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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 10/26/2005 7:15:16 PM | Hmmm! I don't agree that nice guys finish last...
It doesn't if you are nice or not, the most important thing about dating, especially on first dates is confidence, show confidence and everything else will look attractive in the eyes of the woman...
And I'm not talking about confertational confidence, when I say confidence I mean show her that you know what you want in life, that you feel confortable with who you are and who you're with...Show the woman a good time and she will show you her heart...It seems too simple, well life and women are simple most of the time...Just listen to them instead of trying to listen only to yourself...
I am a very nice guy, and I never had any trouble with any of the women, even the women with whom I split up still love me and think I'm wonderful...
I'm not talking about any girl you meet in a club either and say 2 words then take her to your room...I am talking about situations where you can talk with that woman and be able to show her something about yourself...
Like I said, just have confidence in everything in life and life, relationships, sports, work, friendships, etc. willbe quiet simple... | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 10/26/2005 9:12:53 PM | | "Game" has nothing to do with clicking with that special person, in fact, NO GAME, just two good people who have put all that crap aside, will click indefinitely. As long as "game" is part of your vocabulary, that's just what you'll keep running into with guys - GAMES | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 10/27/2005 9:50:10 AM | Look in your closet Big Lars...You might have hid it somewhere :)
Confidence is easy to get, just get up in the morning, and say to yourself that you're good at everything you do...and the leave the house and smile, when you meet people just smile, nothing more or less...when someone talks to you, just talk to them...and the confidence will come by itself...if you go to buy something in a stroe, instead of asking about the item you want to buy, have a 20 word conversation...
Confidence is all about how you view yourself, and how you react to other people's emotions... | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 10/27/2005 10:51:24 AM | | Obvously you have been down a different road than some...Sorry i believe in (fate)...In other words their are some people that step in sh-t and smell like sh-t.And their is other people that step in sh-t and smell like a rose.And i believe in that 100%...If you do not.Then that is your opinion....Personally back in my 20s i gave my 110% in women.Never got me nowhere but heart ache.I did more than what i suppose to do.Over and beyond...So if you think it all has to do with confidence..Then that is your opinion..I am 39 now and i have totally gave up on women.I careless....And cannot count the times women say they want a nice guy.But when Mr.Confidence comes up.She (Maybe)be his friend...Then about 2 weeks later she is shacked up with Mr.Jerk...You know the type!Cannot hold down a job because he has 10 DUI.s...Beats her up every other night...But that is nice.RIGHT!........The bottom line is that either a person is good for you or bad for you.PERIOD!..There is no middle ground. | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 10/27/2005 11:19:15 AM | Now that you mention it Funk, I think confidence is the game I'm playing. (Just so you know Cubano... I mean I'm not a complete b**** to guys...)
Confidence is a wicked card to play and a nice smile always gets noticed.
A little aside... I find a lot of old people that you see always feel kinda sour about us youngens (and when I say old, I'm talking they won't be reading this anyway, because they don't know what a computer is). Anyway, whenever I see a sour old person, I always shoot them a smile... say hello. I think it makes them feel good. And most will smile back/reply.
So if you need to practice the whole confidence game Big Lars, start with the old folks. Work out any kinks in the smile/hello and you'll be ready to use it with the chicks in no time! :) | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 10/27/2005 11:20:14 AM | Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
Not another nice guy thread....somebody kill me now!!!!!!!! | |
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yoduh
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Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 35 | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 10/27/2005 10:00:09 PM | Tarheelman, I think you are a bit on the extreme side with your example...
Sometimes guys who seem like jerks can become better men that Mr. Nice guy, people change, especially in relationships...
I personnaly do not believe in fate, I think people concentrate too much of their energy and time on the past and future without thinking about today...People who believe in fate tend to not do too good in their life...your life is in your hands, you make it all happen, you decide how you live your life and how you don't...
It is the same for love and dating, you make it happen if you really want it to happen, if you start seeing someone and that person breaks up with you, it's not fate's fault, it's your fault, you just didn't step up to the plate, if that person was interested in you at first why did he or she stop? it's because you didn't keep your promises, and not all promises are said with words, some are shown with actions...
That is my opinion of life and everything concerning life, my advice would be live the moment, make decisions based on what you want now, not what you think is coming to you... | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 10/28/2005 11:52:10 AM | | If you do not believe your past has anything with your future.Then that is your life travels.Not everybody elses.How you handle life maybe different from the rest.....If you do not believe in fate ...Then that is you.Not everybody....People that believe in fate do not do very well in life.What a bunch of bull is that....No i am not married.But i am very successful....If being married and having 5 kids and living paycheck to pay check.And then it ends in divorce is successful...Then that is a joke.Sorry to tell you PAL!..You do not know my life and i would never (If hell freezes over)To trade my life for that.I sure you of that!....I rather have my pride and personal well being to live like that....So your definition of success is different than mine....I hardy call a man having kids.Then get a divorce in 5 years.Loses house,50% income going to child support is success...Sorry pal!..To smart to go that route...I got a brain and i use it.....Oh about people leaving.So in your opinion when someone decides to leave a relationship it is the other persons fault.What a joke!Just 1 example of many.My mom and dad were married for 10 years.My dad was a womanizer.He wanted to leave my mom so he could have fun.My mom did not want to leave.But my dad.But according to your logic PAL!.It was my moms fault my dad wanted to whore around...What a joke! | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 10/29/2005 3:35:32 AM | Wow!
I am all confused now...
I don't know how you got offended by what I said...you are talking about divorce and marriage and stuff that I never even mentioned...
All I was saying is that if you don't live the present and you concentrate all your energy on the past and future then you will live a difficult life..I was talking in general, I wasn't mentioning you or anyone, I only said your name to tell you that I disagree with you...
Anyways...I love you man :) | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/9/2007 7:23:35 AM | I dated a "good guy" for over 3 years. Loved him with all my heart and soul, because he seemed to be a "good guy" I heard the the same complaint from him, that women in the past didn't want to date a "good guy" like him, good guys always finish last, blah, blah, blah. He was ALWAYS first in my book, first on my list, first in my heart. Then I caught him in bed with another woman! Good guy? HA! I DON'T THINK SO!
I know I shouldn't judge all men by the actions of one, but I have become leary of self proclaimed "good guys" | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/9/2007 7:40:03 AM | | Someone dug up a thread that was TWO YEARS OLD?? You've got to be kidding, not like there aren't 9999 recent "nice guy" threads out there to add to....pffft! | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/9/2007 8:49:23 AM | well, there's no one way to classify exactly why someone does this. though many women do it and i know exactly what you're talking about, many people are giving one example and without knowing the woman, there's no way to be certain.
sometimes the woman knows she's not ready for something serious and considers you "settle down" material. though in a way we should be flattered that she sees us as a rare find, most people simply see it as rejection and are hurt by it. however, sometimes it's just a woman basically saying she doesn't want something as serious as she thinks she'd end up having with a guy like you.
othertimes, it can just be an "out", an excuse because you're too laid back and calm. there's a difference between being nice and being boring, and i know there was a couple times where i found girls to be sweethearts but just so laid back that they just weren't fun. sometimes the bad ones are just more exciting. there has to be an equilibrium between being sweet and nice, but at the same time having a bit of wildness or "kick" to you, at least for me.
one thing i actually discussed one day with a client of mine at work who's a psychologist was about how sometimes men get rejected by women because they're "too nice". to sum it up, he explained how it's much easier to find someone who's gonna treat you bad than someone who will be good to you, so these women are used to guys treating them like (for lack of a better word) crap. it becomes their comfort zone. now, when a guy is sweet and kind to them, they're not used to it. of course they'd like to think they want that, but once they get it, it's suddenly ripping them out of their comfort zone of what they were used to and many women don't know how to deal with it. this is when their subconscious will bring up a conscious reason to not like that person or to reject them.
my personal advice to you would be to just keep being yourself. eventually you'll find a girl who will want what you have to offer, it will just take time. if a girl does say you're "too nice", run the other way, cause one way or another that girl is trying to tell you that she will hurt you. if you're trying real hard to go out of your way to be nice to the women, maybe ease it back a bit. if you lay it on too thick they may think you're being fake, and also remember that later down the road if you can't keep it up, the relationship will fade as she realizes it was an act. if you have a wilder side at all, don't be afraid to show that as well. if you can show a woman that you're considerate of her as well as exciting, you'll find yourself being much more successful. good luck. | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/9/2007 8:54:48 AM | Good gouys don't finish at all, actually.
They get thrown by the wayside like used diapers.
'You're too nice' means the same thing as 'let's be friends'.
Translation for both of them: 'You're not my type and have no chance in hell, but maybe I can sucker you into doing stuff for me, so go away, but not too far." | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/9/2007 9:03:45 AM | I guess some women want someone who will be rotten to them. Me, I like nice guys. I think my problem is that there are not too many nice guys anywhere near where I live.
I think I also have a problem meeting nice guys because of my user name.
NICE GUYS DO NOT FINISH LAST WITH ME! I may not be the most beautiful woman, but I am attractive and funny and creative and generally terrific. I bet you are too. | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/9/2007 9:23:01 AM | Why do good guys finish last?
I guess for the same reason good girls finish last.
Maybe we are expecting too much in a relationship...or havn't found someone who is worthy of us.......... | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/9/2007 4:41:27 PM | I agree with missright, for the most part. It happens to both "good guys" and "good girls." I have seen this type of thread on PoF and other places too many times to count. I really don't think it's so much that nice folks finish last, but I think it is a combination of two things.
First of all, too many of us, nice and not-nice, tend to go for shiny things (think a pretty woman or a wealthy man) instead of someone who would truly be more compatible for us yet have "flaws" that make us pass them by (e.g. the plain jane or the good ol' boy). And instead of coming to a realization that all that glitters is not gold, we blame it on the idea that we are such good people and good folks finish last. Getting out of that mindset is important because it's kind of arrogant if you think about it. That being said, It doesn't mean we shouldn't have standards, but we all need to reconsider what is actually important for a real-life relationship.
The other thing that sometimes happens is that we are treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated. People often take kindness for weakness and push the envelope to see how far you will bend. Some of them do it on purpose, but I think that most people don't intend to do it, it just happens. That being said, it doesn't mean that we should stop being decent people, but it does mean that we need to stand up for ourselves, know when to walk away, and give that 110% in a relationship with someone who will appreciate it. | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/11/2007 7:51:08 PM | When I use the too nice line, I'm being too nice. I should just tell the guy what the heck is wrong. What I actually mean is that he is calling me 3 times a day, he wants to email or IM for hours every night, he's ready for an exclusive within half an hour of the meet and greet, he checks whatever site we've met to see how often I log on, or who has added me to their fav. list, he wants smooch sessions when I'm barely at a hand-holding stage, he tells all his friends and family about his "girlfriend", or he's pushing to come to my home or me to go to his so we can sit on the couch and watch movies.
Phooey on all that. Just because a person considers himself a nice guy doesn't mean I think the same thing. | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/11/2007 7:55:27 PM | I have no idea what that means...but either way they for some reason are not interested. Personally be grateful they gave you some type of idea how they felt.
Don't give up.... | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/11/2007 7:56:48 PM | http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Read it and maybe it will explain your situation. | |
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| Why do good guys finish last?
Posted: 7/11/2007 9:20:55 PM | All the self proclaimed nice guys I've dated have been jealous, insecure and controlling. One 'nice guy' I dated in high school told me I wasn't allowed to do extra curricular activities because there would be guys there that I might leave him for plus it would interfere with the time we spent together. He also told me I should think about dropping out so I wouldn't be able to meet other guys and I'd be able to spend more time with him. He also called me ALL THE TIME. And he wanted me to call him when I got to school, when I got home and during all my breaks. That lasted a whole two days.
Nice guys are always complaining all the time 'wah she didn't want to date me because I bought her a diamond necklace and took her to an expensive restaurant and told her I loved her on the first date' or better yet 'wah I bought this girl everything and then she dumped me!' Seriously, if you're tired of getting used grow a friggin set of balls and stick up for yourself. If a girl tells you she wants you to buy her something, tell her to get a friggin job and buy it herself. | |
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