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| | Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?Page 2 of 28 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28) | Wow, great responses!
I appreciate all of them, the thoughtful answers as well as the "hey, this is the way I see it" no bull answers. It's all good.
Okay, so I'm glad you don't know me cause I'm gonna spill my guts here (things I wouldn't say to anyone). So, yes, we did have "that talk". I have brought it up in bed many times. He will usually f**k me for awhile and then loses his erection. And when I say f**k, I mean it. He doesn't caress me or run his hands over my breasts, stomach and legs, nothing. He gets on top and does it and has these really strange face contortions that makes me want to close my eyes (okay, so it bothers me, it's just not sexy. And yes I make strange faces when I orgasm, knit my brows or whatever, but I don't look like a puffer fish...).
So when he is done I'll ask him to touch me and he does it like ....hmmm... I feel like I'm getting serviced or something. Completely detached. So I masturbated and said I'll show him how I like to be touched and he got out of bed and said he didn't feel comfortable with that. That a woman has NEVER done that in front of him and he wouldn't either. (he was married for 10 years and now I look at his ex wife and think...you've GOT to be kidding!)
Now, to our last very emotional conversation where I told him about oral. I told him I could orgasm over and over again vaginally and with his fingers. It's all great, but to have that gigantic release of energy where my brain explodes and I can't move for a few minutes... that big "O", that comes from the clit. And I want him to be open to helping me, or going down. He started crying (just watery eyes, nothing wimpy). He said to me "I've never done that. I've never gone down on a woman ever. I never wanted to" (which to me is a polite way of saying it's gross). So this talk took a lot of energy, i"m kinda a shy person inside and I like to please but it's more difficult to say "this is what I want" even though I have and he is still resistant.
Before we got intimate this man drove me freakin crazy on the phone! He would tell me how he wants to tie my hands softly while he has his way with me. He said he wanted me to come over in a short skirt with no panties and we would play pool at his house. And when I bent over for a long shot, he'd have to come up behind me and "help me get into position" and gently lift up my skirt!!! I was so turned on.......... unfortunately, it's all talk.
And yes, yes, yes,.... I do want a relationship and a kind, devoted man. He is just great. But as another poster said, wouldn't someone falling for another person want to please and explore with that person? I suck him and lick his balls and he loves it (I definitely could pass on licking hairy balls but, hey, if it drives him crazy I'll do it.....and even pretend to like it for him!) Because I am so sexually unfullfilled, now I am starting to feel selfish and think things like well, I'll just suck his****but not touch those hairy things. F**k him. And I hate feeling like that because it is so unlike me. But, yeah, I am not happy. That's why I'm posting.
So, how trainable is this guy?
OH, and btw, it's not the same as breaking up because someone who won't do anal. This is my only way to get the big, giant screaming "O" and he doesn't even want to watch or help me? It's not like I'm saying he has to lick and suck me. I just get all worked up and I want to take it to the orgasm. That makes sense, right? | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 9:08:33 AM | | With me it has always depended on the woman . I have known some that I would not touch it with a HAZ-MAT suit on, Only went out with them once. I have not always been much of a one night stand guy but I like to get to know a woman before I do that and understand when she doesnt go down on me right away. I have always kept my self clean and have never had any thing. And I did not do with out just was a little more seletive. | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 9:27:04 AM | He is being selfish and doesn't deserve you. It sounds like he is only out for himself. I was going to suggest showing him some porn movies or some online sex forums but it sounds like he would not be willing. Tell Clyde to meet the curb! | |
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klasno
| | Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 30 | |
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Ts pet
| | Joined: 7/16/2005
Msg: 32 | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 11:12:40 AM | | I'd have a nice sit down with him and talk about this or 'show' him what you like...... communication is key..... everyones pleasure spots are different... talk openly and you'd be amazed at what can happen........ and if they still didnt want to, or still can't grasp it.... then yes.. I'd dump him..... a man has to keep my mind and BODY stimulated... not just one. | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 11:49:09 AM | Zin,
Have you thought of this from his point of view? I mean, you said that when you brought the topic up last time he had tears in his eyes, it obviously means it is bothering him in the sense that he's thinking about it all the time, but perhaps he is just worried, or probably scared to death!! You say he was married for 10yrs, and it sounds like perhaps his was wasn't very sexually liberal, so my guess is they probably got into a routine with sex, therefore the idea of something new and different will scare him! But give him a bit of time, keep talking with him about it, and just try to coax him around! If he does eventually try it, and with your gentle coaching, he gives you the big "O", i promise you, he'll most probably love his new "trick", and for the want of a better phrase, you won't see his face for a week;)
Well Good luck with it, but if he's as sweet as you say he is, and you really think it could work, then I would say it's worth being patient and persevering with!
Jim | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 12:13:23 PM | | It sounds like this guy just isn't any good at physical intimacy. Not a caresser, just not at all sensual. Nice as he is otherwise, he has some severe sexual hangups. Unless you want to be his therapist for a long time and be frustrated the whole time, then move on! This is one of the deal-breakers, no matter how hard it is to let go. | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 12:28:51 PM | If you had a "heart-to-heart" talk with this guy about this topic, and he reacted like he did bawling and all, just ask yourself "is this a dealbreaker"? If so, break up with the guy, tell him why. Don't threaten him with an ultimatum, just do it, don't be a drama queen about it. If he has a change of heart, give him one more chance and then be patient.
You've been more than fair with this bloke. Don't feel selfish, you understand what you want and you seem to be more than generous in pleasing his needs.
I broke up with a great woman for exactly the same reason. The scenario you describe is very similar to mine. In public this woman would have her hands all over me and be very kissy-kissy. So I would drive quickly back to her place. You'd think she would be a nympho, instead she just like regular missionary sex, man on woman, that's it. That's nice and everything but there are so many more ways to share intimacy. She refused to give me oral and told me she felt guilty when I went down there on her. Before anyone gives any smart comments, I was very clean, and never did I require the oral act to involve any completion (although that would have been nice). Just something to do to show intimacy. When I thought about it, her lack of looking for any way to compromise this issue indicated to me that there likely would be other issues where she would be too steadfast for my taste on relationship issues where there were lots of gray areas.
Good luck to you zinfandella on whatever happens next! | |
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Joy.
| | Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 39 | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 12:55:02 PM | | It sounds like he's not confident with himself, now this is a long shot, and you'd be rolling the dice. But have you ever thought about counseling, you know, going to see a sex therapist, ask him about his past, have him open up to you, and if he doesn't and just says, "I don't want to" or something like that, just say, "Fine, but this isn't working, I love you so much but if you can't be strait up with me, then, there is no you and me." | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 1:05:45 PM | | Same goes for women. Many have gone down on me, but it's weird how, my best relationship and the one I loved the most never did the whole time we were together....and here I was, going down on her all the time....nope, not doing that anymore. Fair is fair. I can't stand a woman who brags about loving to do it and then never does. | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 1:07:07 PM | I believe that it doesn't matter what his experience is...
If he's WILLING to learn to be a better lover, then why dump him?
If he isn't, it doesn't matter if he's Cassanova...a closed mind is not an attractive one. | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 3:05:24 PM |
AnonymousMe.........I am in a relationship and have a very good one to say the least....sex is important but its not everything.
But just like you men us women can be the same way, guess your getting a dose of your own medicine, funny eh!
I could actually care less if I get head or not.  | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 3:17:16 PM |
Before you kick his ass to the curb, you need to sit down and have a good heart to heart with him.
yes. I agree.
if he still refuses... or does it 'just for you' and makes a fuss so you can't enjoy it - dump him. | |
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scylla
| | Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 46 | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 6:27:17 PM | I would dump him immediately. Oral is so nice if it can be experienced by both of you.
It is something that just cannot be gotten over..it must either to be or not to be...that is the question.....
And if he is not great in bed...then forget it...it is not something that can be learned..it is a gift. It takes knowledge to know what your partner likes. And if they suck in bed and refuses to do oral...then all is lost. | |
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mogrl
| | Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 48 | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 7:17:50 PM | | Ask yourself if you can go the rest of your life without ever getting licked. If you can stay if not go. I for one could not stay with a woman who wouldn't let me go down on her ( I have heard that there are a few who don't like it). I couldn't spend the rest of my life knowing I was never going to taste my partner so I would leave her. | |
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| Would you leave him if he didn't go down on you?
Posted: 10/30/2005 8:00:13 PM | So when all you guys are 70 years old you're still going to be going down on your wives huh?
Why can't girls just admit they want sex? Why do they always have to play games and pretend it is a relationship they are after? I couldn't tell you how many girls I have "dated" only to have them come over, screw me over and over and leave, complaining all I want is sex. lol, I swear... women can't admit it to themselves, they have to play games.
If having a partner that enjoys going down on you is a priority, well then thats something that you'll have to consider if you want to stay with someone or not. If having a good relationship, a trustworthy partner is more important, then I guess you can make your decisions based on taht too.
But to leave someone simply because they won't perform oral, well I guess that shows where your priorities lay (not that I am saying there is anything wrong with it), just that recieving oral sex isn't important to everybody. Myself included. | |
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