| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 8:07:49 AM | | i talk to everyday, i tell her i love her and that i miss her she says she knows, she told my oldest son that she is afraid to come home because she is afraid i will tell her stuff again | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 8:08:19 AM | My thoughts
Children get unconditional love end of sentence...
They don't screw up adults do....
rule 1) NEVER leave your kids.......EVER......
rule 2) see rule 1 | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 8:13:42 AM | "she is afraid to come home because she is afraid i will tell her stuff again"
Whaaaaa???????
Tell her stuff? | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 8:23:18 AM | ty i have yorkie and she also gets cold but no were sells pjs 4 them. ty
i hope peeps dont think i was being rude just there so cute x | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 32 | |
| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 8:27:09 AM | Rule No 3) file for sole custody of children. You can get an interim order now and once you have it, you'll most likely get the final order.
Even if you and your wife get back together, 2 things, First of all, by filing, you have documented this. Second, always better to negotiate from a position of power | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 8:35:49 AM | Hey buzz I agree but how do we know he isn't keeping her from the kids? or that she is currently "homeless" considering she has left her home and doesn't want the kids in a shelter etc etc.. things like this are really hard to pick apart because yes I agree when I left my daughter's father.. I took her she was only 3 weeks old with me.. I would never leave her.. but saddly we are only getting one side of this story..
I've worked in social services for over 10 years.. and..i've learned that the more you dig into a situation the clearer it becomes..
its true some people do put career, jobs, other men before there kids.. but again.. we don't know the whole story. | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 8:45:53 AM | | all the three weeks she has been gone , not once has she asked to see the children , I am the one who takes them to see her, lately the children refuse to speak to her, i have tried to tell them to speak to her, they dont want to , she thought it was me , but on a recent conversation we had she found out that it is them not me | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 9:33:48 AM | | I can't believe you ever really knew what love was, or you wouldn't have been on this site so quickly. There must have been burning issues before. Are you sure she didn't leave the kids with you so you could see how difficult it was. Maybe she wants you to stop telling her how to do things, and learn to do them for yourself. Personally think she's just had it up to here with dealing with you, who apparently wasn't as committed as you should be in marriage. I don't think you should worry about getting custody, or who pays who. It's your children who are most important right now. Not you, Not your wife. Not the opinions of anyone else. Focus on your children! They have lost their mother because of you. Make it up to them and stop worrying about yourself. That's the grown up thing to do. Now get off this site, and go be the man you know you want to be. | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 9:53:11 AM | | i'm in th same boat with this guy. I am a good husband and a great stepdad to 3 kids I love like my own. She left because I came close to catching her with another guy. Maybe she left so she wouldn't get caught. | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 9:54:22 AM | alright Allfun, ( all fun ???) we've heard your (sad, true or not so true) story. It takes more than one person to create a real true story UNLESS that one person is imagining and dreaming. I myself is dying to hear your wife's story (but only you and her know the truth). So may I suggest that 'You seek professional help where the TWO of you can COMMUNICATE !!!. ' .. and that's where you should spend most of your time, with her. Good luck  | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 9:57:09 AM | A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her *sshole does when she has an orgasm. "Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."
feelin any better !!! | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/3/2005 11:28:22 AM | @dacainaru
I fully agree with what you have written.
There are always 2 sides to a story and none of us knows the full account of events.
But story like al' flashes old memories back ...with similar outcome...4 children left behind with her Grandmother for the sake of having time for men who apparently "found themselves on the shelf"... but, I did come to the bottom of it all.
buzz | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/18/2005 7:47:23 AM | Why are you so hesitant to say here what you said in the other thread, that you emotionally abused her for a long period of time, constantly accusing her of cheating, calling her down, calling her fat and lazy?
Obviously because you know that what you did is what caused her to leave, and nothing you can say is going to get her to come back. Leave well enough alone, and hope the next person she trusts treats her better than you did. | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/18/2005 8:24:47 AM | 1 month is not enough time. You need help. You need to go to a counsellor. There are some that specialize in abusive temperments. You need to focus on YOUR problems and leave her alone, quit calling her, give her time on her own. She needs to get her life in order after being emotionally abused for so long.
1 month?? After 13 years of that? You've got to be kidding. | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/18/2005 8:47:24 AM | e.
Understandably, you're freaking out. When someone leaves, they're holding all the cards. And you've suddenly become acutely aware of what she meant to you, and maybe you've been served a startling wakeup call in regard to how you've been treating your wife, and, it seems, taking her for granted.
For whatever it's worth, my advice is to
1. take a deep breath.
2. calm down.
3. take the time to change your perspective of the situation so that you can turn a negative into a positive.
Your marriage is probably not hopelessly destroyed. Some people see you as a jerk and think you're getting what you deserve. But we can't get an accurate read on you based on a few sentences posted on a website. None of us is all good or all bad, and your relationship, while flawed, surely had some redeeming qualities.
It sounds like you didn't have a happy marriage, from either person's perspective. Maybe you can turn things around for the better for both of you. With work, you can save your marriage, and even make it good. With *work.* So you've got to decide if you're just trying to get her back into the house or if you really want to work on the relationship.
From my limited perspective, I would stop worrying about her coming home. The *only* person you can change is *you.* You can't control her. And you shouldn't even be thinking of ways to try to make her come home. The REASON she left is not because you didn't tell her that you miss her enough. The REASON she left is probably dozens of reasons that have been building up for years and finally pushed her over the edge. It surely wasn't easy for her to leave her husband and kids behind. So there was obviously a lot of damage.
That's a lot of crap built up that's going to take a long time to work through.
As such, if you really want to save your marriage -- or at least make sure this doesn't happen again to you -- you have to come to a place where you can see that there are no quick fixes, nothing to "say" that will "make" her come home. Furthermore, you have to come to a place where you can see that such an approach is not going to help the situation.
It's not about making her come home.
It's not about her.
It's about you.
I'm not saying she has no part in your relationship, because she does. However. only she can work on her. And only you can work on you.
The most impressive thing you can do to show her that you really care and love her is to get YOURSELF into counseling. Not her *and* you -- not yet. Just you.
But don't go to counseling to impress her. This is the point. The most impressive thing you can do is to stop worrying about making her do anything -- and get to work on yourself, regardless of what she's doing. Make sure she's safe. Make sure she knows her kids and you are fine. You may miss her, but don't give her a guilt trip. Be understanding. Let her know that you appreciate why she left. And if you were her, you would have left too. Because if you really WERE her, you WOULD have left.
Take the time to breathe, relax, and work on you. Work on the issues inside you that led to the difficulties in your relationship.
Hard as it may be to believe, there are two ways to look at this situation.
1. Your wife left you, your marriage is destroyed, and your life is wrecked.
2. You've gotten a wake up call that can be the first step in a journey to making you a better man, a better husband, a better father. And at some point, if she CHOOSES, your wife may join you on that journey, and you may continue together as husband and wife -- in a better, more loving, healthier, vastly superior relationship than what you had before. A relationship where she is happy, you are happy, and your kids are happy.
Your relationship wasn’t ruined in a day. And it won't be saved in a day. She didn’t decide to leave based on a single sentence you said to her, nor will she come home based on a single sentence.
And by the way, if your wife DOES happen to come home, and if you resume where everything left off, and just think that you dodged a bullet ... you will have blown a major opportunity, and you will likely continue damaging your relationship to the point where it really will be beyond saving the next time she leaves -- forever.
So to sum up:
1. Stop trying to control her and get her to come home. Be SUPPORTIVE of her need to get away from the toxic relationship. Be UNDERSTANDING. Don't push her to come home. Just be loving. Not whiny. Not negative. No constant jabbering about how much you miss her. Be a man. Be strong. Tell her you love her. tell her --truthfully -- that you're going to counseling to work on yourself and your issues and your role in the marriage. Tell her that you're taking care of the house and the kids while she's taking care of her needs, and that she should take all the time she needs.
2. Get yourself into counseling. Don't tell me you don't have the money. Divorce is a HELL of a lot more expensive -- both financially and emotionally -- not only to you, but your wife and your kids. You owe it to them to be a good father and husband. Counseling is what it's going to take. They have sliding scale fees if you don't have much money. Then, after you've got yourself into counseling, when the therapist thinks the time is right, maybe you can do couple's therapy.
3. While you're at it, start watching Dr. Phil. May sound like a joke. But it's a good starting point for you to begin changing the way you view your relationship, the role that you play, and what you need to do to make your marriage healthy and happy again. He also has a book out called RELATIONSHIP RESCUE. Read it. It's about people whose relationships are on the verge of collapse -- like yours. It's not a substitute for counseling. It's a companion.
4. This is an OPPORTUNITY. In guy talk, this is the SUPERBOWL of your life. You can either mope (IE not even take the field) -- and lose by default ... OR: try to "make" her come back and continue life as usual (IE play not to lose, play prevent defense, kick field goals on first down from your own 20) -- and get blown out in the super bowl 75 - 0 ... OR: play your heart out, which means a hell of a lot of WORK. And OF COURESE it means work. That's the only way to win the super bowl. And you MAY LOSE. But at least you'll be able to look yourself in the mirror knowing that you gave it your best shot and did everything you could to win, left all your effort out there on the field.
So now that you're IN the super bowl ... what are you going to do? | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/18/2005 12:47:20 PM | | i'm sorry but i have been on that side of the fence as your wife!!! No matter what you say, its not going to make up for the hurt that you have caused her for so long...For some stupid reason I now believe what i was told, and now I have emotional issues, and confidence issues..And my self esteem well whats that???? Can you honestly say you know what you have done to her and put her through??? I bet not!!!! I now hate myself because i believe i'm fat and ugly, and how can i find someone that will like me if i don't like myself??? Guys like you don't know that damage caused when you do shit like that...Funny thing is even with professional help i still believe what has been bedded in my brain for so long.... Its sad, | |
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| How can I get wife to come home?
Posted: 11/20/2005 11:30:15 AM | missbad:
the people on here are virtual freinds. The majority who are looking for a shoulder to cry on . Share sob stories with.
If you're in a good relationship with someone you love, this place isnt the place you want to be. spend the time with your lover. walk, talk, enjoy life together.  | |
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