| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/19/2009 2:04:05 PM | I always thought marriage was about children. It is one of the only social institutions that protects them in society. If you don't marry when you have children then you are denying your children the chance of a stable, happy life with the two people on earth who will love them the most. Marriages change over time. Most people in long term relationships fall in and out of love with their spouses several times over the course of the marriage. In this way love is more about faith than about the day to day feelings you might have. When it comes down to it, at the end of a life, the one thing most of us will have or will value will be the love of our children. Why throw them into an unstable world where they will see their parents fall in and out of love with rotating partners. Wouldn't you even want to give them a chance at a happy life?
Right now I am seven months pregnant with a man who has not spoken to me since I told him I was pregnant. He told me that "He didn't want to have a child with someone he didn't love" and that after eight months "We didn't have a relationship". I can understand not wanting to raise a child with someone you don't love. Since he deserted me in such a fundamental way, at such a vulnerable time in my life, the feelings I have felt for him have turned to hatred. He won't talk to me, denies paternity, and does not want to have a child with me, but is denying me the right to adopt this child out to parents who do love each other, and would love him.---All this after he told me that if we had an accident of birth control "He would welcome it."
When you are pregnant all evidence of sex or immorality lies with you. I have lost so many friends due to the stupidity they feel I am showing in being a single mother. It is really not cool to lie about wanting a child, or to use a child as a pawn or a tool. I will never sleep with another man who does not love me for the duration of my entire life. The pain of this situation is just too great. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/19/2009 2:25:11 PM | Maybe you should just do what my sisters ex boyfriend did when she got pregnant after three years of dating and after years of telling her he wanted to get married and have children (knowing her deepest desires of course). He disappeared for a month to look for a job in another state. My sister miscarried, and lo and behold... the boyfriend wanted to come back.
Now that she is married and has the babies she has always wanted my sister runs into this old boyfriend and he is crying into his beer about her rejection of him, and how she "ruined his life" and "Should have married him and had children with him."
Maybe you should do what my sister in law's ex husband did. Marry her for the baby, and then two months after the birth go live with your ex girlfriend for six months, after the ex girlfriend kicks you out come back to your wife and while telling the world how you were trapped into a marriage you didn't want- use her for money and verbally abuse her for the weight she gained during the pregnancy.
Or, maybe you should do what my ex did. Put a forum on a public site stating your love and desire for children. Use this dating site to attract financially needy women you try to prostitute for money, and then when your girlfriend gets pregnant dump her as soon as you hear the news. Never speak to her again, but don't remove the post which states what a good Daddy you are and the fact that your fondest desire is another baby.
Maye I am just cynical. I thought real men stood up for their responsibilities and protected women and children. | |
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| Re: Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/19/2009 5:33:54 PM |
It is the worst reason in the world. That is why my ex-husband and I got married. And it was the biggest mistake I ever made. It ends up hurting everyone
It's why I married my ex husband......and I so agree with the above poster. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/19/2009 10:03:54 PM |
Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
No, it's not a good reason.
In fact, if we have "Is _____________ a good reason to get married", anything that can fill the blank can be said to be a bad reason to get married.
That said, people have married for stupider reasons.
Just curious about other's opinions
Why? | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/19/2009 10:18:15 PM | I have a friend who is marrying his girlfriend because she is pregnant...........but he admits he doesn't love her
It is very unfortunate for a woman to be pregnant by a man who doesn't love her; much more so for her to marry him. Personally I'd have no desire to be with anyone who wants to be with me due to responsibility- "a sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation. "- Bertrand Russell
Marriage should only occur between the two poeple who are in love with one another. Anything less - it can't be legitimate in my book. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 7:26:15 AM | While trying to protect the value of a child being raised by two parents in the same home. If the love isn't there it'll hurt the child more in the long run than if they both loved and cared for the child seperately.
This kinda makes me sad :( | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 7:51:51 AM | Why did this guy continue the relationship with his girlfriend if he didn't love her???
So now she is pregnant and he decides to back peddle?
Has he told his g/f that he doesn't love her? Seems he has told everyone else!
Leave them alone and don't add fuel to fire, it's not your business.
Married/unmarried either way the child will suffer. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 8:07:46 AM | No I don't think it is a good ideal eventhough I really believe that kids need two parents on a regular basis.
If they are already not in love the first year of child rearing and sleepless nights is not going to get them there any faster. lol
It is easier to pool resources when you have children but it's not impossible to do it without doing that. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 8:21:38 AM | Up until recently, I would have agreed that having a baby is not a good reason to get married. I imagine that raising a child and being newly married are two very stressful endeavors and to do them at the same time without love does not sound like a good idea.
However, I can't help but think that its only been in the last few decades that society has decided that love is the only reason two people should get married. So I assume that most people are marrying out of love these days. And yet, divorce rates are gettting higher and higher every year. It looks like love isn't a good enough reason to get married either since it doesn't seem to guarantee success. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 8:39:14 AM | | It is never a good reason to get married because of pregnancy it will only be a long hard road filled with regrets later on especially if love is not there they have nothing to build on. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 10:59:20 AM | At the risk of getting shot by all the ladies on here...
I wouldn't go so far as to marry a pregnant woman. But I'd date everyone I had the opportunity to meet!!!   | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 11:10:46 AM | | Been there done that. I decided I made one mistake, getting pregnant, so there was no sense making another, getting married. Best decision I ever made since Ilearned years later a marriage between us would have never worked. Your guy friend does have obligations to his child and he would be best get that child support payments and visitation schedule started now to build a relationship with his child and to not walk away for his responsibilities of allowing this pregnancy to happen. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 11:22:23 AM | Hey Somethingnormal,
Sorry to hear how your situation is here but if you ever need an ear, send me an email. I would find a good lawyer and make the decisions that are best for you. His actions will tell a tale and might help you with a lawyer's guidance. Don't let him turn you to hate. Remember that many single mothers have been in your shoes. Do what is best for you and your child. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 11:23:09 AM | "Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?"
IMO - no, sorry - but it's not.
Two people should WANT to get married - not HAVE to get married. Marriage is hard enough, without having the 'we had to' hanging over your heads. Also, marriage is not something that should be taken lightly.
I believe another poster asked if living together was an option?? I think that was an excellent suggestion.
There is not the stigmatism today with having a child out of wedlock, as there was 40+ years ago, so they really shouldn't be concerned about what society says/thinks.
My Brother married his wife becasue "they" were pregnant. (I say they, because she didn't get that way herself). We ALL tried to tell him that he could be a great Dad without marrying the girl. (None of us cared for her one iota). But no - he insisted on doing the 'right' thing. Yeah well...................10 months after they were married she walked out on my Brother AND the baby. He was wishing then he had listened to his Big Sister.
Really though, at the end of the day........it's whatever works for each individial situation.
B.
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 11:24:09 AM | | It would have beena good reason to get married in the 50s and 60s but in this day and age it's a stupid reason to get married unless you were headed that way in the first place. I guess if you wanna be a propper family and share the same last names and everything fair enough, I know i wouldn't marry a guy if i fell pregnant i would rather get married first but i guess that's the romantic in me speaking lol | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 4/20/2009 11:38:00 AM | | Children just need caring, loving, and responsible parents to grow up healthy and secure. It doesn't matter whether they are together or not, IMO. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 8/2/2009 1:39:47 PM |
I always thought marriage was about children. It is one of the only social institutions that protects them in society. If you don't marry when you have children then you are denying your children the chance of a stable, happy life with the two people on earth who will love them the most.
You are exactly right. Just because some people have decided to separate marriage and bearing and raising children does not change this.
Marriages change over time. Most people in long term relationships fall in and out of love with their spouses several times over the course of the marriage. In this way love is more about faith than about the day to day feelings you might have. When it comes down to it, at the end of a life, the one thing most of us will have or will value will be the love of our children. Why throw them into an unstable world where they will see their parents fall in and out of love with rotating partners.
Right again. Research shows children living in single family homes on average, do not do as well as children from 2 parent homes.
Wouldn't you even want to give them a chance at a happy life?
Right now I am seven months pregnant with a man who has not spoken to me since I told him I was pregnant. He told me that "He didn't want to have a child with someone he didn't love" and that after eight months "We didn't have a relationship". I can understand not wanting to raise a child with someone you don't love. Since he deserted me in such a fundamental way, at such a vulnerable time in my life, the feelings I have felt for him have turned to hatred. He won't talk to me, denies paternity, and does not want to have a child with me, but is denying me the right to adopt this child out to parents who do love each other, and would love him.
How can he do this without taking custody of the child himself? He hasn't even proven paternity yet, so he doesn't actually have a say over what you do with your child yet.
---All this after he told me that if we had an accident of birth control "He would welcome it."
Did you purposefully have an "accident of birth control" because he said this?
When you are pregnant all evidence of sex or immorality lies with you. I have lost so many friends due to the stupidity they feel I am showing in being a single mother.
I thought you were trying to give it up for adoption? Why didn't you choose an abortion at the beginning of the pregnancy when your ex made it clear he didn't want a child?
It is really not cool to lie about wanting a child, or to use a child as a pawn or a tool. I will never sleep with another man who does not love me for the duration of my entire life. The pain of this situation is just too great.
I'm sorry you are suffering so. Good idea on the plan for the future. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 8/2/2009 1:43:02 PM |
Maye I am just cynical. I thought real men stood up for their responsibilities and protected women and children.
Your situation explains why it is better to be married before you have children. At least make the man commit to you first so you don't have to take his word for it that he wants to commit to a baby. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:43:47 PM | ....sorry i disagree they are not getting married.... they are just preparing for the divorce!!
please advise your friend to have his papers in order before embarking on this fantasize! | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:50:07 PM |
Just curious about other's opinions
Here's an option, stay thew hell out of their business and keep your thoughts to yourself. If you are a real friend, you would just be supportive. | |
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| Re: Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:53:57 PM |
Where did you get the idea that you have to love someone to screw them? I know lots of people who have screwed someone they didn't love. (or even know).
Many people are stupid. They only think of themselves, and could not care less about their own children. This is why people are supposed to wait until they are married to have children. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:59:52 PM | I always thought marriage was about children. It is one of the only social institutions that protects them in society. If you don't marry when you have children then you are denying your children the chance of a stable, happy life with the two people on earth who will love them the most.
no marriage is all about love....love is all about trust....trust is all about respect....
just because you are married does not mean you love your children
just because you are alone does not mean you hate your children...
what children need more than a mother AND father is a loving home. filled with adults that are in love....not just together for the children..... the children may not understand the words but they can feel the cold between two adults not in love. so what is it you would like this child to learn....bit** lives upstairs, and a$$hole lives in the basement?
IF YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH YOUR SO
IF YOU LOVE YOUR CHILDREN....for them...for the sake of the children leave...separate...divorce. your children will not learn what you teach them.... they will learn what you show them! | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 8/2/2009 3:13:23 PM |
Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
No.
If you're in love....get married. If you only got together for the sex and a baby came of it, then you'll be miserable together and the kid will get the worst of it. | |
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| Is pregnancy a good reason to get married?
Posted: 8/4/2009 5:09:53 PM | Your list of unforgivable things guys have done in this situation rings true; it's far too strange for fiction. Your cynicism can be easily forgiven. However, there are stories that would tend to even the balance.
For example - A guy's girlfriend of 3 yrs gets pregnant just as he is wrestling with the decision of breaking it off. He takes a job just far enough away to justify getting another place of his own, keeps in steady contact but stops sleeping with here, goes to Lamaze classes with her, is there for the delivery, stays with her for a week after the birth, and pays child support for 19 years, even when the woman withheld visitation, while raising three children that another man abandoned. Now, he is very close to his daughter and is trying to encourage her to begin college while still young and is offering to help her do so.
He could have married her mother. It would have been easier in many ways, but he didn't love her and that wasn't fair to either of them. I know because it was me. The decision to be a non-custodial father for my daughter's entire life was the most difficult decision I ever made. I did my best under these circumstances, but still feel guilty because every child deserves better. | |
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