| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/28/2006 8:30:41 PM | I too saw that article on askmen.co I was always curious if they got their idea from one of the sites I set up 3 years ago. theanswertothemeaningoflife.org Ironically, just like in the Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, its one thing to know the answer, and something all together different to ask the right question to begin with.
-Chris | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 2/7/2006 6:55:10 PM | | Thanks for your comments cntryheart.....I agree...it is better to have someone that appreciate someone for who you are and the good qualities. Finding them is challenging and finding her will be rewarding!! Take care. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 2/12/2006 11:00:01 PM | ok i am new to this forum but i want to make a comment on the topic. i have seen alot of different things said about this nice guy dilemma. i can understand and appreciate everyone's opinion and reasoning. thing for me is i can see how a woman can be attracted to someone who is constantly abusing her physically,mentally,emotionally and in other ways as well.
i will be the first one to say that i am a genuine nice guy. i am not perfect by a long shot. i don't come off as desperate or weak. i simply have respect for people regardless of sex.
i will not bite my tongue when a situation calls for me to speak up but i am in no way a bad guy. i treat women with respect and sincerity. i don't play games and i believe it is just as much the man's part to make the relationship work as it is the woman's.
i have been told many times that i am too nice of a guy and any girl would be lucky to have me. but yet they go back to that abusive ex of 10 years to go through it again. i don't understand the concept of that. i know alot of women like that "bad boy " image but that takes it to far. why do women want to subject themselves to that kind of life?
the other thing that gets me is the fact that they will tell all their friends how big of an ahole that guy is and she doesn't know why she stays with him. but then she goes home to him hitting her, calling here this and that, then she is all over him. makes no sense.
i don't know i just hate to see women treated in that way. call me old fashioned, i just call it how i see it.
i just dont get it?!! | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 2/12/2006 11:02:06 PM | | there was a typo in my post ....the statement should read.."thing for me is i can't see how women..." | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 2/14/2006 3:28:59 PM | | I find that quite easy to figure out . Women want what they can't have. They like the idea of a nice guy ,but the will end up getting bored with them.Though of course their must be a balance to it.As a man I beleave you need to consider the wants and feelings of your date,or spouse,along with your kids if you have any.decisions need the help and support of your partner and doing this brings you joy and contentment.Think of them first but balance is the key. dont want to get fooled or walked on. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 2/22/2006 12:48:05 AM | | SEE THAT WHAT GETS ME ...IM A NICE GUY BUT IM BY FAR A BORING GUY. I KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN AND SHOW A WOMAN A GOOD TIME. BUT AT THE SAME TIME BE RESPECTFUL. I GUESS ITS JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT MAY NEVER GET ANSWERED FULLY. I DONT KNOW. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 2/26/2006 11:22:59 AM | I'm new to this forum -- and I have to agree with some other posts and have a few thoughts of my own --
1) this is not a race
2) it is more about maturity and knowing what one wants
3) people are often times not honest with themselves about what they want, what they like at first or are attracted to is often times the very same reason they end up rejecting someone
4) people who like so-called "bad boys" may have self-esteem or other issues
5) some people need to have crises in their lives in order to be happy
6) maybe someone's just committment phobic and when it comes to committment -- they say you're just too nice in order to have an excuse
I really think people need to reflect on their past relationships to see if there are any similarities or patterns. If something doesn't work and you keep doing the same thing, it's probably not going to work the next time either. Really sit down and think about what you want and find someone who has the same interests and philosophies. The most important thing is communication, communication, communication. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 2/28/2006 5:54:15 PM | Ok, I read and completely understand what you guys are saying...but in the same respect, why do good women also come in last? I went on a semi-date with a guy from here, but I simply wasn't his type due to me not having a model body and a college degree. He knew this before we went out. This is what bothers me about people these days. Just because someone hasn't spent one day in college does not mean that they are not intellectual by any means. I can hold my own. Anyway, as I ramble off the subject...
I do agree with the good men and women both getting last, well from what I have heard anyway. Still single and looking for the dream...
Good luck on your search...
~Bobbye | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:37:33 AM | When I "speed date" - I always ask...
Are you?
1. A good girl
2. A bad girl
3. A good girl - that became - a bad girl
4. A bad girl - that became - a good girl
The logic here is not that "good" girls/boys are "bad" - but rather - none of us (well at least me) wants to spend the rest of their days just working / doing laundry / paying the bills. We (I) naturally crave a bit of excitment in our lives.
The "Bad" adjective is associated with this element. Further, this element can be expressed (or not expressed) in a lot of ways
a. too much predictability
b. too much accomodation
c. no originality
d. no risk taking
etc
The logic is...
"Good girls" can never acquire "Bad girls" skills, but a "bad girl" move closer to being a "good girl" without ever losing her bad girl talents.
Having said all of that..I'm closer to being a "good guy" than a "bad guy" | |
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Tansi
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Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 4/12/2006 9:13:21 AM | Hmmmmmmmmm......I am surprised that I am responding to this but here goes......
I would rather meet someone with "good" strong moral values and teach them the necessary "skills" or "talents", than have some worldly unscrupulous, intimate with every dog in town, never gonna be satisfied, hedonistic..................someone stopppppppp meeeeeee | |
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Tansi
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Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 38 | |
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 4/13/2006 8:53:30 AM | Oh I just reread the original title........."why do nice guys finish last?"
Simple...."cuz they want their women to finish first"  | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 4/13/2006 9:47:57 AM | Nice guys finish last for the same reason we nice gals finish last. I was always told in order for a man to treat you like gold treat him like dirt. I did try it once, it did work, but it just did not feel right. I am a very honest, hardworking, truthful, loving, compassionate woman and being mean was just not worth it to get a guy to treat me right.
Just like countryboy said, you WILL find someone . . maybe not on here - - but some where! And I will also. Good luck to all and have a great day. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 4/17/2006 3:50:37 PM | OK.....let me present a brief disclaimer.... This is an excerpt from a very talented writer Tucker Max who has a ton of experience in the area, but some of you may have, well, less than a great deal of respect for. He isn't writing about falling in love, or even being emotionally attached to someone, but when I started reading this thread I thought about these couple of paragraphs. It more or less defines in great detail the DIFFERENCE between "good" guys (who finish last) and the "bad" guys who everyone here is saying finish first. He is also talking about getting girls into bed, not falling in love. I've seen what he's talking about, but I think it will be interesting to see what you ladies/guys have too say. Remember, he is presuming what nice guys are doing, and this is his answer.
"Here is the dynamic: Desire is read subconsciously as a sign of weakness and desperation, and women are not going to immediately bed a weak or desperate guy. They may cede after he puts in work and commits resources, but not before then. Women are almost always most strongly attracted to power, and powerful men do not show desire because they already have what they want. And god forbid if you show desperation. You might as well staple rotting pork to your nut-sack, because you aren't getting anyone but starving rabid wolves in touch your privates.
Look at it from the woman's perspective--If she is even mildly attractive, she gets hit on all the time. She often has her pick of who to ****. The guy she is going to like, the guy who will stand out, is NOT the one that fawn over her, simply because all guys do that; the one that she has to work a little bit for is the one that will stand out and the one she will want. Whether she realizes it or not, she is looking at the guy thinking something like this, "Why is he so unconcerned about ****ing me? He was nice to me and seemed to like me, but now he's not pressing at all. He must have lots of other things going for him to be so unconcerned about getting me. I can't immediately have him, so now I want him."
Ring any bells???? | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 4/20/2006 2:24:05 AM | Alwayssmiling66: Let me help you out. First off Calvin has hit the nail pretty close to the head. You have also gotten some bits of good advice from people like TERRI.
SIDENOTE: (Passion_Equals_me) You need to calm down you inner voice. I have NEVER heard of a guy dumping a woman because of her NOT having a college degree. In fact, my SUPERHOT (model body) kickboxing teacher opened my eyes. She said that she hated going to bars because every ugly man hit on her. Why? Because they had nothing to lose. The "good looking" guys were afraid of getting rejected. (She said they when they got rejected, they were also getting their healthy working out lifestyle rejected also.)
Alwayssmiling66: I included the side note because it also applies to you. CALM THE INNER VOICE!!!
First let's define nice guy. Nice guy = Confidant, Therapist, Buddy!!!!!!
Now you are thinking what is wrong with that? Well, when you are in one of those modes what happens?? The woman is telling you her problems. When she talks about her problems, guess what happens. All of those bad feelings are brought up inside her again!!! Now it gets better. When she talk about her problems to you, now those feelings in her mind are transferred to you!!! Ever have a friend who is always depressed with problems. How do you feel when you are around them? GET IT!!!
Two: What women have told me (as recently as last week). They do not think that a "nice guys" nice ways will last. So, some will dump him first, before they perceive they will get dumped.
Third: A couple of years ago, I conducted a Montel survey. Why do you see so many good looking women with ugly men? The answer is not money!!! I stopped this after a couple of months when I ran into a Marriage Minister from a BIG church outside of Chicago. He said after counseling THOUSANDS of married couples, it always come down to one thing. "How were they treated in their childhood." You are not psychic!!!
I know how you feel. I have been there and done that WAY more than once. If you need more help email me and then I can give you some DEFINITIVE dating reference material. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 4/27/2006 2:47:11 AM | | Nice guys do not finish last . Women like men who are not too nice and dont kiss ass . come to think of it men prefer the same [at least I do] | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:34:02 PM | Ah, the age old question. Well, I used to wonder the same thing and the only thing that I can up with is that nice guys are boring and predictable to women. I've been in sales for several years now and we are told to "paint a picture" of the product that we are selling and get the prospective customer "hot and bothered" so that he would want to buy from us.
The executives that I speak to get 20 phone calls a day from salespeople, I have to stand out in order to sell my product successfully.
Well, here's a hint, read your profile, then read several other guys profiles. Do you sound like every guy out there? or Is your message unique? There is a**** and funny routine that shows you are different from all the other guys. Try this, approach a woman sometime and do this for a conversation starter (if it applies), Nice hi-heels, are you about three foot tall without them (and say it in a semi-serious tone, smile, then laugh), it is supposed to sound natural as a joke.
Make fun of a woman for something that is not a permanent issue (do not poke fun at weight or body parts, that's off limits and too cruel). Nice pony tail, give me a call when you turn 18, ok? Write your email adress here (on this napkin) and your telephone number.
If you are fun to be with and have a sense of humor, you will do well to meet the woman of your dreams. Read some books on how to write comedy and you will get it. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:37:46 PM | Ah, the age old question. Well, I used to wonder the same thing and the only thing that I can up with is that nice guys are boring and predictable to women. I've been in sales for several years now and we are told to "paint a picture" of the product that we are selling and get the prospective customer "hot and bothered" so that he would want to buy from us.
The executives that I speak to get 20 phone calls a day from salespeople, I have to stand out in order to sell my product successfully.
Well, here's a hint, read your profile, then read several other guys profiles. Do you sound like every guy out there? or Is your message unique? There is a**** and funny routine that shows you are different from all the other guys. Try this, approach a woman sometime and do this for a conversation starter (if it applies), Nice hi-heels, are you about three foot tall without them (and say it in a semi-serious tone, smile, then laugh), it is supposed to sound natural as a joke.
Make fun of a woman for something that is not a permanent issue (do not poke fun at weight or body parts, that's off limits and too cruel). Nice pony tail, give me a call when you turn 18, ok? Write your email adress here (on this napkin) and your telephone number.
If you are fun to be with and have a sense of humor, you will do well to meet the woman of your dreams. Read some books on how to write comedy and you will get it. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 5/15/2006 10:44:24 PM | i love a nice man just cant find one i think that it depends on the woman .. a bad boy is appeling but im soo sick of them i want a nice guy! | |
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| AnAnswer to that Age Old Question
Posted: 5/22/2006 4:48:28 PM | Why do nice guys finish last?
Because, the nice guy is sick of being called a nice guy, and does not embrace the nice guy persona, always looking at it as a stigma.
Its not bad to be a nice guy. The Problem is that many who think of themselves as nice guys are yes men. Never saying no. Never being totally honest with their confidants for fear of hurting them, when they are already hurting.
I've stopped (a few years ago infact) listening to whiney little girls who complain about their abusive nasty boyfriends who do nothing but run them down. I Started questioning them, and telling them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. Did it get me laid? Did I get any Action from this? Hell no! Thats not the point. The point was to be honest and stop pulling my punches.
Does this answer anything? If you look as being a nice guy as a bad thing, you will see yourself as a victim of being a nice guy, and you will stay beaten down by your own beliefs.
Once you embrace the fact that being nice is fine and good, and that to be nice, you dont have to be a yes man, you will start pulling your head out of the ground, and start living more successfully.
So, the choice is yours. Be the Nice Guy, or be the victim of the Nice Guy Syndrome. | |
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| AnAnswer to that Age Old Question
Posted: 5/29/2006 4:54:37 PM | | Nice guys finish last? I haven't found one to finish first, second, or even third. I am not saying there are no nice guys, but they seem to think they have to have a perfect woman. (I am not trying to categorize all men or even all women). I want a nice guy!!!! I thought I found that in the past, but found out that they only act that way because they know that that is what woman want. I am a nice girl. Maybe I should be asking, "Why do nice girls finish last?" If you can answer me that question then you will have the answer to your question. Good luck and don't quit trying. As you can see since I am on here I am still searching. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 6/3/2006 12:28:25 PM | "Nice guys are boring" and "Jerks are unpredictable and exciting" are really blanket statements. My neighbor is an obnoxious jerk: he plays loud gangsta rap that the whole block can hear, he does not say hello to people, and he treats the mother of his illegitimate child like garbage. He works at Arby's. He is ugly, wears crappy clothes, and every third word is a curse. But the women dig him. What is so exciting about him? He sounds pretty predictable to me.
Myself, I treat women with a lot of respect, but I am undpredictable. I can talk about many different things, I like to go to diverse places and have diverse experiences, and I honestly feel I can take the girl to places "Mr. Arby's" cannot. And I am not a doormat either; when I get taken advantage of, I confront the person.
What I feel is that Mr. Arby has established himself as the alpha male through being loud and aggressive, by doing what society deems "cool" (P Diddy, and other assorted hoodlums). I, on the other hand, am not cool because I do not brag about how long I can do a kegstand (this actually came up recently on a social outing).
I think it is getting worse in the sense that women (and men) are becoming more immature.
Remember, who was the #1 hearthrob in 1930s and 40s Germany? Adolf Hitler. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 6/4/2006 11:05:47 AM | | I dont think its women dont appreciate being treated with respect , i think most just arent use to it , im 49 and use to think that in order to find respect from men i had to find men my age well you know what ive found mostly, somehow its all went haywire and the older ones have been through so much crap that their the ones that deals the most s*** now days, nothing wrong with finding a nice guy or woman, just digging through the garbage to get to the bottom of the pile cause trust me most of its trash out there and its not just male gender that deals with the good the bad and the evil. | |
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