| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/28/2005 11:43:28 PM | Nice posts..
Just some rambling thoughts I wanted to share, just opinions that may be subject to change.
Hopefully people won't take offense.
Inspite of our survival instincts to feed and think of only ourselves at birth or for many years.
humans are not born evil. We are born self centered, like other animals.
A dog with rabies is not an inherently Bad Dog. He is a sick dog. As are our criminals. And we do what is thought best for everyones safety, Incarcerate or put sick puppies to sleep.
"Falling In Love" as far as I can see it is a attraction that not many of us of us can controll. Who we fall in love with, when we fall in love, why we fall in love. Our past is familiar and until we have unconditioned ourselves from it, we will seek out the familiar. We do this unconciously. Many of us do not need to uncondition ourselves from our upbringing or faulty wiring, if their attractions are healthy from healthy role models. Also some just have the ability to make more concious choices.
I think many men are caught between 2 instinctual needs. #1 to procreate with a member of the oposite sex that represents fertility and to maintain their involvement with them to protect them primarily for the survival of our offspring. #2 to copulate with others as well to insure more reproduction. Sure many men have risen or are above these unconscious choices. But many obviously don't. Society has installed rules and values in marraige. More and more men are required to take pay the consequences of promiscuity.
Over all I don't see marriage values as going down the tubes. People are often learning from their involvments rather than accepting misery or promiscuity. Whether it means divorcing and upgrading or growing in their marriage. There was a time when it was legally o.k to beat your wife. Was that a value? For a person to be held hostage in fear?
I think many men are put to the challenge to put their primitive instincts behind.
Perhaps one day if humans continue long enough this time around (doubtful) we will fully accept divorce for practical purposes. And will not need to go into marriage with the "til death do us part" stuff. What is so wrong with that? It sounds more evolved to me for people move on rather than stagnate.
We have councelors, books, support to fix our marriages. Without experience and other relationships many of us may never be suitable for a successful "till we die" marriage.
So why not just wait? Because we are too ignorant to know ahead of time that this wonderful love can't over come all obstacles.
Our survival of the species instincts couple us and drive us to promiscuity.
I can see reasons for either sex to feel that marriage is a can of worms. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/28/2005 11:51:02 PM | The future? Hell just look to the not so distant past...
The Celts for instance had marriage between two people in love who wanted to start a family and they celebrated what is called a "handfasting" where their hands were symbollically tied and they leaped through the fires at Beltane (I'm sure many of the details vary from account to account...don't get hung up on it).
My point is that such marriages lasted for a year and a day. If the couple wished, they got in line and did it again the next year, if it wasn't working out for whatever reasons, they didn't. The entire village took responsibility for raising and teaching children so there was no such thing as a "single parent".
There are more and more people performing handfastings everyday...I think this is a far more realistic and mature approach to loving relationships. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 12:13:11 AM | There was also a time when the family unit was cherished and honored by many.
Sure there has always been violence and disloyalty in relationships, but modern times are (have) eroded the interconnectedness close links and values.
Some cultures are different, but in the western, capitalistic, cut throat society, there is generally little room for the unity of family and moral structures that once held it firm. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 12:31:07 AM | Growing up where my mother was beaten, I have a tainted view of the overall sancticty of marriage.
Mass transportation spread out families, support was lost. Partners often became soley independant on each other for support. I think this has quite an ffect on the family units stregnth. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 12:35:44 AM | Marriage is worth marriage.
Are you ready for marriage, Not if you have questions like this.
If you are not sure, then now is not your time.
It is a committment, and you must be committed or you are only doing what seems to be right for the wrong reason.
If you don;t feel sure and secure and ready to go. then don't do it..
Thereare many reasons to get married, my reasons may be no good for you.
Be sure it is what you wanr, not what the other half or family and friends think is right for ypu.
They do not know what is best or you, only you know that. Typically you have to fight for your desires, or others will try to tell you what you want. Rhey don]'t know a damn thing about what is right for you. How could they when you are not even sure.
Be reasonable?? Why ?? according to who???, Try being unreasonable,.
Watch others scramble to please you. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 12:38:56 AM | | Vionine, I agree with you there, modern times have given mankind many benefits in the scientific world, but as for anything on the levels we are discussing here, forget it. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 12:55:50 AM | reading what ppl post in forums on a heated subject truelly
is a great way to see into that person
OT I have only seen one successful healthy happy marrigage.
everytime I was around them I kept waiting for the twilight zone music
to play. for me and all I have seen I believe in long term relationship
but probably not marriage. It seems like things start to change as
soon as the ring goes on the finger. for those who want it good luck
I hope it truelly is what you want it to be.
also that book just sounds like a female bashing book. Isn't there
enough books written on both sides by bitter ppl.
it said the author didn't even believe women could feel love, gee
I wonder what his mother-son relationship was like.
ppl who say this kind of stuff use to get me pissed off but
then I realized argueing with someone like this will nvr chng either
one of our opinions. When you believe so strongly in ie women can't
feel love you will always be able to find evidence of it. and vice versa
that's my thoughts on it. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 4:54:49 AM | Pssst...^^ hot pink...some of us might choose this is our last or only option.
I have considered the Russian ladies as well. I have not read all the posts, since I have posted, and you might be refering to something else, so please forgive me if I am wrong. There is no telling what I would do, because this lonliness really gets to you after a while. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 11:00:48 AM | Ignorance...it's bliss I guess.
Your "sexist stereotype" label is nonsense. I make no such claims...but for the record, I think if a man sees himself as a money pit, he deserves what he gets...I won't be the women who falls for it. I've never gone after a man for money and I never will. I think the money focus is deplorable and sad. And that's my final word on this topic.
Women will always stand by what they believe in due to their gender and experiences, men will always stand by what they believe in due to theirs as well.
It is fair and just that both sides should be able to openly express what it is like to be on their end of it without resorting to bashing.
I said that I was sick and tired of the whining some men I have heard do...I did not say anything derogatory toward men at all. I stated my feelings on the issue of the whining.
I think reading more carefully and not projecting what appears to be a heck of a lot of bitterness toward women into my posts and others would be a fair thing to do.
I have many girlfriends who have absolutely no intention whatsoever of ever grabbing a man up for his "money". Most of us have equal or better earning potential so in my experience (and I admit that is subective naturally) the gold digging routine has not been what I have seen.
As for the princesses of this world (and I know they are out there as I've seen them and heard some nasty stories about them) I think using anyone for anything is dead wrong and I don't practice such things.
I married for love...and it will always be about love...and that is all it will ever be about. If he has great earning potential so that we can enjoy nice things together as a family and as an "us" then great...it's not about taking it away from him. It was never mine in the first place...
I never came away from my relationships or marriage with money. So you are making an error in lumping women into one category.
I respect that you have decided it's just not worth it, but that is your opinion, not everyone else's. If you don't want to give anyone the benefit of the doubt, then you have become a cynic...and you would be alone anyway...few will ever go near that.
I wish you luck. Enjoy your money and your single life. All the more power to you. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 1:06:08 PM | Marriage would be worth more if you could get learner's permits and 24 hour trial marriages, maybe even a one month license. My last two(one in 1981, one in 2002) obviously didn't come out like I wanted.  | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 1:40:29 PM | | I think marriage is worth it.I was married for 28 years and my wife died last year after a long term illness. we had a great life together, lots and lots of fun.I feel bad for you if you really belive that stuff about woman. If fact I was thinking yesterday that one of the things I miss most is being in love and having someone who thought of me as the prize, who told me they loved me every single day of my life, all the time for 28 years. it always made me feel very good its powerful stuff, no one else can give you that feeling other then a woman who you share a whole life with. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 1:47:01 PM | marty That is very touching what you say. I'm sure you're having a hard time relating. I am widowed as well over 13 years ago. Long story, not appropos for here.
I just hope that you can find someone to love you, that love that you had of course cannot be replaced, ever. My second husband who I lost was the love of my life. I think maybe we are harder to match up with than most, because our last experiences with marriage were happy and fulfilling ones and we know what a good relationship is.
My condolences on the loss of your wife. | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 1:54:21 PM | | Why would you get married now a days when you really dont get a tax break... you can carry health insurance under domestic partner and the same for car insurance.... it seems like that little piece of paper usually causes alot of problems.. and if it doesnt work out you leave with what you came in with and split what you obtained during the relationship.. no need to pay an Attorney!! | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 2:24:26 PM | | Marty, my sincere condolances on the loss of your wife. It's a coincidence, but we've been married 28 years too. The love is still there, and I would probably never be the same if I lost my wife. I have great fears about losses of loved ones. I've lost too many already. All I have left is my wife, and two girls. One I'm told will not live to be very old. So our lives are not so good anymore, but we have to make the most of it. God Bless You. You are no doubt a better man than I. | |
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RHeath
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Joined: 2/26/2005
Msg: 148 | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 4:22:48 PM | Hot_Pink, our wedding won't cost that much....a ticket to Vegas, a thousand dollars spending money, hire Elvis at the Little Chapel of Love (not one of those fakes, but the REAL Elvis). What's that three four grand? Throw in a couple more for shits and giggles and we're laughing.
still 4 g's under budget! | |
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| Guys do you think Marriage is worth it?
Posted: 6/29/2005 4:26:07 PM | | My name is STEPHENIE, hah,hah.....I feel that sometimes we, as in people, think to much...Some people have been in realy bad relationships and walk around with a victim stamp on their forhead...Please don't be this guy!!! All I can say is life is a choice and it is what a person makes it to be...KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, there is the right one out there for all of us that is'nt so evil... If I can't beleive that, than I don't know why we all are living...xo or am I being manipultive... I would like to think that everything comes back to all of us...God bless us all... | |
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