jimb77
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Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 26 | |
| Once A Week
Posted: 10/31/2005 5:56:11 PM | slysyl, that's a no-brainer. He has to go, 35 minutes is nothing if he is serious about you, move on and find someone who cares, he obviously does not.
Give him an ultimatum. | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/1/2005 3:32:22 AM |
slysyl said:
My BF is 35 minutes away he's a work-a-holic doesn't seem to want to find the time or make the effort. I'm not sure what to do because he tells me he wants it to be an exclusive relationship but come on, once a week. Its turning into nothing but a "sexual encounter". When he does decide to show his face he's tired, but, not too tired to not jump my bones.
I said:
Obviously it's one of two things--either he really is working so much he doesn't have time to see you more than one day a week, or he is just showing up to have sex with you once a week and keep you on a string the days he doesn't come over. That he keeps in touch a lot is a good sign, since if he wasn't that into you he might not bother since he can just come over when he wants to. Only you really know or can tell what the facts are and what they indicate. In your case, if he's not making you feel loved, then it sounds like he isn't giving you what you need, whether he's a workaholic or not.
So, slysyl, what happened? Did you dump him? | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/1/2005 9:43:48 AM | Slysyl....
In your profile you ask about Intelligence....
Bouncers aren't workaholics... they are lazy... thats why they stand around all night...
I have known so many player friends... half were bouncers...
They're on the phone most of the day.... with countless women that all think they are exclusive...
I love the part about he calls before bedtime... yup to check and make sure you are going to sleep alone... since they don't like to share...
When I worked on the door, I couldn't tell you how many women approached me...
Bartenders, I dated tons of them... some I didn't even date... but in my early days were worth some frisky business...
I know you thought you were special that you could change him, and that he really wanted to change....
We all are special...
If your friend had come up to you with this story, you would have laughed at her and slapped her upside the head.... Stop demeaning yourself in this way.... You are better.... you deserve better.... and you should not be so gullable....
Consider this a friendly slap upside the head.... all he is to you is a Challenge... you can get that from a decent guy... like this site's sign says... Plenty O Fish.... some of these fish even don't smell like crap... | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/1/2005 11:08:43 AM | You're the best. Your advice is amazing......
Its weird becaue he says he is old school but I jut don't know how to take him...
I'm a little shall we say "Free Spirited" and "Open Minded" not sure he can handle it. | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/1/2005 2:05:43 PM | I will tell you my story and I would seriously re think this man. My boyfriend lives and hour and a half away from me, and has a very stressful and busy job. But here is the thing:
1. He makes the effort to call me a couple times everyday and email me during the day.
2. He either comes to my place EVERY weekend or I go to his.
3. We do not have to have sex every moment we are together, we enjoy being together, watching movies, going out and doing things. Sex is not the basis of our relationship, but definately a bonus!
4. He has met my faily as I have met his.
5. Any opportunity that arises where we have an extra day off work we are together.
See it is not all about sex, there is more to it. I would look past just the showing up once a week for sex and ask yourself, do you feel you are being treated with respect? Does he go out of his way to do little things to show he cares? Do you feel you are treating yourself with respect by being with him or feel more like you are degrading yourself as a booty call?
Good Luck sweetie | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/2/2005 6:01:12 AM | SlySyl,
Thank you for the compliment.... I enjoy helping nice people.... and an adventurous attitude is always refreshing... | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/2/2005 6:38:59 AM | Here is what you need to do..got a guy friend who is a best bud...most gals have em
You need to get loaded and i mean loaded..go out with this guy friend to his bar...work it up good honey...see his reaction...all your doing is haveing fun with a friend...watch his reaction and take notes...see if he calls the next day...tell him you needed someone to hang out with your are just friends...yes its eye for an eye anyone who says differently is lieing...make him come to you ,,,,make him take the move to see you be with you if he doesn't do it after this then move on with someone else...just make sure you do it in front of him!!!
PS i have dated a few bouncers in my life...all nice guys all bad boyfriends...they are better off being your friend with benefits..unless you too work at the bar...that is uslually the only way it works..my guess this female bartender is or was a "side salad" and she wants you to know think like a girl hon !!! lol | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/2/2005 11:32:53 AM | | There's got to be more to it if he calls you that much. No one just looking for sex will invest that much time (even if it's just on the phone), especially if could get it elsewhere as it seems you think he could. | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/3/2005 6:05:22 PM | | ok, i promise to jump your bones 3 times a week, we can go out for drinks 1st if you like | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/4/2005 5:44:37 AM | thanks for the advice. Its nice to hear it from a "males" perspective.
Yes we are all special and shouldn't need constant reminder, however it is nice to hear once in a while isn't it.
Its not that I'm gullable I just dont' like to give up so easy. No I don't want to change him or anyone else I meet. We clicked from day one just wish it could work out a little better.
Well!!!! I'm going out this Saturday to Bluesuede Shoes so hopefully I have a good time and ease my mind, I want to dance the night away........ | |
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stats
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Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| Once A Week,well girlfriend you have a choice,............i think
Posted: 11/17/2005 5:16:12 PM | | maybe his job,presently demands him to work more hours at this time?talk to him.as alot of people have shift work or have to travel at times.yeah i would be tired if i was him ,having to do alot of hours.talk to see if you can both come to a happy medium.you must like him and want to be with him as your sleeping with him right?you cant tell me you are just having sex for his sake.he probably really cares about you or at least has some feelings.he is probably reaching out to you even though hes tired and to let you know he misses you and cares.sex is not always about someone as you call jumping your bones''.gosh maybe hes stressed to,and your missing him,well tell me how you feel after you are cuddled up to one another after sex?you are probably less angry and hes more relaxed.its not the only thing in a relationship,your right,but communication is .start to talk to him.relationships take work and effort on both partners. | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/17/2005 7:26:35 PM | Hey hun,
Well why don't you tell him how you feel? Tell him why your feeling the way that you are? I mean once a week is acceptable if your dating but if your together then I think you guys should talk or you should find someone else. | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 11/17/2005 8:06:46 PM | Musicman... had some great advise!
Um.... Once a week is really tough.. totally feeling your pain..............
Umm he's a work-a-holic at a bar? | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 8/5/2006 1:18:12 PM | Throw him back and pick me! | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 8/5/2006 1:45:58 PM | You know the truth.. 35mint.. Gee lady I broke up with a man in may becouse he did not come and see me the next day.. We had plans. Dont fall for this.
There are so many wounderful men on this site.. Don't ever settle for less.. Holding out might take a while but in the end. it is so worth it.
The man that will take the time for a lady / for a women and stop his world is the man you want.
Some men think women are troffies.. other think they are gems. I have had 2 men who gave me their life.. Who though of me and only me.. who would pull over to the side of the freeway and get out of his car to pick flowers for just me.
He would be walking down a street and think of me and pick a leaf off a tree put it in his pocket becouse he loved me.
Even a man who brough me home a spark plug.. which i cherrious.. for he new i love cars and he wanted to show me what he had done at work.. So he comes home and after the dinner he cooked he tells me to put out my hand then he tells me all about the day he had..
I just dated a man. I told him i like rootbeer. popcorn and pizza he had them at his house for me.... That was kind. treated me like a queen all weekend.. .. he was a great guy..
If this man can not take the time to spoil you with simple things in life he is not worth having..
When there are tons and tons of men on this site. It just takes weeding out the sex feens who are so damnnn lonely it is all they know.. From the men who want to be loved and who want to have a relationship..
I say ... Dump his assssss and find a new man.. jewels. | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 8/5/2006 8:41:50 PM | With only 35 minutes between you, he should be able to make time to at least meet you for dinner once a week. Wednesdays are good....right in the middle. Its also a good indicator if he's using you for sex. If you meet at a resturant, he knows he's not getting laid.
I was in a 2 year relationship that sounds suprisingly similar. When it came down to commit to being more then a weekend couple, he couldn't do it. If you want the relationship to get serious, you'll need to be more then a "weekend girlfriend".
Good luck, whatever happens, the important thing is that YOU are happy! | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 42 | |
| Once A Week
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:26:17 PM | | I would give him a chance and talk to him about your concerns. If he does not seem to care about your feelings, or if he is not interested in changing the situation, then, yes, you have every right to think about looking elsewhere. Just be respectful (for the sake of both of you). | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:35:21 PM | you only have to see him once a week?
wow thats awesome, seriously u should enjoy your space. most guys are soooooo clingy u should be loving the once a week thing. i'm jealous. | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 8/6/2006 7:16:08 AM | | most definitely throw him back. There is more to a relationship than sex. You are being used, stop letting him | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 8/6/2006 10:57:05 AM | My apologies for being repetative those who have read my other posts:
Judge a man by his action and not his words and you will separate the wheat from the chaff. Words can deceive you, confuse you, and perplex you but actions never will.
He is using his work as an excuse to use you as a FB. Separate his words from his actions and the man’s intention become crystal clear. | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 10/8/2006 7:10:21 AM | Maybe I’m a little slow here so bare with me Str8tShooter.
He’s a bouncer, and he’s a workaholic?
Is this his only means of support?
Cause if it is how would you expect to have a relationship with a person who works from 8:PM till 3:00 AM comes home and sleeps most of the day away, if he actually makes it to bed by himself? He may need to work numerous days back to back to make ends meet?
I’ve found from the experiences back in my youth that employees of clubs and bars usually wind up dating each other because they keep the same hours and live the same lives. I’m sorry but they also sleep often with each other casually because they have a hard time meeting people who live regular lives as we’re asleep when they up and active.
Is there a future in bouncing?
Is there good money and benefits in bouncing?
How old is this guy?
Does he have any kids?
I only ask because you are 37 years old!
This sounds as though you’ve latched on to a 20-year-old little girl’s dream of dating the club bouncer.
Are you sure that you are not deceiving yourself?
Are you sure this is what you want for your future?
Now if you had said at age 37 the he was at least the club owner that would make more sense. If I were you I would re-examine what it is I'm looking for in life, this relationship and whether this person has the abilities to provide it.
It's hard to say because we really don't know anything about him or his life and I'm not sure if you know enough to stake a future on.
edit: I guess I should have read the date on this post it's old. | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 10/8/2006 7:34:01 AM | | Well, he is putting forth tha effort to contact you, How long have you been "exclusive"? | |
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J A R
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Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 48 | |
| Once A Week
Posted: 10/19/2006 2:55:55 PM | Hello,
If you look stand back and take a look at the overall responses. The pictures should be crystal clear. You have a good heart (on your sleeve). Your head should be telling you that you deserve TOTAL satifaction in what your direction and needs are. Unfortunately you may have to suffer more before you actually make the right decision that's best for you. | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 10/19/2006 3:01:32 PM | Wake up and smell the coffee, young lady. Does he always come to your place? Have you ever been to his home? I can almost bet that this turkey is not only just after sex, he is probably married.
Drop him like a hot potato.
Bill | |
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| Once A Week
Posted: 10/19/2006 3:01:46 PM | | I think you are worth more than that!!!!!!!!! | |
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