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Posted: 11/3/2005 5:13:39 AM | miss bad
2 years is a long time, but and im not sure of this but even if you dont press charges, it might be wise to at least make a statement.
Then if he does assault anyone else, or perish the thought come back into yr area, if anything untoward does happen, there is already something in the files
ie its not vindictiveness, its history
might be worth exploring with a counsellor or solicitor maybe
Its not right that he gets away with it, or any rapist gets away with it | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 5:17:53 AM | | ty sam that made me cry.Makes me think thats why im nice 2 peeps even tho they treat me like s*** its as if men and women any1 as a matter of fact just like 2 walk all over me.I do hide alot of stuff away so i dont hurt any more but like sum peeps have said sumtimes that dont help.Its a hard situation 4 me as i dont want 2 hurt any1 and upset my family again by dragging them through it cos i beleive it would hurt and upset me so much talking again about it and they would know how im feeling as we r a close family x | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 5:21:31 AM | yea, i understand. but have a go at the exercises,... when u have plenty of time to yourself.....that is no interuptions etc...... nothing to lose ? 
I should add (if you drink alcohol)..... ' do not have any alcohol AT ALL when doing the exercise......thats important....also dont drink during that week if you can. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 5:39:01 AM | missbad
think as your close maybe yr family might notice yr suffering too and actually want to support you into getting abck as you were
it maybe a comfort to them thay you are overcoming these things
Im sure they will want to support you very much | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 5:55:37 AM | | I wish i could go in2 detail not about rape but theres alot of things that r not helping 2wards it if u get me.My parents know it still upsets me and i get down but if they ask i tell t5hem im ok as they have there own probs 2 deal with . | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 6:01:31 AM | oh dear missbad sorry to hear that.
well yr amonsgst friends here, and were happy to listen if it helps
think sam has given sme excellent counselling. im not a counselloe by any means but my lasg gf was raped by her stepdad as a kid which she's boyyled up for years and she was still sorely troubled 30 years later on.
like sam said closure is needed, so if i can provide help in anyway only too glad to listen | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 6:05:04 AM | ty  its not just the rape its the lies he did the way he made me feel after he did wat he did ,ask my say why b4 he did it he told me i was fat ugly and nothing worth haveing if that was the case then why?i know sum peeps may think god women get ove it move on or get help but its not as easy as that i have other peeps 2 think about tahts my problem i dont put myself 1st .. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 6:09:56 AM | See missbad what a brave and positive action it was to do this thread, loads of people on here have something to offer.
As is usually found relatives cant be used in this process for too many reasons to mention. They have a personal emotional stake / guilt / helplessness...dealing with their own inter-linked experiences ...their relating emotions are as they 'already loaded' and or 'overloaded'. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 6:11:15 AM | well i know it may sound wierd but maybe by not doing anything you arent helping them. by having this anger and upset and torment inside you its having impacts on them 9that you dont recognise as such)
hey probably want you back as you were before it happened, but are also having problems relating to you
if that makes sense? | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 6:14:58 AM | | that makes sence ty.There is so much going on at min with me and like i said family that im 2 scared 2 say how im really feeling ive been suicidel witch will b a shock 2 my friends but one i have bk and other problems witch means im in pain 24 7 and wen i have nite mares it makes it worse the only thing that holds me bk is my baby girl i woudnt leave her with out her mummy xx | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 6:21:19 AM | yea, always keep ur little girl in mind .... and hey, suicidal feeling are part and parcel thoughts to each individual at some time during their life. You can go forward from this because its the only direction left to go....
On the back pain and things, would you consider there could be a psychosomatic link here...(of course the pain is a physical reality)
and remember, 'just one day at a time' | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 6:29:36 AM | thats exactly how it was with my girlfriend, sometimes she used ti wake up with nightmates and voices in her head telling her to self-harm. Sometimes the voices were there 24/7
She took overdoses and cut herself often and was in hospital many times. she used to discharge herself from the hospitals because she was afreid she might get counselling and have to relive the incident to get better.
It was only through 2 years of support and recognising that i loved her that she decided that se needed to go forward and seek closure and start counselling
It was very hard for her, very hard, but she came out of it a much stronger and more relaxed person. and the nightmares stopped, as did the self-harm and eating disorders she used as a disguise from men | |
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tamcon
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Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 38 | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 7:33:38 AM | | I too had these trauma's with regards to my daughter. I was in a daze, blaming myself when I hadn'y done anything to harm her. One of the ways I got round it was writing important episodes of my life down in verse. Two years on I had it finished. I was able to put all my hurt down in letter. Sometimes it is easier to do so. That way I could express myself better. I have let two people read it. If you could do something similar, it will allow people to understand your hurt more. I know you say you are close to your family, but do they know how you feel, or what you feel. People have got to know whats going through your mind and the only way they will know is if you tell them. I found by writing it all down was a help to me. Bits I missed out I could go back to and edit. I have the whole thing in book form now. Believe me Missbad some of the things in it are very harrowing but it helped me get it out my system and I can put that sorry episode behind me. Also one of the people who read it has been a brilliant help to me as well as a great friend. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 8:19:50 AM | ty all so very much 4 your kind words and 4 listening 2 me if any1 wants 2 talk just mail me you really r nice people with big warm hearts and i ty again xx | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 8:21:08 AM | | My family know sum of wat i went 2 but as they r going through alot them selfs i dont want 2 add to that x | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 9:05:52 AM | | well wouldem you missbad bu you got estrictive mail settings on | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 9:13:00 AM | i thought i did it  ummmmm god damn it lol | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 9:30:56 AM | Hi Missbad, big hugs girl!
Wow what a thread, reading about you and other peoples situations.
Just read Sam969 and she seems to be the most qaulified person on here to give you advice. Excellent advice, can't fault what she said.
I would like to say that I genuinely feel for you and that I thought I'd offer you my support, as many of the group have already done. It takes a bit of courage to talk about what happened to you and I applaud you for doing just that. I hope it's empowered you by doing so and that you can 'claw back' some of the hold he has on you, by the support of others. Physical torture hurts, but psychological emotions stay with you for a long time, if not forever. ANYTHING you get do to lessen this has got to be a good thing and talking about it (as part of a group especially), surely comes into this category.
You seem to have a great relationship with your hubby, so use him. Take strength from the fact that you have each other and a young daughter and keep your head up. A strong relationship is a powerful thing, it's the base for everything you build, so enjoy yours and try and push this guy out of the picture. Easier said than done, I know.
I wish you well.
ETF | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 9:40:34 AM | | She...? have i lost some appendage..... lol | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 9:45:42 AM | Ooooooppppssss. Sorry big man!
Consider me slapped about the head with a wet fish!
Have a  on me and there's lots more where that came from (the wee emoticon thingy at the side of the page).
ETF | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 9:48:37 AM | ty very much thats sweet of .It is hard 2 get him
out my life but i cant go in2 it over here,but i have been put down alot in my life and i just sit there and take it god knows why buthey thats life.He wont get the better of me and i know im a stronger person in ways.Theres a song called thank you by jamelie if u listen 2 that that is my life all over wat he did and shes singing it 4 me...if u get me? hits my heart x | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 9:49:10 AM | @ E.T.F.
cheers.. ... do they do top-ups at this pub.... too much froth with these tankards ! | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 9:49:20 AM | lol blesssss can u not see hes a man lol  | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 9:53:23 AM | @missbad
...lyrics of songs,
yea, also 2 other modern day classics are;
'let your soul be your pilot'....by Sting
and
'Stuck in a moment'.....by U2 | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 10:01:08 AM | I know the song well Missbad.
Yeah Sam got to agree...too much froth, but the serving wenches aint bad.
Is that the time? Time for another couple of beers methinks. There you go Sam One for you too Missbad Enjoy.
ETF | |
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