| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/20/2005 6:00:44 PM | second of all dragonrider you have to realize that not all people that are bipolar are like his girlfriend. at least 90% of us that have it you dont even know have the illness unless we tell you. she is very young and needs to learn that she cant go off her meds. but you need to stop judging us by what she has done so YES you do owe us an apology!!!!!!! rather you want ot admit it or not we are not all the same and we do have hearts so dont go there with us we are people just like you are and more than likely more caring and loving than you ever will be or ever have been and we deserve a fair chance at life just like anyone else.
and if you have read my profile you would see that i work in health care which done not make me an expert on this matter but i know alot more about it than most do. i not only live with it daily but i have a son that has it as well so you have no right to judge any of us. your sons girlfriend is ma king a mistake by not taking her meds like she should but dont punish the rest of us that do!!!!!!!!!! so back off ont he bipolar and try ot help us not critize us!!!! | |
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RonniG
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Joined: 8/12/2004
Msg: 27 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/20/2005 6:17:25 PM | From my experience dating, for a brief while, a guy with bipolar disorder was that when things were good they were very very good. He was very sweet and lovng. But what I didn't know is that he was writing bad checks for steak dinner.
When the money was all gone and he could no longer afford his medicine, he blamed me for enjoying the dinner. Heck I'm not responsible for his budget! I didn't even know he had this problem! When he was calling, threatening to commit suicide, slashing my tires, this is when I needed help and contacted the police and mental health. That was a very long three weeks!
I can't speak for anyone else but I do know that I don't wish to hang with anyone else with the disorder. I'm glad that you have your life in perspective. He certainly didn't. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/20/2005 7:06:59 PM | | I have to respond to this one. If all has been well and suddenly one mentions bipolar disorder and things are still well, that is no reason to break it off. Perhaps this person is feeling really close to you right now and only wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into. It is quite possibly a roller coaster ride, but if you are understanding and perceptive, I would have to say that you have a chance of making a go of it. Everyone deserves love and affection, no matter what their problems are. I was married for 4 years to a bipolar man and it was a rocky road at best, but not all are like that. Understand this: Part of the illness is sometimes not realizing or admitting you are sick in bipolar disorder. If this becomes habit and they do not stay on a regular medicine regimen, depending on the personality of the person, things can get hairy. Some, however, with the proper emotional support, can lead seemingly normal lives, with only the occasional off the wall incidents. Anything out of the ordinary is a sign that proper communication need be in order and supportive intervention can avert relapses. I say give it a go, and if things get too much to handle, politely take your leave and leave it in God's capable hands. Good luck. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/20/2005 7:10:26 PM | I can't think one of one good reason, and I would not like sleeping with one eye open....
I like things calm and fun......
no emotional upheavals and all that needed here. let someone else with more patience mess with it. i just want to have fun  | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:36:28 AM | yes it is a rocky road to say the least.. i am the bipolar and was married for 10 yrs. i too work in the psych. field and should know that you dont get cured and stop your meds but i still have been there more than once.. believe me the illness is sometimes hard to deal with for us let alone for you people..ok.. believe me we dont like those rollercoaster rides it sends us on before we are stable again.. and yes we can do some very mean things to the people we love the MOST ... and from my experience it kills me inside where my real soul lies.. and to top things off most of us.. (bipolars tend to get messed up with drugs)
while in these relapses which make things harder. this is NO excuse believe me that is not what im saying.. im admitting if anything.... i am one who has to stay on my meds everyday or i cant live a normal live... and i also have to have regular therapy also.. but i tell any of the men i date that i am bipolar and they have no problems with it.. in fact they think wow.. we should have alot of fun then... my friends know so if they see some of my triggers or symptoms that im blind to.. they can try to get me to see them .. that is what friends are for.. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 31 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:39:53 AM | I started this thread to see what some opposing views were to dating someone who has my illness. I completely forgot that some think they are cured and quit taking their medicine. I would not encourage anyone to stay with someone who does not try to stay well.
It is a big responsibility to keep taking meds. I have not quit in 16 years. I owe it to myself and everyone I come into contact with.
The people who know someone or have known someone who do not continue to take responsibility for their illness, I believe, have every right to say what they know from personal experience.
I believe in the golden rule and personal responsibility. The way this fits in is I will not subject anyone to the pain I am feeling just as I will not tolerate the abuse of others. I take responsibility for my actions and words. I can be very forgiving of one who makes a mistake if they have a record of taking responsibility.
I see no reason why DragonRider29, owes anyone an apology. He is speaking from personal experience. I need to hear from people with information like him. These things do happen. He is not judging anyone, he is speaking of personal experience and things he has learned from professionals.
It’s true that we need love and deserve love. To know before hand that someone is not the love for us is more than helpful. Sometimes we don’t know this until much later in a relationship.
The part of Texas where I live is the rudest and most self serving part of the country let alone a state that was named for a friendly tribe. I am far more even than many of the people I have met here. If you want to see people who obviously can’t handle every day normal interactions, just go to a busy highway. We have some of the worst in the country. You get to see everyone’s insecurity displayed in the way they drive. I have been force off the road by a car with religious stickers on the bumper, they were trying to catch up to someone who pissed them off and didn’t care who they hurt in the process.
It is not like a prjudice against a race from ignorance. It is a learned behaviour to protect one's self from harm. Do not take it personally.
Take responsibility and remember that so many don’t, be glad that you do and be proud. I am.
Chuck | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 32 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:48:20 AM | by rainbow_fish
I can't think one of one good reason, and I would not like sleeping with one eye open....
I like things calm and fun......
no emotional upheavals and all that needed here. let someone else with more patience mess with it. i just want to have fun She may have known plenty of people with the illness, her opinion matters just as much.
So far only two people have been agaisnt it and both have known people with it. They have been burned maybe. They do not need to put up with it.
Sure, one of them is a hot girl (I mean no disrespect rainbow_fish), if I were single I would say that those odds were pretty good and would be encouraged to look for the fish for me.
It is our disease, not theirs. Let them have a happy life.
Chuck | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/21/2005 7:39:31 PM | | Kudos to you, Chuck and all the well managed bi-polars out there who are finally speaking up for themselves! I have been burned also, and am still feeling the effects going on 20 years later, but know that like any personality, not all bi-polars are alike, just like not all those with diabetes, or cancer or any other illness are alike either. Some face up to the challenge of their disorder, and some do not. To any of you who would not consider dating a bi-polar simply because of the illness, you are free to have your opinion, but one must look at the responsibility factor of the individual and decide from there. As has already been said, you may be missing out on knowing a wonderful individual, as most bi-polars are very creative, sensitive, highly intelligent individuals, and very devoted to friends and family. Wish I could say that about the rest of the population! | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/21/2005 7:55:07 PM | Another reason I would NOT want to mess with that is because
its BI polar, meaning extreme opposites.
For instance a person who comes in here asking to meet women, then a week
later he says he isn't looking, then a week later is looking for men. Then something else. I mean
could anyone really be involved with someone for long who is so confused and extreme they don't even know what they are wanting ?
I am sorry people have this kind of peoblem but it's too much for people like me who
don't have anything like that. It would upset friendship and trust. There would be so much trouble building trust, so there would be no relationship, not even friendship.
To me, it's all to confusing and crazy to be around. I don't think they know why they do it and many don't care. I don't think they would like being around someone who wanted one thing one minute and another the next. Would be too uncomfortable for me to be around for very long. I would try to avoid it if possible. We all make out own choices, and hopefully others respect them, no matter if they are mentally ill or not. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 35 | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/21/2005 10:45:42 PM | There are some sick sick people on sites like these.....
I would hate to be someone to find the person I was with was one of them...
... hopefully I would have enough sense to detect something like that in someone before he had a chance to come into my life and mess with me and my head... maybe give me HIV or something.
shesh | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 37 | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/21/2005 11:03:08 PM | | my last serious relationship was with a man who was bi polar.... i wouldn't leave anyone for something like that, i just hated it when he used it as an excuse for why he would beat me up, and abuse me mentally as well.. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 12:29:28 AM | so now this makes 3 profiles ?
@chris, he used it as an excuse to beat you up? well guess what? if he were bisexual he would use his illness as an excuse for that too.....
so maybe you should think not about leaving anyone for something like that....
but if you should be getting involved with someone like that in the first place. Many who claim to be UNDER CONTROL aren't, they just have learned to play more games... they have such little care for others... on some days.... remember this is a disease of extremes.....
that on some days he could go out and have sex with 5 men, come home and have sex with you, then beat you up for it saying its his disease, then come online telling other people he is under control. Be careful who you mess around with. Take care of yourself. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 8:10:14 AM | | Thanks christine for the positive input. Rainbow,we are talking about apples and oranges here. Yes there are many bi-polars who will not accept the fact that they have an illness, have extreme mood swings and self medicate with drugs or alcohol or not at all and others have to face the negative effects of this. These are the extreme and irresponsible ones, though. It seems the initiator of this thread is talking about those who are responsible about their own treatment, and sensitive to those around them, and that makes a huge difference. As I said before, it is like a cancer patient who is positive and does not make excuses for their feelings, their disease, but faces it head on, and you would not think twice about dating someone like that, would you? Even if they had days when they just couldn't face the possibility of an early demise or the pain, in general they would face the music and be the best person they can be, for the sake of themselves and those around them. These are the bi-polars we are discussing here. They are just like any other human around, and I know how it is sometimes, being a woman with all the mood swings inherent in femaleness, and especially getting close to that midlife thing, and I am sure you get them too, on occasion, so we cannot expect a perfectly calm relationship with anyone, because all people have their differences. Just something to think about. Being a bit more open-minded and accepting of others opens up a world of opportunity for rich friendships and relationships alike. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 8:37:30 AM | Nicely said blastkist....This is response from a person with education and a balanced perspective, bipolar people are people like the rest of us. To say "don't date a bopolar person" is like saying "don't date redheads," we are all different, the same applies to those with mental illnesses. You would have to just do a google search to see famous and repected bipolars in history...true it can be a wild ride with some, sometimes, but to stain everyone with ABD would be harsh and inaccuate.  
Vote McLaughlin 4 council | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 9:15:38 AM | Ok I can tell you from experience if this person is recieving help then in most cases no one would even know she is be Bipolar. I have rapid cycling bipolar with mixed states which means I have states where I cycle so quickly I can be manic and depressed at the same time. I also Have Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, Post traumatic stress disorder, and agoraphobia. No one can tell. WHen I tell them they are no way I can't believe. I take a bunch of meds but have not had a significant cycle in 4 years. I have periods of Hypomania but those aren't bad I just get more accomplished, and become more creative. I own my own fashion company and make a 6 figure income so I don't thing it has slowed me down. I have 3 children. And I have succeeded at everything I have tried. I am a hardworker and a loyal honest person at times too honest. LOL
I think you should look in your heart. Are you maybe scared because of your disorder. Or are you just looking for excuses not to continue the relationship. If that is the case be honest about your feelings instead oif hiding them behind the illness  | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 9:15:45 AM | | You are very welcome, Chuck. You mentioned genetic purists and I shudder to think that there are some of those still out there. I am reminded of WWII and how being born into the wrong family most certainly meant a death sentence. There is a saying that those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. I pray that this society is smart enough to learn from it, become more open-minded and accepting of others, and have the courage to stand by each other, however imperfect we may be, to save our race as a whole, instead of being an active participant in its demise. So here's to the human race, in all its diversity, creativity and imperfections- cheers! Something to ponder, to those of you who may be a little quick to judge others, it is the person as a whole that counts. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 46 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 10:13:10 AM | Well said nala1. There are those who are "not" mentally ill but are manipulative and passive aggressive. Some send emails and immediately block the user after doing so. This way they can stalk and pester and not have to answer for their own actions. They do not take responsibility for their own actions.
I had created another profile to see if I was being followed and low and behold I was. I deleted that profile after reading the rules about having more than one profile. It is possible that the mods will kick me for ever creating another.
I also found that the women of this website are unfairly bombarded with emails as soon as they sign up. If I had kept that profile up as a straight woman I would not have been able to answer all of the emails received in a period of more than 2 hours.
I started the profile as “man seeking man” to see if there were any gay men here. Found some, apologized and changed it to “woman seeking woman” I got permission from my cousin to use a couple of her pic. That’s when all hell broke loose. Emails and IMs before I could even finish setting up the account, so I quickly changed it to “woman seeking woman” and the emails dropped way down. Along the way there was someone who sent an email everytime I changed it saying “I know who you are”. I thought, well it seems that I am being followed. The last time this person sent one, they blocked my profile so I couldn’t even reply.
Does this sound like a balanced person to you? Or does it sound like compulsive thought, someone who is actually going to the trouble to find me everywhere I go?
You decide.
Chuck | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 11:28:49 AM | wow, some story chuck.
I don't have anyone on block but one gay guy.
Your cousin let you use some of her pics for a profile on pof? wow, cool chuck.
Do you feel people who come to the the forums follow you?
I never worrried about that. Been upfront with people and let them know
what I was about. I wonder how many other guys are posting profiles as woman and gay guys? A few women had me on favorites but I thought it was because they wanted high points on the voting thing, so I gave them 10's because I figured it meant a lot to them to get in the top 500. A guy once wrote me begging for a 10, because he said he wanted top rank so much. Thats when I stopped all that voting. Its just political war for some and they take it so serious.
Anyway, good luck chuck.
Back to why a person would not want to date someone bi polar. I feel some people are balanced with meds but some aren't, why risk it and let someone too close and personal in your life without taking time to get to know them better. Anything could happen with that and I don't like roller coaster rides as part of dating.
Rides are good for the state fair. Stories are good for books. Honesty and communication are good for dating. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 11:33:00 AM | There are good reasons not to date someone who is bipolar AND refuses to accept such and medicate for such.
Other than that...while it IS an over-abused diagnosis...you can have a perfectly "normal" relationship with someone who is bi-polar or any other mental health issue! | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 11:56:18 AM | | Anybody who passes judgement on those with unfortunate disorders should be avoided. I agree with HarleyKat. I myself know what it is to be trapped in the throws of bipolar disorder. It is not easy on the victim's counterpart at times, but it can build strength in a relationship as well. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 3:39:09 PM | Everyone has the right to say who they will date and
don't have to give a reason why. Just as some would not date
someone because they weigh 500 pounds, or if someone has 7 kids
under 10..... or mental illness or whatever. We all have a right who we
will bring into our personal lives. The problems arise when people are dishonest
about themselves, their lives what they are looking for... then blame it
either on someone else or an illness.
Yes bipolar is often overdiagnosed. Sometimes they are actually schizo or a
sociopath. Places like this attract those kinds, we all have to be careful.. but a
good clue of something being wrong is someone who tends to blame things on
a disease or other people. Victim mentality, blaming others for your actions or feelings... is a sure sign that there are some major
factors below the surface. Victim mentality is a sure sign of a bad realtionship to come. Run while you can I say... | |
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