jimi77
| | Joined: 7/13/2004
Msg: 26 | |
| | Help my son and boyfriend clashPage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | I was in this situation as a kid.. respect was the thing that was lacking.. not disiplen.. also if he is dishing it out he should live by the same rules so to speak..don't talk it, walk it. | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 6:50:13 PM | | It's your job to set them both straight. Don't allow your boyfriend to discipline your child or very limited. He will rebel. I promise you that. I did when it came to a physical confrontation with my stepfather. I left home at 16. No boy wants to be told what to do by somebody who ISN'T their father. Tough balancing act. Good luck. | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 7:03:31 PM | Forget set him straight, get rid of him!!!
Your son is more important than this guy on the side. Hes a lousy dad and disrespectful to your child.... and you have to ASK what you should do??? I would not want this man to be a role model to my son, furthermore, no guy is more important than your kid.
Respect YOURSELF and your SON and end it with this LOSER! | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 7:10:41 PM | Some of the best most repectful men I know were raised by women only. I DO however beleive it is good for boys to have a male role model BUT if you have to choose between a bad role model and none...like someone else said..you choose none.
My kids may not have a male role model around but they definatly aren't lacking at all in any area of their life. I may not have the same outlook as a guy on certain things boys only go through, such as puberty and other stuff but I am informed and I'm open and my boys know they can come to me for anything. And the things I can't answer there are others that can answer them for me so I can help my sons thru anything.
I wish there was a positive male in their lives but they do just great without it :) | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 7:34:09 PM | | Karma you should shoot for that for your boys sake . find a "decent" man who will teach them the things they need to be men . | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 7:38:32 PM | ^^^So I'm supposed to put an ad out specifically looking for a guy to help me raise my children?
They won't turn into men if they don't have a man around? Please tell me what exactly they will turn into then? :) | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 7:44:08 PM |
^^^So I'm supposed to put an ad out specifically looking for a guy to help me raise my children?
They won't turn into men if they don't have a man around? Please tell me what exactly they will turn into then? :)
Oh they will be men, but don't underestimate the importance of a male role model in their life. Having been raised by women without one, I can say from experiance that it does have it's drawbacks. | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 7:49:56 PM | | I'm not underestimating it at all, if you read my post above hers you'll see that but I'm not gonna meet a guy specifically for that lol | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 7:52:43 PM | | O.K. you said he is to strick, and hasn't a clue as what it takes to be a parent. Then clue him in, because that sounds like he isn't being a fair parent, and people like that, need to fix it, are move on. | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 7:52:54 PM | I guess if you don't have any brothers or a father around to assist with male modelling you can always get on a list for a big brother. There is also much in the way of sports teams/coaches, scouts....there are numerous places to get the male influence if you don't meet someone to partner up with.
That being said, I am sure that you will likely meet someone and not have to concern yourself.....
Also...they do have a dad do they not? | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 7:57:56 PM | | maven ?? long time no hear out gettin lucky i bet Lovethe new look !! Karma... whoops sorry Sarah is right about finding decent guys . I know her she's been through hell . | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 8:02:30 PM | | Mika did you use my name in here ? you freak ? should I post your number ? I saw that then you changed it !! | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 8:08:54 PM | | okay so you use my name ? sarah ??? too funny !! imagine if I posted your number all the freaks ?? | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 8:14:52 PM | @bikerchick2
I don't know how long you've been seeing this guy, but it doesn't matter how long or short it is - it's not his place to discipline your child...he needs to stay out of it when you're disciplining your child; and, you didn't say this, but if you're asking him to help you, then you need to stop. If he can't stay out of it, then I'd get rid of him, as he has no business disciplining your child...even if he was living with you, it's still YOUR child...not only is he undermining what you're trying to teach your child, he's overriding you in front of your child - that's not a good thing to do even if he was the child's parent; parents just shouldn't do that to each other in front of a child. You need to talk to this guy and if he can't agree to stop it, then you need to do what's right for you and your child - and that means getting rid of this guy...he could seriously harm your relationship with your child and no one is worth doing that for. | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 8:20:35 PM | Well Karma, like I said there are many males that will be there if you don't have someone signifcant in your life. You will just have to make sure to make that happen. Some of the best will be coaches and volunteers with boys clubs and such. Teachers too. I don't know...I think that the important thing is having the awareness and knowledge.
And besides....I doubt you will be spending the rest of your live alone...so the point is moot.
Triple....thanks! How incredibly kind......glad you like the lipstick! (amazing what some lipstick can do to a face) Sadly, no I have not been out there.....what was it you said again....right getting lucky....hmmm........(what is this lucky of which he speaks?)..... | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 8:24:46 PM | | maven I've always liked you although we've only known each other in forums it's stilll cool and yes the lipstick is hot !! | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 8:25:43 PM | | Before I can assess this, I need to know how long you've been with this man and what is the level of commitment in your relationship...Define what is the "us" you two are in right now. | |
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Alarm
| | Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 44 | |
| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 8:28:19 PM | | I was in your shoes, except my ex was the one with the kids. As much as my ex and I loved eachother, we couldn't make it work because of the kids. It wasn't worth the hassle. I made myself sick trying to make it work with the kids. My ex and I still see eachother and we still love eachother and we know we broke up not because we didn't love eachother but because of everything else around us. It is not as though we didn't try. I gave it 12 years of my life and it never got better. The kids and I were butting heads so much that my ex was always picking sides and it wasn't fair to him. When the kids moved in with us, it got even worse. We split over a year ago and I still see him and we are still very close friends but I don't have to deal with his kids anymore and I still ask him about them and he knows I loved them them but the stress was too much for all of us. I wish you luck. I hope you have better luck then I had with my relationship. | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 9:37:49 PM | | I was in a similar situation. When I first introduced the guy to my children, they were young and of course acting out because they did not want to share their mom. The very first night, he tried to step in as disciplinarian. I let him know that was MY job since he didn't even know them and tried to explain to him that he had to gain their trust and respect before he could ever have any more of a role in their lives. Well, (you guessed it), he was such a control freak he couldn't keep his mouth shut. I ended up getting rid of him because of that, but my kids held it against me for a very long time and to this day, if any of them mention his name, it is in a very derogatory way. Hope you don't make the same mistake. Especially if he doesn't even LIVE with you. Men like that are easily replaceable (NOTE: I didn't say all men), but your children aren't. | |
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chinua
| | Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 46 | |
| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 10:40:38 PM | | You didn't say what your bf was disciplining your son about......? As for always choosing your children over a b/f or g/f; it depends on the age.If the kids are really young......like 9.....thats different than if you have teenagers. teenagers are almost adults; and (hopefully) almost out of the house.If this boyfriend isn't listening when you tell him that this not his job; what else is he not listening to? two people who don't agree on the subject of discipline....will have other problems......! Do you want more kids? can you picture having kids with this man? Is it possible he might treat them different than one who is not his? | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/28/2005 11:43:07 PM | Theres a difference between a role model and a father figure. Another parental figure isn't going to get away coming into a relationship and asserting discipline without a fight from any kid. The parent should handle all discipline initially, the SO should ask the parent to handle a situation if they feel something needs handling.
Lots of info out there in step parenting, and it takes a long while before a relationship melds to the point where both parties can effectively discipline. | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/29/2005 12:07:16 AM |
Strict with your boy is he? Butt out he should. The parent you are.
Dude...You should lay off of that stuff man, it messes with your brain
or in Yoduh language
Dude...Lay off that stuff you should, Your brain it messes with... | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/29/2005 12:23:01 AM | | Well the pathetic thing is that we have been together for 3 yrs lived together once and it did not work I think he has serious commitment phobia and real issues from his divorce quite frankly he is a control freak he did some anger management classes and that makes me think he does love me and wants this to work and he chose to take the courses not me I never even mentioned it we just started seeing a counsellor together but I don't know how much more of this I can take I have already seen some of the negative affects on my son really who wants to be alone though when it is just him and I things are great but I have a second half and that is not going to change.....Thanks to all for the words of wisdom | |
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| Help my son and boyfriend clash
Posted: 10/29/2005 12:23:58 AM | | Well Blastkist the pathetic thing is that we have been together for 3 yrs lived together once and it did not work I think he has serious commitment phobia and real issues from his divorce quite frankly he is a control freak he did some anger management classes and that makes me think he does love me and wants this to work and he chose to take the courses not me I never even mentioned it we just started seeing a counsellor together but I don't know how much more of this I can take I have already seen some of the negative affects on my son really who wants to be alone though when it is just him and I things are great but I have a second half and that is not going to change.....Thanks to all for the words of wisdom | |
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