| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 2/27/2007 8:24:51 PM | There is simply no full-proof way to be certain. I'm sorry, but theres not. We all know people that THINK they know someone only to find out what they were really capable of.
All you can do is your best. THATS whats scary. The only up side is that the majority of people that you meet really are normal and wouldn't think of hurting a child. But thats not much comfort. | |
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:58:24 PM | I am very sorry to hear what your child and you had to go through. I will tell you my philosophy when it comes to dating and my child. And this is from a person who has endured a lot of pain, manupulation and deception by (some, not all) men. Trust your gut instinct, listen to your body intuition. (I have incredible intuition when it comes to 'weeding' out a person who is not right for me. Essentially I get body signals , such as nausea, stomach aches, and so on. It hapapens when I think 'he may be the one for me....." When i understand he is not, my body is quiet.) Always err on the side of caution when it comes to your child, ALWAYS! I have dated for over 3 years now since after my divorce and I haven't left my child in the company of a man I am dating, EVER! Now, that is not to say that I will not do it at some point in the future in my life with a person.
In fact of the men I have dated only three have actually met my child.
It's difficult enough to be a young single mother and you are healing from that my wishes are with you and your child to be happy, healty and safe!
From now on get a babysitter (I only have friends or my parents as bbsitters) when you wish to be alone with a man and do not leave your kid with any man unless you are present . And like I said ERR on the safety of your child, perhaps do NOT have your child present when you are on a date.
All the best to you!
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 3/8/2007 3:55:47 AM | | The only thing you can do is stay alert & watch for any signs that your daughter is unusually uncomfortable around people. If the guy is genuine he'll understand that your daughter's safety & happiness are your first priority. As for whether anyone can be trusted i think it depends on the individual, there are a lot of good people around but i personally would always be wary of trusting anyone 100% no matter how long i'v known them so have taught my children the difference between 'good' secrets i.e. planning a surprise & 'bad' secrets when someone tells them if they share the secret someone will get hurt etc | |
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:58:18 PM | To Jardinero.Ive just read what you said and you obviously dont have kids.Whats it got to do with believing in yourself.?? someone once told me trust no one.Thats a good way to be.xx
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 1/25/2008 2:07:36 PM | The only men that are allowed around my daughter when I am not RIGHT THERE are my father and my brother. My friends are of course over on occassion but I am right there the whole time and these are people I have known for years. As far as someone I had just started dating.....I don't even like to tell men where I live!!! And most have them have proven that to be a very good bit of information to withhold. So no, they are not around my daughter.
My current boyfriend is but I have known him since the 9th grade and watched his 2 girls grow up and even was close to his ex wifes family and still think the world of all of them. So yeah, he has kind of proven himself and earned that trust.
Long story short, don't trust any Jo shmoe off the street. | |
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 1/25/2008 3:02:27 PM | Yup, I agree with the second poster - paranoia is a good thing to use as a parent.
Always run a background check on anyone you have around your child(ren). If they get insulted or pissy about it, tell them flat out that your child(ren) are your primary priority and because of that, you will take every precaution to keep them safe.
I've done it on two men I've been involved with since my exh left over five years ago. (Both came out clean).
Also - trust your gut. If you feel that something is wrong - TRUST your INSTINCT.
Talk to your child(ren) - ASK them if anyone has hurt them or touched them - make sure they KNOW that you will not be angry with them, you will not go away, nor will anyone hurt you if they tell you anything. Talk to them. All the time.
You knew this guy for four years, so you'd already covered the first & most important step - KNOW the people you have around your children. Unfortunately, it is no guarantee, as you discovered.
Sorry you and your daughter have gone through this and I hope that you never have to experience it again. | |
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 1/26/2008 1:18:34 AM | | The stats are one in four men are pose a threat to children. Having worked with Childrens Services, I've seen enough to corroborate that number. Don't trust anyone on your child's behalf. | |
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 1/26/2008 5:55:28 AM | | I'm of the opinion that the kids don't need to be introduced to the b.f. until it is serious and wait at least 4 months, or longer. Waited a year and a half before my child spent a couple of hours time alone with my b.f. and even then this is an exception. It's my job to make sure she is safe. | |
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 1/26/2008 6:15:24 AM | simple... never put any child in a situation where they will be alone with anyone, until they are old enough to express something may not be right, and until they can understand when you explain that their body is theirs, and NO ONE has a right to touch it under any circumstances, and to KNOW that its OK to tell someone immediately.
I believe abuse would drastically end if some of the "Parents" out there would actually be parents and be aware of who and where they leave their kids and at what age.
I know this sounds harsh.... but if you are having kids that you, yourself cannot care for.. then you will ALWAYS have some shadow of doubt.
jmo | |
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 7/21/2008 3:06:18 PM | i agree with you livewirehere
i dated guy for months was ok then found out he was more interested in my kid she was 9 at the time and i called police but because there wasnt any evidence or proof then he got away found out after that he dates single mums and well lets say police told me he was dangerous even tho he said in his first txt he wasnt a nutter??no just a perv who you should been strung up by the testicles and then fed to hungry lions or if anyone else has other suggestions feel free to add them | |
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 7/21/2008 3:25:43 PM | Not to pop our bubble, DragonRider, but the above statistics you gave don't mean squat, because they aren't taking into account the context.
You say that 32.6 % of child abuse comes from mother only.
But how many of these child are actually RAISED only by a woman?
And in actual man-woman couple with children, how many man actually take real care of their children?
Basically, if 100% of children were raised by 100% woman only, you would have 0% abuse from men, and that would not mean men aren't abusive.
If 80% of children were raised by woman only, you are obviously more likely to find woman abuse than men abuse. In this (purely fictional) example, maybe you'd find a shockly high rate of abuse amongst the 20% of men who raise their kid? I am not saying it is the case, only that your statistics are flawed.
This being said, I would rather present the situation like this:
a) Most abuse on children are done by the immediate family members rather than strangers. Someone you are dating for a few months IS part of this extended family, as he/she is not a "stranger" anymore to the child.
b) BOTH parents can abuse their child, no matter if they are men or woman
c) As a parent who wants to protect their child, important signs and red flags can be observed and watch when you date someone, to see if you can trust them. Trust is a slow and progressive process, nobody should trust a stranger until they truly know them, which takes time. Trust actions, not words. Watch how your child and your new SO act together.
d) Never give a second chance. One abuse is one too many. | |
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 7/21/2008 4:26:38 PM | | I have problems with this as well. Not that a man has ever hurt her which I am so sorry your daughter and you have gone through that. There really are horrid people in this world. However I had a steady man once and he and my daughter had a good relationship we tucked her in at night and I know she loved him as much as I did. When the relationship ended not only was it heartbreaking for me but for her as well and to this day I kick myself for it . So from then on no one ever sees her, they know about her and I am sure have seen pictures because they all all over my house, but I get a sitter for her whenever I go on dates or have men over. I am not sure at what point I will be able to trust someone with her again but I will cross that bridge when it comes. | |
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| how do you trust guys you date around your child?
Posted: 7/23/2008 8:32:40 PM | Wow, how did u find this out? Id like to know how you came to learn of this abuse. I have a little girl whos 22 months, and to be honest I dont trust like anyone near her, She has gone to daycare and been removed from them twice over because I felt like they werent treating her well enough, just on instinct, so im wondering how you came to find out. On top of that no one babysits my daughter except for my babies dad and reletives who I now could not hurt her....there are reletives ive been warned against because they are irrisponsible but not violent.
Most men arent like that, I would assume, so I am sorry this has happened, if anyone hurt my daughter id hurt them back, and of this i am certain. | |
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