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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 6/4/2006 4:04:54 PM | | I was married to the nicest guy in the world. As the relationship developed over the years, I started to realize that something was wrong. Actually, it was me, and how I let this man control me. (I literally had to explain where I was going when I got up to use the bathroom in my own home.) I was a Stepford wife, going through the motions of being married to him. After awhile, I became a zombie. I finally snapped, told him I was leaving. We did the counseling, I went to learn how to become more assertive and stand up for myself. He went to get me back. See, he never did think he'd done anything wrong. Our theropist said that even people who want help with control issues can take years to come to terms with it. He didn't want help, he just wanted me back. When I left, it was the best feeling in the whole wide world, and still is. So, I guess I veer away from "nice guys" because at least with the bad ones, what you see is what you get. Even the nice ones can be bad, they're just more subtle about it. My ex and I still talk as friends, but then after all, he just wants me back. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 6/11/2006 9:03:43 AM | | allright i was the nicest guy thing all my life, doesnt work, definately doesnt, just be nice but laid back at the same time, chill, be cool | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 6/21/2006 6:44:50 PM | | Simple, nice people are appeasers, they do anything to not rock the boat. People don't realise you can be kind and not sell yourself out to stop "rocking the boat" By being kind you keep your intgerity and sense of actualized self while not being a floormat to make others happy .... | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 6/23/2006 11:58:20 AM | Nice guys finish last because someone has to finish last...
might as well be someone that can handle it. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 6/23/2006 7:39:13 PM | Hey rainbow, I have to say I tend to agree with what you said. If you're not clicking with the guy...you're not clicking!!!! You have to be at least a bit attracted to him...if not, even if he is nice...maybe it just wouldn't work for you. Some need to just grow up! Thanks for your post. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 6/23/2006 10:06:22 PM | | Nice guys finish last? Heck I just wish I knew a few nice guys, I;d even settle for one. I hate Drama, I hate guy who are jerks. The bad boy imagine, I run the other way.. This is one girl who rather have a nice guy then a bad boy.. | |
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| Could I have missed it?
Posted: 7/2/2006 4:47:31 PM | No matter where, there is the "Nice Guy Finishes Last" forum.
Has there been a heading of "Nice Woman Finishes Last?"
If not why not? Curious. ' ' | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 7/3/2006 3:20:23 PM | why do nice guys finish last????
Simple... Nice guys are mostly the ones that believe in shivelry... When others say it is dead we attempt to prove them wrong... In doing so we normally end up with the ladies that take advantage of this and once they have everything we have they decide they want more and go next door.... Sound like I know what I am taking about? I should... I have already given up trying to find a woman that does not venture away from home... Which means I stay single, without, and without the stresses of a relationship... Yea, I miss cuddling up on the couch, but I do not miss the pain... | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/2/2006 6:44:33 PM | Ladies, don't read this, it's not meant for you. and will just p*ss you off. :)
First off, I'm just sharing what I've learned over the years from experience and from talking frankly with women and from being happily married to a strong woman for 9 years. I'm not setting myself up as some role model.
I know this may seem simplistic, but women see the bad boy as strong, masculine, the Alpha, whereas the nice guy is perceived as being weak, non-agressive, less masculine, in other words, more like them which is why they are comfortable being friends and nothing more.
In my youth and I mean my late teens, I was always the nice guy. You know, be friends with the girl, courteous kind.etc. That's usually what we ended up being...friends. While she was out dating jocks or bmoc's that mistreated her or slept with her and went off for another conquest, she'd come back and cry on my shoulder about where are all the "nice" guys. I'd say, "what about me, I'm a nice guy.?" .." Oh, you're so sweet..I don't want to hurt you..blah blah blah. I know now I should have grabbed her by the shoulders and said. "Do I have to smack you around to prove I'm as good as those a**holes you're seeing? But I didn't have the confidence. I WAS a wimp. I was 5'9" 139 lbs soaking wet and dressed nerdy. That was before Marine Corps boot camp. When I got out of boot camp I was 5'11" 175 lbs of solid muscle with a 28" waist. I even went out with the girl in school that everyone knew put out, you know who she is, every school has at least one, and got nowhere..why? because she liked and respected me too much. Can you freakin' believe it..she respected ME too much to jump MY bones!! In my later years, I was a rock guitarist playing with bands, and eventually in the 70's working in a studio in LA. I dressed like a bad boy and made out pretty well. But I never changed the nice guy inside. I was sitting one afternoon in Cafe 50's on Lincoln Blvd in Santa Monica dressed in a black biker jacket and black jeans reading a book on philosophy I think. I got approached by a great looking blonde who said she was surprised to see someone dressed like me reading something like that. She was a little skinnier than I like but she was very attractive. She asked if I had a Harley, I told her no, so she asked if I wanted to ride with her on hers. It certainly was a case of role-reversal, but I'm not one to turn down a date with a great looking woman so I agreed. We dated a few times and had a great time.
She was the lady that educated me about the bad boy image on a nice guy.
I wasn't trying to look like a bad boy, I just liked the jacket. Unlike most biker jackets, it had brass hardware not steel. I like to be different.
A woman's head and heart want a nice guy, but her body screams for someone who can be the Alpha male. You younger guys, you need to learn to be both. It's not hard to act like a bad boy if you're a good guy. Dress the way they do, talk the way they do, even approach women the way they do. It's all about confidence. Of course, that's the hard part, isn't it? Once you've got her attention, you're golden. She'll realize she's found the perfect guy..strong, masculine, alpha AND doesn't beat her up or try to control her OR let her control him!! Very important. A woman does not respect a man she can wrap around her little finger.
Of course if you're over 35 or so, you can't go around with ripped jeans and piercings..but think James Bond..I know, it's silly, none of us are like that..but look at the way he dresses and the way he carries himself..bad boys are confident and they exude confidence..and confidence is sexy to a woman. Woman aren't usually attracted to the guy who acts like he's God's gift, but they'll flock to the guy who KNOWS he's hot without being overt about it. Oh, and bad boys wear black.
If you think I'm talking thru my *ss, my wife just died six months ago. She was a senior executive with one of the biggest tech firms in the country, think Razr. She was highly intelligent, strong willed, very type A. No wimpy nice guy is going to attract a woman like that. And when I say intelligent, I'm talking about a woman who was a programmer for the LEM on Apollo 11 and helped develop TCP/IP with Arpanet.
When we met, I had a 12" ponytail, wore a black London Fog leather jacket, jeans and a skintight turtleneck. I worked in advertising for a large independent record company in Cambridge, Mass, so didn't have to worry about corporate dress codes. The owners had hair as long as mine.
She was a little leery to say the least, but I looked a little dangerous and women can't seem to resist that, but when she realized that I was intelligent, articulate, liked classical music as well as rock, jazz, broadway shows, and was a gourmet chef as well, AND held the door for her, lit her cigarette, and was willing to go shopping with her and the other "girl" things she did, she was hooked. We were married for 9 years until breast cancer claimed her life in February. I can say with an immense amount of pride, she rejected a proposal from a multimillionaire in Cape Cod to be with me and I didn't make more than $40k a year at the time. When I have to answer the question: What's your greatest accomplishment in life?" I answer "Being loved by her."
Nice guys CAN finish first, in other words, get the girl, but you have to be a STRONG, MASCULINE, nice guy. If you're slightly built or overweight..hit the gym...HARD. I let myself go when my wife was sick, but I've lost 40 lbs and 3 waist sizes since Feb. l also bought a bowflex and ab lounger to tone it up. Go to a hair boutique that has a 30-40ish stylist and ask her to do your hair, they know what they like. Ask a lady friend to go with you clothes shopping and ask her to pick out some things. And let her pick out a cologne for you too. Learn to walk straight, lift that chest, not so it looks like you're going to turn blue, but proudly. Learn to strut, just a little. If you act confident, you're going to FEEL confident and it's going to show. Women already know this..if you feel sexy you're going to BE sexy.
Women will say over and over again that they don't care what your body style is, but their hormones DO. Put 2 men in front of them with the same "nice" personality...one overweight, bad haircut, untrimmed nails, badly dressed, and one tanned, toned and muscular, well groomed, dressed in jeans or Dockers tight enough to emphasize his butt without being too tight and a nice, clean black leather jacket.or a nice, not too conservative suit..guess which one they'll choose. Even the staid, seemingly, tight *ass corporate types. It's nature and they can't resist it. They ALL like a nice male butt.
And they need to know you can take care of yourself and them without being overly aggressive about it. Despite modern women's claims of independence, they really want a man they can lean on when life starts to beat the crap out of them. And if she perceives that you're weaker than her...forget it.
This actually happened to me last week with a date. I was with a date at a club having a couple of drinks after spending the afternoon and evening on her boat. She's very tanned from spending a lot of time on the water. She's 55, doesn't look like it and nicely endowed. This drunk, younger guy started hitting on her, commenting on her tan and oggling her chest which had a little cleavage showing, but not enough to draw too much attention, except mine, of course which was the point. :) She seemed to be dealing with it ok so I kept out of it. He left and I thought that was the end of it. About 1/2 hour again, he does the same thing. Mind you, he's with a younger woman at a different table close to ours. This time, I wasn't going to put up with it..DIS me once..I' might turn the other cheek, twice..no way.
I got up to go the men's room. On the way back, I stopped at his table, and said "I don't know where you learned dating manners, but when you hit on a man's date in front of him, it's a slap in the face and I don't take well to being slapped. So, I highly advise you to stay here with YOUR friend and leave mine alone!"
He looked me over and said "Oh yeah, and what are you going to do about it?" Arrogant brat thinks the old man ain't got it anymore. I replied "Me, nothing, but see that big guy over there (the big bouncer), he can break every bone in your little body, in fact, so can I but I'm too much of a gentleman to do it here. So back the f*ck off!" Needless to say, we didn't have any more trouble with him. But if I had started something physical, I probably would have frightened my date and that would have been the last time I'd see her. As well as probably ending up in jail for a & b. But, we are still seeing each other, in fact, I just got off the phone with her. It's a casual relationship and will probably stay that way, but that's ok.
Some of you guys are going to say that this is all unnecessary. Women care about the personality, etc, etc, blah, blah.. BS! She's not going to see your personality if she isn't attracted to you. We men have got to start playing the mating game the same way the women have for centuries. They've been luring us with their charms, tricks, "lethal weapons", cleavage, high heels..all those things that get men's juices flowing, all the while telling us it's our personalities that count to them. I'm telling you this is pure, unadulterated BS. Nature has programmed women to be attracted to the alpha male. Back when life was much more dangerous to them it was for their own survival and security. And they wanted a strong, good looking male to create strong, good looking children. Despite the relative safety of modern society, that hasn't changed much. And men have to compete for the attentions of a woman. So, in a very real way, it is a matter of who finishes first or who finishes last.
Athletes train hard for competitive events. Well, this is a very real competition. And if you're not in shape, mentally, physically, emotionally and have the confidence to win, you're not going to. I'm only telling this to the guys who AREN"T winning and wonder why. The rest of you guys, please don't jump on me. I'm really only trying to help because I've been there.
Now ladies, I told you not to read this, :). Before you go thinking "this guy thinks he's Casanova or something." I don't, I've got average looks and wont' ever make the cover of Playgirl, but I do know what anthropologists and pyschologists have written on the subject. And if you're honest with yourselves, you'll know I'm pretty close to the target.
So there's my take on the question. Be a nice guy, but have just a little bad boy image.
I might be way off base, but it's worth a try, isn't it? You've got nothing to lose and a lot to gain. Just like poker, if the odds are in your favor..go all in. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2006 9:29:49 AM | I read it all ^^^ and agree, some or most women like the bad boy image but a guy needn't be one . And I absolutly loved your greatest accomplishment, brought tears to my eyes!!
Now why do nice girls finish last???? | |
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| AnAnswer to that Age Old Question
Posted: 8/6/2006 12:34:05 AM | | I finished second to a lying, cheating, arrogant womanizer for a "lady" who allowed me to think she was special. I turned out to be a punchline in some of their private jokes and conversations. A nice guy can only finish first to a nice girl..... and vice-versa. | |
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| AnAnswer to that Age Old Question
Posted: 8/14/2006 1:16:35 PM | | Simple....cause the nice guys are not trusted...simple as that...women have decided that if something is to good to be true....that it likely is.....and then the nice guys get lumped in with the other type of guys.....we all know the guys like that...the one's that ruined a few women's lives....and then when you are a nice guy....you are not just trying to convince a woman that you are interested in that you might be worth taking a chance on...you are also fighting every guy that had treated her badly in her past......so the nice guys....we are going to end up being alone and watching from the sidelines....unless we are willing to lower our expectations and settle for something that we are not interested in ourselves....and sorry...but not gonna settle for anything less than the one that will make me sit up and take notice....and if that means that I am gonna be alone - well then....so be it.. | |
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| AnAnswer to that Age Old Question
Posted: 8/15/2006 12:44:40 PM | | Maybe you aren't the nice guy for her??? Just because you are a nice guy doesnt mean that she didn't want you for that reason alone. Other things may have factored themselves into it once she had a chance to think about life down the road and what it would entail....age differences, thought differences, many things that arent changed by the fact that you could have been the nicest guy in the world but after thinking about it you could just wind up being one of those dreaded best friend kinda guys which in itself can't be all that bad???? | |
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| AnAnswer to that Age Old Question
Posted: 8/16/2006 1:12:55 PM | | HEHEHEHEHE....then again...maybe not a nice guy....ya never knows eh......mighta been a crazed freak waiting to pounce....lol.... | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/18/2006 5:46:58 PM | I've not figured that one out either. I've been told I am too nice and deserve better. Never figured that one out..lol The first one that told me that went out with a friend the next night and they had sex on a car hood. I guess I DID deserve better!! :) The last one said that pretty much too, and went back to her boyfriend. So, I guess I deserved better than that too... But I can relate to the fact that they DO seem to finish last. Gentlemen now-a-days are in style, it seems more of the 5 oclock shadow and biker types that they ladies go for. I am raising two teen children and work fulltime so I don't have alot of time to go out. So when I do, I try to be myself so no time is wasted by a phony front. BUT I learned one thing, if a woman EVER tells you that you are too nice, quickly open the door and exit. In most cases they are planning that soon anyway. Myself, I was patient to see the outcome and all of a sudden...nothing, no more calls or visits. Took 3 weeks to find out the truth too.  | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:10:29 AM | Let's say that you're in a room which is full of women. You are merely an observer at this point. You haven't spoken to any of the ladies present nor can you hear their conversations. You have nothing to go on, other than what you can see and smell. You know nothing of their respective personalities. This is purely hypothetical and quite extreme, but bear with me.
The women are dressed in unrelieved tones of dull greys or drab browns. Their hair is lank and a bit oily. You notice that their nails are broken and dirty. Not only are their clothes of such a dreary color, but stains are plentiful. The air is filled with body odor. You look for a smiling face, but you search in vain.
Milling throughout these women, you see a splash of color. Your eyes are drawn to that splash of color and your interest is piqued. She is dressed in a modest, yet alluring gown of pink chiffon. Her hair, a shade of deep auburn, is shiny with curls cascading down her back. You can smell her delicate, subtle perfume floating in the air and you are reminded of the luscious floral scent of gardenias. Upon closer inspection, you notice that her nails are well shaped and clean. Her skin is glowing with health and vitality and her face is lit with a smile.
She is as vivid as the other women are plain. Keep in mind that you have nothing to go on other than what you can see and smell. Which woman, out of the entire group of ladies, are you most likely to approach? | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/27/2006 10:42:32 AM | The women on here will hate me but Spike has it right. Beautiful women are
hit on all the time. Read on the internet David D'Angelo, women want men to
be dominant, not domineering and want to laugh. | |
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| At least they finish, right?
Posted: 10/27/2006 10:50:56 AM | | Oh, dear. Where's Molonel when I need him? I'm battling the urge to step on a few toes here, so I'll take my leave for the moment and ponder how best/tactfully to explain why nice guys finish, um, last. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 11/12/2006 9:53:47 PM | Women who don't like the "nice guys" are not marriage material. I don't believe in this nice guy theory a lot of women throw at us it just has too many flaws.
This is what i consider a nice guy.
1. Someone who is trustworthy.
2. Considerate of others.
3. Knows how to respectfully talk to a woman.
4. A guy who will be faithful and not cheat.
5. A guy that has class.
6. A guy that can be happy with himself and doesn't need a womans approval.
7. Nice guys are more creative.
8. Nice guys has a better outlook on life.
This is what i consider the non-nice guy section.
1. Inconsiderate and selffish
2. Has issues with life always blaming others.
3. Has high confidence but very****.
4. Disrespect for women.
5 Unfaithful.
6. Consider woman as their personal trophy.
7. Could care less if his marriage fails why? hey there's other women out there.
8. Conrol issues
Ok enough of this nice guy talk it really doesn't exsist. This is just crazy talk some of us do to figure out why some of us is not in a relationship. Im a nice guy but i can be a complete a**hole at the sametime.
So don't believe in this theory women don't like nice guys its just not true. What some men lacks in meeting women is socialism. Some are turned off by not going to bars and clubs because its not we are comfortable with. So that leaves some of us with what we call slim but little succees as we know it other ways of meeting. Some will use the medium of internet dating and maybe a few others BUT it just doesn't fit to society's standards on how we ought to meet. Women just don't have the faith in other methods of meeting. Why I can't answer that one. I actually think the internet dating is a good method but thats coming from a guy's point of view. Women on the other hand has their mind made up on the internet dating. Women who use the internet are very picky men on the other hand are more flexable. Women are very skeptical in the results they may get from a date from a internet. Guys on the other hand feels like it opens their opportunity in meeting women.
It all comes down to odds and percentages not being a jerk to get women. Nice guys have a shy tendency to meet women. So the only way to express themselves is other methods "Besides" bars and clubs. This will leave them in a low success rate with women. But any guy can get fustrated with internet dating rather a non-nice guy or a nice guy. Internet dating is a very slim chance of meeting anyone. Less than 1 percent of the population is doing this so that doesn't give neither the nice guy or the non-nice guy a good way of meeting women.
Now to the so called "confidence" thing we here all the time. No its not about being assertive it more about where to go to meet women and have a success rate of doing it. Society's standars will always play a role in this. We meet a bars an clubs and take it from there.
But i also like to add our divorce rate is worse off than our president's approval rating. So from statisitics neither men or women know what the hell they are doing to achieve success in a relationship. So to all the nice guys out there laugh it off these women will marry and divorce just about any guy nice or not. | |
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