| Re: Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 7/30/2004 12:54:15 PM | | Pregnancy is definately not the right reason to get married. It would be different if they were totally in love and knew they could stand putting up with every little thing about the other for the rest of their lives. It would definately be hard on the child if they were to be married and unhappy, kids can sense tension and emotions.......they aren't stupid. And negative emotions and feelings have negative imopact on children, if you aren't happy neither are they. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/10/2007 10:27:23 PM | My ex was pregnant when we got married. And we both dropped out of college to do it. The marriage lasted 17 years before breaking up, and most of those years were OK.
Your mileage may vary. | |
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iein
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Joined: 4/17/2006
Msg: 28 | |
| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 12:09:40 AM | BAD MOVE!!
Ask him if he thinks it is going to be better for the child or the mother? I will bet my life , it will be a living hell for him! And maybe her also! If he is a good person, and she is also! He can be a better dad by being in love with a person not a dream! The child will grow no matter what, but to understand what love and marriage is , is lead by the child up bring. In the very long run it will hurt the child the most! | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 12:15:52 AM | | I believe all relationships have their challenges, but if I was in that situation, I'd consider counselling, and really try to make the relationship work. A kid is better off with both parents in my opinion. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 2:57:51 AM | | No relationship should be based on a sense of social obligation. It seems far healthier for two mature, grounded and unattached people to raise a child cooperatively...than for two unhappy people to be trapped together by guilt. | |
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| Re: Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 5:57:04 AM | This may be a stupid question but is living together not an option? If he wants to try to create a family for the child they could grow to care for each other and having a child would certainly bring them together. If they lived together until some time after the baby is born they would know for sure that marriage would really be a choice and not just something that was brought about because of the baby.
I had a friend in a similar situation, but she was one of those people that couldn't stand the sight of her boyfriend after she got pregnant. She really liked him before she was pregnant but while she carried the child there didn't seem hope for any type of future with them as a family. She wasn't even sure that he would be in the baby's life because they were young and his parents did not approve.
He was there when the baby was born and of course his parents fell in love with their grandchild. He moved in with my friend and her mother and within about six months they moved out and about six months later they married. They have been married for around ten years, now have three kids, and they are happy. Actually enjoy spending time with each other as a couple.
I think there is something to be said for trying but maybe there is a way to do so without creating a potential disaster. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 10:47:12 AM | | Speaking strictly from personal experience (because I did just that?) NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Not good for anyone especially the child. If he is sure it is his, he can still support the child, even move in together and live together first, he better make sure it is his because if he gets on the hook for child support, once he is on the hook, even if at a later date it is proven he is not the father, that doesn't matter, he is on the hook for 18-19.5 years or beyond depending on which state he lives in. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 11:08:50 AM | | Well if he's sleeping with her he got to like her on some level. I think sometimes marriage does work when you have common goals and values. I think he doing the right thing and you should be supporting him in his decission if this is what he wishes. I don't think you should fight with your friends. Its his decission to make and you should just be his ear. Your views on the matter shouldn't sway him to your side of it or any side. When you have sex with someone you have to be willing to take whatever comes from it and thats always something that might come of it. And he knew that in the beginning. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 11:20:18 AM | You can still love and support the child you created without getting married. I have a friend who got a girl pregnant at a party he went to. They had no relationship. He has always been there for his daughter but has no interest in the mom. My brother never married my nephew's mom, in fact while she was pregnant he went out and got another girl pregnant and he did eventually marry that one.
The issue i have is why are all these idiots who are not in love having unprotected sex in the first place. yes, accidents do happen, but now you have someone who did not ask to be brought into this world counting on you for love and support. If you can't provide them with a home filled with love and a feeling of safety and security then don't try and force it to happen. I wish people would be more responsible because having a child is a serious matter.
They can have the baby now, if they like each other continue to see one another and if it grows to love, then get married.
and i hate to say this but many women do still get pregnant hoping to snare a man into marriage, which is just so so so so wrong. I see it happen a lot especially with young girls who are too immature to know what they are getting themselves into. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 2:12:32 PM | Belly18dancer,
Amen to that! There are also men that try to trap women by getting them pregnant. Too many people period think it will solve things or bring them closer together or solve some other problem. If that was true, there be 6 trillion, not 6 billion people on this planet.
Of course now not having to worry about that problem, the one time it happened to me and there was no way I knew it could be unless we were going to name it Jesus, put her ass on an ass and go try to find a Motel 6 in Jerusalem, I was glad I didn't even have to worry about going through the whole 'Maury' drama thing. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 3:55:48 PM | OP wrote:
...He can be a good father without marrying this girl; because I'm sure it will end in divorce which will be even harder on the child.
The marriage has already been consummated and the baby is on the way. They're just a month or two behind in their paperwork.
This marriage has just as good a chance of making it as any other so called, based on "love," marriage. The only thing missing is a short honeymoon period. The couple is going in knowing that this is a social obligation that comes with responsibilities and sacrifices which might be an advantage, other posts notwithstanding.
Since you say the issue for you is what is better for the child, then have some hope and wish them all the best for a nice family rather than sowing doubt. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 4:00:16 PM | Tell you friend that he may have good intention now in getting married for the sake of the child but..... if there is no love in the relationship then the child will also suffer from the lack thereof from each parent! No its not worth it to marry just because she is pregnant.
foolish man is what I see... and bumpy roads ahead!
Honey | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 7:41:06 PM | NO secondkick! ..............He said he does NOT love her..... and I know where your coming from by saying that the marriage has already been consummated...in the bible when Abraham lay with his wife Sarah the two became one. But that was then and this is now....
If he loves her and thinks he can work it out then yes go for it but when he goes into this marriage saying well I better do it now that she is prego ...but I don’t love her? Hell no!!!
You watch further down the road this couple WILL BE DIVORCED! You do the right thing BEFORE you get pregnant and that is take the protection needed to prevent it. He had no business implanting her with his seed in the first place if he did NOT love her. (To bad men I know you wont like it but its true...I)start being responsible for your actions and words before having sex with her. Same goes for the woman... I give him no credit for what he thinks is the honorable thing to do. Now that!!! They can try to but hey lets face it...they will need much counsel and help to walk through this together. but then again first thing the counselor will ask him is... Do you love her? If there is no love for her to work with then they have nothing to work with!!!!! and a baby will not help the matters either! Remember KIDS PAY!
I wish them all the best...
Honey | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 7:53:57 PM | My ex married his first wife because she was pregnant. I was (and still am) astounded that men in this day and age, would still feel the need to marry a woman simply because she is pregnant. My late mother in law (who was very old-fashioned) even questioned him as to whether he really wanted to marry her .......that spoke volumes to me.
My ex could have been just as good a dad without the ring, and then my stepsons would not have been subjected to untold amounts of yelling, swearing, and name-calling.
I would beg your friend to wait. He can be a great dad, and if he and his child's mother end up staying together, they can get married when it feels right. Not because he thinks its the right thing to do. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 7:58:46 PM | marry someone who is preg can really change everything......
emotions change alot ( stress from trying to get organized for the wedding isn"t good on the baby)
finances
having to move bigger place
and u don't only have to save money to give the baby everything it needs..........but also put the money into the marriage to | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 8:02:32 PM | | I guess it's all noble and everything like that....but ultimately the child is going to be the one to suffer because of the extensive fighting and regret that both parties are going to have.......my advice to him would be to not get married......be a great Dad.....and if things progress with the woman.....and they fall in love......then for sure go ahead and get married.....if it isn't based on love and true love......the chances of it lasting isn't very high.....which is why the divorce rate is so high......... | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 8:07:43 PM | AAAHHHHH!!! one of my close friends is a little past the part that your friend is in. he was gonna break up with his g/f until she told him she was preggers....NOW - they are married, and hes regretting it. BIG TIME!!! he feels trapped, but he doesn't wanna hurt her. it is SOOOOO messed up.....tell him to just sit and talk with her. im sure they can have a healthy relationship with a new addition to it. :)
i went through 6 years of my parents living in the same house, but yet stayed in different rooms. i was the one who had to ask my dad to leave cuz my mom was too scared to tell him she had fallen out of love with him. you have to think about raising this child in a healthy environment. think about the future.....
honesty...thats all i have to say.... | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 8:34:04 PM |
No relationship should be based on a sense of social obligation.
Thats what marriage has been based on for the last 1000 years, only in the last 60 years have we made it out to mean anything more. There's nothing stupid about it, it just may not be a reason for some.
There is no reason a marriage based on a pregnancy cannot work necessarily. They have since christ was a cowboy, but in our "want it now" generation thats not good enough.
Sometimes relationships take work, they don't fall into your lap as the perfect fairy tale you've been told.
The key as vixen said is patience, honesty and communication. I think if you have those three keys, the structure can hold itself up to build alot of the rest. Both parties just have to want to work on the job and get 'er done.
Good luck to your friend...hopefully they have those keys before going in. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 10:16:43 PM | | Sara1904..Yes it is old-fashioned to get married because of a child but if both are committed to making it work, it might work out ok. Some people believe that the needs of a child come before their own needs...I have a friend like that. He is a stand-up guy and he is committed to being there for his son and making the best out of his relationship with the mother. They have grown closer over the last few years and it seems to be working out well for them. Perhaps your guy is one of integrity and is trying to give his child what that child deserves....one home with two parents that love him/her. Who are we to judge if it is right or wrong? Either way, I strongly suggest that you support him in whatever choice he makes...it is his life to live, not yours. In other words, it is not your place to tell him what to do. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/11/2007 11:08:18 PM | Good Grief NO!!!
Im never surprised at what ppl think is a good reason to get married... there shouldnt be any other reason but devoted love for one another. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/12/2007 3:58:40 AM | From Honey,
NO secondkick! ..............He said he does NOT love her.....
When the man says he will do the right thing and marry her what is going on is that he's choosing the higher road over his weak human nature. When he says he doesn't "love" her anymore he means that he doesn't "lust" her anymore like he did that one time (atleast). But now, ironically, by taking the path of marriage he's beginning to see just what real love is. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/12/2007 6:54:09 AM | | My fiancee and I are having a baby, but we don't want to get married right now. I want a long engagement. He can be with her without marriage, and maybe the love will develop into something beautiful. But I don't think you should pressure him into not marrying her. Let him make his own decisions. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 2/12/2007 7:24:27 AM | | This is why when people engage into sexual matters these things should have been thought through.....The problem in our society is we want everything today but don't want to pay for it tomorrow.....The true answer should have been followed yesterday. But we all seemingly make mistakes. I was 21 when I heard the news she was pregnant...I chose marriage....My daughter is a straight "A" student and has a full scholarship to play volleyball.....I have no regrets.....Taking on adult responsibility helped me to grow up. | |
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