| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/1/2005 6:16:32 AM | This is alittle off topic but what I need to know is, can bi-polar be passed down? My ex and I have a beautiful son together and I want to know could he have this affliction? I read someone elses comments and they stated that its genetic. I say affliction only because he never took his meds and life was totally up... or down. I guess thats why he turned to other drugs instead. Oh, thinking about it now, he did take Lithiyum, but that was for more recreational purposes. Any comments or light on this subject would be very helpful. Thank you so much!
p.s. If your on your meds things are cool... but if not Ive been with someone who wasn't on them at all and how do I say this... hes been to jail twice for assult. All Im saying is that if he were on his meds his deep end wouldn't have been so deep for him to "go off" into. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/1/2005 6:25:53 AM | I agree completely. I was married to the most wonderful woman I had ever known. She was my best friend, soul mate and business partner. We had dated for a year, and were married for 3. She was bi-polar and also had some issues that were just surfacing regarding sexual abuse from a family member when she was very young. we could talk about anything and everything, loved the same things, It was almost scary as to how much we thought alike.
She was taking Lexapro (spelling?) and while she was OK most of the time, she would break down occasionly, but these events were short lived. Then one day, and I mean ONE DAY. she left for work and someone else came home. It was a side of her that I had no idea was there. She had quit taking her medication a few months earlier because it caused her to gain weight. She decided she did not need it anymore. Within 2 weeks she decided we needed to seperate, so we did. She moved and would not give me her address, would not take my calls, and within one month she filed for divorce. She would not give any reason for the divorce. I spoke with her therapist who told me that she was in a manic phase and needed to be on her medication. This was May of this year and we still have not spoken. I have kept the lines of communication open, but she has not. A therapist that I spoke with said that this would be an ongoing issue, forever. The question is, who is the person I knew? The one on medication, or the one not medicated. I don't know the answere. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 78 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/1/2005 7:02:49 AM | LAELECTRA, my family has bipolar on both sides, a grandparent from each. Many of their children suffer depression and many of their grandchildren or great grandchildren have either depression or bipolar. I am certain it was passed down geneticaly as opposed to environment because the few who don't suffer a mental illness are just fine.
ldhill66, this is the scurge of many who are being treated for bipolar. When mania or hypomania hits we often feel "better", as if we don't even have the illness. Some just enjoy the high from mania, much like doing cocaine. Too many people with bipolar disorder will decide to quit taking their meds at this time. My manias are not fun at all so it is easy for me to keep taking my meds. I have not quit taking them in 16 years. If not treated the disease gets worse.
Chuck | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/1/2005 9:27:08 AM | I can second ldhill. It's kind of similar to my experience. Everything is peachy fine until one day you wake up with a person you DON'T KNOW - the person who is suspicious, agressive, unforgiving - and that makes your life a living hell. Any attempts to reason her don't work. You can't convince or force them to keep taking medication - because this person DOESN'T TRUST you. You get blamed for things that don't make sense to you (I was once blamed in my ex-mother in law having cancer!). She would jump into a car and drive somewhere without giving you a clue where she is going and whether or not she's coming back. You would all of a sudden become her worst enemy. Then when she finally gets hospitalized - she won't give her consent to letting you into the hospital or sharing any information about her condition with you. Don't think it can be draining? Try to live that for a while. I lived that hell for good 5 years. Not anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I am sure those conditions can be controlled by medications, etc. And my heart goes out to those who are willing to get into a relationship with bi-polar patients. You will need a LOT of determination and strength to be able to handle that. Trust me on that one. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 80 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/2/2005 3:21:06 AM | Of the people I've known who have bipolar it seems that the ones who are more manic are also the ones who choose not to take their meds.
If anyone considers a relationship with someone who is bipolar ask them immediately if they ever have stopped taking their meds and why. Also ask them if they are in counseling. Make sure they have a good support group before you go too far in the relationship. Not having a good support group MAY be a sign that they isolate themselves and they MIGHT try to isolate you too.
Chuck | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/2/2005 3:44:02 AM | well as long as they are taking their meds, why not. but do remember that if you choose to have children with someone who is bi-polar you have a 25% chance of having a bi-polar child. i know this b/c my mother has it. so far i'm normal. as are my bro and sis but it can show up even in the late 20's or occasionally later....
jaded | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/2/2005 7:53:06 AM | | Mr. Candelight brings up a good point. That is what happened in my case . There was no hospitalization involved. she did have to go to a emerg clinic a few times because of anxiety and get a shot to calm her down. The hurtfull thing about all of this is how a person can just walk away from a relationship without a reason. I am sure that in their mind, it is all justified. But the person left behind is completely confused, guilt ridden and hurt. It seems all too sad that because someone refused to take their medication, lives are hurt so badly. i do not have any feelings of anger towards my ex. I am very dissapointed in the way she handled the situation. I only hope that at some point she will began taking her meds and be able to have the life that she truly wants. This is a great forum. I have never really spoken to others who have gone thru the same thing. Thanks... | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/2/2005 11:20:39 AM | In response to a previous posting on this thread:
Bipolar disorder is a MOOD disorder, NOT a 'personality disorder'. It is widely agreed that it is caused by neurochemical inbalances in the brain, not maladaptive traits in one's personality.
My son was diagnosed a few years ago and unfortunately I know waaay more about it than I've ever wanted to. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/2/2005 4:59:03 PM | | i am bipoalr and it is hard. for like hte last month or so i have been on a low when i know i should be on a hi gh but i get like this when i get overly stressed wiht the kids finances and work. but i am trying to stay strong for the kids and my patients at work i do alot of spending time alone and crying alot but i get through. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/4/2005 6:56:26 AM | | Dragon Rider, you really must consider something in all this: as you have said, you are a product of your environment, and that is true to a large extent, but also there are those of us out there that are able to rise above our circumstances, however lousy they may be to achieve new heights. You are around your son and his girlfriend a bit I am assuming and that fact is having an effect on you also. That may be swaying your ideas a bit as you are in around that situation a lot, but consider this: It is your attitude and yours alone that makes the difference in your own life , and of course those you are close to. It seems that this thing has brought you down a bit. Do not let the attitudes of others stop you from being the person you want to be, that is all I am saying here. If you let this make you a negative person, you will spread this to all you are with, including your wife, son, and his bi-polar girlfriend. I suggest you distance yourself a bit from this situation (though I am glad to hear he is getting counseling on dealing positively with her problem) and get youself more in a positive frame of mind. Will do wonders for you, and those close to you. I do agree with you that anyone considering getting into such a relationship know and understand what they are getting into, but consider Chuck here. Seems he is living a pretty good life, has a wonderful wife, friends, and socially active in society. I am sure he has his problems, as we all do, but has risen above his illness to achieve new heights, and that is possible for anyone to do, with the right mindset. I think that it is the persons attitude that makes all the difference, not whether he/she has a disability or disease or not. Of course you should know what you are getting into, but that goes with any relationship. I do understand your concerns, having been first hand in that type of relationship myself, but do try to be a bit more positive, not being judgemental here, just sensing a bit of frustration here. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/4/2005 7:24:25 AM | | Thanks, jaded, for the comment. I have 2 children with a bi-polar father, and am constantly worried that it will happen with them, but now they are grown (although they are still young and not out of the woods yet) but have dedicated my life since having them (to the demise of my social life, but not totally) to making sure they are as well balanced as possible and do try my best to help them make sure it does not happen to them. So far it is working, but one never knows...I am very determined to make sure either way that they deal responsibly with life either by dealing with things like an adult, or by taking the proper med in the proper fashion for any illness they may have. It is a hard road, but if they become successful, productive members of society, let me tell you I will be at the top of the world, knowing I have succeeded in the endeavor that is the most important-that of being a parent. By the way, they worry about it too, but not as much now that they are adults, but we do have a ways to go yet and do discuss it from time to time. I would add that having a support system is imperative, as I have not had one to date, and it has made it ever so much harder and we could have come much further than we have had we had a good support system, but are doing the best we can under the circumstances. I do intend to be their support system though, for as long as it takes. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/4/2005 10:32:08 AM | The bottom line is that you never know till it's too late. My mother was bipolar and also one of the best people you'd ever want to know - loved to help people - but due to the nature of her illness there were large periods of her life for which she took no responsiblity - claimed not to even remember! This included two of her seven marriages!
As long as they are in treatment, they are aware of the problem, but the disease is very tricky and creates an internal mindset that makes them feel omnipotent, leading to lying about treatment maintenance and allowing a cycle to begin - and then you're off to the races whether you signed on for the ride or not. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 89 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:14:26 PM | Well, we buried another bipolar relative on Friday. My uncle had a brother, a wife, and a daughter who were bipolar and committed suicide. He still has another daughter and a grand daughter with it. I will do my best to not let it happen again, not even to me.
This is what some of us have to look forward to. You can't treat people like crap and expect them to just get over it.
Chuck | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/7/2005 10:56:29 PM | | My most recent ex is bipolar. When he was on his meds, things were okay...I won't say perfect, but they were okay. Once he took himself off his meds(he did this once a year) he would go into his depressed state quite often and go into self destruct mode. So my answer is that the only good reason to NOT date someone who is bipolar is if you know they have a history of NOT taking their pills as prescribed. As long as they keep on their medication, and it's working for them it's good.....but if they stop.....it's time to either get them back on or leave....speaking from experience here. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/8/2005 10:36:23 AM | the medicated woman you fell in love with is the real person the one without hte medicine and that is in the manic phase is like a totaly different person. i am bipolar and so is my son so trust me i have seen it many itmes with him as well as myself during med changes. even though she left you and filed for divorice there is a part of you that will always love her unconditional. the best hting she coudl do is get back on her meds and stay on them. i take one pill a day called cymbalta its a combination drug that does the saem thing two different pills woudl do without feeling the effects from it while its taking its course to get through your system. i feel for you and if you would like a friend to chat with please email me.
my heart goes out ot you i know exactly what you are going through.
nala you couldnt have said it better. dragonrider does live by his enviroment and he needs not to judge by one bad experience. | |
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jimb77
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Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 93 | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/9/2005 8:19:30 AM | Run, Run away as fast as you can. I am talking from experience here. Yu have only one thing going for you and that is she is recieveing treatment...if that is true. However once this person discontinues traetment you will live life on a rollercoaster. Mine may have been worse because he was not only bi polar he also had Borderline Personality Disorder. I was married for 15 years before I finally gave up. It is a very difficult life. Dating may be ok because when they have an episode you can just go home. Just don't marry them.
Well let's see i think your totally wrong. I think you need a head on your shoulders. The realtionhship is what you make of it not what you get out of it. First of all I was with someone for five years everything was perfect until he started to abuse me. thats when i my bi-polar and my sciso and my personality disorder came out. not because of the wonderful four years before that because of that last horrible year so do not tell people not to marry someone just because they might have a mental illness. | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/9/2005 9:37:12 AM | | No problem, Mr.filoceefee. Bi-polar is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes a person to usually go from back and forth from periods of extreme depression to extreme mania (excitability, super happiness, paranoia,etc), correct me if I am wrong Chuck. It is diagnosed usually when one of those periods become too much for the person or someone close(parent, husband, wife, sibling) and a hospital stay is required to stabilize the person. Or it can be diagnosed in a physicians or psychiatrists office. It is a hard thing to diagnose and many cases are undiagnosed or misdiagnosed as ADHD or other illness. It is also hard to treat and most are treated with mood stabilizing medications. It is often a bit more complicated than that, but that's the basics of it. Hope that helps. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 96 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/9/2005 3:26:54 PM | nala1 - that is a very good description IMO.
I am always open to answering anyone's questions on this disease and am also open to respecting anyone who doesn't wish to be around me because of it.
My email is always open, no restrictions on it because I encourage anyone to email me who wants to.
Don't hate me because I'm bipolar, hate me because I'm beautiful.lol
Chuck | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:31:30 PM | jeez louise malteeze
You paint with a broad brush
I had the good fortune to have a relationship with a lady with BP. She was the kindest, most generous individual I had been involved with up to that point. I have also met some ladies that displayed some of the characteristics you mentioned.
Things didn't work because I couldn't ride the roller coaster others have talked about.
BPMG - congratulations to you for having the discipline to maintain your meds. Had my friend been able to do so I doubt that I'd be using this forum.
I would still date someone with BP, human nature being what it is I suspect I'd be leary of a long term relationship - then again love is blind. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 98 | |
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| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/10/2005 6:45:13 PM | Thanks, Chuck for the confirmation on the diagnosis of bipolar illness, and I truly believe you already are a beautiful person, inside and out. You can be proud of who you are, I am sure many of your friends and loved ones are! | |
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