Johomi
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Joined: 5/25/2005
Msg: 51 | |
| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/8/2005 5:29:38 PM | After a few marriages ended, I went to see a shrink just to find out what the hell is going on. The Doc was also a women and after all was said and done.
She concluded that i was just flat unlucky on picking the wrong girl for me. That was the good news.
In general, I'll have to pick that book and read it, sounds interesting.
On the last divorce and after the dust cleared, we both lost a great deal of money.
There is some points you make on the book that could be very well true.
Marriage has evolved but I'm not sure for the better. The traditional vows should
change to.................
I will or I do .....untill I change my mind.
As far as I'm conserned, I'll NEVER go down that road again. I just flat will not do it.
Trust is a joke, love is just a word.
One more thing, anyone know where I can pick up a well made Monk's robe.  | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/8/2005 5:33:03 PM | yam I can understand how you feel. After my divorce was final I was exhilarated, felt like being freed from prison. I was anxious to be able to do things and spend time getting to know myself again, and my interest in dating men was nonexistent. I did go out with a few guys only for company, and was totally honest with them, they just wanted to take me out anyway, thought I was a lot of fun. Didn't know if I would ever marry again, at that point didn't even care to think about it, I hated when people would ask, that was the last thing on my mind. Wouldn't you know it, the week of my divorce I met this guy at Parents Without Partners. Actually met a lot of people, men and women had a great time. It's a wonderful organization and gives single parents the chance to get to know each other in a group and do things as a group with their children and sometimes the adults only. We got to know each other as people in a group and didn't date for a few months. During this time we got to know the other person and spend time doing things with other people, so I had a really good idea what type of person he was. Everyone loved him, he was kind and sweet and just charming to everyone. Heck the guys even thought he was super. He asked me to marry him very quickly after we started dating, but said he understood and would wait until I felt I was ready, and held to his word, put NO pressure on me. A few months later, I caved in, I couldn't resist, what was I waiting for? I hope I'm not boring you to tears, but he was just so wonderful about doing things for me I never HAD to ask him for anything. He worked his tail off, never complained and we were just so happy. HOw do you treat a man like that? Well, it's simple, I thought I died and went to heaven, I did everything my vivid imagination could dream of to make this man happy. He appreciated every thing I did the big things and the small things.
I am so sorry that you tried to make someone happy and felt that you got nothing back in return. Too bad when someone is only concerned with what they're getting out of a relationship and doesn't think they have to contribute anything in return. My second husband so restored my faith and trust in men, he's the reason I would do it again. By nature, I'm a very generous and giving person, but if it's not appreciated and more is always expected, even a generous person feels tapped out. Why kill yourself trying when all that'll happen is you have to keep giving more? I think that's a very normal and human reaction. I do so understand where you're coming from and I think you're a great guy, yes, even a Steelers fan from a Bucs fan....haha. I just sincerely hope for you that you would meet someone who would appreciate you and love you and add so much to your life and make you happier than you ever imagined. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/8/2005 5:42:44 PM | johorni I'm so sorry that you had bad experiences many women have too. I understand the way you think and feel, and noone at least not ME could blame you. Just try if you can and not be embittered to all women, some of us are still good people and would go to the mat for their man. All relationships have their ups and downs their good and their bad, whether it's a romantic one, career, family friends, all of them.
At least you're here so maybe you haven't given up on women altogether. Just try to give the next woman a clean slate, give it a chance.
This is just me and my thoughts, but trust is a precious thing and something valuable to be respected and cherished and love is a verb. It's an action word which means that whatever you say, your actions either prove or disprove it. No matter how bad any of us have been burnt in our previous relationships, there is always someone who is deserving of the best of you and is willing to give you the best they have. When we lose our hope and faith, life becomes much more hollow and meaningless.
I hope this isn't just rambling, that is makes some sense to you. I am just trying to say something that maybe you'll think about and consider, but this is just my thinking, take it for what it's worth. I'm very much a live and let live so everyone should do what they think is best for them. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/8/2005 6:00:04 PM | Bucs,
I appreciate the sentiment. Tapped out is the right phrasing. The gent who posted just before you, Johomi, hit it pretty much on the head: I make bad decisions. Three times ... in a row ... which pretty much sums up every real relationship I have been a part of. Granted, I was basically a kid during the first two. The first one abused the hell out of me (try explaining broken noses and black eyes when your a 215-pound guy dating a girl 100 pounds lighter). The second one stole my first child from me. The third one took my heart. This is the longest amount of time I have spent since I was 16 without being in a relationship. I haven't ever been as happy. All of that leads me to believe that some people can't trust their own judgement, and some people are bound to be happier alone.
Again, my sincerest and deepest condolance on the loss of your husband. I believe everyone deserves happiness. For some that is a partner that's too good for words. Not to be disrespectful, but I am glad that you knew that kind of happiness, however short-lived it was. Few people ever do.
P.S. I will always have a soft spot for the Bucs in my heart ... they won me a bundle in the Super Bowl a few years back  | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/8/2005 6:03:48 PM | Bucs I can definitely relate ... My second husband passed away after a year and a half. Wonderful man, I miss him alot. I messed up after he had been gone three years and remarried, unfortunately to a man who stole everything I owned, and also caused me to lose my job. I lost everything, and am still in the process of rebuilding over a year later.
I do not believe I will ever re-marry after that experience, but I have not given up on the idea of finding a solid, healthy, and really wonderful LTR ...
Taking applications for that ....  | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/8/2005 9:38:19 PM | Sure Johomi,
What size are you I have a couple spares, Pre nups are said to be for the rich, but with the divorce rate, may be the first say 5 years should be on a trial basis. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/10/2005 7:36:44 PM | I don't believe a failed marriage is a good reason to rule out marriage. I have been married twice now and I would marry again if I found the right mate.
Mind you, I wouldn't marry someone who was afraid of marriage but I sure know that I wouldn't be so impulsive to marry next time around. It would take a good long while of extended comfort with one man before I would tie the true knot.
Anyway, marriage is only as important as the two people in it and we aren't all going to choose wisely...sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right. LOL never say die!
Then again, single life is good too. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:06:57 AM | yam I appreciate your condolences, thanks. THe fact that you're happier now being single is great. That's where I was when I met my second husband, so obviously I was not "looking" or even interested. But he won me over anyway without even trying to. Being happily single is healthy and you're still very young. I just really think from reading your posts and getting to know you in a way that you're just too terrific a guy that an appreciative woman wouldn't notice you and want to be with you.
o/t I can hardly stand to watch the Super Bowl DVD after the last 2 seasons, it nearly brings tears to my eyes.. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:10:52 AM | KCLady Please accept my sincere empathy for the loss of your husband. Losing a terrific mate and that kind of happiness is a huge loss that most just can't understand. I am sorry about your last marriage, no doubt you are a tender hearted, giving and generous soul and unfortunately there are a species of bottom dwellers (male & female) who will exploit the kind and generous.
I have to explain to some that I'm not looking for a replacement for my Keith, I wouldn't dishonor his memory that way. I'm just looking for someone who is the type of partner that can bring me some measure of that happiness that I once had. Big difference.
Good luck in your rebuilding and be sure and guard that tender heart, darling. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:19:37 AM | __For me marriage, or common law the same thing, is great. I always function better in a long relation. It's after spending years together that the true rewards of marriage are harvested.
__I will do it again with the right one anytime.
Gilles | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/13/2005 12:20:21 AM | i have never been married, so i can only speculate, marriage to the right person is worth it, marriage to the wrong person is not, the question is 'who is the right person?' ...marriage is a contract, and with any contract, you must ask yourself, is the price really right? ...so until i meet her and we agree to the terms, i will be perfectly happy being single...i think?
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/13/2005 12:35:54 AM | | You know, logic like that is what keeps the skinhead movement alive and Republicans in office. Let's just say I disagree, and that marriage, between people who can communicate and are on the same wavelength can work. | |
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b0unc3
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Joined: 2/13/2005
Msg: 68 | |
| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/15/2005 11:35:19 PM | | I do not feel the need to be contractually obligated to love someone. I know for myself it is not worth it. But hey if you got nothing to lose, then why not. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/15/2005 11:43:19 PM | I don't understand the term, 'predatory'. Does that mean someone who really wants to hunt you down and own you.?
Lots of guys are like that.
In fact, I totally believe that guys invented marriage and the term, "girlfriend/boyfriend" to put a 'lock' on it.
This is where it gets confusing to me now - that I'm no longer married. Being married is easy in a way. You are committed and don't bother with others. Boyfriend/girlfriend is a kind of grey area. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/15/2005 11:53:08 PM | Bunch o crap that book is....
Watch for the flags. Users can't hide that their users for long.
I have never been with someone for the wrong reasons.
Without trust what do we have. If you are out there dating and expect to be screwed, you already are. by yourself. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/16/2005 12:00:08 AM | Been married --it was worth it.
marriages do breakdown...try to fix it every way you can especially if theres children involved...if all else fails.....for you own sanity in the long run forgive each other and move on......bitterness and accusations wont help any party...and is especially damaging to the children.
It takes a very special committment..... not to be taken lightly...you are actually immortalizing the human race....a very important responsibility.
If you dont have a stomach for it.........stay single.
If youve never had your own/adopted children - you will never understand...and no, playing with your nephews/nieces during the weekend wont give you insight. | |
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| "Marriage is a Contract"
Posted: 6/26/2005 10:29:22 PM | Herein lies the problem. Who, in their right mind would sign a long-term lease or purchase contract which contained the phrase "The Seller may revoke this contract at any time and demand a 50 percent penalty"?
I've seen nothing but failed marriages in my family and wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. | |
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| Marriage is a Contract
Posted: 6/26/2005 10:31:41 PM | | It would have to be a woman who was in it for the long haul, and so far I haven't met one like that. All the women I have been with had already been married and divorced. Gee, what was I thinking? Sometimes the sheer size of my stupidity stuns me when I see it all at once like this. | |
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