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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What comes first?: sex or the relationship?      Home login  
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 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 101
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What comes first?: sex or the relationship?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
---[Two people could be sexually compatible but not be relationship compatible and it is hopeless...but two people who are relationship compatible but not sexually compatible, can WORK on the latter] --

Exactly.
 happening
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 102
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 1/1/2006 9:14:39 PM
@crystalise

Fine then!! When shall WE get started? It's not that sex is the only way to start a relationship, it's just that it happens that way a lot. I agree, with what you say, however, and sometimes it would be better to hold off from having sex until you know if you can handle a relationship together first. It can be very awkward to get out of dating someone once you've realized things won't work, and you've already been intimate with them. I know I have made that mistake before, but on the other hand too, I've had a few great relationships which began with intimacy before we really knew eachother. I guess things happen the way they happen, even if one tries to do the right thing: sometimes it is a mistake; sometimes it is not!
 coffee_cognac
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 103
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 1/21/2006 6:58:26 PM
Any and all of the encounters I've had where sex came first and the relationship after turned out to be the euivalent of one-night stands that just lasted far, far too long.

But that's just my experience.
 pinkpolish
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 104
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 12:24:22 AM
Hmmmm Good question! I feel that you should first establish a "very" good connections with that person before having sex with them. I feel that sex IS DEFINATELY a major part of a relationship. You may be very compatible emotionaly to someone however if you are not compatible sexually then isn't that just as important??!! It should be a total package deal. You'll know when he's Mr. Right or perhaps just Mr. Right Now. But to answer your question ...Sex should not be the way to START a relationship ie. have you just met at a bar and this is your first date. Get to know each other. Does he have your same sense of humor? Same interests? What do you know about him. If he likes YOU; the person inside, then most likely the passion and sexual chemistry will be there soon enough. If you've had sex early on but the relationship fizzels out for whatever reason. Chaulk it up to experience. Hopefully you'll still remain friends then smile, lick your finger, turn the page and move on. Mr. Right is only a chapter or two away!!!
 subboy777
Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 105
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 1:37:58 AM
Unfortunatly it is lust that is grown from sex early on in the relationship.. and sure for many it is a thought that is there from early meetings..
Love should not be about sex.. sure it may become a part of it, but having it as a starting point of a growing relationship does not sit right in my mind.
Commitment should only come from getting to know the other person, and this takes time.. it should come with patience, trust etc.. those are things that help love start and grow.

I believe (and hey these are only my thoughts.. not at all saying i have the right answers here..) that if it takes sex to kick start a relationship and form any type of commitment, then we need to look at what the relationship is actually based on.. sex or YOU.. i know there are some sad people in the world (sorry if this offends anyone that reads this) who go out looking for a sex buddy.. and will say and do anything to get it.. and usually more than less, will move on to another person if they do not get their lustful fix.. and then when they do get what they want, they say even more things (even things that make it look like commitment) when all it is they want is someone to root.
Not everyone is like this, and i dont even think the majority.. however it does back up the point that sex should not be a key point...


I believe many relationships started when sexual compatability was proven first!!


this sounds like one of those "try before you buy" statements i hear all too often... and wow its probably one of the saddest statements someone could make.. I mean if sex is more important than someone's heart, life etc etc then i really don't know what to say..
I have actually seen girls meet great guys, kind natured guys at that.. seeing a possible long future ahead, then dump them because their sexual performance was not up to their standards.. what a joke lol

but hey.. if its a lust based sexual relationship you want, where you are happy with each other as long as there is sex, maybe a little other offection, meaningless words (inclusing the big L word which seems to work for most, but has no meaning for them) then hey maybe this is the best thing for you... saying this, if you want to find someone who knows you, your heart, your thoughts, your dreams and visions, who will be there for you, and someone who trusts you, and reversing all that.. that you can trust, that you know etc then you need to look at "patience" and learn to avoid the people who are not willing to be these things.

last but not least.. i knew a girl who thought the same once.. that sex was a way of showing love and the best way to start a relationship.. and believed this until she got pregnant and saw the guy leave the scene wanting to party with his mates etc (im too young or im not ready to be a dad) i know many others who have had similar situations.. and well.. maybe thats something to think about :-)

just what i think (as asked) not putting you down here or judging you
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 106
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 4:27:41 AM
^^ Refreshing post from the male species!

Still in agreement....relationships with a foundation other than sex, can last forever....you can work on the sexual combatibility if you have a strong foundation.
 Trigger Happy
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 107
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 12:47:44 PM
well said, somebody had to come out and say it i mean hey, men just want to shag girls and give them a disease, I think too much "sex and the city" and crappy soaps and magasines change these girls.
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 108
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 12:59:55 PM
Sex before the relationship creates problems.

Respect precedes love. You can not have respect when you're having sex first....
 ilovechicken
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 109
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 1:22:13 PM
sex comes first, love comes later...you don't love someone you aren't sexually compatible with...period
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 110
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 1:44:13 PM

sex comes first, love comes later...you don't love someone you aren't sexually compatible with...period


You have much to learn, Grasshoppah.......
 sarah_blev
Joined: 5/22/2006
Msg: 111
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 1:48:59 PM
I don't think things ever work out if you decide to have sex first over anything. You gave the guy what he wanted up front so now he doesn't have anything else to work for. Isn't that usually how it goes?
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 112
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 2:01:01 PM

I don't think things ever work out if you decide to have sex first over anything. You gave the guy what he wanted up front so now he doesn't have anything else to work for. Isn't that usually how it goes?


Yep. Its like this.

If you have sex right away, you still really don't know the person OR what their motives are. They may see you as a booty call and nothing more. One person is always going to get hurt in that situation. Women most of the time because they associate sex with someone more.

Sex confuses the heart and the mind. You start to think you really love this person when it's mostly lust. It takes a while but you eventually see them for what they really are far, far too late.

When you REALLY love someone first it makes sex 1000x better. Anyone who says sex before love is completely clueless (and thinks with the wrong head).

Again, respect precedes love. Sex before love= lack of respect. Someone's going to get hurt, just like your typical FWB situations.

Bottom line: Get to REALLY know the person first. If they are really interested in who you are, not what you can give them, they'll wait. If they dump you because you want to wait, well there's your answer about what kind of person they are.

Save sex for someone you love, not someone you barely know.
 spinsugar_1
Joined: 4/14/2006
Msg: 113
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 2:12:58 PM
hmm you mean theres an actual relationship after sex? wow where have i been ... stuck in the friends with benefits stage way too long apparently !
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 114
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2006 3:08:14 PM

hmm you mean theres an actual relationship after sex? wow where have i been ... stuck in the friends with benefits stage way too long apparently !


After is hard. Creates more problems than it solves.
Before sex is much better and the relationship has a chance to last.
 SweetShySteve
Joined: 8/6/2004
Msg: 115
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/23/2006 4:54:42 PM
Id like to think that its before sex, im not someone who is into short term things...i look for the long term
 mex2
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 116
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/23/2006 7:21:34 PM
See Mabey i see things a little diffrent, I am not saying that you should jump right in to bed w/ someone, but truth be told bad sex, or no sexual"compatable" can break a realationship, and being honest that is why many people cheat or stray, so i think that sex comes along w/ the realationship, not before but not after either.......insync
 Trigger Happy
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 117
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 10/4/2006 4:08:03 PM
My gid you really are full of shit!

Lol,

let me guess your 18,
 quadmom
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 118
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What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 11/16/2006 5:19:52 PM
Relationship first..but lots of making out in before hand.
 Lukas
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 119
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/25/2007 6:19:38 PM
I have tried it bolth ways! some girls I have had sex with after an hour of knowing them and our relationship couldn't have been better and some girls I was with for up to 6 months without having sex and when we did I ended up wishing we didn't. If there is sexual chemistry and you are positive the other has no deseases and take precautions on birth controll.... why not? My ex wife for example!!! I dated her for some time before we had sex and after I did I would have felt guilty if I broke up and said it wasn't going to work out. we had built a foundation already and after the sex we kept our relationship going. Truth is that she was not there for me sexually and performed terribly. I accepted it, went on, but it did lead to some unhappyness in our relationship. If we would have had sex right away it might have saved 6 years of my life and alot of money and heart-aches! . Luke,
 Lukas
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 120
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/25/2007 6:25:45 PM
I wish I knew then what I know now! I would have called it off 5 mineuts after orgasm!
 dbz77
Joined: 12/5/2006
Msg: 121
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What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/25/2007 6:59:50 PM
They come together.

We are all adults here, you know.


Michael
 Foruminator
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 122
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/25/2007 7:10:08 PM
If the sex was good will you post bail if it's needed for the other? How deep (in your pocket) is your love?
 becketlady
Joined: 1/30/2007
Msg: 123
What comes first?: sex or the relationship?
Posted: 5/25/2007 7:24:13 PM
That is the worst thing I ever read your question. Doesnt anyone knows what relationship means and sex means too?
These two meanings are very different. I guess you go for the sex and being use all the time has nothing to do with making love grow in relationship.
Look at it this way, cant tell what life and death means to you? duh? Unless someone likes to play your mind all the time about sex and never mind the relationship and making a very poor decision on your part. I think it is time to grow up a little bit. Start thinking about yourself first and find out exactly what you are looking for. Is it relationship or is it sex? NOT both at the same time. The bottom line is your question is too humiliated.

I believe in a friendship first before having sex in the long run.
Friendship is the foundation to a start with. NOT Sex.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What comes first?: sex or the relationship?