| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/18/2006 12:43:00 PM | Never trust a guy. Do any women pay attention?!?!?!
You all say "TRUST IS EARNED"... well there's your answer. I think it's important to see what type of CONSISTENCY people have around your child.
A potentially abusive person could be great for 2 weeks, and then snap when angry, and be nice for the 2 weeks after that. That doesn't tell me the person is CONSISTENT.
Trust is earned, so while you're giving a guy the chance to be constantly and consistently aware of YOUR best interests and your children's best interests... be sure to INSURE YOUR CHILDREN WITH GLOCK.
Many people said Trust NoOne. With that in mind, it's true... ANYONE ... could potentially be capable of anything. Stay alert, Be Aware, and it doesn't hurt to have NCIC Background Investigations and Psychological Evaluations done on a potential date!
SgtVishus | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/18/2006 1:32:00 PM | | I was reading your message that you posted and I have a son thats 2 years old I'm a single mother and I'm afraid to date also because it is so much abuse out their in the world and who can you trust I wanted to say I totally agree with you my son was never abused but im scared to date because if my son was to be abused i would never forgive my self my son is my world my everything its a very good question | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/18/2006 4:13:51 PM | | i been in an abusive relationship before my son s 14 ad im not afraid to date but the be afraid of my son lol joking just talk to each other and you might get a chance with his mom thats why i like guys that have kidds to we all will get along | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/19/2006 12:12:18 PM | | i haven't intro'd my child to anyone yet. i figure i will know when it is time for a quick meeting with mommys friend,and adjust accordingly. just make it a casual meeting and use your common sense. | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/26/2006 4:45:36 AM | | Im starting to meet guys of plenty of fish and there are some nice guys from this site and my son well he gets along with but he really dont like no bullshit either i guess he can spot that lol ok well fellas if you want to know more just holla | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/26/2006 7:40:29 AM |
how do you trust guys you date around your child?
unfortunately, and it pains me to say this.... YOU DON'T.
I prefer to be safe than sorry for many many reasons, and since becoming a single mom with Dad completely out of the picture, the latter now translates to me as "It is my SOLE responsibility to keep my son safe and happy." I do not trust my son to anyone especially if he were that the age where he could not tell me if someone was hurting him....
Being paranoid in order to keep your kids safe, without dimishing their quality of life I think is a good thing in my book, especially when it involves small children and other adults. Just read the newspapers if you don't have any first hand experience.
JMOP | |
|
| |
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/26/2006 12:12:15 PM |
ok..I have a 16 month old little girl and after me and her father broke up i started seeing a friend that i had known for years things were going good until it came out the he had been phsyically hurting my daughter...so my question is if a guy i knew for 4 years couldnt be trusted can anyone now days...there is so much abuse these days i am starting to be paranoid that every guy i meet is going to hurt her
Well, that's unfortunate to hear, I'm sorry you and your child had to go through that situation.
The reality is you never can trust anyone who you date if you are a single parent.
This guy could have gone bad in two weeks, he could have gone bad after twenty years, there is no magic formula for it.
If you are a single parent and date, you put your child at some risk. Even if it's a small one. The only way to remove the risk is not to date at all until the child is grown. Anyone who is a single parent of a young child and who dates is never "Putting Kids First" If the kids were first, the parent would never expose them to any risk of harm whatsoever. Because the child benefits exactly zero by having his single parent dating. There might be some perks with finances and influences and keeping good old Mom in a better state of mind, but the all the direct benefits go to the single parent who is dating.
So yes, it's sad that what happened has happened. But you chose to date the guy. At some point, you chose to expose this man to your child. So if your child has long lasting emotional issues stemming from this situation, that's on you. And you'll have to live with that.
So no, I don't think you'll ever be able to trust anyone else again because ultimately you won't be able to trust yourself and your judgement again. You will ultimately blame yourself for your part in what happened and, sad as it is, you'll be right. | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/26/2006 12:50:25 PM | | Hi there. Man that is a difficult subject. For me I dated and had a live in for five years. Her little girl was five when we met and 10 when we broke up. I raised her like she was my own daughter and never laid a hand on her. It is not the boy friends place to touch the child in anyway. If you can prove abuse then sounds like criminal mis conduct and he should be punished under a court of law. Hereing things like this really troubles me. | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/26/2006 8:40:42 PM | After reading everybody's take on this subject, I keep reading the same thing over and over....ONLY ALLOW CLOSE FAMILY MEMBERS/FRIENDS to babysit and DON'T TRUST ANYBODY. However I have only read a FEW where they are saying that their child knows they can come and talk to them about anything.
Let me try to tell you about something that has happened to my family in the recent past. Bear with me, this isn't going to be easy. Hopefully though, it will open other people's eyes so they won't have to go through the same thing.
On May 5, 2003, my 14 year old son was arrested for sex-related offenses on my daughter, step-son, and his half-brother. That was the absolute hardest day of my entire life to see my 14 year old being handcuffed because what he had done. Needless to say, there were all kinds of emotions running...your first-born being arrested and hauled off for doing these horrible things to another one of your children, plus somebody's else's children.
Afte several counseling sessions for everybody involved, court appearances, child custody battles, divorce court and whatever else you could imagine, we are beginning to get things straightened out and trying to live as close to normal life as possible.
During this time, I got involved with a co-worker (who I knew for many years and trusted). He moved in with me and was actually going through family counseling with me. He was learning about "sex offenders" and their patterns and what to watch for. He actively participated in this counseling. I felt like I could TRUST this man with my children (especially since I knew him for over 10 years and after all he was really getting involved in this counseling). To make a long story short, this man is CURRENTLY serving a prison sentence for about 65 years. Why you ask.....because during the time I was seeing him and he was making a good impression on me, he had been molesting his step-daughter for the past 4 years. Luckily the bast--- never touched my child.
So to conclude this story, just remember family members can do just as much damage as the people you are dating; long-time friends aren't as innocent as some may think. So most importantly, make every effort you can to talk to your kids about everything!!!! Don't shy off from those subjects that make you or them feel uncomfortable, you child will know they can count on you no matter how hard it may be for them to talk to you.
Hopefully you guys aren't thinking that I am looking for sympathy, because I truly am not. I just don't want ANYBODY to have to EVER go through that craziness with their children. | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/26/2006 10:29:03 PM | karl? Her ex could be a problem that way. Think before you speak man.
To the OP, rest assured hun most men aren't anything like that. But your child being priority #1 you needn't assume your date IS like that, but for your sanity and her safety you do need to remember anyother person COULD be like that. Sensible precautions give peace of mind to enjoy a relationship as it develops. Personally I had several and I mean several gf's after I split w/ the ex, out of those only one has met my children (another would have but it was a timing thing) . My rule for myself and my kids was no meeting untill I am sure it could be serious, I don't wish to introduce and remove hordes of new people in my childrens life. While I never hid that I was dating they opportunity to spend anytime with me AND the kids was not something I was ever comfortable giving lightly.
Best of luck in finding someone that can in time earn and be worthy of that trust | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 9/30/2006 4:35:11 AM | ok mother of two teenagers, and no matter what would still be very carefull whom I ask to meet them. I myself would never let them meet someone untill I have knowen that person for a good year or so. and even then would never leave them alone with this person.  | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 10/15/2006 12:54:51 PM | HERE WE GO AGAIN.
ALL WOMEN TALKING AND NO MEN IN HERE.... WHAT ABOUT US GUYS? US SINGLE DADS WHO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH NUT CASE WOMEN?
I DATED ONE WHO TOLD ME MY CHILD HAD TO GO AND IF NOT SHE WOULD HURT US. AND ANOTHER ONE WHO WANTED TO BE ALONE WITH MY CHILD. WE HAVE KIDS ALSO AND IT IS NOT ALWAYS ONE SIDE OF THE STREET. GUYS HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM MEETING WOMEN AS YOU DO GUYS. SO STOP PUTTING US AS THE BAD PEOPLE. GUYS ARE NOT ALWAYS THE BAD ONES HERE!
SIGH,JAMES IN HICKORY,NC | |
|
| |
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 10/22/2006 11:53:18 AM | I'm a court reporter working in a felony trial court. I know about the unthinkable things people do.
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY AS PARENTS TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM EVEN THE POSSIBILITY OF DANGER.
I've been divorced for four years and have been dating for the last three years. I have yet to introduce my children to anyone. I think it's inappropriate for them to meet different people who aren't going to remain a part of their lives. I also don't invite people to my home when first meeting or at the beginning of a dating relationship. I don't want them to know where my CHILDREN and I live. If I feel they are someone I might like to invite into my home, I will check them out first. I know this may sound paranoid, but it's my duty as their mother to protect them. Their father and I have a 50/50 custody agreement and are on the same page on this issue -- thank God. He hasn't introduced them to anyone either and will only do so when it's appropriate.
I hope that some day in the not-too-distant future I will meet someone with whom I connect and want to have a lasting relationship with. At that time, I will consider introducing my children but will still have my eyes WIDE open.
This is the way I handle things. Take what you like from it and good luck to all. | |
|
| |
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 10/23/2006 5:32:27 PM | VERY TRUE LIV1968. WE AS PARENTS HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR OUR KIDS. I HAVE ONLY ONE PROBLEM WITH THIS....WHAT IF YOU HAVE NO ONE TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD WITH AND HAVE TO TAKE THEM WITH YOU? I WOULD NOT BRING THEM HOME,BUT AT THIS POINT I HAVE TO PRETTY MUCH TAKE HIM WITH ME EVERYWHERE I GO. WE HAVE NO ONE ELSE. JUST US GUYS HERE.
I WANT TO MEET SOMEONE ELSE, BUT THAT IS MY PROBLEM. I GUESS THAT IS WHY I AM STILL ALONE HUH,LOL. THANKS... | |
|
wurl
|
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 68 | |
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 10/23/2006 7:44:54 PM | | I'm divorced now and also an estranged father, neither by my choice. But I have two daughters one is 17 now and the other is 10. If it was up to me. I wouldn't trust anybody with my kids. I didn't use to allow them to sleep over anywhere and only family would babysit them. That is an old standard and mine. | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 12/6/2006 11:58:31 AM | i agree, i have a 16 yr old and i would not let him meet a guy i was dating until i was absolutely sure there was going to be a future for us, i have been single for two years and was previously in a long relationship and i vowed when that broke up i would not put my son at risk in anyway by introducing him to a guy too soon, if guys dont understand that then I'm not for them its simple, as a parent your child should always come first no matter what, i would never respect a guy who didnt feel the same way | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 2/18/2007 4:10:55 PM | So what you are saying is that every guy is a sicko?
I dated a gilr ofr 6 months and in that time became very fond of her child.
Truth be told I think I had more of an interest in her than her mother. By interets I mean I adored her, took an interest in everything she done (unlike her mother) and would never ever even consider harming her (or any child for that matter).
Not all guys are sick, there are many trustworthy ones out there. | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:43:38 PM | Keep your eyes open and try not to leave your child alone with anyone new until you can be as sure as possible.
Google and background checks don't always work cuz theres no guarantee that someone has been convicted of anything. You just have to be viginlant. | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 2/23/2007 7:44:15 PM | Dear Vivian,
Hi, I am a nurse and do some work with CPS Child Protective Services. the reality of your question is that of which most have allready stated, never let your guard down...ever.
However one thing i do have to add is that at your daughters age she doesnt need to be socialized to your private life. Try to keep them seperate until you are prepared for engagement/marriage. this is more for your daughters benefit than anything.
as for trust, it is almost like you never can, however i think we all can find the diamond in the ruff! Look for cues, such as grooming techniques, this is virtually impossible with your daughter being so young, she cant really explain situations well and doesnt know the difference between truth and lies.
I too am a single mom navigating my way down the dating highway, but i dont believe it is appropriate for me to expose my daughter to anyone until it is serious and even then be extra vigilant. Trust can be built over time with the right person.
good luck with your search and bless that little girl.
Kelly | |
|
| background checks
Posted: 2/26/2007 7:08:30 PM | I was interested in you said about background checks i would be very interested in this i paid for one once before but only came up with united states i live in canada does anyone know of a quality canadian website that i could go forward with this for future reference on checking out ppl
greatly appreciated | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 2/27/2007 7:14:59 AM | | I have a five month old baby and the only people who can watch her are my mother, her father, and a few reletives. I am offered all the time for people to watch her but if I even get one little bad vibe they dont and so far no one else has. I will probably remain this way when she gets older, but its putting her first not myself and I wouldnt let anyone watch her until she could communicate, and even when they can you cant always tell soemthing is rong you have to watch your childrens change in behavior really carefully. | |
|
| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 2/27/2007 7:34:35 PM | | I have never had a man besides their dad around my kids, but the thought of what happened to you crosses my mind a lot. I'm sure single dads have the same thoughts, were here to protect our children, I always go with my gut feeling, if it feels like something ain't right chances are it's not. | |
|
Home
login 
