| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/23/2005 5:32:55 AM | [why risk it and let someone too close and personal in your life without taking time to get to know them better]
Exactly, rainbow fish. Just because someone seems "normal" (excuse the word, is there any such thing?) to you, are you going to let them close and personal without getting to know them better anyhow? That might just be a mistake. Maybe they are one of those victim mentality types, or maybe they are just allergic to your cats! Because it is always wise to get to know someone very well before going beyond something like a meet date, it should not matter what type you date, as long as they are compatible and you both enrich each others lives and make each other smile. In my experience, dating IS a roller coaster ride anyhow. The waiting to hear from someone you have expressed interest in, the anxiety of the first meet, the occasional letdown when someone is not quite what you expected, it is all part of the experience. If someone is honest enough and communicates to you that they are bi-polar you should take it a bit further to find out if they are properly managing their illness. If so, there is no reason to call it off if all is well. Then there is no roller coaster ride.
And Chuck, I would be a bit concerned if someone is following you on this site, perhaps contact the moderators just to let them know. Some people are just sick, and I don't mean bi-polar either, gee, what is the name of that disease? Ahh I think they call it hate. They are the most dangerous ones. Someone who has a disease? No problem. A hater? Run like hell. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/23/2005 5:56:42 AM | | I have to say i dated a gent for six months was bi polar, and i didnt know and he never said. we moved in together on a friday and i had to run for my life with police assistance on sunday. He was pacing the floor telling me how life was gonna be according to him. i thought what did i get myself into here. I ran for my life he is still looking for me. It was like he had a plan and when he got me with him then he wanted me to know what it was, very scary he threatened to kill me if i didnt comply with his wishes, worst of all the neighbours told me i was the second lady he did this to but i was lucky the first lady left without even her cloths..now he is on the net looking for a women who works that would like a man who lives on a disability. that is what he did to me but cost me a lot of money moving twice. byer beware..this bipolar was very scary...thanks but no thanks.. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/23/2005 6:39:32 AM | Chuck...
Thanks for starting this thread. One thing I do know is that as a society we need better awareness and knowledge of mental illness.
I was dating a man who has something (not sure what). Intelligent man, great job etc. I totally fell in love with him and after 6 months he dissappeared on me. I called his boss and found out there was a missing persons report on him. A couple months later he wrote me a letter telling me he wanted to kill himself. I spend alot of time and effort trying to "save" this man only to have him digress a few months later. I did a lot of research on mental illness and my laymans diagnosis was paranoid schitzo...
He lost his job, stopped paying his bills, stopped seeing his children and basically fell apart at the seams. Watching someone I loved , cared for and respected so much.. self destruct was devastating to me...
I fell into my own depression which affected my ability to parent and do my job properly.
Luckily I worked my way through this within a few months and with some drugs and support network of very good friends I recovered.
The response from his ex wife was one of anger... and then I knew she did not understand this disease at all. There is so much stigma attached.
Trouble is, its not like having "cancer" as one writer put it. Because it is not purely physical.
It is very complicated and difficult to understand.
Each and every case is different and complex in its own unique way.
I believe it is manageable with the correct diagnosis and drugs but that can take a long time to figure out.. and some people cannot withstand the wait.
Unfortunately mental illness falls through the cracks of health care. It is ambiguous and treated with skepticm.
In the case of my friend, he dedicated the most valuable years of his life as a hospital adminstrator only to lose his health care benefits and be shut out by the system. ( He is a US citizen ) For this reason I still believe wholeheartedly that Canadian health care system is far superior and humane than US) He did not want to go to the state medicare and be lumped in with all the "crazies" ... which I understand because you give up alot of your rights once you admit yourself to emerg. for mental illness.
So very very sad.
I just want to say that I understand BOTH sides. I understand that people WITH the disease want a fair chance to prove themselves and live a normal life with a healthy person. I also understand that healthy people dont necessarily want to get tangled up with someone with those kinds of issues.....
Life is hard and then you die ... but we have to look for the best while we are here
I love these forums because its people helping people
understanding is the way to healing
April | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 55 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/23/2005 9:45:00 AM | I made too much of the being followed think earlier, I found it flattering though. Maybe I was just mistaken.
I believe people should have the choice of whether or not to date someone. Plenty of people have ben burned by someone with this illness. There are still plenty of people who would take that chance.
I agree with Rainbow_fish when she said something to the point that it is just another thing to weigh out in the process of determining if someone is right for you or not.
Chuck | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/23/2005 2:12:00 PM | | I have to agree with you, April, and Chuck as well. The US health care system leaves something to be desired in the realm of treatment of mental illness, but in it's defense, it is improving and doing it's best. Unfortunately, sometimes the best it can do isn't good enough and there are plenty who fall through the cracks, and many do take others with them. It should be your own choice without recourse who you date and who you do not for whatever reason and I have found that people without the disease to be plenty pushy to hook up when there is no reciprocal interest. May we all find the special someone we are looking for, and good luck fishing everyone! | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 57 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/25/2005 7:29:34 AM | Since there is no cure and the care for the disease is sometimes even worse than the disease itself, I am truly surprised that anyone would willingly become involved with someone that has my illness. I have to remember that love is blind.
My wife is a brilliant and compassionate lady. I was introduced to her by a friend who was directing a show in a neighboring city. She was the assistant director. When we first met I wanted to get to know her right away. We spoke for hours that night. On our next date I told her that I am bipolar and proceeded to explain in great detail what that involved and why she might want to educate herself on this disease before going any farther. We still agreed to a third date, at which time I would find out how she felt about proceeding.
Our third date was a blast.
Chuck | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 59 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/25/2005 8:40:50 AM | Thank you very much blue3535. I and tell her show her everyday how much I love her and how much she means to me. I am usually the first to say I love you when we are saying good-bye on the phone. She still thanks me for making her 45th birthday something good to remember. Keep in mind that these are things that I was born to do and it was reinforced by my parents and encouraged by my wife.
She and I have always had so much in common that when I order dinner I do sometimes order for her as well because I actually do know what she wants.
She even goes to a lot of my DBSA* meetings with me. When we ran a karaoke show together it was one of the most fun events ever for us. When my restaurant was too busy to run with the staff that we had, she would sometimes come in to take orders and free up an employee to work elsewhere. The cooks loved her, the customers adored her. She is the most wonderful woman I have ever known.
She flatters me with her presence alone. She is highly intelligent and yet she chooses to stay with me.
My advice to others who suffer from this disease and want to find that special person, don’t look. Do what you enjoy doing as long as it is constructive and gets you in the public where others are. That is where you will find someone, someone with common interests. Because you are both doing something you enjoy, you will actually just bump into each other. Most of all, don’t be needy. If you are depressed you still need to continue because life does not stop for us. Show yourself the respect you deserve whether you think you deserve it or not. Your self respect shows to other people that you deserve respect.
Below are some good references. I don’t get all of my information from these people but I do listen and stay involved with them as a rule of thumb.
DBSA - Depressive and Bipolar Support Alliance – you
http://www.dbsalliance.org/
Bipolar Happens – Written and maintained by a woman who cannot take the meds that are prescribed for this illness.
http://www.bipolarhappens.com/
Chuck | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/25/2005 8:53:46 AM | to be honest chuck i have been fortunate i have usually found my past b/f's without even looking or they find me. you have given some very good advice and i have listened to it each and every word. and yes you are right about so many of hte thigns discussed in this thread.
i have done many searches on the internet and even sent for information about it and support groups but in my area there is nothing here to for us i kive in a small area and have had no luck finding any help but i keep my chin up and keep going with my life and sty strong for my kids and myself. i work full time as a nurse aide and i do get some support from my coworkers and my kids believe it or not even though one of htem has bipolar among a few other illnesses and two of them has illnesses not related to depression they are very suportive of me and of each other. without a support system you have nothing. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/28/2005 3:12:19 AM | andnowthefall and bpmg, ditto I couldn't of said it better my selfs. gets the bro's some
kool-aid.. it's a chemcial inbalence of the brain, it genic. just like a diabetic has to take insulin,or a cancer patient has to have keymo. we have to take medication and see a therapist.... . I Think it wrong with some people say run from a bipolar person. why because you had a bad exspereantice(SP?) With a bipolar person and now your ignorant of all of them.. grr when will the stigma and stupidaty of people in?
right dragonrider.. we are hear to educate the people,and just like them they may want to learn about it.. see you still don't know everything because you're asking the question " I don't know why my son's girlfriend seems to think every so offen she is cured, there is no cure. um because when a bipolar person is mania they see nothing wrong with them,
we sometimes can feel like superman.-- we are no longer depressed mania makes us seem like how thing should be. you are right you're son can't "fix" her problems but can help her with support and encuregment(SP?)... I don't know but it sound like you may be biest(SP?) of your son's girlfriend because she bipolar.. one day he's going to group and he going to make his own choses. get to know your son's girlfriends, I Have to ask how is she dangerous what did she do? I would like to know.. I wonder what she did that made her go to jail. why didn't they just put her in the hospital? | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/29/2005 3:42:27 PM | | Most frequently people use thier bipolarity as an excuse fior justifying inappropriate behavior. it all depends on the person and your ability to put up with sh*t. I wouldn't do it unless I intended to keep the relatioship shallow with no strings. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/29/2005 5:51:31 PM | Jeez...not worthy of a reply, but I have to express that I'm just disappointed to realize people really think like this.
You keep it shallow. That's the best thing for you. Better yet, just stay away from them. They don't need your narrow minded "opinions" in their lives.
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/30/2005 4:44:09 AM | | funny girl yoru right we dont need their shallowness in our lives if htey need to judge us just because they dont understand or because they had one bad experience then so be it but they are missing out on some wonderful people | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/30/2005 9:08:48 AM | I was married to a woman with bipolar for a long time. We didn't know it until many years into the marriage. There are different degrees and types of bipolar. Some do very well if they take their meds consistently, though sometimes the meds stop working and the switch to something new can be a very difficult time. Many of the meds have side effects, especially on libido. And the mood swings can be very unpleasant if not well controlled.
If everything else is good about the person, I'd say give it a chance, but don't rush into a commited relationship. Most of us have something wrong with us, after all, and the overall situation will give the answer. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/30/2005 11:10:09 AM |  excellent answer and its also the right way to look at it. your a big man for marrying a woman with bipolar and staying with her as long as you did wht everyne needs to do is what you did look at the person inside not the person tht is ill from this | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/30/2005 1:57:41 PM | Funny g and Blu Please don't mistake my intentions . I am not saying ostracize BP people. Just be very careful.
[qoute]Jeez...not worthy of a reply, but I have to express that I'm just disappointed to realize people really think like this.
You keep it shallow. That's the best thing for you. Better yet, just stay away from them. They don't need your narrow minded "opinions" in their lives.[/qoute]
I said it depends on the person. By keeping it shallow I meant just friends with no commitments. My father was BP and one of my sisters is. My dad died from litium poisening at 81. Befeore he went he had put us all through hell at various times. He wa a severe alcoholic and heavy smoker. He drove us into bankruptcy. My mother had to "wear the pants in the family" in order for us to survive when i was young. The only way my mom was able to cope was because she was a Psych tech at the V.A.. In fact she worked the same station as Nurse Ratchett that Ken Kesey wrote about in One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest. He developed several cancers and lost a lot of wieght. The dr never adjusted the litium intake for the weight loss and it built up in his system. Eventually it sent his kidneys into overdrive and he became dehydrated and dillusional. He had me arrested by making a false report to the police when I went to help him. He destroyed my home computer and my laptop. Said computers violated his civil rights. He tried to also have my bro and sisters arrested also. By then the cops knew he was wack and didn't arrest them but they did prevent them from visiting him.
My sister who is BP has never been able to maintain a relationship with any one for more than a year except for her first husband. That lasted for 9 yrs but he bailed too after she drove them into bankrupcy and because of her violent fits and drinking. She is also a severe alcoholic. She also has no long term friends. She is a jr high drop out and has lied her way into a bunch of high paying jobs all of which she was fired from within a year or two and in several cases a couple of months. One company she cost a $48,000 loss in 2 months. When my dad died she got my mum who now has Alzheimers to sign over a power of atty to her and pissed her way thru my parents $25,000 life savings in about 7 months and put my mum in arest home with a broken hip. My bro and me are in legal proceeding to have the power of atty removed and a state conservator appointed. I curently have a restraining order against her because she batters me at will when she is drunk.
I've had 2 relationships with BP women and they both were very hurtfull for me because of the inappripriate behavior. A lot of manipulation and con games, one took me for $1200. There was infidelity also. It's funny both of them were the best sexual partners I have ever had.
MY my first and only wife was arrested twice for childabuse/endangerment. We divorced in 1987 but I made the mistake of getting back together in 88. In 1991 she conspired with a street gang of rascist pcp dealers and other rascists to get me murdered so she could seduce and run off with our wealthy landlord. I have a large scar on my forehead from that attempt. When that didn't work, cause he (theLL) didnt want her, she had the hutzpah to try and get back with me. NO WAY!!!! I severed all reltionship with her at that time and remained celebate for 8 yrs. She was diagnosed a BP by one shrink and anti social of borderline psychotic proportions with underlying paranoid schizo tendencies by another. They both recomended further testing and treatment but she refused to co-operate.
All of the BP's above except my ex wife copped to the excuse it's my disease.
PS. My self and my bro and other sister have all been checked out are are not BP.
PPS Enough about my dysfunctional family any mentally stable ladies want to party?
email me. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 72 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/31/2005 7:26:35 PM | Well, just got news a cousin has committed suicide. The meds didn't work for her and electroshock was all that would help her. I will be driving to Michigan tomorrow to visit her Dad. I only hope I can console them
Please keep up the discussion; everyone seems to have very good arguments
Be true to yourself and respect each other.
Chuck
BiPolar Married Guy | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/31/2005 9:35:23 PM | Sounds like you took psych 101, get a reality check! they are in their opinion brighter than the sun, they have a sex drive that Don Juan would have died for and probably did. It would take more than a chastity belt to keep them on the straight and narrow.
Big time spenders especially with your cash, they either bankrupt you or themselves and care little about the consequences.
Liars, two timming, cons, paranoid and lack the ability to trust anyone including themselves. You could be in a relationship for years, you call them up and they say, I don't want to talk to you! their way of ending a relationship and the reason they finally end the relationship is that they have a few others going on while you were going out with them.
If you are going out with some bi polar chick you will find hell a by far much more pleasant experience. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 74 | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/1/2005 5:52:42 AM | malteeze, are you really that stupid are do you just have a finger up your ass?
 sounds like you need to do some more research and need to read more books.
I agree with mpbg only 8 reason, please tell us if we are missing some. | |
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