AI03™
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Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 51 | |
| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 4:51:18 AM |
you might be an exception and hope you stay that way coz men needs some livin too
I guess I am the exception, as Im sure if you read on, you'll find alot of others too.  Jaad | |
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| Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 5:53:47 AM | Ok Try this version.
Sex in early dating is clearly not a gesture of commitment to more than mutual pleasure.
Holding hands with someone you know and trust (like a friend) is affection.
Holding hands with someone who needs human touch at that moment is empathy and while it might cross some personal boundaries allows us to connect with someone at the right moment.
Holding hands with someone in a public place amongst strangers early in a relationship is an invitation to commitment. Not a bad thing if some of the deeper getting to know each other stuff has led up to it, but on the other hand if not preceeded by developing trust can be be presumptive and slightly manipulative because taking your hand back in public is also a public denial of commitment. If she liked the guy it puts her in a position to make a decision she needed more experience (with that particular person) or information to make. | |
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jaad
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Joined: 10/29/2005
Msg: 54 | |
| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 6:06:05 AM |
Im sure if you read on, you'll find alot of others too. Jaad
Oh I know that there is romantic women left, there has to be just like there is romantic guys. Am filtering as we speak. | |
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| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 6:23:01 AM | .
Wow, there are a couple opinions here I have never needed to consider before. The underline reasons would be very interesting to hear.
Generally speaking, I feel that a little public affection is very appropriate and sometimes even necessary. I will often hold a woman’s hand (even on the first meeting) while walking with her, but never while sitting and talking. I will ALWAYS hold her hand if we are in a crowd for two good reasons: I want her next to me and I do not want to get separated. Also, when we are walking and stop somewhere to look at something, I may just naturally put an arm around her waist. Why? I don’t know. It just seems like the natural thing to do when you are talking with someone and signaling others that this is a private conversation.
Same with hugging. Before I meet with someone, I take the time to explain who and what I am and that she can expect me to be a little affectionate in a polite sort of way. Therefore, it has not been uncommon for me to hug someone hello when we first meet personally. I’ll not be “hitting on” them in any way whatsoever. But, I will be friendly and happy to see them and they will know that by my actions, without any need for me to actually say the words.
On the other hand, when I walk into a café or bar, I often spend the first couple minutes saying hello to whoever is there I may know and hugging the woman of all ages. Sure it’s a minor public display of affection, somewhat. But, it’s also expected of me and I never see their husbands or boyfriends complaining. That’s simply because everyone knows that I am not hitting on anyone at anytime.
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| Bring on the LEASH
Posted: 11/5/2005 6:25:16 AM | Okay, new rule
Don't have sex with anyone you wouldn't hold hands with!!!
Solves it.  | |
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jaad
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Joined: 10/29/2005
Msg: 57 | |
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| Bring on the LEASH
Posted: 11/5/2005 6:29:32 AM | Jaad -
women do make love, but we do appreciate sex for sex as well. The two can be mutually exclusive or inclusive. It depends on what the need is at the moment. It isn't always going to be hearts and flowers, sometimes it is just the animalistic need for that human contact. | |
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| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 6:36:07 AM | Jaad, there are, but seems like you have restricted many from contacting you with all your restrictions. At least you know what you are looking for. Hope you find it.
As far as the thread, they both are intimate. There was a day when there was no question about it. In the old days a teenage boy would hold a girl's hand as a show of affection and if the girl liked him, she would take the hand. Sex would come years later after they dated a long time and were married. Man, what happened to the good ol days?
As far as myself, I have to really like the guy to hold hands. To have sex, I have to really love the guy. Easy enough choice for me. | |
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| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 6:45:36 AM | Man, that Canada is like a whole other country.
That's like asking what's more intimate? A glance, or an enema?
I sure hate getting glanced at in public!!!!!
What ya think aboot that, a? | |
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| Bring on the LEASH
Posted: 11/5/2005 6:58:50 AM | hmmm.... There is no correct response to this question... just an individual opinion! I am sure some would consider holding hands a minor show of affection while others would appreciate the emotional connection to the act itself.....
The other fact to consider is we all.... ok maybe not all of us... some individuals have absolutely no problems bumping uglies behind closed doors where they will not be judged. They also have their version of the events that they will choose to share with whomever.
Hand holding in public is very open and takes away any doubt in an observers mind and if one or both are not comfortable with that.... there will be an issue....
Regardless... if they were both intimate at this point or not, she was not comfortable with the PDA... the other alternative would have been to explain her feelings instead of bolting! It is a possibility she is not aware of the fact that men are not mind readers!
just an opinion....
oh and here is a one liner for ya.... " opinions are like a holes.... everyone's got one" | |
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jaad
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Joined: 10/29/2005
Msg: 63 | |
| Bring on the LEASH
Posted: 11/5/2005 7:00:25 AM | women do make love, but we do appreciate sex for sex as well
Oh I certainly know about that part... being that the majority of the women i meet are only interested in having sex first and then, developing a Sssllllllllloooooowww relationship where they can "possibly" end up liking me. I have seen this too many times not to have noticed.
I fell for it in the beginning thinking that Wow she really likes me if she is willing to sleep with me, wrong again....
Time have changed girls... women are getting more and more like men used to be to women and now slowly men are starting to see it and take my word for it, I always been a trend setter, more and more men are going to say:
No sex until I see that their is genuine feelings and a true will to pursue a relationship.
I'm very much like a women who got burnt too many times by men and I hear you women when you say, the only thing men want is sex, i know how it feels coz thats all I meet.
And it's really funny how fast a women get disinterested in me when I say that I've had it with women who pretend to like me for who I am in order to get some action outta me...
Funny how fast one loses temper too and call me a weirdo for wanting to see some real interest in her action. If you don't ahve sex with a woman, she somehow gets more free and her schedule opens up. Have sex with her, and she is going to have only the Saturday evening to spare you. | |
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| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 7:03:34 AM |
Subject: What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Ok lezzee, what is a more intimate act, taking another person's hand in yours while in public, or when a man's private parts are inside a woman's private parts? That's a no-brainer.
Now if the man and woman were at Times Square in front of the Naked Cowboy rolling around all over each other, maybe that would be more intimate than sex. 
Everyone who said hand-holding in public is innocent is 100% correct. You're not "owning" someone by hand-holding, putting your arm over your partner's shoulder, whatever. Anyone offended by that is a Puritan or has serious hangups. IMO. | |
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| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 7:49:14 AM | .
Hand holding in public is very open and takes away any doubt in an observers mind . . .
Hey guy . . . that’s your opinion and often has zero basis for fact in my life.
Yesterday, I was walking across a main street with one of my sisters, who was lollygagging around a little behind me even though traffic was coming upon us fast. So, what did it mean that I took her hand and got her to hurry up? Nothing, except for the fact that I wanted her to hurry up.
I have a single woman friend who is a physician with a clinic just down the street. Sometimes we have things to discuss due to a couple groups we both belong to. So, once in a while I walk over to meet with her for a quick lunch.
Now, I’m twice her size and strength, but she’s a naturally protective type woman. So, quite often, when we are walking to lunch, she will take my hand. It’s a cute gesture on her part, nothing else; very minimally affectionate, often (she thinks) protective.
BTW, what I call an acceptable level of affection in public (on any date) is that amount of affection you would feel comfortable displaying in front of your or her mother.
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 66 | |
| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 7:50:07 AM | | The location, I am sure had a lot to do with it. Walking by the river or on a trail some place, nobody sees you .. hold halds and its great. BUT ... that area of town, on a Sunday afternoon, I can't walk 12 feet without bumping into someone I know. That puts a lot more pressure on the situation. I agree with Yami .. It's more than PDA it's PDO .. Public display of ownership. | |
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| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 7:53:22 AM | the question was....what is more intimate. I think this says it all>>
Ok lezzee, what is a more intimate act, taking another person's hand in yours while in public, or when a man's private parts are inside a woman's private parts? That's a no-brainer. | |
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| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 7:58:11 AM | | If you feel uncomfortable about holding the hand of your sex partner while you are walking together in the town square, what does that say about how you value your intimacy with that partner? Think about it. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 70 | |
| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 8:02:22 AM | I thought about it
I certainly can boink someone without thinking of her as my girlfriend and would be very uncomfortable showing to the world that we are together as a couple if we are not there yet. | |
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| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 9:40:17 AM | Don't have sex with anyone you wouldn't hold hands with!!!
I like this rule!
I never looked at hand holding as a sign of ownership....just affection.
Not concerned with how other people assess it but I wouldn't get so affectionate as to make some uncomfortable and others buy popcorn and watch from their lawnchairs.
I guess it just has to do with the level of 'touchy feel' any person is comfortable with in public....whether its hugging or hand holding.
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| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 9:57:18 AM |
arrianno:
I certainly can boink someone without thinking of her as my girlfriend and would be very uncomfortable showing to the world that we are together as a couple if we are not there yet.
To me that means you want to perform sexual acts with the least intimacy possible. For most people I'd say that is a reversal of priorities. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 73 | |
| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 10:05:30 AM | That means I have personal boundies and a time table that works for me.
It also means, I maybe more comfortable sharing my body than sharing my mind and feelings. | |
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| What is more intimate ? SEX or Holding Hands
Posted: 11/5/2005 10:09:25 AM |
I agree with Yami ..
Are you feelin' OK? Maybe you should have a glass of water and lie down 
It's more than PDA it's PDO .. Public display of ownership.
It always amounts to a confidence issue to me. | |
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| Holding Hands - a question of attitude, not intimacy
Posted: 11/5/2005 10:19:45 AM | Back to the original situation, I had the same personal experience. I had met this guy and we went to restaurants and movies a couple times. One day, walking through the mall, he bumps into me a couple times and when I look at him to see what's up, he holds out his hand and motions, demandingly, for me to take his hand.
I have no problem with holding hands, but he acted as though this was his RIGHT and that I MUST hold his hand NOW. With that kind of attitude, there's no way I'm going to hold his hand. He was totally angry at me when I said no.
If you won't respect me and my wishes, you're not the man for me. If you feel you can impose yourself on me, you're not the man for me. I give respect. I expect respect in return.
This has nothing to do with intimacy and everything to do with attitude. I refused to see that guy again.
To the original poster - if your friend's experience was like my own, I think she made the right choice.
As far as the question of intimacy, it totally depends. Sex can be simply a transaction with no intimacy whatsoever. Holding hands can be the most intimate thing ever. It depends on the people involved and the situation. | |
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