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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/7/2005 11:56:46 PM | | I agree with skyjoseph. However, the fact remains that in this society now, it's even more important than ever that the guy has a great job and lots of MONEY. This does not mean the woman has none or doesn't have a great job of her own. But, it's just expected nowadays that the guy has all his sh** together (as you can read on many profiles - this is a MAJOR requirement) and I think this can be translated to 1) Good job 2) Great attitude - smiling 120% of the time 3) has lots of materialistic possessions. | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/8/2005 4:36:19 AM | However, the fact remains that in this society now, it's even more important than ever that the guy has a great job and lots of MONEY. This does not mean the woman has none or doesn't have a great job of her own. But, it's just expected nowadays that the guy has all his sh** together (as you can read on many profiles - this is a MAJOR requirement) and I think this can be translated to 1) Good job 2) Great attitude - smiling 120% of the time 3) has lots of materialistic possessions.
Umm....are you reading what most of the WOMEN on here are saying? To you and all the men on here that are of the same mindset as him....I challenge you all to go back and read what we women said. We are NOT saying that you have to make lots of money....PERIOD! (lmao...but if you do...wooohooo...lmao!!!!)
We ARE saying that we prefer a man that we don't have to support, but by all means will overlook certain things...as we all come on rough times...etc etc etc....and that we don't respect men that are living at home sponging off their parents and using them.
Simple isn't it?....I fail to see where you are reading that we want MONEY!!!! lol! | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/8/2005 6:08:28 AM | | hey i was reading this and i just need to ask ok i'm 22 i live with my mom and dad i have a job a car i drive an 05 ford mustang i pay all my bills my father drinks to much take money for my mom and sister and me to pay the bills i work hard to keep what i have i dont want to leave my mom and sister with father because when he drinks he gets violent. right now i'm also going though the processes of being a Police Officer so i can make more money to get my own house and to help my mom and sister move out and get there own places because of all this would you all not date me?? | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/8/2005 6:15:28 AM | @Kimaranclh
Food is dirt cheap. I can eat on less than $10/day Canadian and could easily make that less than $5/day - and often do! - and still eat a balanced diet (lots of veggies and unprocessed grains). Of course processed food and eating out would make the more expensive, but neither of those are necessities.
I don't pay for gas as I don't own a car. A car is not a necessity, at least to me.
Clothing is almost free in our society, as one can buy secondhand, yet almost totally unused clothing. Much of it is of excellent quality, and except for shoes and of course undergarments, one can spend less than $100/year and do quite well.
As for the cost of rent/housing one *could* get a roommate. I once lived in a place for a few years with four other unmarried guys (all friends in our 30s at the time). We split the cost of utilities, cable, rent, etc. Each of us paid very little for our share.
I manage to save approximately 50% of my after-tax income. I don't live in a cheap city, nor do I have anything more than a very average income. Of course I can identify a want and not pretend that it is a need, and that is the most important thing in being able to do what I do.
Our society encourages people to spend more than they make and pay interest on the privilege of such consumption. I prefer to save my money, have it compound, and this will allow me to spend more on consumption, but only when I can afford it and can pay cash for such consumption. | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/8/2005 6:30:52 AM | @sddude,
"i live in one of the most expensive places in the usa , an old 2 bedroom home costs over 500k in my area , gas, the most expensive in the country , some at 3 bucks a gallon . "
One is not obligated to live in such areas. You might need to take a paycut, but that may well be compensated for by the lower cost of living in another area of the country. In my case I had to leave Vancouver, my place of birth, in order to move to Ottawa, which at the time was a lot cheaper to live in.
I would not date a woman who didn't have her finances in order, and having a job is one component of that. I see so many undisciplined people who run into debt by spending on things that are far from necessary. If she makes 20K/year after taxes but spends 18K with no debt, then excellent. If she makes 50K/year after taxes but spends 55K/year and puts herself into debt (consumption debt, not investment or education-related debt), then I run, not walk, the other way.
I do not share society's view on marriage and committed relationships. One of the least important component is the romantic one, in my opinion. More important is that the two parties should have life goals which mesh well and since money is one of the most prevalent areas of conflict, the two parties had better be in agreement with regards to all aspects of it.
Think of it like rowing a boat. Two can row faster than one, but only if both pull together in the same direction. Otherwise things are slow (only one rowing) or worse the boat goes around in circles, as each attempts to row in opposite directions. | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/8/2005 10:23:33 AM | I haven't read all the threads here but I have read at least half of them. I will go back and read the rest when I have time. What I really think the living at home with mommy men, Hellachicky is talking about are the ones who have no ambition to make something of themselves, or they are so under employed they can't afford a McDonalds happy meal.
These are the men who will not pay for anything at their parents. Essentially they have never grown up, have major self esteem issues and refuse to live in the present. Mom does the laundry, mom cleans the house and picks up Jr's dirty underwear off the floor.
We are not talking about those men who are just starting out in their late teens and early 20's. We are referring to the ones in their 30's and 40's who are still stuck on stupid and it shows. We know the difference.
Are their exceptions to the rules??? Of course their are, it's the exceptions that make the rules. For instance if a man had to move home or had his parents move in to take care of them, that's different all together. Not necessarily preferable, but acceptable for some.
I am 48 now, and if I met a man who was underemployed and living at home due to his own less than ambitious lifestyle, I would take a pass. Now if that same man had his career on track but had to take care of his parents?? I would most definitely stay in the friendship.
I have been with the unambitious before and all I can say is it ain't pretty.
My brother who is 45 lives at home with my mother and frankly I want to beat him into next Tuesday for being such a freeloader. I will give him credit for doing things around the house for her, if he didn't I seriously would kick him in the nards..... HARD!! His love life??? Non-existant, and he's a musician as well as an alcoholic. I ask you..... what decent woman is going to want to walk into that and form a lasting relationship???
The Witchy .02 | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 60 | |
| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/8/2005 11:45:52 AM | yeah beat him up with a baseball bat , yeah while you are kicking him in the nards , cut them off too , ohhhh . hmmmm if I said that about my unemployed sister I would be burned at the stake ...
Yes hell of a women yes we read all the "not me , I am better than that " women , we are talking about out experiences , not pulling it out of our butts , we do not know, dated even the "not me " women here, heck I am sure they would probably never date us anyhow, they claim to be different , maybe they are , no women anyhow would admit to it otherwise , a few women here that say "not me" can be fabulous women , not giving a blanket statement even to the exceptions.
A very large exceptions was one 22 year old that said she bought her own house good for her , she says she does not need a guy and his money good for her , now would this women support me at home while I am her house husband and take care of the kids if I chose to stay home ? | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 61 | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/8/2005 6:44:26 PM | You are dateable, just as you are Legacy...you are trying to make something of yourself and truly care about the well being of others....those are very dateable qualities....
As I have said before ...as have a few others ( thanks Witchy!! )....this is about the spongers, that expect mommy and daddy and life to give them a free ride, while they park their lazy butts and wait for life to come to them.
Heck if I was a man, I wouldnt want a woman that sponged off her parents and society....doubt many of you men would really want that either. How can you respect a person that lives their life at the expense of others? | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/8/2005 7:26:20 PM | @just4funvw,
Thanks for the compliment. If you have the time and desire, you might try doing a google search for "Living Below Your Means" or "LBYM". There is a semi-underground network of people who share ideas on how to live cheaply without sacrificing quality.
I might add that a lot of society's problems are, in my opinion, a direct result of over-consumption and its cousin overpopulation. I feel very sad for kids today, whose quality of life is likely to be much worse than our own. We live on a finite globe with finite resources but seemingly infinite demand for material goods. This is obviously not sustainable. | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/8/2005 9:10:28 PM | If both men are women are fully capable of working than why shouldn't they, it is just my choice SD, to not choose a lifestyle where I have to support a house husband it's as simple as that. As for my younger brother, he is fully capable of working, he is a gifted talented carpenter with no desire to hone his skills and it's a crying shame. I have offered him to work for me and he burned me for $300.00 as well as taking money from various other family members and not completing those jobs either.
This is not about gold digging here, it's about working hard to carve out a nice lifestyle and if a male counter part is less than ambitious, it would create tension and stress, not to mention anger. Let's face it... we hear men complain about their wives on many occasions because they don't want to work. It's basically the same type of deal in reverse. I personally choose not to involve myself with a man who chooses to live off his parents. Simply my choice, nothing more nothing less. | |
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Skepse
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Joined: 9/17/2004
Msg: 65 | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/9/2005 4:24:39 AM | Now, I have a question for you? Would you date a woman who was unemployed and lived at home with her parents? (this is gonna be mulitiple choice, lol) Or would you date a woman who makes 200,000 per year as a CEO for microsoft?
unemployed and living at home with her parents.. I will no longer roll my eyes, the crazy thing about being a human is the abilaty to reason, it's just 180 degree... if the woman was ceo of mircosoft I Think I would never be able to see her.
it should be able the money, and no one said you have to support the guy. damn some of you need to do some more thinking. | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/9/2005 9:58:48 AM | My personal belief is that anybody who is capable of having a good career should have one. Most men who are in their 40's living at home have attitudes that completely suck, not to mention self esteem issues, that's another reason. Again..... just a matter of opinion. It is very common for said men to try to move to the girlfriends after they have hooked up.
I would much rather have a friendship with someone who I can respect and admire than to be able to push around some wet noodle. If a man chooses to take a woman in that predicament, that's his personal choice C'est le Vie.
Blessings,
Witchy | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/9/2005 12:35:42 PM | | How about my case? I'm 47 years old and still live with my parents, but I'm employed full-time with a good salary, and give my parents about $1000 a month to cover my room and board. I could afford my own place if I wanted it, but I like living where I am, and don't have reason to move out. I don't smoke, drink, use drugs, or like parties, and my dating has always been platonic; there's no real cause for conflict with my parents, no rules that I chafe under. In my own place I'd live the same way I do now, so I've never really felt the need to move out, just to satisfy someone else's idea of how I should be 'independent' or something. | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/9/2005 3:45:55 PM | why in hell would anyone want to be with a fellow w/out any money, ambition, life, etc.? what can he do for me? besides the obvious, which i find is what they want to the exclusion of everything else. i have an education, job, apt. and he at least needz to match my accomplishments.
bibi
dev | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/9/2005 4:01:54 PM | | Ok ... I have been interested in a man with no real job and living with his parents... why??? Because I didn't walk in his shoes and therefore I don't know what led to him being in that position. I honestly liked the guy and he seemed really nice ... but as it turned out he was a player. But he did get a good job. Too bad he was a player huh lol | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:07:40 PM | How about my case? I'm 47 years old and still live with my parents, but I'm employed full-time with a good salary, and give my parents about $1000 a month to cover my room and board. I could afford my own place if I wanted it, but I like living where I am, and don't have reason to move out. I don't smoke, drink, use drugs, or like parties, and my dating has always been platonic; there's no real cause for conflict with my parents, no rules that I chafe under. In my own place I'd live the same way I do now, so I've never really felt the need to move out, just to satisfy someone else's idea of how I should be 'independent' or something.
Your dateable...you are making a living and are not sponging....however...personally...I still wouldn't date you....I would still question why you lived at home at your age and why you didnt own a home of your own. If you are there...to help your parents out financially or just in general...cudo's to you..hehe...and you are back to dateable! If you are there simply because its easier then finding a way for yourself regardless of whether your parents are ok with it or not, I would have to say, many women will still view this as a crutch and undateable. Just my opinion and I by no means judge...I do not know all the details. | |
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Skepse
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Joined: 9/17/2004
Msg: 73 | |
| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/12/2005 6:02:07 PM | | It's not about supporting the guy, it's about maturity. He has to be able to live on his own, and be at least that independent. Of course, that's just me... but I've never dated anyone who still lived with mommy and daddy and had the relationship turn out well. There is a particular personality trait that enables someone to live with living off someone else... and it's not one I get along well with... | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/12/2005 8:10:37 PM | The one time I threw my better judgement aside and started talking to aguy who was living at home and unemployed it was a NIGHTMARE!!! Initially he had a job, but lost it shortly after we started talking -- through no fault of his own he assured me.He was immediately very possessive, asking where I was and with whom if I was not online when he expected me to be. Then my girlfriend googled him and we discovered he was on PAROLE (one of the conditions was living with his mother.)
Yikes -- so I tried to gently e-dump him and he freaked right out and began sending threatening emails and making horrible anonymous phone calls (not smart enough to comprehend caller ID apparently). The last straw came when my 10 year old answered the phone and he began spewing obscenities to her about what a blank-blank-blank her mother was. I had to call the police and the threat of going back to jail put an end to the situation. | |
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| Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents?
Posted: 11/13/2005 12:06:17 AM | I don't like these sterotypes, you're making. You're implying that all guys that live at home are most likely on parole, and just basically freaks. Or just sponges, who like to sponge for a living. Oh, what an evil guy, look at that no good freak. What do you care?
It's not even good enough that if these guys who live at home and have jobs, that they are still sponges. It's almost implying that if guys who lived on their own, and had no job, would be a better situation. The real question should be, why are these guys still living at home, and what made them stay at home(regardless if they are working or not)?
There shouldn't be any exceptions really. Oh, because you moved home to take care of ill parents that's okay. What if ill parents got better, but now you havn't moved out because you've become accustomed to your surroundings, that's not okay. The same could probably be said about jobs also, not wanting to leave after working conditions have become bad, because have become accustomed to being with other people around you.
I agree these guys probably have personal issues, but you shoudn't be bashing them and sterotyping them. Instead, you should be trying to help these guys realize they should become more independent, and move out, instead of thinking...no assuming that if I got together with him, I would be supporting him. Because that's the bottom line, as to the real reason why.
I bet you that if the guy moved out on his own, he would not have much of a problem supporting himself. If not, he'll learn. It's just the situation he's currently in, and the fact he's become accustomed to his surroundings. But you girls are probably right, that until the so called guy does this, he would not be much dating material at the time, as he would have his own personal issues that needs to be dealt with first. I just guess it depends on each person's personality, that would make them like this.
I don't know. Anyway, this is just my Rant for the day. | |
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