| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/26/2005 4:50:11 PM | I have found anyone who wants to jump out and meet real quick are those insecure guys who then will be pushing to have sex too soon too. There is a balance there......
I feel when its time to meet you will know. I have done it both ways and met quickly and not quickly and it seems it has NOTHING to do with the time length it takes to meet someone in person..... has everything to do with the person.
I avoid guys who push to meet quickly like the plauge. They never fail to be derranged in some way.. so badly that it often makes me feel bad I wasted any gas to drive to meet them. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/26/2005 5:10:19 PM | | I prefer face to face meetings but am not opposed to IM or e-mailing if it is short lived......just an ice breaker. You can ask some good questions this way and may be able to get an idea how much time you want to spend getting to know the person. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/26/2005 5:26:10 PM | Come to think of it, if I were dating I would leave the IM on so women could contact me. It is much faster than email and provides the option for dialogue instead of just monologue.
Chuck | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/26/2005 8:27:34 PM | I can't "follow the thread" on the IM. I go to answer the question, then there's another, then I don't have time to type the answer to both before the next answer or question is there! AAaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!
I've only tried it twice, and both times it turned out poorly. I hope most guys on here aren't like that, because some people (like me) don't want to do the IM thing simply because it's confusing as all get out! | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/26/2005 11:08:35 PM | | I don't like the IM thing, mostly because you can have several people sending IMs at the same time.... it's not fair to anyone ((I'm not that talented I guess)).. I prefer at least a couple of e-mails back and forth to get to know someone.. But, I've also had better luck with people I meet sooner, rather than later.... | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/28/2005 12:17:18 AM | | Well if not IM'ing is a dealbreaker then I am in big trouble! Some of us can't use the IM'er on here but can via other IM systems....but I do understand it is a nice real-time way of getting to know one another but emails work well too. | |
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JC123
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Joined: 5/23/2005
Msg: 33 | |
| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/28/2005 2:44:53 PM | | I love using AIM. I like to get to know someone online first before I meet them in person. It gives me a chance to see if I have a connection with someone without wasting my time. If the guy didn't have instant messenger then i probably wouldn't bother getting to know him. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/28/2005 2:52:28 PM | Wow, sometimes I think all this technology designed to bring people together is doing the opposite.
I can't imagine not meeting someone just because we didn't IM first. Yes, IM is fun, but a good IM relationship doesn't necessarily mean you're going to hit it off in person. There are at least a few people I've had IM chats with, emailed, etc, and in person there was nothing.
Good IM chemistry is just that - good IM chemistry. In my experience, it doesn't matter how long you've known someone over the phone, through IM or in email - when you meet face to face, it's like hitting the reset button and starting from scratch.
If someone isn't interested in meeting a potential date because they couldn't have an online relationship first, I would guess there were other issues at play... | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/28/2005 4:08:30 PM | I don't really like IM at all. I prefer reading a well put together email.
I don't mind moving to the conversation to MSN after a while, but that sort of seems like a downgrade in communication to me, not an improvment. I'd rather talk on the phone.
Any sort of text communication can lead to big misunderstandings because so much of communication is tone of voice. A sentance can be read so many ways.
I find a lot of women can't really type that fast either, so I will blast out a paragraph in a few seconds and then wait patiently as they plod away with two fingers getting their sentence out. It gets annoying. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/28/2005 4:29:15 PM | mojo darlin..
I am not insecure and I am to brutally honest to hide or hold anything back. I am however very cautious. Every meeting I have had with someone from online has went wonderfully, only because I have taken the time to know them first.
I rely on my intuition, it is a very powerful thing. If I am not comfortable chatting to someone on here first, I am definatly not going to meet them personally.
Stalkers, axe murderes and strange people that go bump in the night are not a very good thing to have hanging around!!..Actually..it is quite scary.
Now I just ask for pics, then cam sessions ( totally PG of course), phone numbers, moms maiden name, and blood and semen samples.
dionysyus...."women cant really type fast"?????
eek hun..you had better RUN now cause that line is probubly going to cause you a whole lot of hurt here!!....laffs... | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/28/2005 4:32:16 PM | I hate IMing. Its a time waster. and everyone seems to be different from emails, to IM to phone, to RL. No matter how much you screan out the losers, its always different face to face.
I used to have written it in my profile that Im not looking for a msn messenger relationship. And that I think this site is just another way to meet people, and if you think there is potential, to meet right away. The sooner the better.
I have one guy that i have talked to for about a year now, he lives about 45 minutes away, but we have never met. He is the reason why I wont do that anymore, time wasters I call them, lol. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/28/2005 6:23:22 PM | Cute:
What did you do before the internet?
If you met a guy out somewhere for a few minutes and gave him your number, what then? How did you get to know him before going on a date with him? Because it sounds like you want to try to know someone quite well before you meet them.
Have you not found that a person online can be very different than someone in person? I can't imagine making a judgement about someone online. Sure, if they are a total freak and can only chat about their toe fetish, sure, that is an early warning sign... but the way a person looks, their warmth, their aura, their persona, can only be truly understoon face to face.
Do you not agree with that? | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/28/2005 7:26:45 PM | yes..I do actually agree with that..( lord help me)
however when you just happen to meet someone face to face it is different from on here. and No..I dont give my number out to just anyone in person who asks for it.
As I said..I am a firm believer in my intutions, they have never let me down yet! When you start chatting with someone on line it is so different from someone you just happen to start talking to in a club, on the beach, in the park etc. If I did start talking to someone I just happen to have met I would be just as cautious about really getting to know them, and I would certainly be checking if they were following me back to my car or not!
I just like to feel comfortable around the person that I intend to spend a couple hours with. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/29/2005 10:49:07 AM | Before the internet we had communities that had all kinds of places to go where you had a chance to meet someone, in person.
It was a lot safer and more people friendly.
Can't go anywhere, anymore where people aren't on their phones or plugged into their IPods.
Walk down the street,go to the grocery store, or wait in line for the bus, everyone is plugged into their own little world.
In this city there used to be more variety in venues and if some one wanted to make a phone call, they found a phone booth.
All the big name coffee shops have also turned into cyber cafes. Not exactually the right social situation to meeting someone, when more and more have their eyes glued to their laptops or blackberries, rather than who else is in the same room.
Before the internet, people were more into people, now the interest and know how to interact with people has been replaced by gadgets and cyber addicts.
So as far as IM is concerned,it's a crap-shoot. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/29/2005 10:52:24 AM | ummm...i havent met anyone who demands that i IM them...the people where you live are weird...unless you are around me, and then i would have to say the people where you are from are DEFINATELY weird.
STL has some weirdos. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/29/2005 11:53:32 AM | bewitched,
Interesting commentary. I agree with all of it.
IM is easy to avoid... I just do use it.
Cell phones on the other hand...
<-- here's wishing they were easy to avoid!!! | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2005 1:26:16 AM | I was once sitting in a hotel lobby on Sunset blvd one evening and watched three friends walk in together. They sat down on a sofa next to one another and two of them whipped out laptops and surfed the net over wifi; the other talked on her cell phone.
This went on for about 45 minutes; they never said a word to each other until they decided it was time to leave.
At that moment, I realized how ironic it is that the very technology designed to bring people around the world together often isolates those sitting right next to each other. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2005 1:54:12 AM | I use IM because I don't like talking to strangers on the phone. There is too many awkward pauses! When you talk on IM, you can have 1, 2, 3 minute pauses and nobody will really care. It gives me time to get the know the person without sounding like an idiot going 'So um... uh... you uh... um...like..stuff?'
Sure maybe you old-school daters have this down, but the internet was readily available and I've been on it since I was a wee "13/m" so I feel much more comfortable with it than the phone.
IM is quick, convenient, and effective. If someone you don't like ends up knowing your chat address, block them! It's a one button fix. If some creep has your phone number... yikes. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2005 2:34:19 AM | re: "There have been a few occasions where I've gone from first email to meeting someone in the span of a few hours - or less. Very spontaneous.
Those dates have generally gone MUCH better than the standard email, IM, phone, etc, which can go on for days or weeks. Why? No time to build expectations, or 'think' you've gotten to know someone.
Conversely, the longer I've spent emailing and talking on the phone before I met someone, the less likely it has been to work out.
Anyone else have similar experiences?"
To Mojo and the woman who started the post:....I have not had any guys use IM as a deal breaker but I also like to use IM because I don't think it waste my time. In fact it's one more way of seeing if we click. If someone emails me a nice email, I like to give them my IM address and see if we are on the same level about anything in 'person' so to speak, (Since it is instantaneous) and then I can weed out the guys who took a long time to write a wonderful email but then on IM immediately want to see naked pictures, or ask if I have a webcam, or start asking sex questions immediately, or they just don't get your since of humor or start complaining about life…..( because people will Instant message stuff they would never say in an email or over the phone) THEN if that goes well I will talk on the phone with them to see if there is a final click. But I like to do this all within a couple of days and then meet soon as well, so the illusion and reality get sorted out immediately.
So although I do think lots of guys may get their jollies on IM, some may think like me: they don’t want to give out their number just yet and want to see if we click at all first in semi-real life conversation… | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2005 2:51:16 AM | IM can be useful. I don't like IM for the purpose of having a cyber friend, etc.,but it's a good tool for the pre-getting to know you.
It's a good informal way to ask questions and get some sense of the other person's character, intentions and interests.
Even though I prefer meeting in person, I like to chat on IM 1st a few times to find out if our day to day lives are compatiable...if I work days and he works nights, what's the point.
Can we converse and find that we like chatting enough to what to meet, after more than a rushed instant message.
I am also interested in what questions are asked of me and how questions I ask are answered.
Am I talking to an idiot or a man with a good brain and not someone with just a one track mind?
It's also about timing and consistancy of information,too.
I am not looking to trip anyone up nor do I approach an invitation to chat,negatively.
I just want to get a sense of who I am possibly going to meet up with.
Is the person on the other end of IM being a gentleman, or within a few minutes of chatting,is he going to trying to get an invitaion over to my place, ask me for my phone number, become impatient to meet, get attitude, if I don't agree or comply to his typed out questions and demands and commands?
Instant message isn't a replacement to meeting, but it can be a good way of screening out those who don't give you a good feeling for those who are worth investing some more time and energy into, because you feel good about your contact with each other, to date. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2005 3:09:09 AM | I guess the ladies are also only looking at the photos and not reading the profiles. I read one girls profile . It went something like this:" Im currently attending University of greed and my interests are making lots of money and being successful,...."
Read between the lines. If you want looks,money,linebacker bodystyles in one package , go hang out in Hollywood! Tom | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2005 3:54:07 AM | Right back at you!
Men don't read profiles either.
Lots of men's profile's read pretty much like their female counterparts. | |
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| Why is not using IM a dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/30/2005 4:29:03 AM | | only looking at photos and not reading profiles ??? how is that even possible ??? lol.....I suspect what you really mean is - being attracted to the photo and NOT really caring what the profile says ....or seeing a photo and IGNORING the profile that goes with it ....or not reading profiles without pics......or seeing a guy with a linebacker body, great looks, lots or money and, then his profile says he is an ax murderer and you IM him anyway....lol....... | |
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