| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 5:53:01 PM | | new beginnings that's not true. i was looking at your profile and you have more reasons to exist than you think. i see someone that enjoys hunting and fishing and enjoys life to the fullest. don't short change yourself. you need to feel better about yourself. you need to be #1 in your life and everything else should follow. that would be a big mistake to let a relationship take the place of everything else you love. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 5:55:49 PM | Geee....that sounds just like what I posted in here a while back, some ideas from Roy Masters.
Men are weak and women are evil. Men give up their power in exchange for sex and women trade sex for power over men. When they get that power they use it to abuse men.
Good to see that thinking validated; I mean beyond my own experiences.
Of course women don't like this because it shines the light of truth on that dirty little secret so I am sure they will vehemently deny this idea.
I would have to say that this is probably not true all the time though. This scenario probably applies to only 99.999% or so (hehheh)
(from Dr. Strangelove, because it is worth repeating)
General Jack D. Ripper: I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No?
General Jack D. Ripper: But I... I do deny them my essence.
Back to the original question, I was married for 17 years (and that is a LOT of years in dog years) and have to say that marriage is a great institution.
MY only question is "why would somebody want to be put into an institution?"
Which brings to mind another question: Why is it that a majority of women seem to see marriage as the "do all, be all, end all" of relationships?
Oh! I think I just answered my own question. KEYWORDS: "end all"
I believe it was Ogden Nash who said "a man's only defense against women is his hat. He should take it in his hand, place it on his head and RUN"
I think he should have substituted "helmet" for "hat". That way the projectiles hurled at your head won't take you down | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:13:08 PM | tangoperu
Yes, I would love to enlighten you. I have been married and divorced(lets just say more than one time) and never came out of it with one cent more than I went into it with. Not even the first cent of child support. Never once have I taken anyone to court to try and get money and never will. I managed to get them grown and on their own.
I have seen good marriages and very bad ones. It is those that are in good marriages that are the ones that show you, that finding that special someone is what life is really all about, and dating or living with someone is not the same.
I would give anything to have what my parents had together. They were married for 45 years and would still be together today, had he not passed away from cancer 6 years ago. He was not her door mat, and she was not his. They loved and respected each other. They had each others back in the good times and the bad. They always knew they had each other, and that is worth more than any amount of money on this earth.
I have no idea why the men you mentioned ended up in divorce court, but so many times men do not marry for true love, but marry more to get a much younger as you people say "hot' babe and don't look much at what is in her heart and soul.
It is good to have logic in your life, but sometimes you can have too much logic.
Personally I will only get married again, if it is for the right reason. The only reason because I truly love them and they truly love me. I have settled for less before and will never do it again.
So what is the bottom line of all of this rambling. Simple, what you are missing out on, is having a life time partner that will love and cherish you in the way that each and every one of us deserves to be loved and cherished.
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:20:39 PM | | Every marriage, of course, is different. So I can only speak as one man who has seen the gamut of ups and downs like a yo-yo bouncing us all over the place. Yes, I married when I was 35. It has been Heaven and Hell,,,the past 10 years pure hell. But it's not because we have lost our love for each other, but may lose in other ways that are impossible to think about, yet I wake up every morning often in a cold sweat of fear. That is my problem, and others have theirs. Is marriage worth it? With my particular scenario, no. It has been too painful for all of us. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:28:29 PM | I have been married and divorced(lets just say more than one time) and never came out of it with one cent more than I went into it with. Not even the first cent of child support. Never once have I taken anyone to court to try and get money and never will. I managed to get them grown and on their own.
Well, I congratulate you. If more women were like you, perhaps we wouldn't be so reluctant to get married. Unfortunately, that's not the case.
I have no idea why the men you mentioned ended up in divorce court,
You know, many of those men had no idea why, either. But it didn't prevent their tragedy.
Simple, what you are missing out on, is having a life time partner that will love and cherish you in the way that each and every one of us deserves to be loved and cherished.
My friend, you were married twice, and you still don't have one. We're in the same boat, I'd say. Yes, I'd love to be married, and to swear a "till death set us apart" vow. But the truth is that while divorce keeps being seen as the panacea to marital problems, such vows have no meaning at all. Remember, it takes two to marry, but only one to divorce.
Checkingup, what you say about your parents is very nice. How I had loved to have something like that. Nevertheless, the odds are against a happy marriage. If I marry, there is a 50% chance of divorce, even if I'm the most loving, considerate and good husband in the world. Perhaps it is a good risk for you, but it isn't so for me. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:28:37 PM | I love this thread. And to answer the Q, NO! I'll never again be held to a womans "growth" measures, "emotional" spirals, "commitment" description, or any adjective she wants to use to base her life on that week. It's my life, I'm not giving it to anyone. God I am so freaking happy! Happyone
at Tyme Gypsy: can't wait for the 20 and 30 somethings to get a load of the light you shined on the secret. HA!!!! | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:39:10 PM | Wow, NewB's post was really sad.
I love dating but it does get old and tired from time to time. Right now, it's all I've got and I'm not going to sit around in my tighty whities beating off to asian porn or whatever some of the guys who have never had a date in here are up to?
My plan is to date and hopefully meet a wonderful woman who I can love and trust with all my heart. I've tried that before and had it damn near broken more than once...fortunately the heart is ridiculously resillient...or maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment? Either way, I'll be playing for keeps when the right woman comes along. And for chrissakes, I'm not talking about some "soulmate" wandering the planet made just for me or any of that nonsense, I'm talking about a good woman who is worthy of my trust and loyalty.
I've never been married and possibly I never will but getting married and having children is something I would like to do while I'm here on earth. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:39:52 PM |
I also read new beginnings profile and a number of his posts, and to me he sounds like he knows what he is talking about. I could be wrong as I don't know him, but he sounds like someone that is happy with his life, but feels that he wants someone to share that life with him. I agree with what he is saying, that a life alone, regardless of how many activities you fill it with, is still not really much of a life.
People putting themselves number one is why divorce lawyers are so stinking rich.
Relationships are one thing, they come and go. Marriage is a whole different thing or at least it should be.
tangoperu: While it is true I am still alone. I am not in the same boat as you, as for as long as I am alive I will never give up the hope that I will find that special person. I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone. Every person on this site and for that matter every person on this earth deserves to find that kind of happiness, and I say to everyone never give up the hope you will find them.
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myxtup
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Joined: 3/29/2003
Msg: 110 | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:41:39 PM | What I'm not surprised to see is that all none of the grievances and fears that men stated in this thread was taken seriously. No woman here has said: "yes, perhaps you're right" or "let me check if what you say is true". All of them are dismissed, and the men attacked or branded as whiners.
If a woman says: "I don't marry because I'm afraid of domestic violence", everybody understands her reluctance. If a man says "I don't marry because I'm afraid of losing the work of my entire life", he's criticized because he's worried about "his petty money".
Double standards, how I hate them.
And Checkingup: Glad to know that you don't give it up. Hope you will find what you're looking for. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/27/2005 7:49:33 PM | to checking up. you need to read profiles closely and talk to me had happy marriage for 28yrs even though wife was sick for last few years, neve left her alone in hosp or at home
was what vows said richer or poorer , sickness or in health til death due u part. was faithful from 15 aug 75 when we met until 6 sep 04, when i lost her.
see there are few of us still around looking for new loves' | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/28/2005 4:46:11 PM | Be careful what you read. Most of the heavy lifting is done by deep thinking and being guided along by the best minds in the business.
People are innocent. Those who read these books about predatory females get in bad moods thinking about their own pain and come up with distorted realities that are as harmful as the realities of the ones they read about. We are so human an animal. Our feelings produce irrational thought warm wonderful and also at times hurtful to others. The people we criticize are the flip side of us. No there is no evil. There are no demons. There is just pain that we try to understand by demonizing those who cause it. We are good people. We are innocent. Good moods produce good feeling. We see good. We do good. Bad moods create bad feeling. We see bad. We do bad. The mood influences the reality; anywhere from 30% to 70% percent in people. Out rational mind tries to control our mood begging it to see things the way they are. But we are human. We are not computers. Love is a distortion that enables us to be selfless beyond anything the rational mind would allow us to. It is what separates us from animals. It is the complexity consciousness (de chardin) that makes us so indecipherable. What is good; understanding. What is evil; ignorance. (Not people). The predatory female and the predatory male. How easy it is to hate. How difficult to understand. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/28/2005 5:17:55 PM | germanicus People are instinctively selfish from birth. A baby cries in order to have it's needs satisfied because it's dependent and can't take care of it's own needs. One of the first few words a toddler will learn is "mine". We have to be taught sharing and that we can't just go get and have everything we want. If you doubt that, go to a cereal aisle in a grocery store, hang out and wait for a kid and parent to come along. A part of learning to adapt to being socialized or getting along with others is having respect for them that they want the same things you do and learning how to deal with that type of situation.
Feelings and thoughts are related, not the same but related. Feelings can produce thoughts and thoughts can produce feelings, the old chicken and egg scenario. As far as the existence of evil, I would beg to differ as to those who populate maxmium security prisons. I'm sure you wouldn't think that they are there because of a "bad mood" or simple selfishness, I want something you have so I'm just gonna take it. I could start and go through the various crimes but I'll save that for now. Criminals want to cause suffering to others and enjoy seeing them suffer extreme pain up to even death. If that's not evil, then what pray tell would be?
I don't see love as a distortion, being selfless with someone shows the extent to which you care for them and I don't see that as irrational. Maybe loving someone who doesn't love you, or maybe love to an obsession, perhaps. I say that love is very rational and very purposeful we consciously DECIDE that we show love by our actions and words. I think love is a matter of choice and committment, we decide to put action to our feelings.
Bad moods and good moods are also the product of conscious thought and environmental or outside situations. i can be in a bad mood if I'm sick with the flu, I'm in pain, I have a fever, I don't feel jovial or want to socialize. I can be in a good mood because I just got a call from a friend that made my day. How we react to situations that we may or may not have control over can adjust our moods. Our conscious mind and rational thought has only so much influence though. If someone in my family has just died the sorrow and grief will be felt in my body and mind, I can't control that I must allow myself to sorrow and grieve.
There are predatory humans, we don't need to hate them or understand them, just avoid them. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/28/2005 5:30:36 PM | Thank you Germanicus!!!!!
This thread has to be the saddest example of humans and POFer's
I feel very sad when I read this.
Blame, blame, blame,
You attract and are attracted to people on the same emotional level for the most part. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/28/2005 5:43:29 PM | Bucsgirl, Your reply to germanicus was so good that I just had to read your profile. Really you are one clever, witty, intelligent young lady. You have got to be fun to be around.
Germanicus is best understood from the perspective of one who might have read most of tiellhard's writings. He is absolutely right but is really in agreement with you just the same.
To the topic: Marriage is definitely worth it in every respect (assuming there is respect). I've done it twice and have no regrets and neither do my ex wives. Relationships can and do frequently grow into successful and happy marriages. Those that whimper and whine about that which was disappointing, need to just get over it. Phil | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/28/2005 5:49:59 PM | phil Thanks! You're gonna die....guess where I was born? Yup, Ball Hospital in Muncie. We moved when I was a baby so don't know squat about it. Small world, though.
Philosophy is all well and good, I tend to have more of a pop psychology mentality. Philosophers are considered the great thinkers, but often many people can't translate any of their writings into something they can actually use or apply. So perhaps just two ways of explaining the mental dynamics of love and emotion.
I think marriage is worth it and with the right person of COURSE I would do it again. Whiners are just that, they should be swatted with a newspaper like a puppy who wetted on the carpet and made to listen to the Eagles "Get Over It". Whining is VERY unattractive! | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:48:08 PM | I find it to be horribly sad that some of the above posts believe that their lives will be "wasted" if they don't find a signifigant other. A brief trip to your local library will introduce you to countless writers, doctors, philosophers, mathematicians, scientists, artists and religious leaders who have contributed great things to the human condition and many of them were never married while many more were never happily married.
How about that guy, Jesus? You know, the one millions of people say they try to emmulate in their daily lives and all that?
I am not even willing to concede that it is a simple matter of a difference of opinion - I believe that you are simply wrong. Your life does have value and it will not be wasted if you don't find love.
@bucs, thanks again, I liked your post as I've liked so many others
@germanicus....I have to say that I am diametrically opposed to your vision. I reject the world view that sees everything as shades of grey. I feel that it is lazy thinking and a fear of confrontation that leads people to believe that everything is a shade of grey. Most things are essentially very simplistic and can be reduced to their basic components. A serial rapist and child molester is evil. You can blame his mother or society and rationalize his acts away as all sorts of shades of grey but he is still evil. Evil is as evil does. That is black.
btw, I adore your username....perhaps I'll become Vercingetorix?
Pax Vobiscum | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:33:04 PM | | t d & h Any person who got to mid life without acknowledging evil and thinking people are all innocent, sorry I don't understand. Maybe he's never met someone truly evil, if he HAD I bet he'd change his tune. I think that many times people embrace philosophy as a way of explaining the world or helping them overcome confusion, but it's only the way one person views something after all. Many times those thoughts are too convulted to make common sense. Not all philosophy, but I think some of it appeals to the self important. Those who think they have a better grasp on things. One of my favorites philosophers is Lady Di. She understands things just as they are and doesn't have to window dress it with sixty dollar words and fancy phrases. I discuss philosophy with my daughter quite a bit, she's very into it and the discussions between us are very interesting! I just think that if I can read something someone else wrote and it makes sense to me and I can USE it, fine, if not I am capable of forming my own viewpoint about the world and people. | |
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