|
|
|
|
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 12/30/2008 6:01:29 PM | I am a "nice guy" and proud of it. And the label "nice guy" is one that has been bestowed upon me by neighbors, family members, friends and (believe it or not) both of my EXs -- and my EXs meant it in a good way.
I refuse to "play" the bad boy just to excite some woman who (no doubt) in her profile suggested that she doesn't want somebody who "plays games."
In the immortal words of Popey The Sailor Man: " I yam wat I yam, and dat's all what I yam..." a nice guy who will find a nice girl who appreciates him for who he is.
Own your niceness!
PS: I prefer to think that some day, after she and I meet, we will have ample opportunity to play the bad boy/bad girl game into the wee hours ;-) | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:22:40 AM | Men who have the mentality of “Nice guys finish last” are selfish and indulgent (i.e. pat themselves on the back whenever they act from kindness and respect) and think they are nice guys - Hence, they will attract the same, i.e selfish and indulgent women. When pursuing women who posses self love, respect and intelligence, “Nice guys” usually don’t have a starting chance.
:Happy New Year icon goes here: | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/2/2009 10:56:49 AM | I can't imagine rejecting a man because he's NICE!?!?
I will use the collective experiences of several women I am familiar with...
He is nice, but he is lazy/unmotivated.
He is nice, but he has serious financial problems due to a gambling addiction.
He is nice, but we can't seem to agree on politics, gov, history, environment.
He is nice, but I hate his hobbies (motorcycles, snowmobiles, ATV's) and he hates mine (bar bands and rock concerts).
Are you being rejected because you are NICE or because she realizes you are not a compatible couple?
There is a LOT more to a potential relationship than being nice. Compatibility is crucial. | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/2/2009 9:29:27 PM | | Women (and men) for that matter are by nature predatory. Niceness is a sign of POSSIBLE weakness. Hence, a prime opportunity for the aggressor to go on the attack. | |
|
| |
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/4/2009 5:00:18 PM | lol nice guys don't have A starting chance. REALLY????????
I'm I nice guy....I have all the chances in the world. This has to be most of the uneducated made up thing ive heard. You spoke about you. How you feel. lol
Hence, they will attract the same, i.e selfish and indulgent women. When pursuing women who posses self love, respect and intelligence, “Nice guys” usually don’t have a starting chance.--------I interpret that as you have maybe a problem with men, or have been in bad relationships, or......you just were mad. I can tell with the:
:Happy New Year icon goes here:
 | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/5/2009 2:44:24 AM |
I think it might be interesting if 'we' could preface these threads with the OP's definition of "nice".
Absolutely A.S.! I'm convinced that's exactly where the problem lies; the mistranslation of the word "nice".
Guys: here's YOUR definition of "nice": I let her do whatever I want. I am her doormat.
Now here's the REAL definition (and, incidentally, the woman's definition): He doesn't beat me to within an inch of my life, he doesn't continually berate me, and he doesn't play mind games. Yes, guys, it really IS that simple. Stop over-thinking it. | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/5/2009 2:51:00 AM | I'd also like to add to that that most guys take rejection personally. If they don't get the one girl in the world that they are convinced is "for" them, then all women reject them. Come on, guys, wake up! This site isn't called "plentyoffish" for nothing!!!
OP- how many women have you dated, really? 5? 10? 20? Even at that rate, when you consider that there are over 300 million people in the United States alone, you're at a pretty low ratio. The odds that you would have found "the One" by now are staggeringly against you. As someone said, you have to kiss a LOT of frogs to find a Prince. The same holds true for Princesses. | |
|
Ultraj
|
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 109 | |
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/5/2009 6:08:21 AM | OP- how many women have you dated, really? 5? 10? 20? Even at that rate, when you consider that there are over 300 million people in the United States alone, you're at a pretty low ratio.
Just a minor point, but assuming the OP is a heterosexual male, there aren't 300 million women of his sexual preference, age and geographic range in the US. So his date ratio is a lot higher. | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/5/2009 9:05:00 AM |
Guys: here's YOUR definition of "nice": I let her do whatever I want. I am her doormat.
I disagree. IMO...and obviously I cannot speak for the OP, I think it's all about entitlement.
The OP implies that he shows his love interest all the common courtesies of a reasonable, respectable gentleman. He opens doors, communicates well, practices egalitarianism, is giving of his time and resources, has a good sense of humor, emotionally mature, etc.
In other words he is doing everything right. However, he just can't get the girl. It's frustrating to him....and in a state of confusion...says: "why do nice guys finish last?"
What the OP suffers from is a common disease associated with improperly socialized men.
They think that because they do everything "right"....they are entitled to the booty...so to speak.
Ladies will reject men for as little as hey..la...hey la...my boyfriend's back in town, my girlfriends don't like you, you look like a frog, you don't bowl, you don't have tats, you can't open beer bottles with yer teeth, my Tarot cards said your weren't a match..... The reasons are endless. | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/6/2009 10:14:40 AM |
Are you being rejected because you are NICE or because she realizes you are not a compatible couple?
There is a LOT more to a potential relationship than being nice. Compatibility is crucial.
Yup, I agree with this 100%. A guy can be nice, but if you aren't compatible, there's nothing. I've dated tons of nice guys, but if there's nothing there...
Just because someones nice, doesn't mean they are nice FOR you. Doesn't mean you should look for some jerk with a stick up their... 
Besides, if the girl doesn't want you, move on. She's not FOR you. Something better is for you waiting for you. | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/7/2009 10:47:45 PM | Ok, here it is nice guys and wannabe "nice guys":
Unfortunately, no one in this world, neither men nor women, fully understands everything about what true unconditional love is. In that, they do not know how to fully love themselves, or other people. If they did, there would be global peace. The truth is, in order to be loved, you must love yourself, and only to the degree of which you love yourself are you able to receive love because that is the extent of which your mind is able to conceive. For example, lets say you have an ugly scar on your face. You hate it! If a person comes up to you and says they think your scar is beautiful, whether they are sincere or not, you will most likely reject that compliment, and maybe even question whether it was intended as an insult toward you, hence making you likely to reject the person who said it. This is because you have already made up your mind about yourself, and won't accept anything else. People do this to themselves all the time, on many different levels, which doesn't help the genuine "nice guys" out there!
Nice guys who truly have a grasp of this thing called love are often misunderstood because love itself is misunderstood, and people fear what they don't know, so they run away from it. Some women feel guilty when they are around "nice guys" because they don't feel like they deserve them, or they don't feel like a nice guy deserves to be hurt by them. However, there are also many things about SOME "nice guys" that women are able to detect, and sometimes just naturally presume as a defence mechanism whenever they see a man claiming to be a "nice guy".
Love says that you do not want to change someone, because if you love them unconditionally, everything about them is just a part of who they are and you love them for it no matter what. Yes, that is an important part of love, and truthfully, it is impossible to change anyone anyway unless they take what you do or say and decide to change themselves because of it. But if you love someone, you also want what's best for them, so if you see something that will make their life better for them, you are not loving them by letting it slide for fear of hurting them or making them mad at you. In this situation, you are no longer the nice guy, but a "doormat", and you're not loving her properly. That doesn't mean you have to control her, but suggest to her an alternate way of doing things that could make her life better, leaving it up to her to decide if she wants to take your advice. Even still, you may be seen as a doormat for this approach because there are a lot of people out there who think that love has some element of control in it because of their past. They get mixed up sometimes about the difference between a father's love, and a partner's love.
There is a battle between selfishness and love. The two do not mix, so if you love a person, whatever selfishness they have in them will be repelled by your love. And if you love someone with selfishness in your heart, chances are that's not really love at all. Some "nice guys" get all upset at a woman when she doesn't do what he wants her to do. This is one of, if not, THE biggest thing that women fear right away when you claim to be a "nice guy". They think, "yeah you're real nice until things aren't going your way, and then you go postal!" and so they should! A man's defense is strength, but a woman's defense is distance. Maybe that's why they don't believe a word you say! Many so called "nice guys" fall to this demise when their true selfish colours are shown. Yes it is important for both of you to be happy, but true love doesn't allow you to put yourself before the one you love. If you are getting upset because she is doing that to you, guess what? Whether she says or thinks she loves you or not, that part of her love is missing. You can't force her to love you, so either accept it or move on. Don't take it out on her!
Don't worry. If you truly are an authentic nice guy you will finish last in the sense that you will be the end of the line for her journey. She will be totally in love with you and you will both be content, and you will have the last laugh. You will prove to her time and time again that you are a man of your word, and she will start to believe your words because of your actions through the testing phase of your relationship. All you have to do is find one of the rare women out there who loves herself enough to give you a chance.
Sidenotes:
There's more to being a good partner than being a "nice guy". Don't think that just because a woman isn't into you that it's because you're a "nice guy". Maybe she doesn't like broccoli, maybe she doesn't like chocolate, maybe she doesn't like you. Who cares? It's just her taste. What matters is that you be yourself, constantly strive to better yourself, and don't fall for someone too easily, cause that's what a lot of nice guys do. They get blinded by the idea of what they want in a woman, and fail to see what she is really like. Then long after they break up he realizes how many ways she would never have made him happy anyway, and finally, he gets over her.
If you're an authentic nice guy, you're the catch! You are the Royal Flush baby! Act like it! Be confident! Take your life by the balls, and your wife by the heart! Realize that she has something great to gain by being with you, and so you should be testing her to see if she has what it takes to make you happy as well. Be realistic. Don't be a wuss! And don't be afraid of hurting her. If she's not right for you, let her go. You'll be doing her a favour. You deserve a woman who appreciates and loves you the same way you love her.
About the psycho hiding in the "nice guy" suit... Maybe he was authentic, yet was so misunderstood that nobody believed him and never gave him a chance, and he was too weak to persevere, so he gave up on being nice altogether and went off the deep end, replacing his kindness with rage... Maybe the lack of understanding in this world is somewhat responsible for that... Maybe it was the lack of the very thing he had to offer the world that consumed him...
To the women who truly want a nice guy... They are out there! Give them a chance, but test them hard in conversation! Ask them tough questions about what they would do in certain situations. What do you have to lose? And what do you have to gain, if you truly want to end up with one of these mythical "nice guys"? The authentics will be able to prove themselves, and the fakes will show their true colours eventually. And remember not all words are lies. If someone is able to put something into words, they just may be able to it into actions as well, but if they're unable to put it in words, there may be no telling what their actions will be...
To anyone who actually read this whole post... I love you! haha | |
|
| |
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/13/2009 12:43:51 AM |
They never see how it takes two people to make a relationship work.
Obviously, you nor I can speak for all men. However being a male, I can share my observations about some men.
Men know that it takes two people to make a relationship, but some just do not know ....how to go about it.
They always are the poor victim, the one that wasn't loved, used and abused, bla bla bla.
Again, you mean SOME men. Any reasonable, rational person reading this statement would question the writer's objectivity and agenda. Anger towards men, comes to mind. It's pretty harsh.
And they could never be partially at fault for things that go wrong in a relationship.
Another generalization. IMO....men do understand and demonstrate remorse, guilt, shame, the normal range of appropriate human emotions. And most men will admit to wrongdoing.
Then again, I have met SOME men who simply ...could give a shyt. But those guys are a small minority of all men.
I have seen guys, young-old, rich-poor, smart-not so smart ...that THINK they are entitled to someone's affection beucause they THINK they have perfomed admirably in the courtship. That they deserve to get laid. That they are entitled to respect. That the other person owes them.
An antiquated, twisted form of reasoning and forced logic still prevails in modern homo erectus. And when rejected they say: Why do nice guys finish last? | |
|
Ultraj
|
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 115 | |
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:58:06 AM | | This thread was started back in October of 2005. I wonder what happened to the OP and if he ever found someone. I didn't even know POF was in existence that long. His profile is still active but it looks like he hasn't posted since 3 years ago. | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/15/2009 9:20:22 AM | [quote}They always are the poor victim, the one that wasn't loved, used and abused, bla bla bla.[/quote
Again, you mean SOME men. Any reasonable, rational person reading this statement would question the writer's objectivity and agenda. Anger towards men, comes to mind. It's pretty harsh.
I hate to bust your bubble, but usually I am "thinking" both male and female with a statement like that. The poor-me syndrome is ramped with both sexes...
An antiquated, twisted form of reasoning and forced logic still prevails in modern homo erectus. And when rejected they say: Why do nice guys finish last?
Correctamendo :thumbsup: | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:50:11 PM |
I hate to bust your bubble, but usually I am "thinking" both male and female with a statement like that. The poor-me syndrome is ramped with both sexes.
Oh....then why state...
I was referring to men that love to use that line. | |
|
| |
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/17/2009 6:34:30 AM | From www.heartlessb*tches.com:
You will feel betrayed, you will feel genuine anger, and you will understand that any hope of the "nice guy" having relationships with women before they are ready to marry are exceptionally thin.
You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless **** for dumping him."
We see many threads from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."
If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.
What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually payed some kind of attention to him.
Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that get's attracted to them is the lowest form of life...
Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.
Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".
They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.
They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.
Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.
Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.
Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."
The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"
More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!
Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.
This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".
Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.
You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible. | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:35:47 AM | This thread jumped the shark long ago.
Whatever happened to the philosophy that all women are nuts, so you might as well go only after the hot ones? Bwahahahahahahaha........ | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/17/2009 6:06:24 PM |
Guys: here's YOUR definition of "nice": I let her do whatever I want. I am her doormat.
Now here's the REAL definition (and, incidentally, the woman's definition): He doesn't beat me to within an inch of my life, he doesn't continually berate me, and he doesn't play mind games.
Far too many women in my experience when they see the later they think it's the former. | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 2/3/2009 11:15:19 PM | | Nice guys are real confident. Women usually choose strong men emotionally that are not nice. Nice guys are like a womans brother. I know all this makes no sense. I get very few opportunities too. It;s just not fair. | |
|
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 2/13/2009 3:43:20 PM | Wow... " Men who have the mentality of “Nice guys finish last” are selfish and indulgent"
That is definitely one opinion! I'd sway more towards introverted (pitying) and scared (self loathing)...
Nice Guys Finish last victims may have issues bottled up from previous relationships (or lack there of) and are scared that they will never find a life partner... Aren't we all?
Nature wants man to find woman and procreate, nurture creates emotions that scares the hell out of man. These emotions are stored and triggered when the point of attraction becomes critical.
Man has treated woman like she can walk on water, then gets tossed away because she is bored for someone who she feels something stronger with.... Extremely positive or negative feelings are stronger than boredom.
Human tendency is to want to LIVE for something. Feeling ALIVE sparks attraction. Yadda Yadda Yadda, probably has to do with the body releasing endorphins...
Do nice guys finish last? Not all the time. Is it normal to feel this way about nice guys finishing last? IMO, yes. Do nice guys have to finish last? Nope. Nice guys just need a backbone to stand up for what they are, what they will tolerate, beliefs, and what they wont. That doesn't necessarily mean that they have to be a jerk about it, just don't play the VICTIM because it is a turn off for women.
If you have to play the VICTIM role in a dating scenario, DON'T PLAY. Save that shit for pleading traffic accidents. VICTIM role = lack of self confidence = unattractive = you should find better things to improve yourself.
"Hence, they will attract the same, i.e selfish and indulgent women. When pursuing women who posses self love, respect and intelligence, “Nice guys” usually don’t have a starting chance." Regardless of the wording I disagree with, THIS IS 100% accurate! "Misery loves company... What are you doing tonight" | |
|
| |
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 2/13/2009 5:38:43 PM | I don't think I agree.
Nice guys get used, and abused. And thrown away.
If they weren't nice, they would be the typical jerk and NOT put up with the treatment they receive.
They generally wind up with domanent women, who drop them for someone who has more toys or is better looking, or BOTH. | |
|
|
| Page 5 of 6
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
|
Home
login 
