| why do people cheat?
Posted: 11/15/2005 8:57:09 PM | | I luv the psychman.........I can definately tell you are a therapist.....And I can tell you have dealt with the rationalizations of cheaters. All that you say is true, oh psychman!! | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 11/16/2005 6:41:44 AM | | Most guys I've run into are players and I say if you can't beat em' join em'. | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 11/16/2005 5:05:35 PM | | I myself have always had the "players" welcome sign stamped on my forehead that only they can read but i honestly think 2 wrongs dont make a right.. At least you can say you are the better person by not going out and being a player your self.. What I don't understand is, why do they always seem to pick the weman worth something to do that to?? | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 11/16/2005 6:14:14 PM | | Someone once said to me that someone always has to be the bad guy in a relationship. I hope that is not true, even if, often, it seems that way. | |
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jimb77
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Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 55 | |
| why do people cheat?
Posted: 11/16/2005 6:18:09 PM | | I never did, it just rips your other halves heart out. | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 11/16/2005 6:30:28 PM | | We live in a sick society with no values, always want more and better... I think... I never cheated so I can only try to figure out why I was so many times... | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/7/2006 6:26:13 AM | Cheaters only cheat themselves out of truely loveing the person there suppose to be with.
their only realy hurting themselves.Some people are like monkeys they don"t let go of one tree until they have hold of another. | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/7/2006 7:23:01 AM | | there's no logical reason why they cheat i think they just do I think some men get bored easily so they look elsewhere to spice things up generally they cheat when they feel that they're missing something from their current relationship. women are just a liable to cheat it's more common with men unfortunately but either way it is wrong people should be just honest with the person tell them they're not interested anymore yea it'll hurt but it hurts alot more feeling betrayed. I know because I've been cheated on in the past hope i've helped take care. | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/8/2006 10:31:26 AM | There are a few reasons why people cheat. If we rule out the obvious such as just not getting sex or in a loveless relationship (which is not a good enough reason to cheat btw....get out of the relationship first).
Insecurity is the number one reason - Often insecurity stems from abandonment and lonliness they experienced as a child.........a cheater will feel emotionally unattached to a partner even if that partner is as loving as they could be. They continually seek out new partners to fill this void that they continually feel. They are in constantly searching out the love and acceptance that they did not receive in childhood. While the cheater may actually love their spouse. Cheaters confuse nurturing and sex. Support, care, and affirmation, and love are all sexualized. Even though sexual activity never meets their need for love and acceptance, it continues to be seen as the only avenue to meeting these needs. They will continually seek out this "rush" or that euphoric feeling we feel when we first meet someone. They are insecure even about their own emotions and needs. They dont even know why they are doing what they do, but often regret it and promise themselves they wont do it again..........only to fail at the next woman that gives them any attention.
Sooo many times I have talked to women that have been cheated on and they internalize it and believe it is something they did wrong or didnt do. Please understand that IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!!!!!!!! I cant say this enough.........They have problems with their core beliefs about themselves..... They may even try to blame you for their behaviour.......dont buy into this....they are trying to control you.....which is also a tactic they will use to try and justify their behaviour. Often these people will be extremely controling and often abusive. Possibly emotionally unavailable, and often come from broken or abusive families......hence the need for acceptance and to control abandonment.
I would say if you have a cheater for a husband/boyfriend/wife.......ect.......talk to them first. If they are genuinly remorsefull then thats a start. If you can get them to counciling together and by themselves.......so that they can work on their issues then there is a chance they can be saved. THis is a long process and you have to be willing to stand by them. If you really think you can still trust them then give it a try. At least you can give yourself closure that you tried to do everything you could to save the relationship. But understand that you cant rescue them.........they need to rescue themselves.
If they are in denial, or try to blame you.........then save yourself and walk away.
I hope this helps...... | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/8/2006 12:07:29 PM | Just wanted to clarify a few things. First I dont mean to give the cheater an "out" or excuse. There is NO excuse for breaking someones heart and betraying their trust. But what I did want to get across to the people who may still be feeling the sting of betrayal is that it really isnt about them. So please dont internalize the negative belief it has something to do with you. It doesnt.
OF course there are other factors involved like the cheaters boundries they shaped while growing up......This of course can be manipulated by the "roll models" in their lives. If a parent was a cheater...........then they may have taken on the loose boundry that it is ok to cheat.
One other thing.........I guess a warning sign that someone may be cheating! If they are constantly accusing you of cheating..............then you might want to be suspicious. It has been my unfortunate experience that the accuser is often the guilty party. They know what they have gotten away with in the past and are paranoid that you are doing the same to them. | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/8/2006 12:14:57 PM | We live in the year 2006,where people just have no more morals!Most people are together now in days because of money,lust,or kids that where not planned.When your with a person like that it's easy to cheat,because there really was never love.Marriage and dateing is something that two people have to work hard at 24/7 365 days out of the year.In now in days couples just would rather find someone else instead.This is the society we have created for us and our future children.SAD BUT TRUE!!!!!!!!! | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/8/2006 6:46:52 PM | Y’know.... We all see cheating as a breach of faith. Been at the receiving end of it in a few relationships myself. I remember just how degrading it was ... how it hurt me to the core ... how it made me doubt my own worth ... how it followed me around. Its haunt still jumps out, as that little shudder, if something reminds the inner me, if only for the briefest of instants.
Anyone ever give a thought to the person stuck in a no-win relationship ... someone who does take the “until death do us part” thing seriously? True, he/she has blown the trust part of it all to hell ... but hasn’t the partner too, if they’re the one who drove the cheater into the arms of a lover?
Sometimes, there just is no black-and-white. We have people who play head games so severe, or control everything so much that home life and the illusion of a loving relationship is impossible. Maybe there’s huge investment or kids involved, and that partner simply can’t afford to walk away from what he/she is still allowed to cherish.
Don’t get any ideas here. I still believe cheating is wrong. Just some fodder for thought. ‘Nuff said....
Steve | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/8/2006 7:32:39 PM | | Can't tell U... I never have & never will. Makes no sense to me. | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/8/2006 7:52:02 PM | ognib45 DITTO !!!!! It is NOT always the men. Women are worse than guys are and they get HOT when they find out you knew!!!!! The excuses are as plentiful as beach sand !!!!
OGNIB45 Can relate I am quite sure !!!
Mack
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/8/2006 10:51:40 PM | | djames in many way yeah ppl can and do change and why they cheat is still beyond me I just have to have a bit of a lol when the guy gets caught out and come crawling back to the chick....and then ur left with a guy who bugs the crap out of u because the attenton u once gave them isn't there anymore....this I have to wonder about too ...lol.....and yes we do do silly things with regretes i do have to agree. I guess to every action is a consequence eh | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/8/2006 11:17:58 PM | dont think he isnt into me cause he is all over me all the time. at the time he cheated we lived over an hour apart. now we are living togeather and it seems he always 'parden the expression'"up my but" but he is very affectionate to me. some times i wander if he was just useing the girl he cheated with cause she give him money and stuff and she claimed she was getting a check for 10,000 dollors which he told me bout that she was gonna give to him to help him out with some legal stuff but he really was gonna use the money to get him and i our own place. she never got that check though but now that im staying with him and even a week before i moved with him he droped her like old trash and has not had nothing to do with her since.
?????????????????????
You both deserve each other If you are happy to be with a man who lied to another woman using her, conning money off her ( ahhh this Is ILLEGAL a criminal act ) .. but you think Its ok cause he was gonna set u up with It? So Its all ok ??? Enjoy whats to come from here you well deserve It  | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/9/2006 12:31:41 AM | | Here's a better question - - why do women stay with men who cheat on them? Why do women stay in abusive relationships? They get bitter, they turn cold, they turn mean... they turn to vices to find fulfillment, and a man who may truly have loved them, they ignore out of "loyalty" to an abusive man ??? I'd rather be lonely than be abused, but then, I'm a dude. | |
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kce33
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 68 | |
| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/9/2006 11:38:21 AM | most people who cheat, they do it because they can and cause they want to....
i would not worry about it, just find another dummie and yu'll be ok....
kce | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:35:37 PM | I think if you hold out for the best... you generally get it.
If you settle for less... less is whatcha get.
Lady abcdabcd, on the other hand, I think people also cheat because there may be something lacking in their current relationship (tho not usually the case.) There are some times where either party feels unfulfilled, but they care for the person, and basically the status of the relationship is in limbo or a gray area. They like the person they are with enough that they would rather be with them than be alone, but on the other hand it isn't a bed of roses. Then they may meet someone who they totally click with -- it isn't wise to dump someone without a reason, so they want to make sure the new person is worth it before losing the old person. Competition can bring out the best in some people, and the worst in others. Of course, competition is not the same as cheating.
But I feel that people that cheat, cheat emotionally on their mate, before they ever cheat physically. Unless you're just plain drunk (but then why is someone getting drunk as a skunk if they're happily in love?) | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:48:57 PM | Mankind used to be polygamous - - the definition of cheating would have been quite different back then. However, by today's standards, albeit monogamous, its still pretty much the same. Cheating is sneaky and deceptive. People are ashamed of it, so they hide it.
Society glamourizes it by using terms like "player" but really to be someone like that you have to avoid emotional intimacy - - that's the only way you can be a player and not get "attached." Because once you do, everything changes, and its not good enough to get a bunch of meaningless flirtations... you have to have a certain person's affection because of how you care for them, the way they smell, their voice fluctuations, how they walk... and how they feel about themselves is based on your evaluation of them, and how you feel about yourself is based on their evaluation of you. You hang on every moment you spend together, every word... some call this puppy love, some call it to the point of obsession, but if its mutual feelings, trust me, it ain't obsession.
Kind of like a person's "first love" - - but you can find that again if you don't settle for less. Dump people if you don't like them. People cheat cuz they don't have the guts to be honest. Its better to be alone than with someone you despise just to have a partner... that leads to the dark side of relationships like cheating. | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 10/15/2006 9:33:32 AM | | Hey I guess since everyone Is throwing there two cents In about why do people cheat,I guess I should too lol..First off most of my life/relationships have been the girls doing the cheating,lying and going behind ur back type of deal..I seen alot of posts here where they say Men,Men and Men..Which Is true In alot of cases,but Women can be just as bad or not worst at times then Men..I think the reason why people cheat Is because people dont have common sense..They dont know how to talk things out or express how they feel In certain situations..So they think the best thing to do Is to keep there mouths shut and go out find certain holes that need to be field..For example lets says a Woman has a Man she's been with for a year and he's been really great to her,they have a great relationship..He feels like they need to take there relationship to other level..She feels that they still should wait,but she'll do other things semi sexual..Alot of Men which this Is sad btw but true they feel well If she cant take care of me In that department and she cant fufill my dreams,then I must seek elsewhere for that only reason..It doesnt make It right at all but that's usually how It goes..Men feel sometimes that Women hold off on things too long and they feel like there Women dont love them,which Is stupid but that's what I've heard from Men In the past..Now you have some who feel like they can get away with being 2 or 3 different girls at a time..Which never works out and It's never good because Women do find out..Women cheating Is a little different well I am only speaking from my experince I am not going to say all Women here lol..But majority I've seen leave there Man because of there Girls..They wanna go out to a club or a party and there friends are single and they try to talk to the Girl Into something bad or get her drunk and It ends up she cheats on him..Sometimes some Women cheat for revenge not bout the guy cheating them..Just something the guy might have done that pissed her off or he could have been ***hole..It doesnt matter If the guy Is an ***hole or not..If he's still faitful to you,you should be to him..I never understood why Women go for the ***holes In the first place..Guys can see right thru the ***holes and I notice In public around here that the Girl Isnt clueless at all,she claims I am tired of his bullshit and I am going to leave him and a week or couple days later your back with him again?When a girl does that she's asking to be cheated on..But I have seen my friends as girls go thru this with guys who are losers and they wanna try to fix him,help him etc..But what they dont realize Is you cant always fix a ***hole unless they wanna be fixed..Any of you ladies are with one god help you and hope u have common sense enough to get out while you still can,because If not your going to be having alot of tearful nights alone or alot of yelling matches In person and on the phone.. | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 11/5/2006 6:42:04 AM | | I dont think anyone will ever figure that out. But if someone does, please let me know. | |
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| why do people cheat?
Posted: 11/5/2006 8:28:17 AM | I personally cheated on many girl friends.
Not because I enjoyed breaking their hearts, because my heart had been broken many times.
Call it pay back, if you will.
Its the old saying, your good to me , I'm good to me.
Be bad, I'm worse.
I wish i could find a good woman being a playboy isnt getting old.
No one is sincere anymore.
I hope I dont end up at 65 years old miserable and alone. | |
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