|
|
|
|
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/30/2006 2:07:47 AM | Bipolar is not bipolar. It's chronic Lyme Disease or one of the coinfections. 'Science' is still arguing this though, so you need to push to get it diagnosed.
Meanwhile, have her get a WESTERN BLOT for Lyme Disease and PCRs for coinfections (babesia, bartonella, ehrlichia, mycoplasms). The classic bull's eye rash is actually quite uncommon, and 'science' doesn't tell all of us that mosquitos and fleas and even houseflies transmit the bug.
You should then get tested, too. But whatever is making her bipolar - it's some type of infection. Don't let her find out the hard way. Chronic Lyme is hellish. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/30/2006 9:57:05 AM |
Bipolar is not bipolar. It's chronic Lyme Disease or one of the coinfections. 'Science' is still arguing this though, so you need to push to get it diagnosed.
I realize you or someone you love, or know may have Chronic Lyme Disease, but I must make it clear that many things besides Lyme Disease can cause Bi-polar disease/disorder. Infection, trauma, stroke, severe psychological abuse/trauma, psychiatric illness unrelated to organic cause, as well as those with organic cause. I agree that co-infections -- especially babesia, bartonella, ehrlichia, mycoplasms should be tested for, but it's also critical a Lyme Specialist who is Lyme literate do these tests -- if they must be done at all, else the tests will be misinterpretted as usual, and the patient will be led on a wild goose chase.
Meanwhile, have her get a WESTERN BLOT for Lyme Disease and PCRs for coinfections (babesia, bartonella, ehrlichia, mycoplasms). The classic bull's eye rash is actually quite uncommon, and 'science' doesn't tell all of us that mosquitos and fleas and even houseflies transmit the bug.
Why bother, the Western Blot and ELISA are false negative nearly 50% of the time, the rash appears in less than 40% of cases, and of course all those vectors you mentioned continue to be issues of possible transmission, as well as sexual intercourse. Though even Lyme specialist disagree over this point.
You should then get tested, too. But whatever is making her bipolar - it's some type of infection. Don't let her find out the hard way. Chronic Lyme is hellish.
Testing is "possibly" useful, up until the test is false-negative, then you may as well find another physician, because they're going to firmly plant their heels in the dirt and disapprove of another further attempts at trying to diagnose Lyme Disease.
What needs to happen, if Lyme Disease is a possible suspect, is go to one of the Lyme forums, such as Lymenet.org or the Myspace Lyme Group [The one with the Lime], and directly ask patients for a listing of actual doctors in the persons area who specifically studies Lyme, treats Lyme and is actually seeing patients recover over time.
Lyme disease is a complex problem, but it is not the only cause of Bi-polar disease, but it sure can be misdiagnoses "as" Bi-polar disease. I'll read the other persons's post and see exactly what she's saying.
I have Chronic Lyme Disease, and I've been diagnosed with everything under the sun,-- 12 different diagnosis/misdiagnosis. Bi-polar disease being one among many. I was bitten by the tick in 1987 when I was 9, and I am still infected with Lyme Disease now 2 decades later. Unfortuantely I was diagnosed late -- extremly late, but I'll beat it. The impossible just takes a little longer. My health has improved drastically over the many years of treatment, but ongoing therapy continues. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/30/2006 10:11:09 AM |
Nope. 'Bipolar' doesn't exist.
I'm not entirely sure I could make such a statement based on my prior experience. I'll go as far as saying a disorder of "sometype" -- with the symptomology of BP exists, and whether it's a vague diagnosis like Fibromyalgia, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome with unknown etiology, the fact is -- a lot of things could cause those same symptoms, but I most certainly would agree with you in telling "anyone" who is diagnosed with Bipolar disease to consider any other symptoms they have, and to pursue a Lyme diagnosis -- yet sadly, doing the testing for Lyme will require them to go to a specilist who "specifically" studies and works with Lyme patients, rather than any traditional Infectious Disease specialist.
You're going to think I'm nuts, but check out the Lyme forum below. 'Bipolar' is just one symptom of a disease that is a hell of a lot more prevalent than the Center For Disease Control is letting on.
I agree.
I spent 16 years on meds only to learn I had LYME. Get your partner tested for Lyme by Western Blot, because the Elisa sucks. And if your partner has it, you probably do, too. It's serious once it goes chronic. Trust me on this one.
Both tests are poor. The more chronic the condition, the less effective the Western Blot is, and the reason is that the CDC back in the early 1993-94 period decided that they would choose the antibody values which would be most appropriate for surveillence purposes. The tests for Lyme were never designed to diagnose patients, they were to firmly and conclusively identify the hardest, clearest cases -- with rigorous standards, in order to display "where" the disease was most prevalent in the country. This of course causes significant failure rates in diagnosis of Lyme, since many of the 'bands" for the Western Blot begin to fail as the disease progresses into the tertiary stage. Lyme Disease tends to infect all tissues, but has a preference for specific body parts, including the central nervous system, and immune system, and the joints. Since the CNS is "everywhere" in the body for the most part, every body part is affected, regardless. The problem then is, when Lyme infected the immune system itself -- especially while blood cells, and begins suppressing immunity. The bacterium has evolved to a stage of being able to regulate host immunity in order to improve the pathogens ability to endure and survive in the host. As this suppression takes place, antibody values decline over time, eventually they decline so low that low-grade fever, night sweats, and of course, low antibody levels in the blood. When the Western Blot and Elisa -- which are a two tier system, are combined, you have almost impossible hurdles for people with Chronic Lyme to overcome in order to identify the Lyme. The tests aren't sensitive enough to identify late stage Lyme because of the Surveillence purpose, the two tier, and the low antibody response of most patients in the late stage.
Testing is pathetic, at best. The infectious Disease Society of American denies that Chronic Lyme even exists, although many medical professionals disagree with them, not to mention researching specialists around the world who have confirmed otherwise through laboratory work, or clinical work directly with patients.
PCR is almost as pathetic as the Western Blot, though slightly better -- but not enough to warrant it in most cases. Ultimately Lyme is really a "clinical" diagnosis at best, which is unfortunate. A person needs to see a highly esperienced physician who treats primarily Lyme patients, and consult his or her experience, and current knowledge on the science of the disease, in order to get a diagnosis. Testing is at best "supplemental" -- if any bands show up from the western Blot, but the CDC requires 5 of them to be present to allow a Lyme Diagnosis. The CDC doesn't believe Chronic Lyme exists, so as you can imagine -- this is a very controversial revolution that is taking place. You know all this, but for patients reading this, it may help them to understand that they need to take the time to consult a very good specialist in order to get the highest odds of a true diagnosis.
| |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/30/2006 11:22:45 AM | Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
If they are not on the right coctail of meds and getting psychiatric help then this is a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar. It is very difficult to deal with a person who is completely irrational, yet manages to rationalize even the most heinous of actions. Not to mention it can be dangerous. They can in fact be very manipulative and seem to be what you are looking for then when they have you bam! The consious is very limited if existent at all. So, yeah, it's best to stay away.
If on the other hand they are getting the proper care it is like night and day. Though remember not all quirks and character flaws are due to the illness anymore than anyone else. Unless you know the person well you may not know which category to attribute such things-their nature or their illness and you may be hold out for something that a pill will not abate.
As with anyone you have to be careful. Keep your eyes and ears open and your common sense intact before you offer your heart. | |
|
Aunie
|
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 180 | |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/30/2006 11:34:19 AM | As I read this thread, I think of my 9 year old son is who Bi-polar. He is on meds, very well regualated, and is doing great. He is OCD also. Having said that, I will also say that he is in the gifted and talented program at his school. He is very mature.
But we have learned to recognize the signs of a bad day and deal with the problems that come up. My hope is that with the help of medication and conseling he will grow up to be a productive member of society. It seems to me, that the key to dealing with bi-ploar is compassion and education.
I hope that someday , when he grows up, that he will find the right woman for him. Someone who will not be judgemental but understanding. I do not want him growing up to be like his father is. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/30/2006 12:47:41 PM | short answer no
generally when dating someone with a disorder.... not only they have to deal with it.. so do you.
not saying that you cant, but its a matter of inner strength.
the degree to which the disorder controlls their life and yours and how much you can put up with it is a question you have to answer for yourself
i think thats how it goes | |
|
| |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/7/2007 5:44:00 PM |
It seems to me, that the key to dealing with bi-ploar is compassion and education.
Aunie, this is about as true as it can get.... I know those dealing with me have been better able to with education so they could understand what it is we go through being bipolar.... also someone said something about the right coctail of meds... I have finally found one that works for me and now life is pretty normal on a day to day basis | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/7/2007 8:32:59 PM | I think as we need to deal with it, so must the person with the disorder. There is no reason to not date someone who is Bipolar, but there are definately reasons why not to date someone who feels that they do not need to be on medication, or at least recognize their condition. This is no different than dating someone who smokes, drinks, or does drugs because at the end of the day, it's that person and their approach that will change the question.  | |
|
| |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/7/2007 8:47:41 PM | If the illness is treated and the person has been stable from a psychiatric persepctive for at least a few years, there's no reason to break it off. As awkward as it may seem, I'd be asking about any recent hopitalizations and whether they intend to remain compliant with treatment. And if you stay in the rel'ship, read up on the condition.
Good luck! | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/7/2007 9:02:49 PM | I have had my heart broken by a man i loved more than anything, I am 98% certain he is Bi polar but has not been diagnosed and so far will not get help. He lost a 2yr old child in 2001 and I think that depression made it worse. He left in aug of 05 and moved in with a woman who was diagnosed but didn`t take her meds and also had some Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. She was apparently hitting him and he finaly fled to his family in Holland. The sat before xmas he phoned saying he had never stopped loving me and how things had been pretty good with us etc and i fell for it again because i still loved him, told him that if we had that we could fix anything but he didn`t want to come back, I know how he felt my family is in England, I have 4 kids here and he has abandoned his 3 here, its incredibly sad but until he goes to counseling no one can help him. Last week he messaged me after not hearing from him in a few days and said the opposite of the original conversation, which of course broke my heart again, though not quite as bad this time. I would have been willing to stand by him and make sure he took his pills or whatever it took, he is an amazing man but can`t see that in himself. I see worrying symptoms in his son too but its out of my hands now. you would need a lot of patience i wish every one well who is dealing with it.. Purplelotus | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/11/2007 5:56:24 PM | Is there any warning signals, just great!!! something else we have to keep track of!!! I mean you don't want to find out sitting across the table !!!....now do we. Yes I know it is a medical condition !! and I should show more compassion, but what about the abuse their loved ones recieve on a regular basis..........Love ??? what can you do | |
|
| |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:00:10 PM | | Run! Your life will be hell on wheels if she stops taking her medicine or discontinues her treatment. You never know what the day will bring moodwise. This is the voice of experience and 6 long years of trying to cope with him. I finally gave up. Keep her as a friend, but don't marry her. | |
|
| |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:05:00 PM | | I know I wouldn't be able to handle dating any one with bipolar. I know several people who are and they don't get treatment for it...they think they are perfectly fine. and from what I have observed, it would take some one who is very strong emotionally to be able to handle it because they have their good days and they have their bad days. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:07:20 PM | | I work in this field,,I need to say this is a very broad question and a very serious one, I strongly advise you to talk to a professional about this,,maybe with this person,,keep this relationship as slow as possible as long as you can, some of these folks are fine, maybe the best person you can meet,,some, well might just turn your world upsidedown. Find out everything,,history, meds, does he she take meds reg, the list goes on,,I would not put a judgement here, but there is a lot to find out. once again talk to someone that knows all about this disease, give yourself lots of time. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:25:13 PM | | My dad is bi-polar. When he decides he doesn't need his meds and spirals down into his manic stage, things are very bad. But when he stays on his meds, he's fantastic. If they do whatthey are supposed to, there should be no problem. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/18/2007 3:10:33 PM | WOW I can not believe all the negative posts here. I am bipolar myself. I have more of the depressive side with social anxiety problems. I do not think there is a reason to not date someone who is bi-polar. It is just like any other disease that involves patience, time, and understanding. I however can understand it would be hard to be in a relationship with someone who is not medicated or who has the illness severely and is going in and out of episodes on a regular basis. If some of you people took the time to understand what is going on and how this affects you daily, and that we can never get rid of this we have to live with this the rest of our lives you would be more understanding. Remember we have not chosen to have this, I was born with this, and most of my family has it. On the reply to the Lyme's Disease I do not not believe that, then how do you explain that genetically it is passed on through generations?
It will take a special person to date or be with someone who has the illness. Its not for everyone. We have a unique perspective on life and we are very intelligent people and we are human beings just like the rest of you. We just have more ups and downs than most people. So if you pass someone up because they are bipolar well I think that reflects your personality. You never know you might be passing a wonderful person and maybe someone you could have a relationship. We are all not manic and always have episodes there are many people who have bi-polar who never in their life have a episode. It's your decision, but don't be so quick to judge. | |
|
| |
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/18/2007 8:26:28 PM | | If the person is being treated for it and has every intention of continuing to be treated for it I'd say go for it if there's enough of a connection. Truly great connections are very rare and it would be a shame to throw one away because of something that 'may' happen. On the other hand, as someone who lived with a bi-polar spouse for 14 years, if they aren't getting treated or have a history of going off of the treatment watch out. My ex was diagnosed with it 13 years into our marriage. I married young and was raised to be loyal so I hung in a long time. Support is just that, support. The person with the disorder needs to be the one responsible for treatment. Good luck. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/21/2007 12:46:04 AM | I have to laugh out loud and shake my head at all the ignorance this thread has produced. Many of you didn't bother to read why this thread was started. The man who began this thread IS Bipolar and is wondering how safe the waters are... and most of you have told him to run (or that others should run from him). It is very sad indeed.
Choosing to be with someone who has the disorder is really no different than choosing to be with someone who has any physical illness with side effects. Like any illness it needs to be managed, but it is very predictable once you know the cycles. Not only can you have a normal relationship, but you may find that the nature of the disorder adds a heightened element to the relationship that makes it more exciting and adventurous than anything you have experienced before.
I am bipolar and when I get manic (or at least hypo-manic) men seem to come out of the woodwork to be around me. I am lively... witty... sexually charged... and out to conquer the world.
More than one partner has told me that despite how down I can get sometimes it is always worth it to see me return to "myself". Even when I am down I am not difficult to deal with. I just need a little time to regroup. Some people don't realize that being depressed doesn't always mean you are sad and mopey. For me (and many others) it is just a physical state. I am just slowed down. Low energy. Tired. Give me room to rest and I will be back up again.
I agree that bipolar people have a huge impact on making the relationship work by being faithful to taking care of themselves... and doing everything in their power to stay balanced. Being with someone who is bipolar and is not taking care of themselves is a very scary and trying thing. Even the best of relationships cannot easily survive that. That said, your support will help them take the steps they need to keep that balance.
Here is a little analogy I like.
Most men (and women) really get into or at least appreciate high performance vehicles. These cars are fantastic... however they need extra special care to keep them in tiptop shape. Those that own them pour quite a bit of money into regular maintenance and tune ups to keep these babies purring. A bipolar mind is a high performance mind. Its capabilities far exceed those of a more average mind... when cared for and properly balanced it is amazing to see what it can do. Symphonies are written overnight... artistic masterpieces come to life on canvas... complex mathematical proofs never before solved are suddenly clear. Minds like these need care... but the payoff of a mind cared for is a beautiful thing to behold.
I tell people that I want a man to love me FOR my mind. Not in spite of it. That the maintenance required is not thought of as a burden... but as part of the complex package that contains a thing of beauty. With the right care and support I can accomplish great things in my lifetime.
To the OP:
Make sure that you only get involved with women who do not see you as "ill" or "needing to be fixed"... these women will only get frustrated as you continue to cycle. They will not have the patience and understanding you will need to help you stay balanced. Yes, you have a disorder that needs some special care... but not unlike someone with diabetes who has to take insulin... or an asthmatic that needs to carry an inhaler... you just need to take care of yourself and you can have a very fulfilling... "normal" relationship! | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/22/2007 6:23:33 PM | This is becoming something of a crusade/ obsession for me (I just posted a reply in this forum on another bipolar thread).
As a person who may be bipolar (as of yet undiagnosed but getting therapy and meds), I can't believe all the shallow "run like hell" type of responses out there. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance (according to my physician) and is NOT a disease. Neither is ADD, ADHD, OCD or ODD. As a teacher I work with children who have some or all of these conditions and I shudder to think they (or I) will be shunned because of something that is beyond our control.
A lot of these kids are medicated but often it takes a lot of fine-tuning before the right combination can be found to bring the chemical imbalance back into synch. Yes, they can be difficult, yet it can be taxing, but to shun them because of a chemical imbalance? We might as well lock them up in a nut house! And let's not even bring Tom Cruise's "Ritalin is a street drug" mentality into this.
Some of these kids are on four or five meds before the age of ten. I always cringe when I hear people talking about the child's "problem" as if it's something they can control or a good spanking would cure. Why not beat them or give them electroshock therapy like they did in the good old days?
There have been many successful people who were bipolar, and people who have gone on to lead good lives and have been loving partners (ever see the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? That person had a mental affliction, but was still a successful person; as I recall his wife stuck with him. I agree that the manic or depressive episodes can be intense (believe me, I know), and that is NOT an excuse for abusive behaviour. But to write someone off because of a flaw in their genetic makeup is abysmal. | |
|
| Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 2/22/2007 7:05:13 PM | I'm sure by now you've about had your fill of reading posts (there are what 8 pages?) But I myself had been with a bi-polar girl for 2 years.
My advice is half as it would be for any relationship. How do you feel about him/her? If they are one of those people you can get out of your head then you're most likely going to regret not at least trying. I mean its not that she/he is a terrible person, they bi-polar and thus deserve to find love too.
Assuming you choose to be with them you need to be Very familiar with ALL fasets(sp?) of this disease. After 2 years of an emotional rollercoaster it was eventually my limited understanding of the "Manic" side of bi-polar which ultimatly destroyed us. If they are on medication and it works you probably wont have to go thru all of what I did but that doesnt mean that they wont have episodes from time to time which can include adio and video halucinations. As well as breaking up with you suddenly...and not meaning it but not taking you back until you chase them.
The entire thing can be very confusing, but it didn't stop me from falling in love with her at the time and if you're both willing to try I don't see why you couldn't last. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
