAT DO TAKE YOUR MEDS AND ADMIT U HAVE A PROBLEM...SO PLEASE DONT LET ME LUMP U INTO THE MAJORITY! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! AGAIN I COMMEND U! | |
|
| |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 9:57:14 AM | Dearest Rainbow Fish,
Are u for real? I feel that being with a bipolar person who is in treatment as so many of us are would certainly not keep you sleeping with one eye open....unless that is just your thing! I am bipolar and so is my daughter....and guess what.... our lives are calm, fun, and most successful. What you really need is an education...oh I forgot, you just want to have fun.
If you were to do any research, you would find many people with bipolar disorder to be successful, famous, intelligent, fun, creative, sensitive, and lead normal lives (even tho I think that 'normal' is just a cycle on the washer). Just for you I pulled out a poem that my daughter wrote when she was 12...she'll be attending Savannah College of Art and Design soon, and at this point they have not been able to measure her IQ....I can see why you would think people like this are damaged. Hope you enjoy the poem:
I Am My Own Person
I am my own person, making my way through this world
I wonder what surprises my future holds
I hear a bird as he greets each day with a beautiful song found deep within his soul
I see the world as the rising sun casts its shimmering blanket of gold across the new day
I feel a warm and welcoming glow upon my shoulders
I pretend that I'm a cloud floating on a gentle breeze
I think of all that lies before me
I worry that one day this beauty will thrive no longer
I dream that time stops and nothing moves as I float over this golden world of light
I hope this moment lasts forever
I understand the call of the wind as it whistles by my ear
I say this world is a wonderful place
I want wings to fly
I try to seize the moment
I am my own person, making my way through the world
-by Sydkid
Age 12
Hope this has given you a different perspective. | |
|
| |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 10:05:37 AM | Rainbow Fish,
Hate to enlighten you, but you and your head have already been messed with. I'm not sure that you would have the common sense to cross the street, much less determine if someone had HIV or heaven forbid was Bipolar. You are right about one thing tho....there are some sick people on these sites.
Carol | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 10:08:56 AM | Avgchic,
Whyever would you make that statement. I would really like to know. What makes a person with a disorder a loser. I have the same disorder and am Sr. VP for one of the largest mortgage lenders in the south....do you think that I am a loser. You may want a closer look at yourself. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 4:18:44 PM | In answer to LAELECTRA.
Good question...unfortunately yes this disorder is genetic. It doesn't mean that all of your children would have the disorder, but chances are that they very well could. The chances are much more increased if both parents have the disorder. I am bipolar and so is my daughter....would I choose for her to have this disorder....no, however, from much research over the years, many bipolar people are blessed with many other gifts...creativity, intelligence (they are still unable to measure her IQ it's so high), sensitivity, success, as well as other talents. As with any disorder, the solution is consistent, superior treatment...it's really no different than heart disease, diabetes, and other serious disorders that can be totally managed with medication. Hope this answers some of your questions. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/8/2007 4:30:57 PM | | I think its fine. I know a woman who has that and she always seemed like a completly normal person to me, then i found out about it and I woud never have known unless i was told. I think a lot of people are afraid of that kind of stuff because of what we see on those crime investigation tv shows and rumors etc. I think if someone is a good person and you like them for who they are you shouldnt change your outlook on them if you learn something like that. I dont know too much about it but from what ive seen through people ive met with those kind of problems, they never seemed too "crazy" to me | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/10/2007 2:57:16 PM | calanne, I wholeheartedly agree that this condition needs to be focused on. I'l go a step further and say that mental health as a whole needs to be approached much more openly and seen as being a pressing medical issue. I think it's safe to say that more people are afflicted by a mental disorder of some kind than in the past. I know some might not agree, but there are now more people I know or have met that have anxiety disorders, depression or some other mental issue than ever.
Speaking only for Ontario (I can't knowlegeably speak to any other province, state or country) I think there needs to be much more money and study focused on mental health. A local hospital, McMaster University, concentrates on the whole patient - they realize that treatment should not only be medical but emotional and psychological. I think this approach should be used more widely.
I know as a teacher that there are a lot of single parents with depression or other mental issues. A lot of them don't see it but it manifests itself in other ways - alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling. I think a lot of people in our society have mental issues they are struggling with but don't know it. I have at least two students in my class who are suffering from depression.
So, in short, I agree that more needs to be done about mental health. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 3/10/2007 6:03:37 PM | Awesome teacher...I'm with you! As my 15 yr old daughter is bipolar also I have learned over the years to be a BEAST! I've had to fight with insurance companies to pay for the meds that her doctor prescribes, I could conduct and IEP meeting in my sleep, and have basically been this child's advocate since the beginning of school. As a teacher, I think that you will agree that if more parents were involved with the environment in which their children are being taught and educated about these disorders...the schools would respond more. At this point in the US...our public schools are designed for 'main stream children' only. The most frustrating thing for me as a parent is that my child is brilliant...her IQ cannot be measured, she is a great artist...I've posted some of her work, and yet she is treated as a damaged student in the public school. The good news...she is in a private school that caters to her needs. When did we lose our ability to teach each child to their potential?
As far as those who don't know that they have a disorder, many self medicate to ease the symptoms, coke, pot, pills, etc. Society must step up to the plate and do a much better job of educating people on mental disorders and their symptoms. I have known so many good people who lived absolutely miserable lives because they never had a clue that their symptoms could be stopped or at least modified. Each of us must stand on the platform in hopes of reaching one more person...either with a disorder or one who is just ignorant to mental issues. Bravo for speaking out.
Calanne | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 4/18/2007 5:52:14 AM | The illness affects everyone who has it differently.
I also think there are positive things about it if you can keep yourself from losing it.
Telling someone (who could be anyone and everyone) to run and stay away from bipolar people is completely unfair.
So that means bipolar people should give up?
thanks for the thought...not | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 4/23/2007 6:59:07 PM | Can someone tell me if the woman (met her on POF) in this article seems bipolar? I haven't met her in person yet but just chatted online with her.
A Deadly Joke
The sad tale of how a Fremont valedictorian fell from grace. Plus, is the Payphone Perv getting ready for school too?
By Will Harper
Published: August 16, 2006
What is it about Fremont's mayor and police chief that makes people want to kill them? Eight years ago, unemployed crime lab technician Rodney Blach planted explosives at the homes of Mayor Bob Wasserman and Chief Craig Steckler (neither was hurt). And just last week the two got a restraining order against Mission San Jose High School's 2002 valedictorian, Audrey Lin, after she sent e-mails last month expressing suicidal thoughts and threatening to murder Wasserman, Steckler, and their wives, Linda and Casey.
Lin's disturbing electronic messages and the subsequent restraining order are just the latest chapter in her rocky journey into adulthood since graduating a star academic from the highly regarded Fremont high school. In late 2002, after she'd started attending UC Berkeley, Lin attracted national media attention when she admitted to cheating in high school to keep up her stellar grades. Her admission created an uproar, and she later relinquished her valedictorian honors.
During the fallout of the scandal, she explained to a reporter why she went public: "I still stand by what I did because there's a lot of cheating that goes on, and people need to know about it." While some criticized Lin, others —including Wasserman — praised her for having the courage to admit what she did.
After Lin gave up her brainiac crown, the Oakland Tribune reported that she was on a crusade to reform Mission San Jose's grade-point system and to get principal Stuart Kew, whom she called a "dictator," to quit. School officials told the Trib in May 2004 that they believed Lin was harassing Kew with unwanted phone calls, visits, and ... e-mails.
Things quieted down for a while until about one month ago, when the Fremont City Council began receiving e-mails from Lin. Her first messages were more plaintive than threatening: The 21-year-old talked about wanting to die, and blamed a traumatic run-in with police two years earlier for mentally scarring her. Then in a July 21 e-mail with the subject line "Bob Wasserman and Craig Steckler Are Corrupt," she concluded: "I will kill, in order: 1. bob wasserman 2. linda wasserman 3. casey steckler 4. craig steckler. actually I want 2 kill the wives first, you corrupt ****es." Lin didn't say exactly how she would kill them.
Interestingly, another e-mail's subject line read, "Please Help Rodney," whom, you might have guessed, is none other than the aforementioned Blach. Lin shares the Fremont bomber's unsubstantiated belief that city officials including Wasserman and Steckler were involved in an international drug ring in the Fremont hills.
Wasserman says he didn't think Lin would act on her threats, but he got the restraining order on the advice of the police department. The mayor, who has met Lin once, considers the e-mails "a crying out" for help. "She's obviously got problems, and I don't want to say anything or do anything to add to those problems," he says. "It's very sad. She's a bright, bright girl."
Lin didn't show up for last week's hearing. In an e-mail to Feeder, she said her parents didn't want her to go; they want her to focus on getting her degree. While she says she still thinks Steckler and Wasserman are corrupt, she expressed regret for threatening them. "No one deserves to be killed," she wrote Feeder. "I was partially joking." | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 4/23/2007 7:45:13 PM | Firstly there seems to be alot of misinformation regarding bi polar disorder.
I read in earlier post that bi polar is a personality disorder. It is NOT and in fact is an Axis 1 diagnosis in the DSM which is the criteria dr's use to diagnose this illness.
Axis11 is the DSM used to diagnose Personality Disorders or PD's.
There is a vastttttttt difference between the 2.
Also if someone is misdx as a bipolar who is actually a Paranoid Schizophrenic, I would seriously ?? the competence of the physician/psychiatrist that came up with intial dx. The criteria for each of those illnesses is quite different.
I would honestly look at the overall picture and ask yourself if you are the kind of person who can handle dating someone with that lable. I have known many many successful people who in fact are bi polar. I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with him about his illness course of tx, last episode etc. I also think you need to really educate yourself and I am NOT sure POF is the place to do this. Contact Mental Health Services in your area and speak to folks who are qualified to answer.
I am a RN here in Canada with a 2nd diplomna in psychiatry and worked front line act
acute psychiatry for many years.
I am sure everyone means well, but you need an unbiased opinion based on his situation etc........not the rest of ours.
Best of luck to you both! | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
